


Its All in A Song

by happywife416



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Slightly Modern AU, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-05-21 22:41:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 100
Words: 96,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6060811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happywife416/pseuds/happywife416
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose Hawke is a rogue with a dirty secret or two amid her tattoos and songs. She is actually a gifted mage and she has a thing for Varric Tethras. Isabela and Merrill are like her long sisters and Anders steps in to teach her magic when Hawke finds she can no longer suppress her abilities. She is a gifted translator and opens a specialty shop in Lowtown. She is a woman of many talents that is besieged by guilt and grief.</p><p>Completed</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Feels Like the Weight of the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weight of the World by Evanescence

"Heard you were looking for mercs for a trip in the Deep Roads. My sister and I have experience."

The dwarf looked up at her, immediate dismissal in his eyes. "Sorry, I have enough help. I'm not your meal ticket out of the slums, Ferelden."

"The slums are the least of my worries. Come on, Beth. We’ll find something." Hawke stalked off, Beth following on the lookout for Templars. A young cutpurse grabbed the wallet half dangling from Hawke’s pocket and took off running. “Hey!” Hawke took after him only to have a bolt fly inches from her nose, pinning the kid to the wall.

A dwarf walked up to her in a brown leather jacket, worn but well made. The silk shirt was undone displaying a field of chest hair. Dangerous and rich was not what she wanted talking to them right now, regardless to how distractingly attractive he was. “You know there are more thieves in Hightown then the rest of Kirkwall combined?”

“And the only place where someone is dumb enough to rob me. I had him, but thanks.” She grabbed her wallet and he yanked the bolt from the kid’s shoulder. The would be thief took off running without a backwards glance.

"Hawke, right?"

Hawke glared at him suspiciously. "Yeah.”

The dwarf laughed, extending his hand. "Varric Tethras, at your service." Hawke took it, question replacing her glare. "Bartrand is my brother. How about you come in as a business partner? 50 and you get an equal share of the loot."

Hawke glanced at Beth before answering him. "We don't have that, Messere Tethras. Mercenary work is as expensive as it rewarding."

"I think we can find the money. You know the Hanged Man?"

Hawke laughed. "Every Friday."

"Meet me there, I know some jobs. Unlike my brother I know a valuable asset when I see one. Ladies." He gave them a nod and left.

Hawke stared at her sister. "I don't think I've even seen that much money, ever"

"We could take his jobs and run you know."

Hawke shook her head. "Finding a thaig and splitting it? We'd never have to work for just anyone who would take us, Bethany. And the Templars would never look at you again."


	2. My Lucky Strike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucky Strike by Maroon 5

"You sing here every Friday?" Beth asked her nose turning up.

"Yeah. It's a dive, but it's the dive you know. It pays almost as well as the mercenary work." She waved to bartender.

"It's not your night, Hawke!"

"I know, just meeting someone." A waitress pointed their way.

"Glad you could make it, ladies."

Hawke slid into the seat across the table in an alcove while Beth hovered by the wall. She glanced back at her sister. "Problem?"

"Yeah. Three."

"Can you make it home?" A flash of purple answered Hawke and Bethany disappeared with the Fade.

Hawke turned back to Varric with a shrug, smiling. "She's an apostate. We do what we must. I can handle everything for both of us though, Messere Tethras."

"Please, it's just Varric."

"Alright, Varric. What are these jobs?"

"Not going to question the Deep Roads?"

Hawke leaned back in her chair. "You are dwarves. The Deep Roads are your thing, you say stab and they will be dead. I could no more find my way around down there then I could pass for a noble."

"We need a map actually."

Hawke's eyebrow arched. "Is finding this map part of the paid work?"

Varric nodded. "And will lead us to a man who may be of use down there. He has some character quirks."

Hawke smirked. "You are talking to a merc who sings cover songs on her Friday nights instead of drinking. I can handle quirks."

Varric chuckled. "You haven't met Anders."

Hawke thought a moment. "I do have to take care of something before we start searching for this map and man of yours. I have to go to the Dalish." At the look he gave her she continued. "I owe a debt. And I always pay up. The past year didn't leave much time for it though."

"Want some company?"

Hawke grinned. "Who could say no to such chest hair?"


	3. Some Birds Aren't Meant To Be Caged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bethany and Hawke talk to Leandra about finding work with the Tethras Deep Roads Expedition. I made Leandra a bitter shrew. 
> 
> Luck by American Authors

"We found work, mother. Of a kind." Bethany cheerfully waltzed into the tiny shack they all shared. She would not be sad to leave it when the time came.

"Good." Leandra smiled at her beloved daughter before her gaze went past her searching for the other one. "Where is Hawke?"

"She has a name, mother." Bethany set down her bag and popped into the kitchen. "But to answer your question, she's finishing up the details of the job. The Templars were a little close for comfort." She sighed. The lack of food meant Gamlen was whoring away the money again. She tossed some eggs into a pot with water and placed it in the sink before making the water boil with her magic.

"Who is it working for, dear? Not Red Iron again I hope. You could do better. Your sister is fit for that kind of work."

Bethany shook her head. "A Deep Roads expedition with the Tethras brothers. We'd be rich enough no one would ever touch us."

"You want to work with some dirty dwarves?" Leandra looked like she had swallowed something sour and Bethany tried to not laugh while she peeled the shells from the eggs.

"The one brother, Varric, seemed nice enough. He saved us from getting robbed."

Leandra gasped. "Muggers in Hightown? That is despicable." She shook her head. "When will she be back?"

"Later, mother. She seemed to take a liking to him." Bethany handed her mother an egg.

"She's going to turn me grey." Leandra bemoaned.

Several hours later, Hawke stumbled in, yawning. Bethany grinned from her place by the fire. “I was wondering when you'd come home.”

Hawke grinned sheepishly. "I got distracted."

Bethany shook her head knowingly "By all the chest hair, I'm sure."

Hawke fired off a text through her communicator before she answered. "A few times, maybe. But we got our jobs! I also followed up with Meeran, he has a few things too."

"I really thought I raised you to have better taste." Hawke sighed before turning to face their mother. "Don't drag my daughter down with you."

"Oh don't worry. I'll be moving out and she'll be safe from my influence." She shook her head. "I'll leave Hero here to protect you from burglars and Gamlen’s friends. But tomorrow we are going up Sundermont and fulfilling our half of that bargain."


	4. A Good Excuse To Be a Bad Influence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merrill tries to wrap her head around Hawke knowing Mythal. Hawke needs an apartment and Varric teaches her to play Wicked Grace. She's awful at it. SMUT HAPPENS.
> 
> Bad Influence by P!nk

"So Asha’ Bellanar rescued you in Ferleden." The young elf rubbed her temples.

"Flemeth. But yeah." Hawke sighed wistfully. "I wish she could teach me how to be a dragon."

"You two are something else." Varric passed them each a beer.

"No, thank you. I really need to finish getting settled in."

"Are you sure, Merrill? I have room at my place, being new here is an experience. You are more than welcome."

The elf woman shook her head. "I like having space to myself."

"Stay safe then, see you tomorrow night!" Hawke downed half her beer before snagging her lower lip between her teeth. She looked at Varric. "Is shit always weird in Kirkwall?"

Varric laughed shaking his head. "Sometimes we have ritual dismemberment and abominations."

"But only on Tuesday." She sipped on her drink. "I know we are in the midst of saving up for the Deep Roads, but please tell me there is an apartment available here? One more comment about how I'm leading my mother's darling daughter into debauchery and I may scream."

Varric smirked. "There's room in mine."

Hawke choked and tears streamed from her eyes while she coughed. "Not quite what I had in mind, Varric. I think we need to get to know each other better first." It was Hawke's turn to smirk. "Or at least know that you can miss my ass with your bolt."

"I think I did pretty well demonstrating my aim on Sundermont."

"Says the one who didn't have to ask the new elf at the party to check his ass. Some places a girl shouldn't feel a sudden breeze through her armor."

"You could have asked me; your ass was fine looking." He was still smirking as Hawke flushed redder by the second and stared pointedly into her drink.

She downed the rest of it. "You win, storyteller. Now, can we return to the serious matter of I need an apartment? That's isn't yours!"

"I own the building. There's an empty one on the first floor." He got up motioning her to follow. "I'll let you in to look at it and then we can stop at my place so you can sign the paperwork."

 

 

Varric punched some numbers into a keypad. "It's all dwarven crystal number locks. I got sick of getting woken up in the middle of the night to let people in to their places. Here we are."

Hawke stepped into the apartment and looked around. She silently went through the living room to check out the open kitchen, the bathroom off to the side before the balcony doors. She stopped at the door of the bedroom and shook her head. "What don't you like?"

She gave a soft laugh. "That's not. Ha. The bedroom is almost bigger then Gamlen's whole house." She turned to face him. "Getting used to this much space will be interesting. Everything I own won't fill a closet."

"Is there any furniture you'll need help with?"

"I don't have any." She shrugged at the look on his face. "Most of our wages go to paying off the Templars or to mother. Bethany and I share everything, bed, books, clothes. It'll be different." She shook her head. "There's room for both of us here but she doesn't want to leave Mom alone. But I'll take it. We've been making enough that Beth has it covered at home for the most part."

Varric shook his head. "You don't even want to know how much it costs?"

Hawke chuckled. "Says the man who owns the building and writes me a check every week for performing."

"I was hoping you wouldn't figure that out."

She tapped a finger against her nose. "I'm Ferelden, not an idiot. Let's go sign the papers before I change my mind and decide to swim back home."

Hawke had to give it to him. His place was nice. The kind of nice she had only dreamt about; black leather couch and chairs, a desk bigger than most people's dining tables, everything oozed classy and expensive. She ran a finger along the edge of the desk. "Just how many businesses do you have?"

"Enough to keep me busy and on the merchant’s guild." He handed her the papers. "Here and here. No time commitment. If you need to pack up and haul out, just let me know."

Her eyes flashed down the page before she leaned over to sign. Her hair fell around her shoulders in a chocolate tumble and he now had a good idea as to what it would look like if she was on top of him. Her storm blue eyes met his smiling. "No pets? Geez."

He pushed those thoughts away. "Why do you have one?"

"Yes, but he’s staying with Bethany. Just complaining because I can."

He opened a drawer in his desk and tossed them in. "Do you have time for a game of Wicked Grace? I even have Antivan brandy to go with it."

She wrapped her arms around herself, boot scuffing the floor, before mumbling. "I don't know how to play."

"What? How did you spend your time as a mercenary?" He stepped into the kitchen and she shadowed him.

"Killing things. Beth and I were the only women. We got tired of having the constant argument of no, I don't want to know how small it is."

Laughing, he grabbed two glasses and the bottle. "Couch then, if you are going to be my associate you will be civilized."

She gingerly sat on the edge. "If civilized means naming my daggers and making kissy lips at them, I'll pass."

"I don't kiss Bianca." He handed her a glass and took a chair. "Now the first thing about Wicked Grace you need to know..."

 

 

Hours later, she was still terrible at playing. She had run out of money, but her daggers, a necklace, boots, and her jacket were piled on the floor beside him. She was curled up in the corner of his couch in just a flimsy top and her painted on jeans.

She moaned. "Last game. If we keep going, I will have to leave naked."

Varric chuckled. "You get naked; you don't have to leave."

She pointed a finger at him with the hand wrapped around her drink. "I am not drunk enough for that, Messere Dwarf. Sleeping with the landlord is one thing. Sleeping with multiple places of my employment boss is another."

"You lack a sense of fun. One more game?"

She downed the rest of her drink. "Fine. I win I get all my stuff back."

He smiled mischievously. "I win I get a kiss."

Hawke blushed fiercely. "Deal. May the Maker preserve my dignity."

 

"And I win, Hawke."

She huffed. "I'm never playing you again."

Varric laughed. "At least you aren't naked." She glowered at him but unfolded from her seat before crossing to him. She leaned down, eyes focused on his and quickly pecked her lips on his cheek, smirking. "You call that a kiss?"

Hawke laughed low in her throat. "You didn't specify what kind, storyteller."

Varric growled and pulled her into his lap. He had expected a little laughing resistance, instead Hawke straddled his lap and kissed him with a fervor equal to his own. He ran his hands down her back to cup her ass and the moan that left her was made for sin as she twined her fingers into his hair. Teeth cut lips as they tried to devour each other. Varric pulled away to kiss his way down her throat while sliding his hands back up her body under her shirt. She breathlessly tossed it on the couch behind her, moaning when he pulled aside her bra to latch on to a taut peak. His hands fumbled with the hooks before he swore and yanked. Hawke laughed, low and deep and it traveled down his spine to further the flames. Hawke's hands snaked down between them before pulling his shirt over his head and crashing her lips back to his as she fumbled with his pants before finally freeing him. Varric's head fell back at the touch of her hands. She kissed her way down his body, slithering to her knees before him. Her hum of approval was the only warning before she took him in her mouth. The sight of her looking up at him, blue eyes darkened to midnight, had him moaning her name and twining his fingers through her hair. He was already so close, but that was not how he wanted this night to end. He gave a slight tug on her hair, pulling her back up to his lips. "Pants off."

She gave a breathy laugh. "Stop distracting me then." She wiggled them down her hips and kicked them off before straddling his lap again.

"You could let me return the favor." Varric hissed as she slid him in and squeezed.

"Impatient." She rocked her hips against him, biting her swollen lip and moaning. Varric ran his hands up her body, tweaking the taut peaks and kneading her breasts before letting them slid back down. One hand locked on to her hip while the other went between them seeking her clit. Her breath hitched when he found it and when he finally got it the right, she was purring. Between the two of them it wasn't long before her moans rang through his apartment as she stilled and squeezed his length. Riding the waves of pleasure, she leaned her forehead on his shoulder, a moan punctuating each thrust up of his hips. She started trailing kisses along his neck and up to his ear which she gave an experimental lick before nipping it gently, humming at his moan of approval. Her hands twined into his hair, kissing him deep, before grinding harder down against him while squeezing her muscles. Soon their moans wound around each other as tightly as their bodies were before crashing into brilliance together.

Varric woke up alone the next morning and padded softly through his apartment. She was gone and had made off with the belongings she had lost, money piled on the table neatly. He heard his communicator ding and opened the message. _You may have won, storyteller. But you owe me some lingerie._

Varric laughed, shaking his head. He sent her a response before heading to the shower. _Only if I can see you in it, Menace._


	5. Its Just a Little Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and Merrill meet Isabela.
> 
> Crush by Jennifer Paige

Hawke had kept herself busy enough before hitting the stage for him to know she was avoiding him. He also knew when she checked her phone before starting up since she flushed from chest to roots. She inspired his words in that little red dress that was little more than well placed lace and so short it bordered on indecent. Daisy had joined her for a trial evening, if she enjoyed it then Hawke would be happy to keep her. Hawke's voice purred out over the crowd. "It's just a little crush, not like I faint every time we touch."

Towards the end it was obvious both the entertainment and the crowd were distracted by something at the bar. Hawke motioned to the dj to play for a break and hopped off the stage, Merrill closely shadowing her steps. "Hey, asshole, I'm pretty sure the lady isn't interested in you."

The man snarled at her. "Shut up, dog bitch."

Hawke just smiled before cracking her fist into his nose. "Don't insult your betters, sweetie. I have nothing in common with your mother."

The man peeled himself off the floor amid the laughter of the crowd. "You'll get yours!" And he took off.

Hawke shook her head before turning to the woman in question, who was all leather and silk from her boots to the meticulously tooled corset to the bandana on her head. "You alright?"

The woman chuckled. "I didn't expect a song bird to pack such a punch. But thanks, I'm Isabela."

"Hawke." She took the offered hand, grinning. She pulled Merrill from behind her. "This is Merrill."

Isabela shook Merrill's hand too, eyelashes fluttering across her dark eyes. "Hello, kitten."

"Why are you beating up patrons, Hawke?" Varric asked one boot resting on the bar rail. "Not that I will miss that one."

Before Hawke could open her mouth, Isabela answered. "Because she knows how to make a girl's heart race, Varric. Maybe she can save you next."

"Rivaini, you don't even know half the story." Varric said chuckling.

Isabela looked between Varric and Hawke a few times. "Oh, but I bet I can figure it out. I thought you liked them shorter, Varric."

Hawke blushed ferociously while Merrill tried to hide her laughter behind her hand. "If you two don't mind, I am working."

"Is there room for another, song bird? I have perfect song for my debut I think."

Hawke's eyes flashed merrily before looking to Merrill who nodded excitedly. "Oh I think we do. To the stage!"

The two other women hurried to their places while Hawke grabbed a drink. "Remind me to never piss you off, Hawke." Varric leaned against the bar beside her.

She chuckled. "More like don't get in trouble and look like a dwarf in distress. Although after seeing what she is carrying, I think she would have managed just fine."

Isabela called out over the mic. "Stop flirting with the dwarf, song bird."

Hawke flushed. "That's my cue then."

Varric grabbed her hand. "Meet me after the show?"

Her teeth drug across her lower lip, eyes darkening. "I think I can manage that." He let go only to give her a sound slap on her ass. In turn that had her giving him the finger while walking away laughing.

She hopped up on stage. "Are we ready? I know the past several months you all have listened to just little old me. But I’d like you to meet my two lovely friends. Maybe we can have some variety now!" The crowd cheered and Hawke took over from the dj at the keys.

Isabela wrapped herself around the mic. "Electric lights blow my mind." She crooned. Someone cut the overhead and turned on the strobe lights. The crowd roared and the bar emptied. Hawke and Merrill joined her for the chorus. "I don't wanna go to school, I just wanna break the rules."

Varric had to give it to Hawke. She had uncanny ability to pick out people who fit the job. At this rate, he was going to hire her to do all his hiring. The women kept up for several more hours before Isabela yelled above the music. "Time for my favorite song! This is for all you boys missing your chance." Hawke was laughing as the opening came across the speakers. "Come on, songbird, this one is made for you."

Hawke twirled herself around the mic. He missed the first bit. But soon her voice sang out clearly. "Baby, don't call me your friend If I hear that word again you might never get a chance to see me naked in your bed."

"No, Rivaini is the menace." He said to no one in particular.

The ladies crooned together. "Gotta understand that I'm looking for a man Who can get up on a bike, look Ma', no hands"

The bartender poured him a glass. "Well, if everyone didn't already know, Varric, they do now."

"Whatever room Rivaini is in, send flowers and a bag of bronto shit."

The crowd was calling out to the ladies on the stage. After one particular graphic offer, Merrill took the main mic. "I don't even like boys, sorry!"

Cackling, Hawke fist bumped her before wrapping an arm around each lady. "Sorry, boys. No room. Have a good night!" The lights cut and they disappeared off the stage. The bar was open another hour but Varric headed to the back stair that led to the apartments. He could hear the girls laughing.

"Oh come on, Merrill, don't go back to alienage! I have room for all of us in my place."

"Or mine! I even have furniture."

"Fuck. I forgot. You guys want to go with me tomorrow?"

"I wouldn't miss it!" Isabela grinned tossing her head towards Varric. "I think you have a previous engagement tonight though, song bird."

Hawke gave him a shy wave. "Come on, kitten. I have questions that need answers."

Merrill looked back from Isabela dragging her down the hall. "Bye Hawke! Hi and bye Varric!"

Hawke chuckled leaning against the wall. "Daisy and Rivaini are going to be something else."

"That's one way to put it, storyteller."

"How about another game of Wicked Grace?"

Her eyes sparkled. "I haven't recovered from last time."

He laid his hands against the wall on either side of her. "I don't know, the marks cleared up that I could tell."

She flushed but held his gaze. "That's not Wicked Grace."

He dropped one hand to run it up her leg, from knee to hip fabric gathering above his hand. Hawke worried her bottom lip between her teeth, smiling. "You need the practice to get better. And what we do between rounds is up for debate."

Hawke chuckled low in her throat. "Oh, I'm sure they are."

She leaned down the slight difference needed and kissed him hard. His hand left her hip to palm her ass before squeezing a sigh from her.

"Oh this will be good, kitten."

Hawke broke away. "Creepers!"

"You're in the hallway!" Varric laughed before scooping her up in his arms. "I want to know everything, song bird! He won't let me near that chest hair." Varric punched his code in at his door while Hawke laughed herself to tears, arms thrown around his neck.


	6. Something is Calling Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stay Awake by Ellie Goulding

"I have to stop at the alienage before we head to Lowtown."

"No problem, Merrill. We've got the whole day off. Not a single ounce of work until Monday for once."

"What do you do? Other than sing?" Isabela asked as Merrill skipped ahead.

"Mercenary work. It pays well. Since meeting Merrill at Sundermont, there's been 3 of us consistently with my sister. We can take bigger jobs, so we can work less. Penny jobs are just that."

"Where is your sister then?"

Hawke sighed as they entered the alienage. "She's an apostate and the Templars are looking too close. Varric accompanies us a lot but never takes part of the haul. He's talked us out of some incidents that I'm grateful for."

"Heh. Judging by all those love bites you should be grateful for a few other things."

Hawke flushed. "Not even going there."

"My lady," an elf woman warily approached them. "I heard you mention an apostate. Could you help me?"

Hawke's eyes narrowed. "I don't turn them in if that's what you are wanting."

The woman wrung her hands. "No, it's my son, Feynriel. He's missing, his nightmares were getting bad and I'm worried. I tried to protect him from the Circle."

Hawke's eyes softened. "Do you have any idea where he could have fled, ma'am?"

The woman smiled in relief. "Arianni. His father perhaps. He is a merchant in Lowtown. His name is Vincento. There is a Templar who may know, Thrask. Bring him home safely, please."

Merrill appeared at Hawke's elbow. "I can't make any promises, Arianni. Just that we will do our best."

"Bless you, Hawke." And the woman left them.

Hawke gave Merrill a quick run through. "It's not like we aren't going to Lowtown anyway."

"And his poor mother! We have to help."

Hawke glanced at Isabela. "If you don't want to go with us for this, we can reschedule our shopping day, Bela. I understand wanting to stay out of the mage business."

The pirate queen grinned. "And miss fighting next to you and kitten? Wouldn't miss it."

Smiling Hawke dug out her crystal. "Are you going to call Beth?" Merrill asked.

"No. I'm not going to ask my sister to walk into the Gallows. She's thrown fire at Thrask before. No one guesses you’re a mage, Merrill. You should give lessons!"

Isabela chuckled knowingly. "She could give lessons on many things. But, kitten, I think she is calling her short boy-." Hawke kicked at her with the crystal to her ear. "Associate with the crossbow."

"Going with Varric is so much fun! He tells the best stories while we travel."

 

"I thought you three were going to terrorize the merchants about house stuff."

Hawke waved it off, scanning the crowd. "Why do that when I can terrorize someone on the merchant’s guild? And someone needed help."

"A bleeding heart doesn't go with the mercenary field well."

Hawke smirked. "Why do you think I'm so choosy about jobs? Besides we were headed this way." She scanned the crowds. "And there he is. I need to pay my urchins more. He certainly does look like the type to father a child and run." She stalked toward the man, smiling sweetly.

"What can I offer a lovely lady like yourself?"

"Information on your son, Feynriel."

"I don't have a son."

Hawke hummed. "Right. That's why my people were able to tell me he came to see you. And his mother was able to give me a perfect description. What good is a merchant that neglects a child? Just how does he treat his merchandise?"

The man huffed. "Are you going to throw him to the Circle?"

"No. I have little use for the Circle." He nodded. "There wasn't much I could do for him. I sent him to Samson. He's an ex-templar but helps get them out. I don't know where he is though."

Hawke smiled. "Thank you much then. Maybe help out Arianni when you can. It's not fair you left her high and dry." The man mumbled as she left his stall. "So, we need to know where this Samson is. Thrask might know."

Isabela piped up. "And waste all this shopping time going to the Gallows?"

Hawke snorted. "I won't be long. You guys go ahead."

"I think I'll stick with you, menace. I don't want them putting me in a dress."

Isabela grinned. "And cover up all that chest hair? I think not. Unless it's with Hawke. Now that I'll look at."

Hawke flushed. "I regret meeting you."

"Come on, Hawke, you have a Templar to terrorize." Varric laughed the entire way out of the market.

Hawke's cheeks were still on fire and she mumbled the entire way to the Gallows. Taking a deep breath to center herself she stepped into the courtyard. "I'm looking for Thrask."

The young man sneered. "I don't know what he'd have to do with some merc and a dwarf but he's over there."

Hawke muttered under her breath. "This merc could steal all your pants while you slept. Asshole." She sighed again. "Thrask?"

"Yes?"The older man answered, looking tired.

"I'm looking for some information on a young man, Feynriel. He's been missing and his father said he sent him to an ex Templar named Samson. I was wondering if you could tell me anything."

"Why?"

Hawke shifted. "I want to help this kid is why." Thrask nodded and gave her directions on how to meet Samson in Lowtown after dark.

After they left the Gallows, Varric asked. "So how are you going to spend your afternoon?"

Hawke laughed and gave him a soft kiss. "With my friends buying some furniture."

"My bed isn't good enough?" He smirked.

She shook her head. "I'll see you at dusk in Lowtown, storyteller." 

 

She was already interrogating Samson when he arrived. "I sent the boy along. He had no coin to pay his way."

Hawke crossed her arms, tapping her foot. "Do any of them? Or do you make exceptions if they are young and pretty girls?"

Samson snarled at her. "Don't judge me. Not until Kirkwall chews you up and spits you out like the Order did me. I sent him to the docks, to Arthuris. Get lost."

"Docks at night. Just how I wanted to spend my evening." He loaded a bolt into his crossbow as they walked.

Hawke checked her blades. "Hopefully we find this kid soon. This keeps getting fishier by the minute."

"The docks do smell like fish. But no worse than normal."

Hawke shook her head as Varric chuckled. "You got a lot to learn, Daisy."

Bethany dropped from the alleyway above them. "No one is following. Hello, Varric and Merrill."

They came to the doors of the private dock. Hawke fiddled with the lock before silently pushing it open. After checking the first room, she waved them in behind her. They were going down a hallway when they heard the snick of blades being drawn. "Fuck."

They dispatched the 3 men quickly and riffled through their belongings. Hawke made a disgusted noise. "They are slavers. I'll be having a talk with Samson. What is that sound?"

Bethany hissed. "A Mage turning abomination."

They took off at a run, Hawke cleared the railing throwing herself at the slavers. "Stop!"

Daggers and spells flashed, peppered with crossbow bolts. The slavers and the mage lay dead before they were finished. "You can't save them all, sister."

Hawke shook off her sister's hand on her shoulder to search the bodies. She found a letter on the mage. "Her name was Olivia. Thrask is her father. That explains why he is friendly to apostates. Don't throw fire at him anymore, Beth." She pocketed the letter to deliver later. She found a bill of sale on one of the slavers. "Of course. Now we get to go to Darktown, another slaver named Danzig."

"Night is still young." Varric said cheerfully.

Hawke shook her head. "You aren't right, storyteller."

"Said Hawke tiredly."

She pointedly glared at him. "Maybe someone should have let me sleep."

Bethany sent a wall of fire up between them. "I don't want to know anymore." Merrill laughed softly at all their faces. 

 

"Danzig?"

"What the fuck you want?"

Hawke smiled. "Information. The name Feynriel mean anything to you?"

The man didn't answer, just launched his magic at her. Hawke continued to smile as she ducked under the flames and then took his head off with her daggers. "I think you're the not right one, menace."

She went through another set of pockets after cleaning her blades on the man's shirt. She swore. "Another bloody map to somewhere on the Wounded Coast. I'm calling it for tonight. We can head out in the morning, whoever isn't occupied."

Beth shook her head. "You're going to save the world. Sure you won't come home?"

Hawke hugged her. "Positive. I've got a bed! I'm not living with mother again if I can manage it." Bethany and Merrill left together chit chatting.

"And that leaves us."

Hawke snorted. "In Darktown."

Varric chuckled. "I'm a perfect gentleman, in public." 

 

 

"Where do you go every morning?" Varric took the seat next to her at the bar.

"To get coffee. Sell coffee here and I will never leave. Oh, and hot chocolate." She had two drinks in front of her, sipping on a third. Hawke offered him one but he shook his head.

"It's a bar."

She laughed, finishing the first cup. "Expand your horizons. Everyone loves chocolate. And you can add whiskey to both. Not this early though. That's just asking for a headache."

"Song bird!" Bela and Daisy stumbled in.

"I told you I'd convince her, Hawke." Daisy giggled.

"Hey, I don't want to know." She hugged them both.

Merrill sighed into one of the cups. "'Mmm, chocolate. You are the best, Hawke."

"Thanks, sweetie. Are we ready then?" Hawke grabbed her second cup of coffee.

 

 

The Wounded Coast was a sight for Hawke's sore eyes, stretching in the sun while the sea blew her hair around her. Varric checked the crossbow. "I don't know how anyone thinks this sound is soothing."

Hawke laughed, pulling her hair back in a quick ponytail. "It's probably because you’re a dwarf and would sink like a rock."

"Owch." She grinned evilly checking her daggers. "Let's go." 

 

Their trek wasn't long or hard, just covered in baddies. Dispatching a final bandit, Hawke whined. "Remind me to ask Aveline if we can get paid for this bastards. But at least we are at the cave."

"Did I mention I don't like caves?" All 3 women turned to stare at him.

Isabela smirked and spoke first. "You seem to like Hawke's well enough."

Hawke turned to face her, face flaming. "I will shove you off that cliff, pirate." She huffed at Bela's poorly contained mirth. "If you want to wait outside for us you can, Varric. I'll get Aveline or Beth next time."

"I can do it. I just don't like them."

Merrill skipped past them, disappearing within the cave with a glow. "Mage light." 

 

In the middle stood a man holding a sword to Feynriel's throat. "That's close enough. One more step and he's dead."

Hawke snarled. "I don't need a step." She flung her dagger across the cavern, catching the man in the throat dropping him behind the young elf. The man fell with a splutter of blood. The young man stepped forward cautiously. Hawke held up her empty hands. "Your mother sent me to find you, Feynriel. I mean you no harm."

"Then you know why I ran."

"Yes. Your mother said you have nightmares."

"They are horrible."

Hawke glanced at Merrill who nodded. "I have friends among the Dalish on Sundermont. They may take you in if you go to them. They could teach you how to control your magic."

The boy nodded. "That sounds better than the Circle. I will go. Could you tell my mother?"

"Of course. Fly free, Feynriel." The boy took off out the cavern.

Hawke shook her head. "Somehow I don't think that's the last we will see of him. Let's take all their shit and head back. I want to tell Arianni before the day is up. She has worried enough."

Only Merrill accompanied Hawke to tell Arianni the fate of her son. She was relieved he was alive, but understandably sad at still losing her son. Hawke counseled her. "You can always go visit or he can come here. He will have more freedom with the Dalish then he would at the Circle. And he knows he has your love, that will do him the most good."

As they walked away, Merrill asked. "You sounded so sad."

Hawke sighed. "You'll learn of it eventually. I am not my mother's favorite child. She blames me for Carver's death among other things. It makes me envious when I see mothers who love their children without question. Bethany and Carver had that, but never me."

Merrill wrapped her arm around Hawke's shoulders. "Come to my place, I have tea and cookies."

"Would you tell me more about your people?" Merrill laughed, she loved that about Hawke already. She always tried to understand everyone and everything. "Isn't that what tea and cookies are for?”


	7. Everybody's Starry-Eyed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starry Eyed by Ellie Goulding Poor Hawke is getting drug to dinner with her mother and Beth.

Bethany slammed into Hawke's apartment. "You can't hide forever, Rose."

Hawke was torn between silence and a smart comment. Her turmoil caused her to go off balance in the top of the closet and she crashed to the floor. Bethany opened the bedroom door. "What were you doing?"

"Hiding." Hawke rolled up on to her knees and rubbed her forehead.

"You are coming to dinner. Get dressed in something nice."

"Void take you. I am not going to dinner with mommy dearest and whatever shmuck she has pulled in."

Bethany glared at her before letting her hands bathe in flame. "Get dressed or I'm setting your hair on fire."

"Fine, demon." Hawke lurched to her feet and grabbed a short black dress from the closet. She stripped quickly and tossed it over her head before grabbing a pair of flat heeled, knee high black boots. She laced them snugly before doing a twirl.

"Do you own anything that isn't black?"

Hawke stared at her closet, faking a look of immense concentration. "There is some red."

"A red sweater?" Hawke nodded. "Grab it. I don't want to hear it about your constantly bare arms and tattoos tonight."

"Anything else, Empress?"

"Is jewelry too much to ask for?"

Hawke grinned. "One of my friends is a pirate queen. Of course, I have jewelry." Hawke flipped open a lid and adorned the few blank spots in her ear piercings and slipped several bangles up her arms. She tossed a simple gold chain around her neck and checked herself out in the mirror. She tucked her hair back behind her ears, deciding to leave the curly mess down. She grabbed her sole tube of lipstick and slicked two candy apple red lines across her lips, mixing a little bit of sweet with some dangerous. Her kohl lined eyes were still perfect from this morning. She popped her lips together and gave Beth a wink. "See? I clean up well."

Beth grinned. "Not a single drop of blood even. Now let's go." Beth dragged Hawke out of her apartment and down the hall past Bela and Varric.

"And just where are you pretty things going?" Bela drawled.

"Dinner with mommy dearest." Hawke gave a pained smile.

"And we are late. Come on, Rose Hawke." Beth pulled her along but Hawke managed a wave.

Bela caught Varric staring. "She is terribly distracting."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

She smirked. "Yes, I'm sure you don't notice her ass-ets at all."

Varric waved her off and let himself into his place before pulling out his communicator.

_V: Have I ever told you that you're gorgeous?_

_H: That almost makes this dinner worth going to._


	8. Remember Who You Really Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What You Want by Evanescence 
> 
> Hawke meets Anders. And Karl, which always makes me sad.

"I’m looking for Lirene?" Hawke said stepping into the shop.

"That's me, dear." The woman behind the counter was cutting some fabric. "Anything I can help you with?"

"I'm looking for a Grey Warden, named Anders. An associate said he may be able to help me."

The woman eyed her critically and nodded. "He's in Darktown. He runs a clinic." She wrote the directions down before handing them to Hawke.

Hawke stepped out memorizing them and not noticing the crowd before her. "Hey! You leave Anders alone!"

Hawke startled. "What?"

A man stepped forward. "You heard us. He does a lot of good for people who weren't as lucky as you."

Hawke raised her empty hands. "I mean him no harm, I'm not out to hurt someone who helps people. In that we are on the same side." The man glared at her a moment more before the crowd dispersed. Hawke shook her head pulling out her communicator to send a message to Varric.

_Headed to Darktown on that map lead._

 

Hawke strode into the clinic. "Anders?"

The blonde washed his hands staring at her. "You are a little well to do to be seeking me out. Get lost."

He turned to walk away but she grabbed his arm. "I'm not here for treatment. Or because of the Templars. A little bird told me you were once a Grey Warden and have a Deep Roads map I need."

He shrugged off her hand. "And just what good would a map of the Deep Roads do you?"

Hawke bit her lip. "I'll make enough money that no Templar will harass my sister again. And we would be able to help other mages get out safely instead of taking their chances on the docks."

Anders eyes softened. "A favor for a favor then if you want to help mages. I came to Kirkwall to help my friend, Karl. He's imprisoned in the Gallows."

Hawke smiled. "Sounds like my kind of date. When and where?"

He returned her smile. "Tonight at the Chantry."

"Mind if I bring a couple of friends?" 

 

 

"We are breaking into the Chantry. That's new for even you, Hawke." Varric stood guard as she fiddled the lock as they waited for Anders and Isabela.

"Don't forget the part that's it's to break into the Gallows. The last place I want to be. Got it!"

"I had a key, you know." Anders said walking up to them.

"Now you tell me." She put her lock picks back into their pouch. "Where is Isabela?"

The door cracked open to show the pirate smiling at them. "Already inside."

"Why do I make plans with you people? You never listen." Hawke joked. "Lead the way, Ser Mage."

Anders brought them to a room with a hidden door behind a crate. They opened it and stepped carefully though.

"Karl!" Anders rushed to his friend's side.

Hawke approached cautiously. "What's wrong with him?"

Anders voice was a low growl. "They made him Tranquil."

"Hawke!" Varric shouted and she spun to face the rest of the room.

"Oh look, a little Mage and some supporters walked into our little trap."

Hawke's smile was feral. "It's only a trap if you live." She dispatched her first Templar before noting the chaos behind her. She yelled at Varric. "Why the fuck is he turning blue?" They shortly had everything back under control.

Karl slowly shook himself. "Anders?"

"My friend." The Mage knelt beside him.

"I don't want to live like this."

Hawke cleaned her blades on a dead man's shirt. "I don't blame him. He is your friend, Anders, it's your choice."

Anders hung his head. "Goodbye, Karl." 

 

 

"Your friend flies free now, Anders." Hawke said softly, hand on his shoulder.

He rubbed the tears from his face. "That's an eloquent way to put death after enslavement and murder."

She sat across from him and pushed him a mug. "That may be but my father dreamed of it applying in the real world."

"He was a mage?" He took a drink.

"Mhm." She took a moment, staring into her own. She smiled. "He traveled all over as a bard, he taught me how to sing. He met my mother by accident after an in incident here in Kirkwall that led to his capture and internment in the Gallows." She shook her head, smile turning rueful. "Love at first sight and stronger then all other bonds, she left her noble family to run away to Ferelden with an apostate."

"What happened to him?"

She frowned. "Templars. Bethany is a Mage. We stayed too close to Lake Calenhad for too long. He liked to fish. Beth liked to make the water dance and it caught their attention. He stood and fought while we escaped."

Anders reached across the table to squeeze her hand. "I'm sorry, Hawke."

She shook her head. "She was young still. But we made it to Lothering and made a life for ourselves until the Blight. And then we came here did it again." She smiled. "Maybe one day the Hawke's will have enough sense to fly somewhere where trouble isn't an everyday occurrence." She gave his hands a gentle squeeze and released them waving Varric over.

"Okay. Why did you turn blue and get all weird in there? I've lived with mages my whole life and that was new." Hawke swirled her drink, half leaned against Varric who sat now beside her.

"I have a spirit of Justice within me."

Hawke took a sip. "Okay." Varric arched an eyebrow at her. "I can handle half possessed better than I could handle Carver's constant pleading to be a Templar."

Anders smiled a little. "Is he a Templar?"

"No." She kicked back the rest of her drink. "He's dead."

"Oh, I'm-."

"Don't be. I'm not. He would have stuffed Beth into the Circle the moment we got here to cement his place among them." She got up from the table. "Speaking of Beth, I owe her a call." She leaned toward Varric then shook her head. "Text me and I'll drop the book off when you come up. Nice meeting you, Anders!" She hurried across the bar to the stairs pulling out her communicator as she went.

Anders leaned his elbows on the table. "Hawke is a nice girl. Anti Templar, pro Mage freedom, a spicy fighter, and tiny enough you could carry her anywhere."

"I assure you, Blondie, I had never noticed." Varric pulled out a deck of cards. "Wicked Grace?"

"Certainly!" Anders grinned. "Then you won't notice me asking her for a date then." He laughed out right at the look on Varric's face. "I may owe the pirate money now, but that was worth it. Come on, you don't claim her?"

"She's not a thing." He shuffled the deck. "We haven't talked about anything serious. It is what is."

Anders looked at his cards shaking his head. "I never would have confused you for a fool, Varric, but if she slips from your fingers you would be."


	9. The Way That I Am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Sacrifice, Hawke carries around a back of body parts and gets freaked out by it. Drinks coffee to cope. 
> 
> The Way that I am by Tove Lo

"A severed hand, a pile of bones. And of course there is a ring on the hand."

"You are a squeamish rogue." Hawke glared at Anders before chucking the severed hand at him. The mage let out an indignant squawk as he jumped out the way.

Varric shook his head. "You aren't right, menace."

Bethany rolled her eyes at the ceiling. "Maker preserve me. Emeric will want to see this."

"And that creep may be able to tell us if this is Ninette’s." Hawke shuddered as she delicately retrieved the appendage. "Ugh. Maybe I should throw the hand at him too." They exited the warehouse as dawn crept over the water. Hawke sighed. "Beth and Anders, you guys head home. No point in flaunting you at the Gallows."

Beth shook her head. "You watch yourself at the Gallows, sister. The Templars don't just take mages."

Anders shook his head too. "Stay out of trouble you two."

"What makes you think we would find trouble, Blondie?" Anders shook his head again and headed out.

Hawke looked at the bag she carried. "I've never given some a bag of body parts."

"I'm sure you'll find the right thing to say, Hawke."

 

 

"You drink an obscene amount of coffee."

Hawke glanced at him over the white top of her fourth cup and finished it before answering. "If Emeric got up before noon, I wouldn't need it."

Varric chuckled. "It's not even noon. Go home and go to bed."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah. I'm sure I'll sleep just fine after carrying a bag of parts through Kirkwall. And pulling a ring off a severed hand. I'll sleep when I'm dead."

"It really bothers you that much."

"Yeah." She shrugged. "It wasn't something you saw much before the Blight. The entire run to the coast was one body after another. Or pieces. It's just not something I've been able to shake."

"A game of Wicked Grace then?"

She shook her head before giving him a shy smile. "How about you let me browse the bookshelves and take over your couch?"

"Hey, a woman who reads is always welcome on my couch. As long as she doesn't put her cold feet on me."

Hawke laughed and got up from the table to toss her cups in the recycling. "Come on, storyteller, let's harass Emeric and go."

He grabbed her hand and gave her a soft kiss. Hawke's eyes widened in surprised but melted into him quickly. He pulled away, both of them smiling. She shook her head. "Emeric. Job. I should call you distraction."

He hopped down off the chair. "Distraction, storyteller. It's the same thing really. Besides, I earned one for perching on those tall ass chairs you love so much."

Hawke smirked. "Unlike you, I like being able to see more then people's knee caps."

"My view is usually much better then knee caps." She shook her head, laughing, and lead the way out the door.


	10. Dance With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon
> 
> Inspired by DA2 P-P-Poker Face by Aimo on DeviantArt http://aimo.deviantart.com/art/DA2-P-P-Poker-Face-196389547

"Why is Beth mostly naked?" Hawke leaned against the bar next to Anders.

"She's even worse at Wicked Grace then you. And me."

Hawke chuckled. "Who beat her?"

Anders smirked. "Varric."

Hawke hummed a moment before downing the rest of her drink. She sauntered over to the table. "What have you done to my baby sister?"

"Beat her fair and square, menace. Apparently it's a Hawke family trait of not knowing when to stop." Varric grinned. "Deal you in?"

Hawke laughed. "Oh no. One of us should have dignity." She pulled her shirt off and handed it to Beth, leaving herself clad in a simple tank top. Varric's eyes followed the curves and swallowed hard when she leaned over Isabela's shoulder before smiling at him. "Bela?"

"Song bird?"

Hawke's smile turned wicked. "15 if you clean him out." Varric's eyebrows rose and Hawke managed to grin bigger.

Bela chuckled. "Clean as the day he was born."

Beth shook her head. "I am not witnessing this. Play fair you two."

Hawke grinned at her sister. "You're probably right, two lovely ladies with such bosoms may just be too much for him." Varric laughed and she stuck her tongue out at him. Beth rolled her eyes and joined Anders at the bar. Hawke slide herself into the seat next to Bela.

"Two against one isn't fair, Hawke."

Both ladies laughed. Hawke leaned over and kissed Bela on the cheek. "I'm just the lucky charm, storyteller." A couple of hands passed and Bela managed to win back Beth's stuff while Hawke grinned like a fool.

Beth touched her shoulder. "Mind if I sleep at your place tonight?"

"No. That's fine. Remember the number?" The sisters shared a quick hug and Beth gathered her things.

"You 3 are something else." She shook her head smiling.

Anders ran a hand across his hair. "Mind if I join you for a while? It's not often I get to have such an enjoyable conversation."

"That would be great!" Hawke leaned back on the bench watching Beth and Anders go, her face alternating between minor confusion and mild irritation. When she leaned too far back, Bela grabbed her making a great show of cupping Hawke's breast while giving Varric a saucy wink.

Hawke failed to notice due to glaring at the hallway to the apartments. "He better not make a move on my sister."

"I'm sure she can handle herself, song bird."

Hawke leaned forward resting her cleavage on the table and smirked when Varric got caught staring. "It's a Hawke sister thing. We made a deal to be involved with all that. Last thing we want is mother marrying us off to some fancy noble."

"She would?" Varric asked tossing a card down.

Hawke nodded. "In a heartbeat. You should hear what she says about Choir Boy." Hawke pitched her voice high and nasally. "I've heard things about that nice Vael boy. You should bring him home for you or your sister." Hawke's face curled. "He took vows! And all that Chantry garbage." She shook her head harshly. "I'll marry Hero if that's my other choice." Hawke's communicator dinged.

B: _will you be coming home tonight or going to Varric's_

Hawke glared at her crystal. H: _not on my bed, sister_

Isabela smirked and tilted her head at Varric. "I can think of someone who would be disappointed at that." Hawke glared at her and she chuckled. "You made it too easy, song bird." A fireball landed in the middle of the table making them jump. Varric's communicator dinged as Bela and Hawke put the cards out.

B: _you better keep my sister tonight or I'm going to set her on fire_

V: _she's not a pet_

B: _I'm sure you can think of something. One more risqué comment about me and Anders from her and you'll be in trouble too_

Varric chuckled. "How about we call this game?"

Hawke pouted. "Half the fun, menace, is knowing they owe you for being a gracious winner."

Bela smirked. "Judging from how Hawke walks after you two play Wicked Grace I'd say gracious is an understatement." Hawke flushed. "But I'll beat you more tomorrow, Varric. Don't worry. See you, song bird. Kitten is expecting me anyway." Bela gathered her winnings and took off.

"Well, menace, want to play? I think you owe me a game after that."

Hawke giggled. "Oh no. I know that face. I am not a sheep to be fleeced."

"Hey, blame your sister. She wants you out for the evening."

Hawke rolled her eyes. "She's lucky I like my hair not on fire."

He smirked. "There's more than one way to be out. Especially after all that teasing."

Hawke tipped back the rest of her drink before giving an innocent smile. "I have no idea what you are talking about. I was perfectly well behaved. Teasing would involve me under the table." She smirked when he choked on his drink.

"Remind me to set you up as my partner the next time we have a tournament; I'm not letting someone else have that advantage."

Her eyes sparkled. "That may not work in your favor either. I can be bribed."

"Some lucky charm you are." They laughed, her half squawking tidal wave mixing with his rich baritone. The lights dropped as the music grew louder. Hawke wistfully gazed out at the crowd already forming on the dance floor. "Do you dance, Hawke?"

She smirked. "Balls aren't something apostates are invited to so mother never taught me."

He scoffed. "That's ballroom dancing and I'm the queen of Antiva."

Hawke chuckled. "Then yes I do. I have surprisingly few dance partners though."

Standing, he slipped the cards into his pocket and held out his hand. "You've got one now."

She took it, one eyebrow high. "I didn't take you for the type, storyteller."

He pulled her against him and she leaned down to brush her lips against his. "Stop talking and dance with me, menace." He led her laughing out on the floor. He understood why she didn't have many dance partners. The way she could rock her body to the music made him want to stop and just stare. Maker, he never realized how short she was. She had to lean down when they kissed but just barely. He could feel her body against his, it was hard to keep his hands from roaming her body more than they were.

Hawke turned to face him and smiled. It was a soft and molten thing. He pulled her closer and laid a kiss on the junction of her neck. He felt her melt and she leaned to whisper in his ear. "You keep that up, you better take me home."

He chuckled before gently grazing the same spot with his teeth making her hiss. He stepped back and chuckled at her pout before tugging her hand so she'd follow him. They barely made it to the stairwell before hands were caressing through clothes and mouths were leaving sloppy kisses trailed across exposed flesh. They fumbled at the door, he punched in the code as she twisted the knob and they half fell into his apartment. His arm around her waist was the only thing keeping her off the floor and Hawke laughed. "I've never seen your furniture from this angle. Did you know someone has carved a dick on the underside of the coffee table?"

He kicked the door shut. "Rivaini owes me on a couple scores then."

Hawke looked up at him, one eyebrow forming a perfect half-moon above her midnight eyes and star kissed nose. "Is that jealously I'm sensing, storyteller? We haven't had that exclusive conversation."

He set her on her feet kissing her hard. "Then can we have it now? I don't like sharing." He trailed bruising kisses down her neck, smiling when she wound her hand into his hair and arched into him with a soft moan.

She laughed breathlessly. "Can I claim it was coercion later so you kiss me like this again?"

He gazed into her eyes and she flushed at the emotions she saw swirling in their amber depths. "I'll kiss you every way you want me to."

"Deal."


	11. Ink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some words about Hawke's tattoos

Hawke was laying naked in his bed reading. Varric had a book open in front of him as well but found himself distracted by her tattoos. "Blink, storyteller."

He closed his book. "Can I ask about your ink?"

She smiled. "Yeah." She flipped her book over to keep her spot before sitting up. "The dragon on my back is the biggest. I got it right after getting into Kirkwall and completing my first job."

"Why a dragon?"

She wrinkled her nose. "Flemeth actually. She's just kind of all-around inspirational, even if she is the Witch of Wilds." Hawke pitched her voice. "We stand upon the precipice of change. The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment, and when it comes, do not hesitate to leap. It is only when you fall that you learn whether you can fly." Hawke gave a soft laugh. "What flies better than a dragon?"

"That is the kind of inspiration that gets you in trouble."

Hawke shook her head. "Everything gets me in trouble. I just don't worry about it anymore." She tapped the heraldry on her shoulder. "This is solely because Kirkwall is my home now. It's weird and murderous but it's home."

"Home on your sleeve then."

Hawke chuckled. "Yeah. This one," she held out her wrist, fly free in a simple script. "My dad used to tell us that. One day he'd give his little Hawkes wings. All three of us got it." Hawke sighed. "He felt so bad for how we lived. Having an apostate for a parent has you moving all the time and hiding. I had a grandma in Lothering. I'm not even sure she was really my grandma but she loved us and that's what makes a family, right?"

Varric opened his arms and she snuggled back against his chest. He kissed her hair. "Do you want to find her?"

Hawke made a strangled sound. "She died when I was little. I was 6, almost 7." Her tone turned wistful. "She had the most beautiful roses. I'm sorry they were burned."

"Parts of Lothering may have survived."

Hawke shook her head. She spoke slowly. "Her house burned after she died, a um tragic accident. There wasn't anything left for the Blight to take." She was quiet a moment. "My next one is going to be a rose for her."


	12. Quiet Translations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some cute fluffy...before I kill it.

"Your face will stick like that, menace." She huffed at him and continued reading. He didn't understand how she was comfortable. Half leaned against the headboard, one foot propped against a knee to make a flat surface for when she occasionally scribbled. He shook his head and went back to his own book. A few minutes later he heard her curse and looked up as the broken pencil fell from her hand. She furiously rubbed her palm before inspecting it for lead. She scowled at the books in her lap. "Just what are you reading that has you murdering innocent pencils?"

"That pencil was anything but innocent." She sighed. "I'm working on a translation."

"Of?"

She flushed to her roots. "My favorite fairytale." She mumbled and then continued. "It was originally written in Tevene. I don't know where my dad learned it. But he told it to me every time I got in trouble." She glanced at him shyly. "No one ever translated it from Tevene as a book. No one else I know has even heard of it, except for Fenris."

"Broody knows fairy tales?"

"I know! Anyway, he got me a copy of the original telling. My dad cleaned it up, a lot, but Anders suggested we translate it to common so the kids that come to his clinic have something to do. Isabela is going to do the pictures." She bounced excitedly before she scowled at the books again. "It's an old dialect of Tevene though. It's giving me fits."

"Where did you learn Tevene?"

She grinned. "My dad. I'm passable in Tevene, Antivan, Orlesian, and Rivaini. Fenris is teaching me Qunlat in exchange for teaching him to read and Merrill is teaching me Elven. Or at least enough of it to answer in kind when people are rude." She shook her head. "Don't ask me where he learned them all. It made Mom crazy that he taught me."

He shut his book and set it down. "How much do you have translated?"

She checked her notes against the Tevene copy. "Halfway. It's a whole book of Tevene fairy tales. I'll take a break before I tackle the rest."

He settled in at the headboard beside her. "Would you mind reading it?"

She stared him. "Out loud?"

He chuckled. "Unless you have another method? I'm just curious what has my favorite girl so intrigued."

She smiled and set aside all but the translated copy. "Okay." She snuggled down to lay her head on his shoulder and started to read. "Once upon a time, there was a magical princess locked in a tall tower."

"Wait, you like a princess story?"

"There is also a dragon, a werewolf, and an evil dwarf." She said primly. "Do you want to hear it all or not, storyteller?" He kissed her hair, smiling, and she continued.


	13. 99 Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Straight up smut. Well, problematic smut, you know those days were it just poofs and disappears? Hawke is having one of those days.

"I've seen you make a lot of faces in my bed, Hawke, but utter disgust is a new one."

She huffed up at him where he was leaned back on his heels between her thighs. "I keep getting close and then poof it disappears. It's not a very good trick. It is very infuriating."

Varric chuckled, drawing up her leg to place a kiss to the side of her knee smiling at her shiver. "Is it something I'm doing?"

"I don't know." She whined. "It happens sometimes but we've been at long enough I should have blacked out from it."

He traced swirls down her thigh, calf braced against his shoulder. "Maybe you need to try something different?"

Hawke smirked. " I dangle from the ceiling?"

Varric unleashed his baritone of laughter. Hawke's brows knitted together, corners of her lips waving in a slight smile. He shook his head gazing down at her. "What did they teach you in Ferelden? Sex is only to be enjoyed with zero variety?"

She narrowed her eyes, flushing. "It wasn't exactly something they gave lessons on, no. And considering there was never any complaints I thought I did pretty good."

"I'm not complaining. I'm just suggesting some variety before you burn a hole in the ceiling."

She huffed with a hint of a smile. "More like your chest hair." She swung her leg beneath her as she sat up, matching him on her heels. "Begin my education then, oh knowledgeable one."

"Leave it to you to make it weird." He pulled her closer so their knees touched. "And leave the mood murdered."

Hawke chuckled and leaned her forehead against his shoulder. "I didn't think that was supposed to happen until we were old."

"More time to learn more tricks." He kissed her hair, dancing his fingers down her sides and smirking when she squirmed. He started rubbing circles into her lower back and Hawke melted against him.

"Maker, don't you even think about stopping. I will throw Bianca in the fire."

"That's just rude." Hawke chuckled into his chest. "Lay down."

She leaned back on her heels, one eyebrow forming a perfect arch. "Why?"

"Because the only way to get that tension out of your back is for you to relax. You do know that word, right?"

Hawke shook her head, smiling. "Overrated. Someone would smell it and I'd be dead."

Varric shook his head. "Lay down. Or I will make you."

Hawke's eyes sparkled. "That could be fun." He tackled her to the bed, pining her beneath him and tickling her. "I give! Mercy!"

He sat up, straddling her thighs. She wiggled her butt at him and he responded with a light smack that caused a sharp pleased gasp to leave her lips. He smirked. "We can explore that possibility in a bit. First, you need to relax before you break something." He ran his hands up her spine before dragging the heels of his palms back down either side of it. She sighed and under his careful work the tension slowly released from her body. Once she was putty in his hands, he rolled her back over. "Better?"

She nodded and then laughed. "Still horny though."

He trailed fingers along her body as he sank on to the mattress beside her. "What would you do if I wasn't here?"

She flushed. "Take care of it. Or give up and go kill something."

He shook his head. "Show me."

Her eyes narrowed momentarily. "You see me kill things all the time."

"Menace." Hawke chuckled and traced her hand down her body. She leaned up and captured his lips with hers, winding her arm behind his head. She fell back with a sigh as her fingers circled her clit. He kissed down her jaw and then her neck where he teasingly bit causing her to arch into her hand. He kissed what was going to be a bruise before continuing his descent. "You." Hawke panted. "Are distracting."

He chuckled giving a taut nipple a lick before answering. "Good or bad?" Hawke whined at him, eyes squeezed tight. He alternated sharp nips and soft kisses across her chest. She made a small frustrated growl and he leaned up to claim her lips. He pulled away, burning amber eyes matching her midnight blue ones. "Come undone for me, Hawke."

Hawke's eyes rolled into her head as the stars exploded within her body so hard and fast that she was soundless. Varric rolled on top of her, hooking her knees up with his arms, before settling into a swift pace. "Oh maker." Hawke gasped out. She felt her body begin to curl around itself again, winding tighter seeking another high. "Please."

"Please what?" He gave a breathless chuckle. Hawke's indignant noise was cut short by a moan as he hit just the right spot within her, shoving her over the edge once more. Varric joined her, their moans intertwining. He fell on to the bed beside her, both of them limp and well satisfied.

Hawke rolled lazily on to her side, smiling. "That was nice."

"Just nice?" He laughed.

She stuck her tongue out at him. "You wore out all my big words. I'll cheer more at breakfast."

He pulled her close, wrapping her in his arms. "I could start the morning with an encore."

Hawke giggled into his chest. "Then get some sleep, storyteller. If I can't walk tomorrow, you'll have to explain it."


	14. Shepherding Hawke

"So you have no problem with me taking on slavers, Carta, murderers, Templars, coterie, or abominations. I help a Qunari Mage out of the city, and it ended badly plus a side of weird and you are upset."

"You were setup." Varric crossed his arms. “I expect you to know better.”

"By a Chantry sister! Go be mad at her!" Hawke was pacing the floor of his apartment. "You were the one that directed me to her. And it was a good chunk of money. I didn't realize that sister also meant devious, manipulative lair." She paused a moment. "Although being I am that sister; I should know better."

"You're not that bad." He gave a half disgusted chuckle, shaking his head before fixing her with a glare.

She grinned. "You haven't met my mother. She would tell you how dark and deeply my streak of evil runs." Varric continued with his unamused glare. Hawke sighed and leaned against the wall. "Are you going to be angry at me the rest of the day or the rest of the week?"

"I'm not angry, Hawke. You just cause me a lot of worry sometimes."

"You do realize we will be going into the Deep Roads, Papa Varric? And you are worried about Qunari now. Darkspawn, cave ins, rampaging cave creatures." She mimed skittering creatures and crashes with her hands.

"You keep that up and you won't go."

She rolled her eyes. "Uhhuh. I'd like to see you stop me."

"I'll buy Rivaini a ship and tie you to the mast before sending it out to sea." He took a step toward and watched her body relax. "Only so much trouble even you could get in at sea." He put himself within touching distance of her.

"Bela would enjoy that an awful fucking lot." Her voice grew husky and her bright eyes darkened to midnight blue. A low sound left Varric's throat. Hawke gave a breathless chuckle. "Jealously, storyteller?"

He played with a lock of her hair while he arranged his words. "There is a lot of emotions that come attached to you, Hawke. If you knew how many hearts you've left bruised, you'd understand."

She bit down on her lip hard enough to hurt before speaking. "I don't know about that. I'm pretty sure I broke that bastard's nose."

Varric shook his head. "Leave it to you to avoid a serious conversation."

"I don't know if I'm ready for that particular conversation, Varric."

He kissed her softly. "Then it can wait. Just try and not get up setup anymore."

She scoffed. "Easy. I'll avoid the Chantry." He shook his head before kissing her again and she finally let herself melt into his arms.


	15. Blow Me One Last Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blow Me (One Last Kiss) by P!nk
> 
> The start of some massive creative liberties

Hawke sauntered into his apartment. "You certainly know how to make a girl finish her coffee. What's the problem?"

"Don't get comfy." Varric was rubbing his temples, leaned against his desk, wadded up papers scattered across it.

"Oh, a job then!"

"No. I wish. I’d feel better about it." He sighed. "We need to end this, Hawke. Before things get out of hand."

Her hand froze where she had been trailing it along the back of the couch. She swallowed tightly before cracking a half smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Wouldn't the time for this conversation been months ago? Before I started spending every night in your bed?"

"I didn't think we'd have to have this conversation." He shifted under her blank stare. "Things have come up. It's my mistake."

She gave a mirthless chuckle. "Mine too, in ways you don't even know about." She held up her hand to silence him. "It's fine, storyteller. We will just both tell some lies and move on. I have a job to do anyway." She turned and walked out his door. Out in the hall she leaned her forehead against the cool wall before yanking out her communicator and firing off a message to Merrill, Isabela, and Bethany. _Maker, Save me. I need a girl day. Anyone free?_

She gave another mirthless chuckle at the incoming messages. "Now to find out who is the best liar."


	16. Watch Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watch Me by Icon for HIre

After the third compliant in an hour that Rivaini's apartment was making far too much noise even for a Saturday, Varric found himself beating on her door. Isabela answered wearing the most magnificent hat ever to be seen. The warm brown leather was a well-oiled compliment to the sparkling sapphire in a nest of peacock feathers and black plumes. It was the first time he had ever seen her without her requisite knee high boots. The look was deceptively soft and the pirate was anything but that. "I can get you a matching hat."

"Can you turn it down? People are complaining."

Bela smirked. "I'm not the one in charge of the music and it could be a different noise entirely without it." She held the door open the rest of the way so he could see in. Hawke was in a button down shirt with a single button left done. Her bare legs were entwined with Daisy's. One hand held a glass of dark amber and the other was tangled in the elf's hair. Both of them were giggling as Hawke left sloppy kisses in a trail down Daisy's neck. Varric had to pick his jaw up off the floor before glaring at the pirate, who was looking entirely too smug. "Want to join us? An evening of debauchery might do you some good too."

"No. Just. Turn down the music."

He turned and stomped down the hall but not before he heard her voice sing out. "Who's at the door, Bela?"

"Don't worry about it, songbird." He could imagine her pout while hearing her stagger to the door. He looked back as she popped her head passed Rivaini and out the door. The lazy haze left her face in an instant. "Void take me." She half stumbled out the door, words lost at her lips.

Bela's arm snaked out after her. "Oh no you don't." With a sharp jerk, Hawke disappeared behind the door before it slammed shut. Varric leaned his head against his door with a sigh. After letting himself in and turning on the lights, he sent Hawke one message.

_I thought we were telling lies._

He never got a response.


	17. He Tastes Like You, Only Sweeter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thnks Fr Th Mmrs by Fall Out Boy
> 
> This might be Hawke and Anders theme song. You'll see.

H: _would you help me?_

A: _Sure, what's wrong?_

H:... _someone broke into my apartment. Again._

A: _Headed your way_

A short time later Anders was knocking on Hawke's door. She had her hair up in a messy bun, black pajama pants featuring flaming dragons and a heather grey tank. She shrugged. "These were the only things not covered in blood that I don't mind if I have to burn them later."

"Blood?" Anders pushed the door open. "Andraste's flaming knickers." The pale blue walls of Hawke's apartment were broken with scribbled slurs. There was a graphic depiction of Hawke falling off a cliff on to jagged rocks above her couch, also in blood. "I don't even know where to start."

"Well that's why I called you. Would it be easier to clean after it dries you think?"

"Probably not. Rags and hot water, definitely vinegar. Then more hot water and soap. Then more vinegar." Hawke nodded and went to her pantry closet. She opened the door and doubled over, gagging.

Anders hurried over to her until he was hit with the same pungent offense. "Maker, what is that?"

Hawke panted from her knees. "That is what butchering smells like in the heat of summer. The day after to be exact."

"Can I just burn it?"

She waved a hand in his direction. "Be my guest. Burn the whole pantry if you need to."

"You run down to the clinic and get what we need. I'll be done by then."

Hawke stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "You are my knight in shining mage robes." She then fled the apartment while he began the process of burning the disturbing piles lurking in the back of her pantry.

When she returned, arms loaded with rags and buckets, Anders asked her. "Are rats normally a problem?"

Hawke's eyes widened. "Rats?"

"They are dead and gone now. But I take that as a no." She breathed deeply through her nose, gagged, and stomped her feet. Anders chuckled, rubbing her arms to relax her rigid muscles. "For a rogue mercenary, you are awfully averse to blood and creepy crawlies."

She shook him off her and slammed a bucket into the sink, cranking the hot water. "I mind them in my house. Work isn't supposed to come home."

He leaned against the counter beside her. "Do you think it's work related?"

She tossed in some soap while shaking her head. "This is personal. I have no idea who or why though." She handed him the full bucket and filled the other. "Whore is their favorite slur. Mentions of Ferelden are rare, so it's probably not about that. I haven't dated since coming here." She glared at the bucket. "I guess that's not entirely true but it's over."

"Maybe someone who is angry at Varric then?"

She yanked the bucket from the sink sloshing some water. Cursing, she left it sit and went the living room where she pulled the couch out to clean the wall. Anders started working on the dining room. After some angry scrubbing, Hawke sighed. "We've made it obvious we are no longer a thing. Barely speaking, not working together unless necessary. I miss the friendship more than the romance. If it's over that, they are an idiot. If it's because of his work, why come after me? He's literally two doors down."

"Sometimes people's motivations are only clear to themselves." Hawke nodded. Between the two of them they got the main living areas scrubbed clean in an hour. Hawke was soaking everything in vinegar and citrus oil when Anders opened her bedroom door. Her closet had been ripped open and the contents scattered before blood had been dumped on them. The mattress was crisscrossed with cuts and more blood.

She stepped into the room behind him. "Could they be summoning demons? Maybe my apartment is a portal to the Fade."

Anders laughed. "That is a question for Merrill. I'm not a blood mage."

Hawke wrinkled her nose. "But you also have a demon spirit friend. I'll keep it in mind though the next time I see her." She sighed at the piles of clothes. "Just burn them. I can borrow Isabela's until I find out who is doing this or they stop."

"You two wear the same size?" Anders quickly burned them into nothing and then did the same with the mattress.

Hawke smirked watching the blaze. "My chest is actually a little bigger. I think that is all the carnage. Thank you for helping me."

"You should go to your mother's or Isabela and Merrill's tonight. I don't think it's safe for you here."

Hawke crossed her arms. "Bela and Merrill are out visiting. My mother has made it clear I'm not welcome, even if I'm dead. I'll take my chances here; they've never came in when I've been here."

Anders shook his head. "Come to my clinic. I have a nice big couch and 20 cats, anywhere safer would probably involve Hero sitting on you."

She stared at him a moment before nodding. "Okay. I’d say let me grab some clothes but. Let's go." She locked the door behind them. The walk to Darktown and the clinic wasn't long.

Anders let them in. "Watch for the cats."

She laid her daggers on the counter with her work bag. "You have a nice place. I was expecting the manifesto to be wallpapered everywhere."

Anders snorted. "If you need a shower, it's the second door on left. I'll grab you something to wear if you want."

"That sounds lovely. You are lovely." She danced into the bathroom and turned the water on. When she came out she was wearing a pair of his scrubs low on her hips and an undershirt that hung tight to her curves darkening slightly at the peaks that softly dented the fabric. Her damp hair was tumbled down her back. "You know," she said crossing her arms. "I did not expect so many hair products."

He chuckled low in his throat, running a hand through his own. "I like having nice hair, have to look good for my clients."

Hawke hummed before grabbing the plate he set out for her. "I don't know about you, but I'm not tired. If you need me to sit quietly I'm sure I can manage something. Like a book."

"How about wicked grace?" Hawke made a pained face before fiercely shaking her head. "I. I can't. Yet. We played every night."

Anders tapped his fingers against his chin. "How about we tell stories about our adventures in Ferelden? And every time someone says mabari we have to drink?"

"Deal!"

 

"Did you know Isabela was in Ferelden? She slept with the hero of Ferelden." Hawke was sprawled across his couch, head in his lap drink swirling in her hand.

Anders scoffed. "Everyone has slept with Isabela. Even me."

"What?! You slept with her too?" Hawke rolled over to sit on her feet staring at him.

Anders flushed. "Yes, I did. Once was enough. And actually it was in Ferelden. It was interesting seeing her again."

"Huh." Hawke sucked in her cheeks, releasing them with a pop. "It was after," she waved her hand and Anders nodded. She giggled. "Did you know he busted us?" Anders raised an eyebrow and she continued. "Yeah. Bela's neighbor complained that we were noisy and Bela answered the door half naked before kicking the door totally open. Me and Merrill were busy." She laughed. "I wanted a dragon to carry me off right that second but the look on his face was priceless and worth the embarrassment. I still don't think she's let him live it down." They tapered off into quiet laughter before Hawke sighed. "I'm just glad Varric wasn't my first or anything."

"Did you lose someone in Ferelden then?"

"No. He found me here. We had been getting to know each other when the Blight started. I'd been with the mercs six months when he showed up demanding I return with him to Denerim. I broke his nose. And his arm. And threatened to let Bethany set him on fire." She shook her head. "He was an idiot."

"Agreed."

"What about you, Anders?"

"Me? Nothing serious. The whole apostate mage thing is actually not all that attractive for a long term thing. And then there is Justice, he hates everyone."

Hawke snorted. "I can see that. His personality has some room for improvement."

Anders stared hard at his coffee table before smiling. "You know; I think you may be the only person to understand all that."

She shrugged, hair falling across her face. "Maybe it's because I dealt with the weirdness of having twin siblings. Sometimes they were the same mind in two bodies. Even with their disagreements over mages, and Beth being an apostate, they still got each other. She had nightmares after he died. She said she could feel it all. So yeah, Justice is not all that strange."

Anders brushed her hair back gently. "Do you have nightmares?"

"Sometimes. Not about Carver though. We weren't close and we didn't like each other." She gave a mirthless chuckle. "No, my nightmares revolve around losing my friends. Or myself."

"That's oddly flattering."

Hawke gave him a grin. "What happened to Ferelden story time and drinking?"

Anders rolled his shoulders. "Unlike some people I know, you are perfectly charming without alcohol."

"Aw, you're sweet." She laid her head on his shoulder. "And comfy."

"Benefits of being a healer."

Hawke hummed. "Are there other benefits of being healer?"

He snorted. "I assure you, I have no idea what you mean."

Laughing, Hawke straddled his lap. "Right."

Anders fixed her with half a glare to which she responded by wagging her eyebrows. "I'm pretty sure this is not what you want, Hawke. I didn't think you had drunk that much."

Hawke put her fingertips under his chin, shaking her head. "Do you really think that?" He didn't answer so she softly put her lips to his but giving him the barest amount of space to turn her down. He kissed her back and it quickly fell into an exploration of each other's tongues peppered with playful nips. Hawke pulled back giggling. Anders cocked an eyebrow and she answered. "You taste like lyrium."

"Does it bother you?"

"No. Does any of this bother you? I can take my lack of dealing with issues elsewhere."

Anders shook his head. "You are one of my closest friends, Hawke. Some chances I can take for that."

She snorted. "You make me sound like a germ."

He brushed her hair back from her face. "Hey, not my fault that everyone that meets you loves you." She wrinkled her nose at him, shaking her head. "Totally true. Besides, there is a certain level of satisfaction in being able to tell Varric that I know exactly how much of a fool he is."

Hawke fell off his lap laughing. "And now you made it weird." She sprawled across the rest of his couch. "I never took you for being that kind of person, Anders."

He grinned. "I think the feathers on my armor should have given away my flair for the dramatic." He sprawled out beside her. "Besides, it's not often anyone gets to tell him I told you so. I plan on framing it." 

 

When Anders got up the next morning, he found Hawke making coffee in his kitchen. "Did last night really happen?"

She smirked into her mug. "You mean the we made out on your couch long enough that we were sober when we took it to your bed? Yes, it did. That lightning trick was cool." She took a sip, staring at him. "Is this going to be weird? Or was I terrible lay?"

Anders shook his head chuckling. "No to both. It was pleasant minus the constantly putting out tiny fires." It was his turn to stare at her. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, now would you?"

Hawke stared at the floor, chewing her top lip and tapping her toe on the floor. She sighed. "Do you swear to never mention this to anyone?"

"Healer's honor." She gave an eye roll but her knuckles were white wrapped around her mug. "I don't know if I even qualify as a Mage. My powers manifested when I was 6. I burned down my adoptive grandmother's house after her funeral. Her real family, that never visited her or took care of her, wouldn't let me take roses from her garden to put on her grave. I got angry and then everything was burning. They got out but I was too scared to move. My dad found me curled up in a corner of the garden, scorched but no worse for wear." She broke off shaking her head, hair falling haphazardly from its tie.

"What then?" Anders prompted softly.

"He lied. He told them it must have been accident with the fireplace and they believed it. He tried to teach me but nothing ever happened again. No matter how hard I tried. Then Bethany got her magic and he took on the pupil who could learn." She shrugged carefully, body stiff and eyes darkly glued to the floor.

"Does it happen often now?"

She finally met his gaze. "Only since leaving the mercenaries. And not often. I usually keep one part of my mind totally in control and that keeps away anything unpleasant."

Anders crossed his arms. "That's how you see it? An unpleasant inconvenience."

Hawke's eyes watered. "Yes. I know enough to know if I was in a Circle or ever caught they would make me tranquil because I don't know how to even call it forth. Much less use it safely. That's not a life I want."

Anders softened and wrapped his arms around her. Cheek nuzzled into her hair he spoke, "What if I try to teach you? There is a big difference between a terrified child and the woman you are now."

She looked up at him. "You do so much already, you don't have to make that much time for me."

He shook her gently. "Hawke, you are my friend. I can and will make all the time you need. Someone else may not think your abilities are worth it, but I think they are." He grinned. "Besides, if we ever have sex again it would be more fun for me if I'm not putting out fires every five seconds."

Hawke threw her arms around him. "You're the best, Anders. When do we start?"

"Do you have anything this morning?"

“I'm free."

"Good take a seat while I arrange a process with my coffee." She flounced over to his table and sat cross legged on the chair, expectant grin shying across her face. He took a sip of his coffee. "Did you ever do that with Varric?"

Hawke snorted. "No. I guess you should take that as a compliment. Either to your skills or that I trust you more."

"Both is good." He sat down across from her placing the coffee in front of him. "Now we will begin with-." 

 

 

Hawke snarled in frustration and Anders couldn't blame her. "I have never heard of someone forcing their abilities into nonexistence but you have managed it."

She laid her forehead on the table. "It's like pounding on a door. Except there isn't a door knob. Or even a crack."

"What have you been doing the last few times its manifested?"

Hawke rested her chin on her arms. "Sex last night, uh mid battle a few times. The last time I saw my mother, that was after a big fight. Me and Beth were worse for wear."

"Do you use lyrium?"

She shook her head. "Not often. I've seen enough strung out Templars that I would rather not."

Anders hummed and went to his cabinet and took out a small bottle. He poured a bit into a glass that he handed to her. "You mentioned lyrium last night. I hadn't had any in days. But maybe you are extra sensitive to it. Drink it all down and we will try again." Hawke made a face but downed it. "Now focus on the barrier between you and your magic. Once you get it, try lighting the candle again."

Hawke's face screwed up in concentration. Moments passed before her eyes flew open and candle exploded in a ball of flame. Anders quickly threw up a ward laughing. Hawke grinned. "I need to work on my aim, I think."

By the end of the morning she was successfully making fires of various sizes and colors. Staring at her flame wreathed hand, she looked at Anders. "Do you think I will need lyrium every time?"

"No. Once you figure out the trick to that impressive barrier you managed to create, you shouldn't need it. You might want to work carefully on opening it until I can give you another lesson."

Hawke nodded and doused her flames. "To work we go then." She threw her arms around him. "Thank you, Anders."

"Go on. I don't want the budding mage terrifying my patients." Hawke grinned, grabbing her daggers and bag before walking out his door.


	18. When You Look Into the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thnks Fr Th Mmrs by Fallout Boy
> 
> Anders is teaching Hawke about her magic and telling her about his time with the Hero of Ferelden.

"Did I ever tell you I worked with the Hero of Ferelden?" “Really?” Hawke plunked down on the floor in front of him in their meditation pose. "Well come on then. Tell me!"

Anders chuckled joining her on the floor. "Only if you practice. You've gotten good at calling forth fire and maintaining it. Try ice." Hawke huffed but closed her eyes to concentrate. Tiny crystals began forming before her.

"She is an intense little woman, Arwen Tabris. I'm sure if you scream Tabris or Commander at a darkspawn, it'll set itself on fire to escape." Hawke chuckled and her ice wavered causing her to glare into submission. "She gave me Ser Pounce A Lot actually. She was tough, but she made sure her friends where happy. I don't think she ever forgave herself for letting us all become Grey Wardens."

"You took a cat to fight darkspawn?"

"That would be all you heard." Hawke grinned. "We did. He was the best kitty. She likes cats almost has much as I do." Hawke had made an impressive ice kitten by this point and had it frolicking and playing with a ball of fog. Anders rubbed his forehead. "Your power is bizarre. That one looks like Mr. Wiggums."

"Was Mr. Wiggums the Hero's cat?"

"No. He was the mouser at the Circle. He was my only companion most days when I was kept in solitary confinement. The only being I saw for a year."

Hawke stared at him. "That's fucking barbaric."

"Yes. Mr. Wiggums went out a true fighter. He became possessed by a rage demon and took out three Templars before meeting his demise. I loved that cat." Anders face was written with sadness.

Hawke let him ponder the past while she morphed her ice kitten into an ice dragon. She gently prompted him. "So she was an elf? Was she Dalish?"

Anders shook his head, lines smoothing. "City elf, the Denerim alienage to be exact."

"Wait. Wait. She's the same Arwen Tabris that slew those nobles for using elf women? And then saved the alienage from the darkspawn?"

"One and the same."

"Wow. Did she really marry an Antivan Crow?"

Anders chuckled. "I have no idea if she wed Zevran. I met him only once. They didn't get a lot of time together in my time with her."

"That's too bad. That's a love story to put those Orlesian novels to shame. I married my would be assassin after slaying the archdemon with a bow string."

"Why am I not surprised you read those awful things? Sigrun read all the ones at Vigil's Keep. She was a terrifying little rogue too."

"Sigrun. Didn't you say she was part of the Legion of the Dead?"

"The same." Hawke hummed. The dragon was lazily flying about them before making a nose dive into her palm to disappear. "I think I need to meet all these women you know. They sound awesome."

Anders made a pained face. "All of you together would qualify for an Exalted March. And if it does happen, I am hiding far, far away."

Hawke slapped at him, laughing. "You're mean."

Anders grinned before launching himself at her, pinning her hands to the floor along her head and pressing his hips to hers. "No, this is mean."

She huffed. "No fair. That is taking advantage of my kinks. Unfair tactics, mage."

He laughed. "We both know if you wanted to you could escape."

"It's rude to knee people. I try to refrain." She joined his laughter. "What are you doing tonight? I'm going to be getting blind stinking drunk with Bela and Merrill. Want to join us?"

"What and not be the only man with 3 fine ladies? Minus the whole blood magic thing, Merrill is a sweet girl."

They sat up. "It's the sweet ones you have to watch. They will fuck you up big time."


	19. Texts: Deal

H: _I need your help with a job._

V: _Oh so your communicator does work._

H: _Everyone has their ways. You rob everyone blind at wicked grace. I silently stab things. Helping or not, storyteller?_

V: _Me and Bianca are on our way, menace._


	20. Denial Is The Way To Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watch Me by Icon For Hire

"Being angry seems to make you stupid, Hawke."

She stumbled the rest of the way into the clinic, both eyes black, covered in cuts and bruises and what looked like a broken nose. "Stupid seems to be a never ending problem for me these days. Being stupid, dealing with stupid, stabbing stupid." She flopped on to his table. He started washing the worst of the cuts. "Fucking damn it, Anders."

He smirked. "Why don't you yell at Varric?"

She glared before mumbling. "Because that would be really stupid."

He stitched a couple of the cuts closed and bandaged the rest. "Then take a break for a few days for this all to heal."

"Yes, healer."

He grabbed her hands. "I'm saying that as your friend, Hawke. You need the time, take it."

Her eyes softened. "Thanks, Anders."

He let her wash up some before speaking again. "You also need to eat." She huffed, peeling the grime from under her nails. "I have apples and cheese in the kitchen."

She quirked an eyebrow at him. "So do all of you keep those on hand to bribe me with?"

He flashed her a grin. "It's cheaper to buy in bulk you know." He sobered quickly. "You are so busy taking care of everyone that you don't make time for yourself. It's the least we can do."

She toweled off her arms and face. "Keep that up and I will cry."

"It would do you some good." He dragged her by the elbow through the clinic and into his apartment in back. He deposited her into a chair at the table and grabbed a plate before piling it full of food.

He turned back to her talking to one of the cats. She was petting it softly. "You know; I'm supposed to be strictly a dog person. But you aren't so bad, no you aren't. And you would claw people's heads if I asked nicely. Hero just grins like an idiot."

"Your poor dog." He set the plate in front of her.

She placed the cat in her lap, where it curled up happily, before digging into her plate. "Hero knows he's an idiot. But he's my idiot. He loves Bethany best though. I'm getting used to being second best to other things."

"Hey." He placed a single finger under her chin to tip her head up. "You are the best to me."

"Anders." She sighed. "We can't go there."

He flopped down in the chair across from her. "I know. But that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy being the rebound fuck." Hawke rolled her eyes over her food. "Hey, healing comes in many forms."

Hawke choked on her food before swallowing furiously to laugh. "And you say Isabela is bad."

"Hey, unlike a certain dwarf we know the difference between friends with benefits and falling in love. Speaking of friends. How is that broody elf you dragged home?"

"Fenris?" She finished off her plate. "I'm not really sure how to explain him. I met him while cleaning out a slaver den. He's a damn good swordsman. Totally anti Mage though, he had some bad shit happen to him in Tevinter."

"Ex slave then?" She nodded. "That's too bad. I thought he was cute." Hawke's eyes flashed mischievously. "Don't even think it, Hawke."

"I'll just tell Isabela. I'm sure we can work something out for you two to meet. I'm thinking Wicked Grace."


	21. Texts: Barrier

H: _I did it! And its purple!_

A: _The barrier?_

H: _Oh, no. Its black. The fire is purple._

A: _Ready for another lesson then? We need to get you a staff._

H: _...I used my daggers actually._

A: _Well. A focus is a focus I guess_

H: _Could you teach me how to ward my stuff?_

A: _Dare I ask why?_

H: _Because I'm tired of replacing my clothes and books._

A: _Again._

H: _Yeah. They need a hobby._


	22. What Was Right Is Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bleeding Out by Imagine Dragons
> 
> Some times the best kind of healing comes from talking to your sister. Or at least that's my headcanon since I wouldn't know. lol

Beth stepped into the house to see Hero scratching and whining at the door. She scratched his ears. "Sorry, buddy, but she's not here."

She clunked around the house making sure there was food for the next day and that things were put away neatly. Hero continued to scratch at the door. Beth shook her head. The poor beast took it harder than she did that Hawke had moved out. She opened the door to let him in to see for himself. She gasped. Hawke was sprawled in the middle of their old bed, bottles lining the night stand. Bethany laid her hand against Hawke's chest. She was clammy but alive. Beth couldn't place the smell coming from the bottles beyond it being familiar. She picked one up and tipped it back. She shook her head. "Lyrium? Oh, Rose."

She gathered all the bottles and tossed them before settling into bed with her sister's head in her lap. Bethany reached out very gently to touch her sister's mind where it wandered the Fade. She gave a sad smile, of course Hawke would return to their grandmother's house in Lothering. Hawke looked so peaceful. The house was behind her and she sat between rows of dark tilled earth. "Rose?"

"Hey, sis." Hawke had a single flower in hands bloodied by thorns. She smiled sadly at her sister. "It's the only one here. No matter how hard I thought there is only one. It's yours." She handed to her sister and the thorns disappeared. "I'm not meant to have nice things."

Beth flopped down on the ground beside her. "That's the dumbest thing anyone has ever said. And yes, I'm including Carver."

Hawke shook her head. "I'm surprised he hasn't appeared to make you take that back."

"Why, Rose?"

She sighed. "I don't know. I've been happy in Kirkwall. I have friends and work. I know I should feel guilty but I don't. I do feel guilty about Carver. What was that idiot thinking charging a damn ogre? He should have held back. We could have. I guess it doesn't matter. It doesn't change it."

"And no matter how many times you express your remorse; mother won't let it go." Beth said knowingly. "I've argued with her about how she treats you. Just because you are just like dad doesn't mean she should take her grief out on you. Dad may not have been able to do anything either."

"Or he would have really given us all wings. You never know." The girls laughed if a bit sadly.

Beth took her sister's hand. "And Varric?"

Hawke scoffed. "I do not want to talk about the dwarf."

"But you should."

Hawke glared at her momentarily. "Yes. But you’re my sister. And you don't want to know."

"Oh no. I made my peace with him over it."

"What did you do?"

Bethany looked smug. "Not your business. And this is about you."

Hawke picked a blade of grass and shredded it. "It's never this green in the real world." She sighed. "I was happy. Everything was going right. We had money, I had my own place. I had him. Other then you I have never had a best friend. But Varric? He's like sharing a mind. And all that is still there. But I can't reach out and touch him. Late nights end in arguments. It threw everything off. And I'm not sure when my balance got so attached to him but it needs to stop."

"It's called love, Rose. It makes a fool of everyone."

She fixed her sister with a gimlet stare. "Then I don't want it."

Beth smirked. "What about Anders?"

Hawke threw her hands in the air. "What don't you know about my sex life?"

Beth neatly folded her hands in front of her. "Just the details of the sex part." She said matter of factly. "Isabela knows everything and passes it on to me since I'm stuck at home so much."

Hawke scowled. "I could keep the Templars off you. You don't have to stay home."

She shook her head. "Mother needs one of us here and I'm the better one for it. Besides, you like adventure more than I do."

Hawke sighed. "I just need to find my feet again and I'll be fine."

Beth wrapped an arm around her and squeezed. "But why lyruim?"

"Oh that." Hawke laughed. "I finally busted the last bits of the barrier down. I am now as magey as you."

"No ulterior motive?"

Hawke stared at her. "You know me entirely too well, sister dear. But yes. I wanted an escape."

"No more of that. Or else."

Hawke smiled. "You should just talk the knight commander into submission." The sisters sat in companionable silence, weaving baskets from the grass. “Do you remember when this house burned down? You were pretty little still.”

“No, I remember.” Bethany smoothed Hawke's hair back.

“I'm the one who did it. I was so angry.”

Beth smiled. “I know. Dad told me. You've always been too hard on yourself, Rose. He figured your magic would return. He just planned on being here to teach you.”

“Well, at least he was right about part of it.” Tears started pouring from Hawke’s eyes and she angrily dashed them away. “Void.”

Beth wrapped both arms around her as the tears rained harder. “Just let it out, Rose. I’ve always got you, sister.”


	23. Don't Want to Play With Heartbreak

Isabela took the stage first, in over the knee boots, a white dress floated around her hips held securely in place with a corset in the same leather. Her tricorn hat was tipped to one side as she took the mic. "We've all suffered a little heartbreak, right?" The crowd cheered. "That's what I thought. So tonight is for that! Who better to sing about heartbreak then little heartbreakers like us?"

Merrill dragged Hawke on to stage. Hawke wrapped herself around another mic stand all black leather and red silk. "I don't know about heartbreakers, Bela, but we can sing to make you weep."

Anders and Varric were sitting at the bar. "So. It's been a month, and she is just now finally getting drunk."

"Thanks for reminding me, Blondie."

Anders gave a mirthless chuckle. "Oh no, you have it coming. I was the rebound fuck a few times."

"I didn't want to know that."

Anders leaned closer to him. "You want to know what else you don't want to know? You miss her as much as she misses you. Oh sure, you're still best buds for the most part. But there was a lot more to it than that."

"I don't want to play, Justice."

Anders clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Just the man. Justice is too busy brooding." He downed his drink and headed to the stage.

The bartender poured Varric another drink. "He's not the only one brooding."

"Everyone has an opinion on my life these days." 

 

"But Bellllla."

"No, song bird, you are going to bed." Hawke was propped up between Bela and Merrill. "You got her door open, Anders?"

Hawke pushed Bela away. "I can walk mysself." She pushed too hard though and knocked her and Merrill into Anders who caught Hawke against his chest. "Anders, have I ever told you that you're pretty?"

He laughed. "Yes you have, Hawke."

"Okay." She smiled, eyes clouded. Merrill guided her into the apartment.

Anders sighed running his hand through his hair. "What are we going to do with her, Isabela?"

She leaned against the door frame before sighing. "Kick the dwarf's ass for breaking her heart."

"She would never forgive us."

"Ugh." She shook her head. "Time then, rebound fucks, not this much alcohol ever again." She quirked an eyebrow. "So keep doing what we are doing. I don't know how she does it. She's fine, they work together great, she chatters his ear off and borrows books. And then she's not okay."

"I'm not doing anymore rebound fucks. Last time she cried, then I cried, and we ate a gallon of ice cream. We are going to get kittens though."

Isabela shook her head chuckling. When she saw Merrill's face though, she reached for her dagger. "No. No. But someone has been here again. Hawke is sleeping on the couch but they've wrote things on every picture and mirror and glued things to the table."

It took the 3 of them several hours to set Hawke's apartment to rights. Merrill sat hard on the floor. "Who would do this?"

"Someone who needs a hobby, kitten."

Anders tapped his long fingers against his chin. "How long has this been happening?"

Bela and Merrill looked at each other ticking the days between them. Merrill answered. "A month almost, the first time was the morning they ended it."

Isabela stared at Anders. "Do you think it's because of Varric?"

He sighed. "It's too convenient. It had just started going around that they were a thing and then he cut it off. I don't know why he did. But I think it does. An angry ex maybe."

Isabela scowled. "Or angry current one."

Merrill laid her hand on her knee. "Let's not jump to conclusions yet. But let's not let her be alone. It's been this long, it should be ending soon. Right?" The other two nodded and settled in for the night in Hawke's apartment.


	24. I'm Not Calling You a Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm Not Calling You a Lair by Florence + The Machine

"I never took you for a liar, song bird."

Hawke shrugged. "In my years of dealing with them, I have found Templars are incredibly stupid. Tell them what they want to hear and they don't think about it too much."

Anders sighed over his drink. "I wish I had that luck."

"You lack the bosom, Anders." They all chuckled.

Hawke sighed, boots propped up on her table and swirling her drink. "I'm glad we got most of them out though. I just hope they make it far enough away."

Merrill was braiding Isabela's hair. "Thrask seemed nice enough to make sure they get a decent distance though."

"True enough. But is anywhere far enough to escape that crazy woman? Meredith is obsessive, I wouldn't want all that pointed at me."

"You should be decently safe, Hawke, that whole not a mage."

Hawke gave a very forced smile. "Yeah. I just run with 3 apostates, one of whom is a blood mage and the other cohabiting with a spirit. I'm sure she has my face plastered on its own dummy."

Merrill finished the last braid on Isabela before sitting in the pirate's lap. "How did you get your daggers to catch fire though? It was like magic." Isabela snuggled into the elf's back, resting her chin on her shoulder while everyone stared intently at Hawke.

She squirmed slightly. "It was a gift from Bethany. I don't know where she got them." Anders continued to stare her down while Merrill and Bela cooed over the sweetness between the sisters. Hawke slightly raised her glass in his direction but said nothing more on it.

 

Bela and Merrill stumbled back to their apartment after several rounds of Wicked Grace. Hawke shook her head in her doorway. "Are you sure you want to head back to Darktown this late, Anders?"

He scuffed his shoe on the floor. "Yeah, I'm meeting Fenris in the morning."

"Ah." Hawke smiled. "I hope it works out, my friend."

"What about you, Hawke?"

She waved him off. "I'm fine. If he breaks your heart you know where I will be. Ice cream and kittens."

"One more thing. Have you been broken into again?"

Hawke stared at the floor before sighing. "Yeah. This morning while I was getting coffee. I came back to get the armor for today and must have just missed them."

"You need to tell Varric. Even if it isn't connected to him, it's his building."

"Good night, Anders."

He shook his head. "Night, Hawke."


	25. Pieces Won't Pick Up Themselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pieces by Icon For Hire

"I heard today went badly." Anders poured her a drink. Hawke had her elbows on the table, staring at the kitten playing with her dangling hair.

She shrugged taking a drink. "I killed a magistrate's son. I got yelled at by the guardsman who couldn't apprehend him that the magistrate would take my head. He can try. I'm not going to let some asshole torture and murder children."

"I hadn't heard of that."

Hawke shook her head. "Not surprising. He was taking elven children. His preference, he even convinced the latest victim that demons were making him do it. He had no demons. The only thing in that cave with us was spiders." She tickled at the kitten. "He told us he hurt them because they were too beautiful and perfect."

He shook his head, disgust marring his face. "Did he attack you when you told him you were dragging him back to Kirkwall then?"

"No." Hawke's voice broke. "He begged me to kill him. The little girl begged for me to spare him. That he needed help." She took a deep breath. "I slit his throat. Judge and executioner."

Anders placed a hand on her shoulder. "You made a hard decision, Hawke."

She gave a mirthless laugh. "You know what she told me? That I didn't deserve to make that choice. That I was a monster." Tears welled into her eyes. "Does a sense of righteousness make any difference? I wanted to right wrongs done to people with no voice in Kirkwall. Yet I did not heed her voice, the lowest of the voiceless. I am a monster too."

The flood behind her eyes finally burst forth and Anders wrapped his arms around the sobbing woman. After a few moments he asked her. "If you had turned him in would it have made a difference?"

She shook her head on his shoulder. With a sniffle she answered him. "He admitted he has been doing it for years. That his father had been covering it up. That he would have faced no court and he would have struck again."

"So you did the right thing."

"But was it? What could I have done differently? Could I have drug him in to face Aveline? I don't know." She sighed. "The little girl bothers me. She admitted that he did things to her. That he let her escape because she was nice to him anyway."

"Children are allowed a naivety adults are not. If you had let him live, he would have found another child. What would she think of herself then?"

"That it was her fault another child died." She shook her head. "I see what you are getting at, Anders. I would prefer she hate me as opposed to hating herself." She looked into his eyes, hand soft against his cheek. "Thank you, my friend."

Anders gave a laugh before pulling away. "In another life, I would kiss you, Hawke. But I know I'm not the one you want to kiss you."

She rubbed her forehead smiling. "Owch, Anders. And you have Fenris. Or was I imagining you to lurking off into a dark corner the other night?"

Anders got them each a cup of tea before sitting across from her. "You saw correctly. He is an attentive lover."

She wrinkled her nose. "What about that whole mage business?"

"We don't talk about it right now. We'll have that argument. Probably sooner than later."

She winced. "Deal breaker kind of argument?"

Anders nodded. "Possibly. But better now than later."

She toasted him with her mug. "Give it up before you're too deep." She took a big drink and shook her head like it would clear her brain. "I told him I have magic. But that I prefer to use daggers. He seemed to get it and then he told me if I became an abomination he'd cut my head off." She chuckled. "At least I have that friend now. The rest of you would knife me if I became tranquil and spare me that horror. He’ll take my head off if I start eating people. All the bases are covered."

"Does everyone know now?"

"Everyone but mother. And Varric. I don't know how to have that conversation."

"Set his pants on fire."

Hawke grinned. "Don't tempt me. I decided not to be angry anymore since that morning we ate all your ice cream. It's not worth my whole life."

Anders stared at her until she squirmed. "You still miss him."

She rolled her eyes. "The friend I miss. Every day. The lover? I can fill those gaps."


	26. Who's Your Hero Today?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hero by Pop Evil

Hawke turned to him, one eyebrow so high it was competing with her hair. "I thought you were on good terms with the Carta? That eye doesn't look like good terms, storyteller."

"This is what happens when you buck tradition in surface dwarf society with the wrong groups. Do you normally lurk above alleys, following me around?"

Hawke grinned. "Following you, no. Usually you are behind me. There is a certain party I am interested in that is supposed to be coming through here soon. Just some simple surveillance." She chuckled. "It's not often I get to rescue a dwarf in distress though."

Varric reached out to punch her shoulder and she danced away laughing. "Come on, storyteller. Let's get you to Anders and patched up." She slung an arm around his waist, pulling his over her shoulder. They made it to the alley entrance when Hawke stopped. "Where is your crossbow?"

"At the Hanged Man." Hawke shook her head and started them forward again. "Wasn't it you that warned me to not go out unarmed after dusk in Kirkwall? Obviously you should have followed your own advice on that, storyteller."

"Shut up, Hawke." She chuckled and got him to Darktown and Anders clinic.

 

H: _Did Anders get you patched up?_

V: _Careful, menace, or I'll think you care._

H: _... I had that coming..._

H: _But I hope you get cat hair in a cut._

V: _That's my girl._

H: _Was your girl._

V: _Owch._

H: _Might want him to treat that too. :)_


	27. Made of Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Made of Stone by Evanescence 
> 
> I actually like Bianca. This was kind of painful. lol

“This is for the lovely dwarf lady who just walked in. I see you, darling." Hawke crooned above the crowd before twirling her fingers around the microphone stand. "Speak your mind, like I care.”

Varric leaned against the bar next to Anders. "Is there something I should know? Because that's Bianca."

Anders swallowed the last of drink and sighed forcefully. "Did you know she's been breaking into Hawke's apartment?"

Varric growled. "No. Why didn't Hawke say something?"

Hawke's words met them across the crowd. "Take your time, I'm not scared. Make me everything you need me to be, so the judgment seems fair."

"You know why Hawke didn't. Last night she broke in while Hawke was sleeping. Hero was there and woke us up."

"Us?"

Anders gave a dismissive wave of his hand. "Fenris and I were sleeping on her couch. We helped her clean up all the blood. And this morning we helped her paint."

Varric turned to face the man, arms crossed. "Just what the hell is going on, Anders?"

Anders rolled his eyes. "Women with homicidal tendencies is what's going on. You should be more observant on such things; they make great stories. Hawke came in last night to her apartment coated in chicken blood and all sorts of lovely things wrote on her walls. Like Whore of Kirkwall, you are nothing, sleep with one eye open. We grabbed Hero from Beth after she called in near hysterics. Mostly over the blood."

Varric's voice was so low Anders almost didn't catch his words. "Why didn't she tell me?"

"You are a daft dwarf."

Hawke's voice came out again, her voice slightly warbling before they finished it. Hawke called for a final song.

"Anders, keep Hawke occupied. I have something to take care of."

Anders smirked. "I'll just find something shiny and hold it above her head then."

 

 

"Varric!" Hawke crashed through his door. "You won't believe- oh sweet fucks."

Varric waved from where Bianca had him backed into a corner. "Hawke, meet-."

"Bianca the not crossbow." Hawke arched an eyebrow. "I'd say I'm pleased to meet you in person but you've threatened to feed me my eyeballs."

The dwarf turned from glaring at Hawke to jab a finger at Varric's chest. "I warned you. Have your fun with your little human while you can."

She stiffly went to walk past Hawke, who grinned. "Fereldens come already trained and full of mayhem, we'll have a blast."

"Stuff it, dog lord."

"You'd have to reach me first, lady."

Bianca hissed and drew her dagger. "Your argument isn't with Hawke, Bianca. Just go." He glared at Hawke. "You stop too."

She grinned wickedly and woofed. Hawke kicked the door shut behind her before flouncing into her favorite chair. Varric sighed running a hand through his hair. "Did you have to bait her?"

"Did she have to break into my apartment and cover it in chicken blood with the least subtle death threats I have ever read painted on my walls?"

"I want to ask if you are joking but I know you aren't. Anders told me. This better not have been some half assed revenge attempt."

"No." Hawke sighed. "I got the next job. it's going to be a big enough haul we will have enough for the Deep Roads. I didn't know she was in here. But it looked like you should be thanking me."

"I do prefer my heart in my chest."

Hawke gasped. "You have one?"

Varric was leaned against his desk. "Menace."

"So why was the not crossbow trying to rip your heart out?"

"Disapproval and not honoring tradition is frowned on by most dwarves. You know that."

"Yeah, but I didn't know they stabbed each other over it."

"Special occasion."

"You aren't going to tell me are you."

"Nope."

"Fine, storyteller." She sat up. "Do you have food? Mine went straight into the garbage and everywhere is closed this late."

Varric laughed. "Come on, I'm sure I have something."

He handed her a plate. "Real food." Hawke sighed. "I am about ready to move all my stuff back in with Mom and Beth. So much for escaping."

"You shouldn't have to worry about Bianca anymore."

"Uh-huh." She scarfed down some cheese. "Just the Carta."

Varric swore. "No more being out alone at night."

Hawke smirked over her empty plate. "You do realize it's my job half the time to be out lurking after dark, right? If I didn't do so, a certain patch of walking chest hair would be face down in an alley." Hawke's eyes narrowed. "Is she why the Carta kicked your ass?"

"They didn't kick my ass, Hawke."

"Right. Almost stoved your head in is not the same as an ass kicking. My bad." She got up and put her plate in his dishwasher. "I'd stick around but that would be awkward with your girlfriend calling for my head."

"How did you-?"

She tapped her nose. "Ferelden. Not an idiot. You could have just told me, Varric."

"She's not my girlfriend."

"You named the crossbow after her."

He crossed his arms, planting his feet between Hawke and the door. "That was a long time ago." She went to step around him but he grabbed her arm. "Sit. We are working this out."

Hawke leaned back against the counter. "I fail to see what there is to work out? Bianca the not girlfriend is out for my head after discovering we were more than just friends for a time. I do understand, Varric."

"Not if you think we were just more than friends."

She threw her hands up exasperated. "Did we not experience the same morning? We can't do this anymore, Hawke. It'll be better if we are just friends. I made a mistake, Hawke." Varric winced, she wasn't angry anymore but he would have preferred that over the hurt. She took a step toward him, lip sucked between her teeth. She shook her head and spoke low, "It's done, it was a wild dream. But I get it. I don't live to be other people's regrets. I have enough of my own." She stepped past him and was at the door before she turned back. "I'll see you in a few days when we are ready to head to the Deep Roads, storyteller."

She nodded to Anders as they passed in Varric's doorway. "Well, there's no blood on your walls."

"Do you ever have a little voice that screams you've made a mistake?"

Anders chuckled. "Its name is Justice."

"Before that." Varric was staring at the door.

The other man cleared his throat. "In regards to a lovely woman? Yes. I still regret it."

Varric shook his head. "Broody nearby?" Anders nodded. "Let's play Wicked Grace and get drunk then."


	28. A Manifesto on Sarcasm

V: _Why didn't you tell me about Bianca sooner?_

H: _...Anders was right; you are friggin daft. "Oh Varric your not girlfriend is being mean to me. Save me." Right. That'll happen right after I tattoo the manifesto on to my chest and walk naked through the Gallows._

V: _It would be easier to read on your back, less curves to interfere there._

H: _Yeah, but there's more room for all those words across the front. Cullen would be beside himself._

V: _You're not right._

H: _I'm always right._


	29. You're Just the Girl All the Boys Want to Dance With

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little Less Sixteen Candles a Little More Touch Me By Fall Out Boy

"One more job and we will have our part of the money." Hawke lounged across his couch, the picture of relaxed calm. The tension he could see in her shoulders gave it away though. "Honestly I didn't think it would take this long, but life seems to dictate otherwise."

"Yeah. I heard about this latest job." Varric crossed his arms. "Did it ever once occur to you to not go into the Qunari compound just you and Broody?"

She tagged her lip with her teeth before responding. "No? I was bringing them information. There was no threats of death or dismemberment. The Arishok was pleasant in his own way."

"One smartass comment could have had you dead."

She scoffed. "I didn't think you cared, storyteller. Sarcasm won't kill me. I know how to be nice; if needed I can charm the pants off someone." She smirked at Varric shaking his head. "I got the money, the merchant is safe, the Qunari are slightly appeased. I call it a success all around."

She hopped up off the couch. "But tonight I'm getting almost everyone together for some Wicked Grace. Want to deal?"

"We'll see who loses their pants, menace."


	30. I'm Just the Boy Who's Had Too Many Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little Less Sixteen Candles a Little More Touch Me By Fall Out Boy

"You should have came with me, Merrill. That Arishok makes you think about things." 

Fenris sat down to join them. "Remind me to never let you go there alone."

Merrill looked back and forth between them and shrugged. Hawke grinned. "I'm quite capable of controlling myself, Fenris. Thinking and doing are entirely different things."

"Oh, dirty things!"

Hawke and Fenris both chuckled. "Anyway who is game for Wicked Grace? I think that's a good way to end the day, especially if you want to just skip playing and give me all your money."

Isabela sat down next to Merrill, shoulders brushing. "You are a terrible rogue, Hawke. Where is Anders? I thought you two were attached at the hip."

Hawke waved it off. "Delivering a baby. Babies terrify me. I’d drop it. He's supposed to get here eventually though."

"I love babies." Merrill cooed. "We hardly ever had any in the clan. And then no one would let me hold them."

Isabela's eyes warmed. "Maybe we should start with a puppy first, kitten. Who is dealing, song bird?"

"Song bird?" Fenris questioned. 

"I, well we, sing karaoke here every Friday. I'm a singing Hawke." She giggled. "That was even worse out of my mouth then it was in my head."

"And to answer your question, Rivaini, I'm dealing." Varric pulled up his chair. Isabela looked sharply at Hawke but she shook her head once before taking a drink. 

"Cut the cards, storyteller, let's get a few good games in before Anders gets here and loses every match."

"Hello, everyone!"

"Anders!" Hawke reached up and wrapped an arm around him before giving him a light kiss on the cheek. "How is all that baby stuff?" She scooted over so he was between her and Fenris, who was staring at the newcomer stoically. 

"Two of them. I would have been here sooner but she barely knew she was pregnant, much less there was twins."

Isabela arched an eyebrow. "How do you barely know you're pregnant? You fuck, and that's sometimes an outcome."

"She was the tiniest thing I have ever seen. And so where the babies. She thought she had indigestion."

Varric flagged down the waitress. "A round for everyone, but the healer. He can have his own tab."

Hawke raised an eyebrow at him. "Put him on mine, Norah."

Anders looked quietly between Hawke and Varric who were glaring each other down across the table. "Well, then. Let's deal a game? You all can laugh at how badly I'm going to beat you this time."

"Blondie, the day you win at Wicked Grace is the day I quit playing."

 

"So there we were in the middle of damn Gallows with Isabela's shirt around her waist because he made sure to cut the shoulder straps. I thought that poor knight captain was going to catch fire he was blushing so hard. Oh, what's his name?"

"Cullen." Merrill added giggling. 

Hawke nodded and Isabella finished up the story. "When we finally caught him he asked if the Maker was blessing him in this life to have three lovely ladies chase him down and murder him with tits."

"The rudeness of it really, we should have made him decide who's was biggest. Right answer meant we wouldn't take him to Aveline., who is the real winner of that competition." They all laughed. 

Fenris elbowed Anders. "Who do you think has the biggest of present company? I'm having a hard time deciding. Surely there is a mage trick for it."

Anders chuckled before taking a swig. "Personal experience with Isabela and Hawke, Hawke wins."

All three women laughed and Merrill agreed with him. Fenris turned to Varric. "What's your vote, dwarf?"

The rest of the table fell silent. If looks could kill, the bottom of Hawke's mug would have rocketed through the table and embedded its self the floor. Isabela and Merrill stared at him expectantly and Anders stared at the far wall.  "I see I have stepped into a pit. Apologies."

Varric sighed. "No, it's fine, Broody. The winner of the golden apple is rather obvious. Sorry, Rivaini."

Isabela smirked. "Oh I'm sure you are, but not about that."

The next several hands were awkwardly silent and stilted. Merrill smiled. "How about I tell a story about the Dalish? Hawke is always asking me about our culture. I think Fen'Harel would be a good one for everyone."

Hawke's face screwed up in thought. "Fen'Harel? The Dread Wolf?"

"The same. He betrayed our gods and locked them away."

Anders interrupted her. "So that's why you say may the Dread Wolf take you. It is an insult. I told you so, Isabela."

"It all depends on the kind of taking." Isabela placed a kiss on Merrill's shoulder making the elf blush. 

Hawke shook her head, smiling. "But don't you have statues of him in your camps?"

"Yes! But we honor him so that he will ignore us. Being rude would be asking for trouble and he's the only God we have that isn't locked away. No point in asking for more trouble than we have."

"Huh. I wish that worked with Viscounts."

"I'm not very good at stories." Merrill said sadly. 

Varric piped in. "It helps when your audience doesn't constantly interrupt you, Daisy. Blame them."

Merrill brightened and gave him a smile. Isabela was staring hard at Fenris. "What?"

"How much have you drank?"

He arched his brows. "Not enough to be drunk."

"New game!" Isabela slapped her hand on the table. "Let's see who can drink the most. I bet I can drink you under the table." 

Fenris chuckled. "I doubt that, pirate. But you are welcome to try."

"I'm in too!" Hawke waved at Norah who went to the bar for drinks. "I bet I can put you both under the table."

"Song bird, you could always get under the table with that mouth of yours."

They all laughed as Hawke raised the last of her drink to Isabela. Varric stood. "Before I learn anymore about any of you that I don't need to know, I'm out."

"What! And miss the opportunity to see the lovely ladies drunk and giggling?" Anders called to him as he walked away. Varric waved at them and disappeared up the stairs. The ladies in question stared at each other before bursting out laughing, Anders chuckling along with them.

Fenris cocked an eyebrow. "What did I miss?"

Isabela answered while Hawke wiped the tears from her eyes. "Oh, he knows what we look like drunk and giggling, Fenris. And then some. It's probably burned into his brain. And gets used every night."

Hawke shook her head. "Bela. You promised to be nice."

"He shouldn't have broken your heart. I look out for my friends, song bird."

"So that is what that was about." Fenris muttered to no one in particular. 

Norah dropped the mugs on the table. "Now no table dancing or setting things on fire, you lot."

"What about pinching and licking on the table?" Isabela smirked at her. Norah shook her head and walked off. 

Hawke picked up her mug. "Well, my friends, to the last one standing!"

 

Several hours later Varric wandered back down to the bar. Hawke was sitting alone, legs kicked up on the table staring into the fire and swirling her drink. The others were passed out around the table sleeping off their alcohol.  "I take it you won."

She looked up at him and raised her glass. "And emptied all their pockets. Spoils to the victor and all."

"You don't sound drunk." He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms. 

"What? Hoping to take advantage of that fact?"

"Owch, Hawke."

She sighed. "That was low, sorry. Merrill and Bela are two peas in a pod. Blondie and Broody are just awkward now.” She took a sip of her drink before giving a low mirthless laugh. "Not that I could tell you no if you tried. So you better have enough sense to stay over there. One of us needs a brain."

She stared moodily into the fire while he stared at her. He wasn't sure why he had come down here anymore. If it was some high and mighty reason or if it was to kill himself standing back from her. She sighed again. "Viscount's son wandered off with a Qunari along the Wounded Coast."

"That's the official story?"

She shook her head with a small laugh. "Oh no. The official story is he was kidnapped by a monstrous brute. But really, that's hollow and they know. Winters is trying to get to them first, I'm hoping I find them tomorrow and can get them safely out. Both of them."

"Want some help?"

"You bet, storyteller. I'm not taking on Winters without a hell of a shot watching my ass."

"It's hard to miss." Varric silently cursed himself. 

Hawke choked and spluttered. "I'm not even taking that bait. And I'm headed up to bed before this gets weirder."

"Not going to take Blondie with you?"

She pulled herself out of her chair and did a catlike stretch that had her taut peaks straining at the fabric pulled taut across the top of her corset. "Jealous, storyteller?" She took the two steps toward him before bringing her lips inches from his. When she spoke again he could feel her breath across them. "You're the one who let me go. You shouldn't be surprised other people caught me."

"But they can't keep you either. You'll run out of friends to kiss eventually."

She gave a breathless chuckle. "I'm done kissing friends, Varric. Have been for several months, Blondie and I are better friends then lovers. I've learned my lesson. If anyone else wants kisses, they can kiss my ass." She turned abruptly on her heel and stormed off to the stairs. 

He heard her door slam and he took a deep breath. They were walking a dangerous line; the question was where they going to explode or fall back together.


	31. Petty is as Petty Does

_H: I got the money for the deep roads expedition._

_V: You could walk down the hall to talk to me._

_H: Right. Landlord, you need to check out my apartment. It needs a cleansing and possibly burned._

_V: It can't be that bad._

_H: Just the Carta. No big deal._

_V: What about your mother?_

_H: Apparently the fact I'm going to make a fuck ton of money is enough to make her like me enough to let me live here._

_V: I can just give you a different one._

_H: I no longer have faith in your security system. The house with no windows and one door is actually more defensible._

_H: Don't you dare pay them off. I can handle it myself._

_V: Too late._

_H: Careful, storyteller, or I may think you care._

_V: You are worse than a menace. I'd rather deal with an archdemon. It's less vindictive._

_H: Do enough petty theft and one becomes petty. See you tomorrow at Wicked Grace._


	32. It Was Fun Playin' With Knives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old Ways by Demi Lovato

"Demon possessed Templars. Now there is an interesting concept." Hawke was tapping her pencil against her translations. 

Anders shook his head while Fenris glared at her. "Demon possessed anything is bad, Hawke."

She an arched an eyebrow at him. "Unless it's our healer or Daisy. Beyond that I'm willing to give a noncrazy one a trail run before I decide nah, stab."

"We, well I, am not possessed."

"Apples and Apples. Can't you imagine the chaos that would cause for Meredith? It would be glorious."

"You aren't actually agreeing with that crazy bitch?" Fenris stared at her. 

Hawke carefully shrugged. "It's a means to end. The Chantry is a broken system that serves only its elite. A fearful common folk is an easily guided herd of sheep. And I want something to rip that woman's head off. Maybe some of her lackeys too."

Anders handed her a mug of tea. "Are they going after Bethany again?"

Hawke nodded. " She's still the official staff wielder of the Hawke Sisters. She looks all cute and cuddly, so they trust her. And I have a reputation to maintain as the sneaky one."

"When do you leave for the Deep Roads?"

"Tuesday."

"Well, you'll have some freedom then."

"Do you want to join us, Anders? I know you are a Grey Warden, that could be just as useful as your healing."

Anders glanced at Fenris who nodded. Hawke hid her smile. Seeing these two coming to terms with each other and feelings made her feel like a proud mother. 

"I'll go. It'll be nice to get out of the clinic for a while."

"Hawke nodded. "What about you, Fenris?"

"No, thank you. I'll find something pleasant to do."

"Ass deep in darkspawn isn't your idea of fun? Where is your sense of adventure?" Hawke laughed at the looks on both their faces. She stood. "Thanks for the tea. But I need to go. I have some last minute things to take care of."

"Like talking to Varric?"

Hawke rolled her eyes and crammed her notebook into her bag. "It's done, Anders. There is a great big B shaped problem there that isn't mine."

"Except it was." Fenris added. 

"You guys are as bad as Bela. Bye!"


	33. It's Like Therapy for My Broken Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Body Crumbles by Dead Cell

"Andraste's ass, woman, what are you doing?"

Hawke leaned over the edge and grinned. "I think it's fairly obvious, storyteller. I'm climbing the Chantry."

"Why?"

"Because I can!" She yelled down to him. "The sunrise is amazing from up here."

"Why am I not surprised this isn't the first time?" He said quietly to himself. He shook his head. "I am not following you up there."

She dangled off the window trim making his heart lurch. "I'm fine, Varric. Go back to the Hanged Man. I can be by myself in public."

"I'll wait for you to come down. I can't have my associate breaking her neck the day we head to the Deep Roads." He heard her laugh as she disappeared over the roof. 

Hawke gazed out across the water. She was going to miss this. They didn't have a set schedule for how long they would be in the Deep Roads; it could be a month or more before she saw daylight or the sea again. Friends were easy to say goodbye to in comparison. She watched the sun abandon the water with a sigh. 

Hawke lighted on the ground beside him. He didn't look up from adjusting Bianca. "You're losing your touch, Hawke. I barely notice you leaping off buildings anymore."

She chuckled. "I found a new victim. Ser Cullen actually yelled the first time I did it in the Gallows."

Varric shook his head, joining in her laughter. "Come on, menace, we have an expedition to run."


	34. Everything I Say Just Bothers You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thick as Thieves by Shinedown

"I just wanted to speak to my daughters, Serah. It'll only take a moment."

Hawke looked at Varric, one eyebrow slanted high. "She claimed me public. I don't even know what trouble I've caused this time."

Bethany gave an aggravated sigh and dragged the smirking girl with her. "What's the matter?"

"Don't go." Leandra said softly. 

Hawke's eyes widened. "But mother, this could make Kirkwall safe for all of us."

Leandra's eyes blazed. "Then you go. Leave your sister here where she can hide. You cost me one child already, Hawke, you can't have the other."

Hawke drained all the emotion from her face and voice. "Carver charged that ogre on his own. I didn't throw him. Bethany can make her own decisions too." Hawke stormed back to the group, arms crossed and foot tapping. She could feel the fire under her skin and taste the rage in her throat. But she was not giving that woman the opportunity to have at her. 

Bethany spoke quietly with their mother a few more minutes before the older woman stormed off. Varric looked at Hawke. "I know where you got your temper."

"Stuff it, storyteller."

"Or what?"

Bethany answered primly. "Or I'll set your chest hair on fire, Varric." 

Bertrand laughed but gave the order to head out. As they passed through the gates the Hawke sisters looked back. "Maybe you should stay, Beth."

"Mother can handle herself. I haven't been on an adventure in too long and need to go."

"Everything is an adventure with your sister." Anders put in. "Even adopting cats."

Hawke grinned. "At least I gave mine a normal name."

Varric's eyebrows knitted together. "You have a cat?" She shrugged. 

"And a normal name is debatable." At their looks Anders grinned. "She named him Demon."

They all laughed while Hawke rolled her eyes. "Y'all are just jealous that I have a Hero and a Demon."

Bethany giggled again. "When they start speaking to you from opposing viewpoints, let us know."


	35. There's Just Too Much That Time Cannot Erase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My Immortal by Evanescence
> 
> And so ends Act One, contains a major deviation from canon and character death.

"I need to stop."

"Beth, we-." Hawke swore as her sister hit the ground in a graceless heap. She fell to her knees beside her and gasped when she saw her face.

Anders leaned over her shoulder and shook his head. "There's nothing I can do."

Bethany wheezed. "I thought so. It burns. I was hoping." Her short laugh was laced with venom. "I was hoping something would kill me first." She grabbed Hawke's hand. "Please. I don't want to die this way."

Tears fell silently down Hawke's face. "No, there has to be a way we can save you. You should have told me. I could have thought of something."

Bethany reached up to run her fingers along her sister's face. "You've taken care of me long enough, pup. It's your time to fly free now. And I can stop hiding. I'm dying. Let it be by my choice." Hawke nodded, pulling a dagger from her waist. "I love you, sister mine." Bethany smiled weakly.

Hawke leaned her forehead against hers. "I love you too. Fly free, Bethany." And plunged the blade into Bethany's heart. She stayed still over her sister until she gave her last breath. Hawke withdrew her blade and threw her head back, the scream that left her should have shattered the stone with its sorrow.

Anders tentatively reached a hand out to her. "Every darkspawn in the area heard that. We need to leave."

She batted his hand away as she stood, the face she turned on to him twisted in rage, teeth bared. She sheathed her daggers and picked up Beth's staff. She stared at it a moment and then strapped it to her back.  "If it wasn't for you two, I'd let them come." Hawke began to glow a fiery red. "But they won't have her body." She stood over her sister palm down and hand extended out. "I know you made me promise to always hide it, Beth. Not anymore." Hawke's hand ignited, fire spiraling down where it encased Beth's body. She burned so hot there wasn't even a pile of ash. She glared at Varric. "Please, point me in the direction I need to leave here.  If we need to bust through solid rock, I can manage it."

"You and me both, Hawke." He hefted Bianca into both hands. "And let's agree to never come back here again."


	36. Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starting Act 2 
> 
> Leandra is having a hard time coping with the fact she has lost another child and blames Hawke. We all know where Hawke goes.

Isabela and Merrill took the night on by themselves; if the fans minded, they didn’t tell. Isabela made up for Hawke's absence by being over the top in true pirate queen fashion. Hawke had been holed up in her house since they left the Deep Roads where no one answered the door and Hawke's texts were monosyllables if they existed at all. Varric was surprised to open his door to find her, hair twisted in a bun lacking all weapons and looking like she hadn't slept in a month.

"Can I come in?" Her voice was soft and she wouldn't look at him. "She kicked me out. I don't know where to go right now. I don't want to look at the rest of them."

"Come on, Hawke." He pulled her into his apartment and lightly pushed her in the direction of the couch. "Want anything?"

She scrubbed her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. "No."

"When did you eat last?"

"Before. I can't get the smell out of my nose. Or my hair. My skin." Varric nodded but headed to his kitchen anyway. Hawke starving to death would ensure Sunshine came back to haunt him. Apples and milk it was.

 She was curled so tightly on the couch it was like a shadow was in the corner instead of a woman. He put the apple and the glass in front of her and sat in the chair across the coffee table to wait. After a few minutes she sighed and downed the milk, face wrinkling like it was sour, and took a bite of the apple.  She chewed slowly and when the first bite was done she devoured the whole thing except for the stem. "Better?"

She shook her head. "I don't know what to do, Varric." Her breath stuttered. "Bethany has always been there for me. I don't remember life without her. She might be the youngest in age but she took care of Carver and me. She could always talk Mom into anything." Her voice broke and finally she looked at him. "Do you know what she said? She said I cost her both her children, that she wouldn't have their murderer in her house. I didn't mean to get them killed, Varric."

The sobs began racking her body as he went around the table to wrap his arms around her, thumping down on the couch and pulling her across his lap. Hawke buried her face in his shoulder and let her grief take her. He whispered stories into her hair, old ones he had heard as child and new ones he knew he could never recall until her storm finally quieted. Hawke sniffled and sat up. "Maker, Varric, I set us on fire."

"It didn't actually burn."

She turned a light shade of green. "Oh but the smell. We need a shower. I mean. We both need one but one at a time. Andraste's ass, void take me." Her cheeks flushed crimson.

Varric chuckled. "Let's get you in the shower. Puke doesn't clean well out of the chest hair."

Hawke made a face. "I don't want to know how you know that."

She went to stand but her legs wouldn't keep her up. Varric steadied her then swore after taking a look at her face. He scooped her up and started in the direction of the bathroom, bruising his knee on an end table as he went. "When was the last time you slept?"

"If I say before will you drop me?"

Varric debated swearing again as his grip tightened around her. "That was almost a week ago, Hawke."

Her lip trembled and she laid her head on his shoulder. "I keep seeing it all. Over and over."

His grip softened and kicked open the bathroom door before standing her up. "Bath or shower?"

"Ugh. Shower. As hot as it can get." He set her on her feet and switched the water on before grabbing a towel from the closet.

Hawke was staring pointedly at the floor. He tapped a finger under her chin. "If you aren't out in 20 minutes, I'm coming back in to check on you. And the water will start getting cold." Hawke grumbled and he gave her a quick hug before shutting the door behind him.

She sighed before pulling what was left of her sweater off and tossing it by the door. It was slowly followed by the rest of her slightly charred clothes. Every muscle screamed and every scab tore open making her wince. The first few seconds under the water were hell but after that it started relaxing her tense muscles. She grabbed the bottle of soap from the ledge and lathered up, growling at the tiny stings that crossed her flesh.  She knew Varric smelled good but she was going to have to buy some of this. It was all spices and strength, the exact opposite of all the flowery citrus smells her and Beth used. Had used she reminded herself leaning her head against the smooth wall. Was the water finally going cold or was it her imagination? She turned it off and could hear him clunking about in the kitchen, purposefully making noise for her.

She toweled her long tumble of hair before wrapping it around her body to look for her clothes that had gone missing while she was under the water. She took a deep breath and opened the door. She pulled the towel tightly to herself before stepping into the kitchen. "Varric?"

He glanced up from the stove and blinked several times. Her hair was longer then he remembered, falling in a waterfall almost to her waist from where she had it pulled over one shoulder. She had the towel in a white knuckled grip but the edges didn't quite meet at the bottom letting him have just a gaze of naked hip. She repeated his name. "Yeah. I tossed your clothes and my shirt.” He gestured to the door behind him. "I have clean shirts hanging in the closet until we can get ahold of Rivaini."

Her feet quietly padded across the tile floor and stopped beside him. She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Varric."

When she stepped back out of his room he wanted to thank her. She had grabbed his favorite red shirt with her arms held awkwardly across her chest but it just made her pale skin and dark locks shine. She smiled shyly. "This one was in the front." Her smile blossomed into a grin. "However, it seems to be missing buttons."

"Tailor made. I have a reputation to keep. Chocolate?"

She took the mug with both hands, holding it to her face and breathing deeply, which caused Varric to stop breathing entirely. He really needed to thank his tailor next time he saw him. She perched on the edge of the counter and took a sip, humming in appreciation. "If you don't mind, I'll move in with you and I want this every morning."

He smiled at her. "You can stay as long as you want, Hawke."

"Mhm. And just what would everyone say about the confirmed bachelor of Kirkwall having his money maker living in his apartment?" She licked some chocolate from her lip before setting down the mug.

"Leave it to you to make it weird."

Hawke laughed softly. "That's me. Making it weird or dead." Hawke's eyes traveled across his broad chest remembering how his muscles had felt under her hands before dragging her eyes up to his. His eyes were shadows and light, like his secrets and kindness. Hawke sucked her bottom lip between her teeth when he stepped toward her, hands bracing the counter on either side of her hips. She was the flower to his sun, she felt herself bend toward him.

"Hawke, I-." The front door burst open, full of pirate and elf. "Regret giving Rivaini that key."

"VARRIC! Where is our song bird?" They came around the corner into the kitchen. "Oh, kitten, looks like we were interrupting." They neatly pushed him out of the way and drug Hawke off the counter for hugs and light admonishing.

"Hawke, I am so sorry. It must be terrible. But you can't shut us out! You need us too, my friend, just like we need you." Merrill wrapped Hawke in another hug, kissing her cheek.

"And unlike this rogue dwarf, we won't take advantage of your sadness." Isabela glared pointedly at him.

Hawke flushed. "It's not taking advantage if I'd like it."

Isabela shook her head. "Come on, we are going to have so much girl time your head will spin. I can't believe she kicked you out! Do you have anything with you at all?"

Hawke shook her head, a small smile playing on her face. Isabela grabbed her arm and Merrill took the other, dragging her through his kitchen. "Fine, I will sneak into your house in the morning while your mother goes to the market and get your weapons at least. We can get you new clothes. Although, this is a good look for you, songbird."

Hawke was able to slow them down enough that she could turn back to Varric. "Thank you."

He waved her off. "Escape when you can or I'll have to come save you." It made him smile to hear her laugh.

Varric shut the door behind them before leaning his head against the door with a sigh. He couldn't decide if he should hate or thank Rivaini for interrupting when she did but either way he was going to have to work out the images in his head of Hawke on his counter naked.


	37. Addicted

Varric didn't see Hawke over the next several days. Anytime he texted Rivaini about her, he got a fine or leave it, chest hair. All Daisy would send was emojis. He was pouring over some research for his next book when he heard the knock on his balcony door.

He opened it to find Hawke, barefoot and grinning on it. She smiled sheepishly. "You probably didn't mean cross the building via balconies when you said escape but I left a note and they are sleeping off a couple of bottles on the couch."

He opened his arms and she stepped happily into them. "I'm glad you're short, Hawke, or this would be awkward."

She laughed, shoving him playfully away. "Isabela says you're the perfect height for things."

He shook his head. "I don't even want to know." He pulled her into his office and shut the door, locking it just in case said pirate tried to repeat Hawke's maneuver. When he turned back around she was perched on his desk, and she looked like she belonged there. He swallowed. "How are you feeling?"

Her blue eyes clouded over and sucked her top lip between her teeth before answering. "I'm okay. At least as much as I can be." She shook her head. "What about you? Bartrand just left all of us down there to die."

Varric scowled. "He's hiding. Probably Rivain since I can't find him. Probably knows that I'm going to kill his ass when I do."

Hawke reached out to brush her fingers through his hair. "I shouldn't have asked then. You looked cheerful when I was lurking outside."

He caught her hand, planting a kiss on her palm and watching her flush. She snatched her hand back, shaking her head, lip back between her teeth but a smile in her eyes. "Never again, remember?"

"I don't want you to be another regret." He stepped between her knees. He twined his fingers into her hair. "You deserve better than a liar like me, sweetheart."

Hawke shook her head, smile spreading across her face. "I need a scoundrel in my life. Keeps me on my toes."

Varric huffed. "You are a scoundrel."

She wrinkled her nose laughing. "Ugh. Fine. I need a short, hairy dwarf to remind me I'm alive."

Her lips hovered over his. "You remind me too." He pulled her lips to him, soft at first before nipping her lower lip. a tentative brush of tongues deepened, cementing her legs around his waist. He smoothed his hands up her thighs before wrapping his hands around her hips to pull her closer.


	38. What Sober Couldn't Say

She briefly glanced in his direction when he let himself in to the apartment. He looked around. The place was sparse. Someone was here but no one was home. "I can't believe they turned on me. Some friends." Hawke snarled, flinging another dagger at the practice dummy.

"Daisy I can understand being upset with. Rivaini is a pirate."

She waved a hand at him, sending a harmless fireball his way. She flung the final dagger into the dummy's heart with a disgusted growl. "No demon could offer me anything good enough to betray them. Or the others."

Hawke dug the daggers out of the dummy and flung them in the basket. Varric watched her jerky movements while shaking his head. "What about the chance to bring Sunshine back?"

Hawke froze before tracing the dagger tip along her arm. Close enough to leave a white drag line but not hard enough to bring blood rushing to her skin. "You think I haven't been offered that? The chance to bring my sister back? My dad? Hell, I'd even bring back my punk brother if given the chance." She turned on him. "In a heartbeat. I'd raze Kirkwall to the ground for the chance. But no one can bring back the dead. Not even that Maker everyone throws themselves to their knees for."

"That explains why Choir Boy hates you." Hawke chuckled and grabbed a bottle from the otherwise empty counter, tipping it back for so long she turned blue. She dragged her hand across her lips. "How long have you been drinking, Hawke?"

She eyed him warily. "I went to Fenris after it was all over and told him I wanted to drink until I couldn't remember my name. Turns out unleashing all my magic from behind the barrier means it takes forever to get drunk."

"That was four days ago."

"And I've ran out twice since drinking Fenris under his chair."

"Hawke-."

She shook her head and the bottle at him. "Don't. I was weak twice. It won't happen a third time. You have no right to lecture me, storyteller."

He crossed his arms. "What? It was you doing the pity fucking then?"

She tossed her head back with a wild laugh. "No. Maybe? Pitying myself. Trying to fill black holes in me with something good." She gave another soft laugh. "Oh, storyteller. You don't know how broken this little bird is. I couldn't fly if I jumped from a cliff."

Varric reached a hand out toward her. "Hawke. Please."

She danced back with the grace of years in perfect evasion. "Oh no. Not until I'm done. No sister to bring me back into some sense this time." She took another swig. "You know what happened after that morning? You know about Isabela and Merrill. How hot did that blaze in your mind, storyteller? You want to know what was better? The taste of lyrium on Anders' tongue. The sting of it in Fenris's skin. Everyone tried to catch me and no one could. But Bethany did. She came home to me passed out amid bottles of lyrium with Hero whining at the door. She pulled me out of my spiral into black. I wanted oblivion. Like a stupid little girl with her first love. I thought I'd found happiness. I thought I finally deserved it."

Hawke pitched the bottle at the far wall and watched it shatter, smiling at the tinkling of the glass. She sank quietly the floor, arms wrapped around her knees as the tears began to fall. "Happiness isn't for the likes of me. Everyone I love dies, Varric. Run while you can. I am Ruin." She looked up at him, eyes clouded and red with welts on her lips from biting them. She shook her head with a bitter laugh. "Bethany was wrong. I am not worth saving. I am a murderer. A failure. I should have died down there. I should have died in Ferelden. They deserve to be here more than me."

Varric knelt beside her, wrapping her in his arms as sobs crashed from her. He talked, low and smooth, until his voice was hoarse.  And still she cried, peppered with screams that left her throat aching and metallic. The worst was the quiet; the silent shake of her body, the soft broken sounds that fell from her lips like poison dripping from a wound. Slowly she stilled, her body relaxing into his arms.

His knees ached but he ignored their creak as he stood with her held tightly to his chest. He headed back to the bedroom since she didn't have a couch. He kicked open the door and shook his head. The pile of blankets on the floor were not going to work. He carried her back through the apartment and down the hall to his own. Hawke didn't stir, not even when he laid her on his bed and pulled off her boots. Varric tucked the blankets around her and brushed the hair back from her face. Even tear streaked and swollen with battered lips she was still the most beautiful woman in Thedas. He just hoped when she woke up that things would be better. He laid a soft kiss on her brow before heading back into the kitchen.

He pulled out his phone debating whether to yell at people first or to get Anders here to check her over. He sighed, yelling could wait. He fired of texts to Anders and Merrill asking them to come check her out. Replies came almost immediately followed by an extra from Isabela that she was coming too.


	39. Regrets

Two days passed before Hawke woke up. Exhaustion and grief had taken more of a toll on her body then the alcohol. Her head felt fuzzy and the world was a grey twilight. It took her a moment to realize where she was but there was no forgetting the comfort of this bed or his warm ink and leather scent. Everything she had said hit her like a dragon landing on a clover field. "Oh sweet baby Andraste. Tits. Ass. Flaming chest hair. Void take me." She mumbled into the pillow before sitting up. She was alone and in one of Isabela's dresses. She had to admit it did look good, especially if she was going to die of embarrassment or from a very well deserved bolt in the head. She shook her head and stood to stretch. She heard faint laughter from the living room. At the door she took a deep breath before facing her judgement.

Everyone was piled around Varric's coffee table playing Wicked Grace. Bela and Daisy were curled together on one end of the couch while Blondie and Broody stoically held down the other. Aveline and Varric were camped out in the matching chairs across the dark expanse. Her chest ached when she realized her eyes were searching for Bethany. She leaned quietly against the doorframe. "I see how you are, starting a game without me."

"Hawke!" Bela launched herself from the couch and flung her arms around her. "You stupid girl, don't you ever scare me like that again." Bela gave her a hard shake before Merrill joined in the hug.

"I'm glad you are awake, Hawke." Aveline smiled from behind them.

"I have more trouble to cause you, guard captain." Bela and Merrill let go of her and Aveline wrapped her in a bear hug that cracked her bones and left her breathless.

"I didn't know you cared, big girl." Bela drawled.

"Shut it, pirate." Bela laughed and Aveline released her with a small smile. "On that note, I will leave before they get all my money. Come see me in a few days, Hawke."

"I'll be there."

Merrill tugged gently at Bela's arm. "I think we should go too. She needs rest and we can come steal her the morning."

Bela arched an eyebrow. "What and miss the argument that is going to happen?"

Anders butted the two women out of the way and wrapped his arms around Hawke. She hugged him back, hard. "Next time, come down to the clinic instead of the haunted mansion, okay? I'd have to let Justice destroy Kirkwall if something happened to you." He laid a soft kiss on her cheek and Hawke shook her head smiling. "I wasn't kidding when I said I'd drown the world in blood to keep you safe. You're my dearest friend."

"And I'll help him." Fenris said gruffly. "But I won't hug you."

Hawke laughed, stepping back to lean against the frame again. "Fenris, if you hugged me all that brooding would make me pregnant. Hawks and wolves would be a terrifying combination."

The elf cracked a small smile and they followed Daisy as she ushered Bela out. She watched the door click shut and sighed. "Can you shoot me and get this done with? Please?"

"No."

She sighed dropping herself on to the couch. "Varric, what I said was cruel. And low. And-."

"Partially true in regards to what I had coming." She finally looked at him. Dark circles marred the skin beneath eyes tinged with a hint of red. "Hawke, I made a mistake. That mistake was thinking letting you go was the best thing I could do to keep you safe. I deserved knowing what it cost you. I'll have to work on not shooting Blondie though." 

Hawke shook her head. "In another life, he would have been the one for me."

"Owch." She laughed a little. "I didn't know how much guilt you carried over Carver. I should have been a better friend."

She shook her head again. "I didn't want to talk about it. Beth and I did a lot. She had to spend so much time in hiding though. We barely got any time before the Deep Roads. It was my job to make the money and hers to take care of mother. Her and Carver shared that creepy twin brain but it was us girls who shared everything. I miss her."

 "I miss Sunshine too. Although I may not miss her yelling at me, which has been at the forefront of my mind the past couple days. She would have set me on fire. She did that afternoon, you know."

Hawke chuckled. "And everyone thought she was the sweet one."

Varric wanted her in his arms. "And it's me who should be sorry right now. I'm responsible for her being gone. If I hadn't dragged you two down there."

Hawke shook her head. "We can blame the darkspawn. Your brother. The Maker. But it's no more your fault then it's mine. I could have made her stay home. I should have. But I didn't." They sat in silence for a while. Hawke felt empty for the first time in years. Anger and hate weren't bubbling in her veins; sadness wasn't threatening to overtake her mind.

Varric's voice was thick. "Do you really believe all those things you said about yourself?"

She gave a small sigh. "Sometimes. I try to not think about it."

He shook his head. "I agree with Sunshine then. And don't you ever scare me like that again."

She smiled impishly. "You may have to get in line behind the others."


	40. Pants

Hawke was sitting cross legged on his chair doing her best imitation of Gascard DuPuis for the others. "Oh no, I swear I haven't been murdering a bunch of women that fit this exact description. And I won't go to the guard. And I'm protected by a bunch of shades and abominations in my tacky mansion." She rolled her eyes as Bela and Daisy roared with laughter. 

Varric toasted her. "You owe me twenty silvers."

She grinned. "Not if I win them off you."

Bela leaned over to glance at her cards with Daisy half curled in her lap. "Not with that hand, songbird. Kitten is beating you too." She gave a disgusted growl. Bela's eyes sparkled. "I suggest you just start stripping, we all know you lose your pants when you play Varric anyway." She patted Hawke's arm. "No woman can resist that chest hair." Daisy swatted at her with a laughing admonishment to play nice. 

Hawke flushed from hairline to hemline and gulped her drink. "Well since everyone knows my hand is shit, I'm out this round." She tossed a sovereign into the pile. "And since that is the last of my money I should call it quits and spare my dignity."

Varric chuckled. "You have better luck when you don't wear pants, menace."

Hawke's eyes narrowed, a fiendish gleam in them. "You play without pants and see how your luck is."

Bela and Daisy started laughing again as they stared each other down. Varric stood. "Alright. No pants." Hawke's eyes widened as he kicked them off. "New hand, ladies?"

Bela giggled as Hawke stammered. "Oh, I wouldn't miss this for the world, dwarf."

"Sweet Maker, I give!" Hawke cried from the floor. "At this rate I will have to bet the dog. And Hero will never forgive me."

Daisy was giggling in the corner of the couch, dressed only in her tunic, Isabela was down to her dress and Hawke was using a couch cushion to preserve some dignity. "We've all seen you naked, songbird." Isabela tugged on the cushion. 

"This is absolutely different." She glared at Varric, who was still only missing his pants. "Void take you, you smug bastard." 

"You'd miss me." He chuckled, tossing down a card. 

She peered at her cards. "Right now I'd sell you for a bad apple and an archdemon." She laid her head on the cushion. "I should have stayed in Ferelden this hand is so bad."

Bela shook her head. "I've got nothing."

"And I win again." He held his hand out to Hawke. "Cushion." 

She flushed and flung it at him amid their roars of laughter. She straightened her spine and let her hair down, thankful she hadn't cut the almost waist length fall of waves. "I'm done for the evening. And I hope you all sit on something that bites."


	41. A Better Viscount

"Javaris, you lying blighter. You better have something good in your maker forsaken pockets!" Hawke stomped down the incline at the cringing dwarf, lightning crackling around her. "A whole cave of Carta. A CAVE OF CARTA!"

"She would hire you." He shrugged. "You know what, just take my head back to the sodding elf on a pike. I need the rest."

Hawke froze. "What elf?"

They were hiking back to Kirkwall after seeing Javaris on his way. Hawke stopped to stare out at the Waking Sea. "Varric, why is everything with the Qunari weird?"

"It's not just the Qunari this time."

She shook her head and started walking again. "No, it's even weirder. An elf setup a dwarf to be murdered by the Qunari. Over a poisonous gas, that everyone else thinks is explosive." She stopped again and waved her arms. "Why does everyone and their void cursed brother want explosives?"

Anders chuckled. "I could think of a use."

Hawke sat on the ground panting. "Did I know that elf? I didn't know that elf. Enemies of mine that want a war with the Qunari though. I can name one." She glared towards Hightown.

Daisy shook her head. "We didn't know that elf. She was very angry. Poor thing."

Varric pulled her up. "You can't murder a chantry sister."

"If the Arishok had tried to kill me, which I thought was going to happen, I would." She looked around. "I hope none of this got into the houses."

"I'll stay behind with the guard to check people over as they come out." Anders offered. 

Hawke nodded. "That probably won't hurt. I think the three of us can handle a chantry sister of poor reputation."

"This is a setup." Varric checked Bianca over. 

Hawke gave a disgusted growl. "It's her game now. She's set me up three times. She does it a fourth time and her head is going on a pike in front of the mansion." She shook a dagger at Varric. "Chantry Mother or blighted not."

"Did you wrong her in Ferelden that she wants you dead this bad?"

Hawke thought a moment as she kicked the chantry door open. "No? Maybe. I generally didn't rob chantries, exception to the one in Amaranthine."

Varric chuckled. "Remind me to never let you go there alone. You'll end up dead."

Hawke glared at him. "The only way I'm going back to Ferelden is if you drag me kicking and screaming."

"You don't miss it? I miss the blackberries." Daisy bemoaned. 

"Oh. When we are done, we are finding blackberries. Those sound divine. The rest I can live without."

"Dip them in chocolate first." Bela dropped down beside them. 

Hawke grinned. "You're my favorite pirate."

"Good. Because I don't want to help with this."

"I know. But no compound, and Fenris is apparently out cold in his mansion. We need the help. And Messere No Fun won't let me stab the chantry mother who is the cause of all this." Hawke jabbed her thumb towards Varric. 

"Someone has to worry about your soul." Varric chuckled. 

Hawke gave him her best crazy eyed grin. "Sold it for the mabari."

Hawke banged her money on the bar. "Hot chocolate and a bottle of whiskey." 

Corff handed them off to her. "No blood on the benches." Hawke grimaced but took a wood seat. She downed half the chocolate and filled the glass back up with whiskey. Norah brought her another mug of chocolate.

Varric found her after her halfway through the bottle. "I take your trip to the compound didn't go well."

She rested her chin on the bottle. "It went well in regards to the guards the Viscount sent chickened out and I went in alone. He only threw me out nicely instead of hanging me from a wall or whatever a Qunari act of war would be." She hiccuped. 

"What did you say?"

"Shok ebasit hissra. Meraad astaarit, meraad itwasit, aban aqun. Maraas shokra." She waved a hand and translated. "Struggle is an illusion. The tide rises, the tide falls, but the sea is changeless. There is nothing to struggle against. And then I talked out my ass that the perpetrators had been dealt with. He seemed impressed that I was covered in their blood. As much as you can tell anyway." She sighed. "That chicken shit in the Keep wanted to cover everything up, like that would make things better. Let's just start a war in Kirkwall. It'll be fun."

"Carta and Corterie would think so." Hawke glared at him and he chuckled. "And you're drinking yourself silly in your blood soaked armor why?"

"For the book." Hawke arched her brows before slumping. "And it scared the shit out of me that's why. I actually like Kirkwall. It's absolutely insane but it's mine. I would rather it not be destroyed. I'd make a better viscount then the viscount." He pried the bottle from her hands. "Hey, that's mine."

"I'm cutting you off for the night. You're considering politics as a line of work." He waved Norah over and she took it. He pulled Hawke to her feet. "Come on, menace. Let's get you to your apartment."

She made a rude noise. "I'd still make a better viscount."


	42. Nightmare in My Head

The sharpest of the hunger pangs had subsided to a dull ache some hours past. Hawke crouched in the eaves of the chantry watching the market place. There were more guards in Denerim this time. She hadn't seen father today, she hoped that meant he had found work. Work meant food in their bellies. The meager scraps the Chantry handed out barely fed the twins that morning. She left at noon when she could no longer stand listening to their pitiful whimpers while their mother rocked them with empty eyes. They had fought that morning over selling the horse when they thought Hawke was still asleep. She shook her head. Sell the horse and trap them in this dump? She shifted, restless on her feet but finally the guards began leaving the market for rotation. She stole down the building, making sure her bag was firmly over her shoulder. She was small, a lifetime of too few meals and hard travel insured that. Quick hands and an equally quick mind would take care of the rest. A portly matron was making her weekly round with a large open basket. Hawke eyed the contents of it but moved on using the woman as a shield to snag a wheel of cheese. The baker lost a loaf of bread when she knocked into a tray and scrambled to right her accident with a sweet apologetic smile. "Messere, your lovely bread! I am so sorry." He glared at her as she backed away still apologizing. Her smile turned triumphant when she turned from him.

She wandered openly between the stalls riding on the highs of her successes. Fine fabric, pretty little things to decorate homes that were four walls that she had never known, beautiful jewelry, everything could be had in Denerim. She traced her finger along the blade of a dagger, flicking her eyes towards the shopkeeper before it too disappeared into her bag. She looked skyward, sunset was approaching so she set herself towards the outskirts where the wagon was. The last vendor in the market caught her eye. The greenest apples she had ever seen, her mouth watered looking at them convinced they would taste like spring and a childhood she had dreamed of. The kind of childhood that ended with full bellies every night and never started hours before dawn so she could take watch when they were being pursued. The vendor glared at her, the only thing of her that touched the apples was her longing gaze.

"Rose Hawke! Did you steal this?" Fire crept into Leandra's eyes but her eldest child didn't flinch.

Hawke pulled the bread and cheese from the bag setting them on the wagon seat with a shrug. "I worked for the eggs, mama. The lady needed her coop cleaned."

She grabbed the pan from the wagon and settled by the fire. Bethany and Carver wandered over to her to watch. She had cleaned the woman's coop for the eggs but some of them were extra. Hawke counted them off in her mind. Two apiece for the twins, mother and father would leave her with just one. She shrugged. There was always tomorrow, if she went back through the market maybe she could filch a meat pie. Beth pulled her thumb from her mouth with a wet plop. "Sissy? Was today lucky?"

Hawke nodded. "Today was lucky."

"Will tomowow? I weally hungwy." Hawke ruffled her hair and cracked in some eggs.

"Mama, will you cut up the bread and cheese?"

"I don't want to be associated with your thieving ways." Hawke rolled her eyes. She would do it after she got the twins eating their eggs then.

Papa wandered into camp just after dark, drained but smiling. The twins jumped up from their bread and cheese to run screaming to him and he spun them around. Hawke was cooking for herself, her lone egg with a crumble of cheese on top. Malcolm mussed her hair. "It seems my Hawke had a productive day."

She grinned. "I found a lady who needed a chicken coop cleaned." Her smile faded. "Most people won't hire me because I'm a girl, they want a boy for that kind of work. It's stupid, papa."

"Well, I found a job at the royal palace for the season. After that, we'll go back to Lothering. But I have a surprise for you." He pulled the shiniest Apple from the stall out of his pocket and handed it to her. "Enjoy it."

Hawke's mouth watered but she grabbed the knife and sliced off two chunks for Bethany and Carver. She slipped the rest into her pocket. She ate her egg and a piece of bread before putting everything away into the wagon. They would have enough just enough to make a little breakfast. Hopefully papa would get paid at the end of the week and they could buy supplies, flour kept better then bread and stretched farther too. She wandered over to the horse, pulling the apple from her pocket. It had browned along the edges where she had cut off pieces for the twins but it didn't bother her.

"Malcolm, you can't reward her for stealing." Hawke froze.

"It fed the twins, and you, did it not? She's making do and I won't fault her for it."

"She's an Amell, she's better than that!"

Her father’s voice rose. "She's a Hawke, she'll survive to do better than that. She understands. Maker, I wish she didn't have to but she does. You see a reward for stealing but did you watch her share it with the twins? If she's so selfish why would she do that? Is it selfish to not want to starve?"

Her mother's voice became hysterical. "And when she gets caught? What then? The embarrassment of it."

"The embarrassment of it?" Hawke could picture him running his hands through his hair. "You're not worried about them taking her away or discovering your Mage child or husband? You could lose all three of us just like that." He snapped his fingers.

Hawke hung her head as she heard her mother start to cry. "What am I supposed to do, love?"

She could imagine them, like so many fights before. Her father would stand away a moment before wrapping her mother in his arms and petting her hair. There were usually no more words then. "the arl is looking for maids for the season. You and the twins could live in the estate. Hawke and I could manage out here."

"She has a name."

"Maybe you shouldn't have told her she was a rose with too many thorns to be loved and not pretty enough to make up for it." He was quiet a moment. "Consider the job, Leandra. Either way, we are going back to Lothering in the spring and we won't leave again."

"I hate Lothering!"

"You hate anywhere that isn't Kirkwall. Maybe you should have thought about that before you ran away with me." Hawke watched her father stride out from other side of the wagon. He scooped up the twins to bundled them off to bed with kisses and stories. She scraped the tears from her eyes before glaring at the apple in her hand. She offered it to the horse who took it happily. She stroked his nose before burying her head in his neck to cry again.

She had left in the early dawn light and headed into Denerim. She stopped at a water trough to look at her reflection, a few splashes of water removed the most offending bits of dirt and the braid in her hair made it look nice. She pulled her hood low on her face, the dark brown material long since threadbare and patched. The overcoats long sleeves covered her hands and bottom fell almost to her knees, oversized but practical. She adjusted her bag and headed for the chantry. It was too early for the daily handouts but the morning service was going. Hawke crept quietly into the Chantry and took a seat. The vaulted ceiling fascinated her with its ornate details, the carvings and gold work. There was more money in the art work alone then she could dream of. But it was the books that held her eyes, every alcove that lined the hall was full of them. They had three books in their wagon and Hawke could recite them word for word. These books were new, she wanted to run her fingers down their spines before opening them flat in her hands to breathe in their scent. She wanted to know what secrets their pages held, what languages they spoke. She was jolted from her daydream by the chanter getting louder.

"Those who steal from their brothers and sisters Do harm to their livelihood and to their peace of mind. Our Maker sees this with a heavy heart." She droned. Hawke grimaced. That's all fine and dandy when you have enough food but surely the maker didn't intend little kids like Bethany and Carver to starve. The service wrapped up and she filed out with the rest. She got in line with another girl, a gangly blonde elf.

"Not from here?" Hawke shook her head. "This is crap. But it's food innit." She just nodded. "Eh a quiet one." The elf girl grabbed her food and left. "back side of the market. We can find some real food. Pies."

Hawke grabbed hers and followed her out. "I have to take this to my family. But I'll be back." She grinned. "I'm Hawke."

The elf stuck out her hand matching her grin. "Sera." They shook and tore off in their directions.

Hawke ran all the way back to the wagon. "Mama, I got the chantry food. It's not much better then yesterday." She rounded the wagon and a strange man grabbed her. Leandra was by the fire, holding Bethany and carver. "Mama?"

"I'll give 20 sovereigns for her. She'd have a good life in the Crows. I saw her yesterday and she's a good thief. You'd only have two mouths to feed." The man's breath stank.

Leandra continued to stare. "I don't know, Serah."

Tears stung Hawke's eyes as anger blazed under her skin. "Just go ahead and sell me. I'm just an embarrassment anyway." Leandra flinched and nodded, the man's grip loosened. Hawke spun from his grasp, pulling the knife from her belt and she shoved it under his chin. Blood ran hot down her arm and she pulled it free as he gurgled. He dropped at her feet as Leandra began to scream. Hawke ignored her. She cleaned the knife off on the man's clothes and drug his body away from their campsite and into the woods. At the river bed, she stripped him of anything useful. He had ten sovereigns and some smaller coin and a knife. Hawke shoved his body into the river and watched it float downstream. She cleaned her knife again with sand before returning to the wagon.

Leandra stood between her and the twins. "You're a murderer."

Hawke woke with a start, sweat soaked and tangled in her sheets. Hero and Demon whined beside her. She scratched their ears. "It's okay, boys. Just a memory." She slid her feet to the floor and stripped tossing everything into the basket. She padded into the bathroom and turned on the water leaning her head against the wall. "Stupid fade." The water pounded across her skin, washing the dream's residue from it easily but her mind wouldn't leave it alone. She washed the smell from her hair, the spicy vanilla scent of her shampoo filling her nose. She let the water run over her until it turned cold. She wrapped her hair in a towel and made quick work of her body with another before wandering naked back through her apartment. Demon was lounged across the counter, twitching his tail. She bopped his nose before continuing back into her room. The clock read midnight, she sighed knowing she was going to feel it tomorrow morning. She grabbed a dress from the closet, a simple black thing that was like wearing a hug and tugged on her boots. She left her crystal on the nightstand. "Want to go for a walk, boy?" Hero jumped off the bed with a woof and followed her out. She waved at Corff and Norah as she made her way past the bar to head out to the garden. She opened the door and hero bound out into the night with a happy bark. They meandered the garden for a time before Hawke settled on a bench by the fountain. Hero took up rolling in the grass. Hawke heard a boot step on the path and smiled. "Corff rat me out?"

Varric took a seat next to her. "I heard drool beast destroying things."

Hawke scoffed. "Hero doesn't destroy anything. Destruction is more my thing. " she leaned against him and sighed. "I had a dream, well a dream of a memory."

"I don't envy you humans that." Hawke snorted. "You want to talk about it?"

She shrugged. "It's a lot of story."

He chuckled. "If it's a good one, I'm not responsible if it ends up in a book."

She smiled shaking her head. "Ah. Where to even start. You know my mother was a noble who ran away with an apostate. He made his living as a bard, not a proper player of The Game bard, but a wandering storyteller and musician." Hawke huffed. "You two would have loved each other or treated each other with professional dislike. I still haven't decided. It doesn't make money when you have to run from Templars every other week with two mages in the family."

She looked at her hands. "I spent my childhood hungry, not the sent the bed without any supper kind although that did happen with my mother. The kind that eats at your bones, a dull ache that never leaves no matter how much you eat." She chewed her lip and continued softly. "I don't remember not thieving. It was small things at first. An apple, a loaf of bread, grain for the horse in winter, clothes. I stole my first dagger and the next day I killed for the first time with it."

"How old were you?"

"I was 12." She was silent a moment. "I had gone into Denerim to get food from the Chantry. We hadn't been there many days; papa had gotten a job at the royal palace but hadn't been paid yet. Mama had stayed with the twins. I came back and there was a man at the camp claiming he was with the Crows." She met Varric's eyes. "She was going to sell me for 20 sovereigns."

He kept his eyes on hers. "And you dropped him when he gave you the opening." She nodded. "Your mother is a bitch."

Hawke shrugged. "If I had a sovereign for every time she's called me a murderer since that day, I'd have more than 20 sovereigns. Maybe I would have made a good Crow."

Varric wrapped an arm around her. "Crows don't get to pick who they kill. Or help people. You got the best of both worlds here."

She leaned her head against his and smiled. "That's is true." She chuckled. "I'm pretty sure I'm still wanted in most of Ferelden for stealing. It's why I was at Ostagar you know. I was conscripted into the Royal army for theft."

"What did you steal?"

"Everything that was not bolted down in the market place of Amaranthine."

"Everything?"

"Mmhm. They leave everything out at night. I got caught walking out the front gate the next morning because I looked too cheerful and then the guard recognized the custom dagger he was getting worked on that I had stupidly put on my belt."

He shook his head. "Do you ever think of going back? You have money now."

Hawke eyed him. "Maker why? There's nothing Ferelden I want. Kirkwall is the home I've always wanted, murders and all." Her smile sparkled. "And besides I'd have to leave my trusty dwarf. I'd cry myself to sleep every night without you."

Varric laughed. "Don't start crying, Hawke. You know how I get when humans get emotional."

She snorted. "Depends on the human. Blondie you just buy another drink." She flushed. "And the rest I'm shutting my mouth on." She whistled and Hero came trotting up to them, tongue lolling. "Being good, boy? No digging things you shouldn't?" He barked an affirmative. "You know a lot about my crazy family, what about yours, Varric?"

He leaned back against the bench. There was a rogue curl within reach of his fingers and he pulled it gently watching it spring back into place. Hawke smiled shaking her hair away from him and turning to sit in cross legged beside him. "The noble family of Tethras is from Orzammar, but I was born after we got to Kirkwall. My father, Andvar, rigged some bets in the Provings and they were forced to leave. He died not long after I was born." He shrugged. "You know Bartrand." Hawke made a rude noise that made him laugh. "Mother, her name was Ilsa."

Hawke smiled. "That's a lovely name."

He gave a sad chuckle. "She tried to keep Bartrand and I from fighting but she was never the same after father died. She died a few years before I met you." He leaned forward on his hands. "That's the only time I've burned one of my books, The Mercenary's Prince. I wrote it just for her and burned it when she passed."

Hawke rubbed his back in gentle circles. "I'm sorry, Varric."

"It's fine. She would yell about my lack of beard if she was here." Hawke snorted. "We cast aside a lot of tradition when we came to the surface, some more so then others. My cousin Thorold married a magister, Maevaris Tilani. Bartrand tried to kill us." He looked at Hawke. "I learned that not only does business follow you home, it follows people you know and nails chickens to their walls."

"Ah." Hawke smiled averting her gaze to Hero, who was unhelpfully snoring. "I wasn't aware I looked like a business threat."

"Bianca and I started out as business partners." Hawke gave him an arched look. "I know. I tried to convince her to run away with me, that we could start out on our own. She told me no. So I broke it off and a year later I found you."

Hawke chuckled. "The lost Ferelden in desperate need of a job. I had that cut purse by the way."

He grinned. "My way makes for a better story." He sobered. "Bianca threatened to put your name before the Merchants Guild and the Carta as competition because she thought you were going to encroach on our trade agreement. They could have taken it to the Chantry and with Sunshine."

Hawke shook her head, interrupting him. "Lyrium." Varric blinked and she shrugged. "I'm not an idiot. Dwarves and the chantry, biggest trade agreements with the largest murders and coin." She grinned. "I do have a better head for it then Daisy but not much. You just invest."

"Yeah." He was silent a moment. "I should have told you then and we could have dealt with it together.”

Hawke grinned at him. “Do you really think the two of us could take on the whole Merchants Guild and the Carta?”

He returned it. “One thing I have learned, messing with us is suicide.”


	43. Out of Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more Sunshine, is it a dream? Hawke's guilt? It doesn't matter.
> 
> Out of Goodbyes by Maroon 5

"Rose." Hawke froze in her tending of the rose bed. A familiar hand gripped her shoulder when it shouldn't have. "It's okay. It's really me."

"That's what a demon would say." She deadheaded a few more blossoms and stood, knees caked in soft earth. She looked at Bethany. "Demons usually offer me something though. You look like you want to strangle me."

"You look like hell."

Hawke grabbed the basket of dead blossoms and stalked to the compost and dumped them. She talked as she turned them. "Let's see. In the past few years I've lost my home, my brother, and my sister who was also my best friend. Found two more best friends. Slept with both. I found love and realized that's garbage. My mother hates me." She gave the pile a furious stab. "Hell, I hate me. Did I mention I blame myself for all of the above?"

Bethany set her hands on her hips. "You shouldn't."

"But I do." She gestured to the area around them. "This is the only place where I can distract myself."

"And you've done a crap job of that."

Hawke winced. "So that was you beating the inside of my brain while I slept that off."

"You drink that much of anything again and I will haunt you."

"Yes, Bethany." Hawke sank on to the bench. "I don't know what to do."

"Talk to our mother and talk to Varric." Bethany sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Think of yourself for once. What does Hawke want to do?"

"Hawke wants something quiet to do. Stabbing people is exhausting." She chuckled. "But I want to help people. My translations have done well, maybe I can build off that." She glared at Beth. "Those first two things are not so easy.” Bethany glared back until Hawke threw her hands up in defeat. “Okay, wise younger sister, our mother."

"I'll be visiting her before I go. You two are all that's left. And she loves you, Rose. She always has. She has just never known how to show you. You were always so busy keeping everybody safe and fed and taking her place when she couldn't manage after dad died. I think you just grew up too fast for her to keep up with."

Hawke rubbed her eyes. "I'll try. I make no promises. But I'm willing to give her anything she wants to acknowledge I exist at this point. I've almost got the deed worked out for the Amell estate. She will be able to reclaim her nobility."

Bethany laughed. "She will love that. You should stand with her. A noble Hawke."

Hawke arched an eyebrow. "I'm supposed to be the funny one." Bethany continued to chuckle. "Final one then, since I sort of know what I want to be when I grow up. Varric. Since you seem to think there is something to talk about."

"You love him." Hawke flinched. "Well, it's true. I could have told you that before I died and you even said so. What happened between you two was a major problem of communication and is fixable." Bethany smiled slyly. "It helps you were adorable together and he made you happy. Still makes you happy and takes care of you. And you don't let anyone take care of you."

Hawke grumbled. "I trust him. Big difference. I love my dog and my cat but they don’t have thumbs to make me coffee."

Bethany shook her head. "Just think about it. Don't force it. But if you fall back together then just fall. Maybe you will fly."

Hawke half glared at her. "Rude using Flemeth's words to further your plot."

Bethany grinned. "Only because they are perfect words for you.”

The girls talked for hours about life and when they were all together as kids. The times their Dad would put on magic shows on the road to distract their tired legs from how many miles they had left to walk. They laughed about how Hawke found Hero. He had been a little lost puppy and he had found his way into their mercenary camp. His first plan of attack was to fall into Hawke’s boot and it had been love at first sight. Hawke’s laugh echoed through the garden as Beth’s smile faded. “I love you, Rose Hawke. Please take better care of yourself."

Tears flashed hot against Hawke's lashes. "I wish you didn't have to go."

Bethany pushed an unruly curl behind Hawke's ear. "I know." Her eyes grew distant. "Change is coming, heralded by fire. You need your strength or you'll burn with them." She shook her head as Hawke stared at her. She shrugged. "Fade."

The sisters stood and hugged one final time. "Don't miss me too much, Hawke."

"Only every day."

Bethany shook her head again. "Don't. It's already so hard to leave. I love you, sister mine. Fly free."

The Fade dissolved from Hawke's mind and she woke in her empty room, the blankets tangled tight around her. Tears coursed stinging rivers down her face as Hero bulldozed his way into her arms. She buried her face into his scruffy neck and let them fall. "Fly free, Bethany."


	44. I Watched You Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Change by Deftones

Hawke knocked on the clinic door. Anders opened it, yawning. "It's a little early or a lot late, Hawke."

Hawke sighed, her coffee black and bitter on her tongue and boiling like pitch in her stomach. "We have to talk."

Anders let her in and then into the apartment side. She took the offered refill of her cup and left it black again. It wasn't a morning for sweet things. He stared at her expectantly. She took a fortifying sip. "Bethany visited me in the Fade before she departed to the Maker." She stuttered. "Well, I assume the Maker. She was the best Hawke and deserves no less. So that bastard better take her." She glared at the far wall as a cat wound itself around her ankles.

Anders took a sip from his own mug. "I'm assuming you didn't come here to find Andraste."

Hawke rolled her eyes. "You're right, If I ever do look for Andraste I will start with the man who shoves her between his legs every morning." They chuckled together. Hawke rubbed her temple. “She told me to talk to Varric.”

He crossed his arms, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. “I agree with her.”

Hawke glared. “All of you are awful.”

“It’s obvious to everyone but maybe you two, that you are both still madly in love with each other. It’s almost disgusting. Isabela and I drink about it.” Hawke rolled her eyes. “I have no idea what you should do about it though.”

She sighed. “I don’t either. I’ll just let it do its thing. There’s always Wicked Grace. And honestly that’s not the most distressing part of her visit” She crossed her arms. "Beth said change is coming, heralded by fire. If I don't have my strength, I will burn."

"Interesting way to go for a primal mage."

Hawke rolled her eyes. "My middle name is trouble, may as well be prepared. Anyway. Would people appreciate having things translated you think?"

"Actually I had someone in yesterday needing a will read. Why?"

Hawke grinned. "I need a day job."

Anders nodded. "I have an empty desk in the clinic that you are welcome to. Everyone knows you're the one responsible for the children's books. They want to know when more copies will be in by the way."

Hawke blew her breath hard across her lips. "A week perhaps. And that sounds fantastic." She stuck her hand out, grin plastered across her face. "Business building partners?"

Anders matched her grin. "Partners."

Hawke half stumbled into the seat across from him. She ignored his hard stare for the moment. "Two coffees, Norah, pretty please."

The waitress smiled and trailed her fingers down her arm. "I can get anything pretty for you, Hawke."

Varric arched an eyebrow but waited until Norah retreated. "The waitress too?"

Hawke chuckled. "She offered to help the newly minted Lady Hawke drown her sorrows. I declined." Norah returned with the coffees and a flirtatious grin that Hawke ignored. "I won't need anything else. Thanks, dear." She stalked off.

"Reminded me to not order anything on your tab the next few weeks." Hawke toasted him with her coffee. "That doesn't explain why you look like a human punching bag."

Hawke sighed and stretched along her chair. "Aveline has a boxing ring for off duty guards. I helped referee last night when she invited down some Templars to try and inspire some friendship between the groups."

"How'd that work?"

"Templars are shit in fist fights and they reacted as well as ever when they are bad at something." She shook her head. "Cullen decided to corner me for some chit chat. Said he knew an Amell in the Ferelden Circle."

"Your family has a lot of mages."

"Yeah." She swirled her coffee. "Anyway. I'm thinking we need to do something new for Friday's. I'm sick of singing the same songs every blighted week."

"Suggestions? It works well as just a dance hall and is easier to maintain."

Hawke pointed her finger at him. "Brilliant minds think alike." She huffed. "Besides I promised Mom I'd go to the market with her every Saturday morning. And that's on top of helping with Merrill's evening classes the rest of the week."

Varric's eyebrows came dangerously close to his hairline. "I've missed something."

Hawke scrubbed her eyes before peaking between be ringed fingers. "Would you believe me if I said Bethany visited me in the Fade?"

Varric was silent a moment. "If anyone could stick around to mother hen people, it would be Sunshine."

Hawke chuckled softly. "That basically sums up the conversation. It gave me a lot to think about and do." Her voice softened. "Varric, I-."

"Song bird!"

Hawke's face broke with her smile. "Bela!" The pirate half lifted her from her chair with the force of her hug. "Where have you been?"

"Places. Questions I will answer later. I promise." Bela smoothed back Hawke's hair. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine."

"You better be, or I'll drag you to sea with me next time." She grinned at Varric. "Wicked Grace? I'm feeling lucky."

Varric looked to Hawke who grinned. "I'm not wearing pants to lose."


	45. I Don’t Wanna Be a Stupid Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stupid Girls by P!nk

"Hawke, don't." She went down in a screaming heap. "Step back." He winced at the curses that were leaving her mouth as she frantically clawed at the bear trap.

"Maker blessed Andraste. If I find the nug humper who put this out, I'm going to beat them with it." She pulled out her dagger and wedged it in to use as a pry bar and freed her foot.

Bela chuckled. "You are forgetting the basics of being a rogue, song bird."

Hawke glared at her and then at Varric. "Well. Since the two official rogues of the group saw it, you can go first. If I set your clothes on fire, it was an accident." They didn't find any more bear traps the rest of the way and Hawke began setting bushes on fire to appease her rage at the unfairness of it all.

 

She stomped into the Hanged Man still smelling of sulfur and her skin itching with need. She slammed her money on the table. "I want one for each hand." The bartender grinned and hand them to her. She scorched her way to the darkest corner of the table side and wedged herself in. Halfway through the second one she was still glaring when Anders approached her.

He slid into the other bench. "Today didn't go well?"

She gave a disgusted snort. "Empty handed and I stepped in a damn bear trap." He barely hid his smile behind his drink. Hawke sighed. "Go ahead and laugh. Everyone else did."

He shook his head. "Some friend I’d be then."

She sighed and flopped her elbows on the table. "I don't know what to do. Full mage is damned convenient but stepping into a bear trap? Does magic me dumber?"

"What were you doing?"

"Walking."

"And?"

She chewed her top lip, thousand-yard stare directed into her glass. "Thinking."

"About?"

Hawke sunk lower into the seat. "A certain short acquaintance."

Anders gave a heavy sigh and drained his drink. "Have you talked to him?’

She rubbed her forehead giving him a one eyed glare before making squawking noises. She downed the rest of her drink. "Happy words. How are you and Broody?"

She reached out and grabbed his hands when he closed his eyes, shoulders curling into himself. "Better off as acquaintances."

Hawke's face softened. "Oh, Anders, I'm sorry."

"No. It's fine. Some views can't be compromised." Anders straightened and shrugged it off. Hawke was staring at the table top and he was staring at their clasped hands. "Besides, I have you and the cats. That's all the love I need." Hawke shook her head.

"Am I interrupting a moment?" Varric grabbed a chair and took up the head of their table.

Hawke trailed her fingers from Anders hands. "You bet. Hope you got it for the book, storyteller. I've read Swords and Shields and expect the romance to be epic." She popped last word from her mouth and smirked at the two men. "So. Who's buying the lovely mage another drink?"


	46. Not Goin Back to My Old Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old Ways by Demi Lovato

Hawke slid into the chair across from him so fast the chair rocked haphazardly back threatening to continue her descent, grin blazing across her face. "Should I be worried about what has you so excited?"

"Ugh. No. I have a business proposition." Hawke glanced up at the waitress. "Hey, Mauve! Just the usual, pretty please?"

The older woman chuckled. "All of it?"

"Yes, ma'am. I am starving. And an extra cookie for the kid."

"You spoil him, Hawke." She tapped the menus on Hawke's head and headed to the kitchen where a young boy peeked under the swinging door. Hawke waved and he returned it with a cheeky, gap toothed grin.

"You come here often?"

Hawke chuckled as she grabbed three packets of sugar. "A couple times a week. You know I can't cook. And even I get sick of apples, carrots, and cheese."

The boy came out with a coffee as tall as he was and set it solemnly on the table. Hawke ignored him for a heartbeat before snatching him for tickles. "How's my favorite boy in all the Free Marshes?"

"The Templars came back again, Hawke."

She set him on the table to look him in the eyes. "Which ones?"

"Ser Cullen. He said he was just checking on some leads."

Hawke closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She smiled when she opened them. "You remember what I said to do if they come in?"

"Right to the roof and set the coop on fire!" The boy shouted fist in the air. He quieted quickly. "After I let the chickens out. Mr. Feathers doesn't need that kind of stress."

She tousled his hair. "No, he doesn't. Now, you make sure you practice your lessons and be good for your mother." She set the boy down and he scampered back through the door. Varric raised an eyebrow and Hawke shrugged. "Anders is teaching him. He's five, I'm not taking him from his mother and I live right up the street to deal with the Templars. I'll be having a word with the Knight Captain."

"So he sets the chicken coop on fire to tell you?"

"He's a natural fire mage." She grinned as she poured the sugar into her coffee. "The family no longer has to pay for fuel. And nothing ever burns. They don't fear him."

"You are the worst mercenary I have ever seen." Varric laughed shaking his head. Mauve returned with their food, steak and potatoes for Varric and pasta and veggies for Hawke. "Do you eat meat?"

Hawke choked on her food and gasped through a gulp of coffee as Varric scowled at her. Still coughing she answered. "Not if I don't have to. It's expensive so we didn't eat it growing up. I just don't see much use in it. Cheese is a better use of a cow, or goat. Besides I've had enough strange meat products shoved my way since the whole nobility thing." She chuckled. "Anyway. Business."

"You're not going to the Deep Roads I hope."

"I will throw myself into the Void singing the Chant first."

Varric chuckled. "That would please Choir Boy."

Hawke rolled her eyes. "Choir Boy can eat his damn vows. I am not going in that place unless I must. I don't need saving." She shook her fork at him. "Did you know that creepy belted fucker had the nerve to approach me after Bethany's memorial?"

"And just what did you do?"

"I set his hair on fire. In front of the Grand Cleric." She grinned smugly before tossing some broccoli into her pasta.

Varric sighed. "You do know you are just asking the knight commander to come knock down your door?"

Hawke waved it off. "I'm the official negotiator between the Viscount and the Arishok. And I'm nobility. The guard captain is one of my close friends and I'm the reigning queen of problem solving and bounty hunting in Kirkwall. And people love me, unlike Meredith. All she can do is plot my death in that pretty little head of hers." She gave a disgusted snort. "Distracted again. No dragging me off topic."

Varric laughed. "All right. Business."

"Translations. I'm good at them. Your, well our, publisher is extremely happy with the Tevene fairytales. It's been bucked into two series now, the illustrated children's and the adult one. It's selling okay. But Mom wiped me out. Buying back the estate, getting us reinstated as nobles and her wardrobe, Bethany's memorial, and then my projects are going to knock the Deep Roads fortune into nothing if I don't get an actual job. I'm thinking I can take people's translation work and sell specialty books. Kirkwall is a port city after all, languages mix here." She paused for a moment, chewing her bottom lip. "Stupid?"

"No. I think it's brilliant." He set his silverware down. "Would you focus on personal or legal?"

"Both. I'm already signed up for the certification classes at the Keep." Her smile hovered softly on her lips. "You really think I can I do it?"

"I think you'll do a better job at that then you do a mercenary and you’re damn good mercenary."

Hawke arched an eyebrow. "Didn't you just say I'm the worst?"

"At being a hard ass."

She nodded, chuckling. "You come across a kid trying to teach a kitten to fart fireballs and see how much of a hard ass you can be, storyteller."

"Language!" Mauve yelled from the counter.

They both chuckled some more and finished their food. "Where you going to set up?"

She finished her coffee. "For now, Anders has an open corner in the clinic. Let it spread word of mouth until I can get traction. I'll need another week to finish getting things together anyway."

"She wiped you out that bad?"

"Let's just say, none of the gold she was wearing was fake and she insisted every room of that mansion have furniture. Sandal and Bodhain are quite comfortable with the old witch."

"Has she forgiven you a little?" Varric's voice was soft as he stared at her.

Hawke's head fell and she sighed. "Some. Enough. We speak to each other and she's traded most of her snide comments for worrying obsessively."

"You had us all worried for a bit, Hawke."

She smiled shyly. "And not one of you will let me live it down either. You and Aveline are the worst."

He downed the rest of his drink. "Not Blondie?"

Hawke blew forcefully through pursed lips. "Blondie needs to work some things out in his head. I don't need that overprotective bull-" she stumbled over the word at Mauve's glare. "Bull pile. Just because I slept with him doesn't mean he's allowed a voice in all my life choices. Especially since that was over a year ago."

"Is it a problem?"

Hawke chuckled. "Not that I can't handle, Varric, promise. He just pouts when I remind him I do not need a dad or brother or husband." She sighed. "I've probably taken up too much of your day as it is."

"Actually, I have something that needs doing." He stood and offered his hand to pull her up. "I'd appreciate the help."

She grinned. "Well, then let's go."


	47. Like A Reckoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Reckoning by Halestorm

Hawke had her feet kicked up on the table before her, wistfully gazing at the dance floor while her drink sat untouched on the table. She sighed. It had been a long day but her new business was off to a good start. She rolled her head across her shoulders, grateful and upset with the quiet lack of friends. Bela and Daisy were tearing up the floor with their antics. Varric was talking business with Corff, making sure the week’s order was just right she was sure. She smiled, he had added hot chocolate and coffee to the menu and expanded to breakfast hours at their popularity.

Varric only half heard what Corff was saying as he gazed at Hawke. Things between them were cool, cold compared to the fire that had blazed between to them but Hawke had made no move or mention of them ever being more then friends again. He wasn't going to break the fragile shell she had erected to cope with Bethany's death. She was getting better, but it was going to need a lot of time and he was willing to give it before pushing for that talk. But he wanted to ask her for dance. He finished up his business and headed to her table. A smile broke across Hawke's face as Blondie crashed in across from her. He was adamantly describing something, the words lost in the throb of the music. She laughed, her whole face breaking into joy and it was so beautiful it hurt. He slid in beside Blondie. She blessed him with a smile. "About time you were done working, storyteller. I almost perished of boredom."

He spread his hands on the table with a chuckle. "Somehow, Hawke, I doubt boredom is an actual feeling of yours." She joined his laughter. "How's the job treating you?"

Anders pounced into the conversation and Varric resisted glaring at the mage. "She had more business than I did today."

She waved him off before settling her elbows on the table. "Turns out people need all sorts of help reading all sorts of documents and writing all kinds. I had a man who came in wanting me to write a very risqué letter in Tevene. And wanted me to illustrate it."

Varric arched an eyebrow. "Did you?"

She grinned. "I wrote it but I sent him to Rivaini for the illustrations." She drummed her fingers on the table. "I only had one person come in to ask if I still looked for hidden things and people. I was honestly disappointed."

"Well it is only supposed to be part time, Hawke." Anders interjected.

She half glared at him. "And the only leads I take come from my favorite dwarf." The words warmed Varric's heart. "Besides, we all know I don't do anything part time. All or nothing."

Daisy and Bela bumped laughing into the table. "Songbird, I am disappointed you aren't dancing."

"No partners." Hawke shrugged. "Besides I like watching you two."

Anders stood and offered Hawke his hand. "Come dance with me?" Bela hooted.

Hawke's laugh chimed as she shook her head. "I'll pass, Anders."

"Come on." He pouted. "You need to unwind, business building partner."

She rolled her eyes but took his hand so he could pull her to her feet. "How many people need read to on the dance floor?"

"Depends on how you dance, Hawke." Varric said. She opened her mouth to speak but Anders drug her away to the floor followed by Bela and Daisy. She gave an apologetic wave followed by a scowl when he stole her drink. He watched them for a time. He had to give it to Blondie, he knew how to wind his body around Hawke's. Their height difference made it comical. Chuckling, Varric pulled out his cards and shuffled the deck before tossing them one by one on the table looking for the story within them.

A time later, Daisy grabbed his shoulder. "Have you seen, Hawke?"

"No?"

Merrill slumped on to the chair beside him, rubbing her face with her hands. "We saw her and some guy arguing. She went to walk away and he grabbed her arm and she smacked him and fade stepped out. He followed her and we can't find either of them and Hawke won't answer her crystal." A million thoughts ran across Varric's mind but she continued before he could speak. "I know she can handle herself but even my friend is uneasy. She's just getting back to herself. Varric, we have to find her.”

Varric stood and pulled her up with him. "I'm really not going to ignore something that makes even your demon friend uncomfortable. Especially with Hawke. Where's Rivaini and Blondie?"

“He left for his clinic, an emergency call. I've checked her apartment and ours. She's getting Aveline if they aren't there."

Varric shook his head. "No. If she felt cornered she would have gone outside. Let's check the gardens."

The door was open at the end of the hall and they could hear Hawke's voice ringing through the night. "I said no, David."

"Oh come on, Hawke. We used to have so much fun." Merrill and Varric edged out the door, the argument was not occurring in their line of sight. Varric motioned Daisy to follow him towards the high wall, even Hawke couldn't climb it and it was the one place in the garden where someone could get cornered. Bela and Aveline came in from the side gate at a silent stalk.

"That was years ago. Back. Off."

"You went back to your dwarf!"

"Once!" Hawke's voice roared through the night, pain fracturing the clouds and her vocal cords. The moon light cast beams down through the greenery, making stepping stones for them to follow. "You and Varric have nothing in common anyway."

"Other than having you."

"No one has me. I'm not a pet."

"What about that slut and her pet demon? Do you form a cuddly little pile in that lonely bed of yours?"

"Isabela is not a slut and you leave Merrill alone! How do you even know any of this?!"

"Oh, songbird." Bela whispered as she took Merrill's hand.

Aveline's hand gripped tighter on her pommel. "I'm the only one allowed to pick on Isabela." Bela grinned at her and Aveline gave her a tight smile in return. Varric shook his head, only half listening as he concentrated on the shouting before them.

"Just what makes him so special, Hawke? It's not the hair. The height? Or maybe you like your men short because you're a control freak. You need a good Ferelden man to remind you how it is."

A sharp bark of a laugh left Hawke. Her voice graveled low and raspy. "Maybe it's because he knows how to be my friend first. Because he knows how to be kind and when to kick my ass." The group rounded the corner behind her, coming into the clearing. "And maybe, just maybe, it's because he's not a presumptuous dick that doesn’t have to be told no a thousand times.”

"What can I say, you're beautiful, deadly, and have fantastic taste in dwarves." Hawke glanced back and grinned at him, which was long enough for the stranger to grab her throat and lift her off the ground. "Let her go.”

"No. All I've done is love her. And all she sees is you." His grip tightened as her toes frantically tried to find purchase as she beat on his arm. "She will see me!" Merrill went to call her power and he yelled. “Pull anything and I will leave with her. I can fade step for two.” His arm began to shake and Hawke was able to stand on her toes. Varric gave a silent breath of relief as color returned to her cheeks. " I will be!"

Aveline's shield cracked across the back of his skull. He fell to the ground at Isabela's feet. "You will be quiet." Varric rushed to catch Hawke. "Thanks, big girl." She tossed the shield back to Aveline.

"I almost envy letting you do that, pirate. Is she alright?"

Hawke waved a hand at them. She swallowed several times and rubbed her throat. "I've felt better." She glared at the prone figure. "I don't think you hit him hard enough, Bela. Maybe you should let me hit him again for safety's sake."

Varric rubbed his thumbs across her knuckles. "What in the Void happened, Hawke?"

She shook her head. "I thought I saw his stupid ass this afternoon by the clinic. Anders left to head to the clinic, I went to the bar. Corff said someone was asking for me and pointed me to the corner table. I tried to walk away when I saw it was him. He grabbed my arm." She took her hands from Varric and wrapped her arms around herself and stared down at the prone figure. "I slapped him hard enough he let go and fade stepped out here. And he followed, somehow. Part damn mabari."

Merrill examined his head. "He won't wake up for several hours."

Aveline poked him with her boot with a disgusted sigh. "He can sleep it off in an empty cell. We'll see how he is in the morning." She picked him up and dangled him over her shoulder. "If Varric has Hawke, would you two mind walking with me back to the Keep? Just in case he wakes up."

"Of course!" Merrill skipped ahead to open the gate and Bela brought up the rear, eyes fixed on the man's still form.

They watched them leave before Hawke gazed skyward with a sigh. A soft chuckle escaped her lips. "I thought weird shit was supposed to happen during the witching hour. It's not even 9."

Varric shrugged. "It's Thedas." He reached out for her and then dropped his hand. "Are you okay, Hawke?"

She scuffed her boot on the ground. "Would you mind if me and Hero and Demon stayed with you tonight? I'm just not feeling up to staying by myself after that." She glanced at him, a smile shyly flirting at the corners of her lips.

"As long as drool beast doesn't chew up the furniture, it's fine."

She followed him back inside and they stopped at her apartment. Hero bound to the door on heavy feet before woofing quietly at them. He slobbered all over Varric's hands while Hawke retrieved Demon from his cat tower. He purred happily before curling around her neck. She knuckled his soft head before giving the place a cursory glance. It had come a long way since the last time Varric had seen it. Training dummies no longer sat in the living room and there was furniture. There was a single piece of art on the wall, the Keep illuminated by sunset. "Who is the artist?"

Hawke grinned. "Isabela. I'm commissioning her for all the art on my walls.”

It didn't take long for Hero and Demon to settle in at Varric's. Demon found the top of the bookshelves to be endlessly amusing with the various globes and half stacks of books. His contented purrs vibrated through the wood. Hero was lounged across the couch, drool escaping his massive maw and puddling on the floor. Varric waved her off when Hawke tried to get him to lay on the floor. "Well, me and Hero won't fit on the couch."

Varric just glared at her. "You can sleep in my bed." Her face blanched. "Hey. I'm not an asshole. I have work to do tonight. And you need sleep. Besides, I won't be able to without dreaming of choking people."

Hawke tilted her head, hair tumbling down her side. "I thought dwarves didn't dream."

"Forcefully imagine then, that's not how you treat a woman. And certainly not how you treat one of my friends."

She grinned and gave him a brief, tight hug. "Thank you, Varric." She padded softly to his room and paused in the doorway. He saw her hair shake more than her head and she disappeared into the soft darkness.

Hero huffed from the couch. "You aren't allowed in my bed, drool beast." Hero thumped his short tail and closed his eyes again. Varric took to his desk and set to rearranging the piles.

Several hours later, Hawke woke. The light from his office was dim and he was humming. She stretched before crawling from under the blankets. He didn't look up when she crossed the kitchen. "Did you actually sleep or just stare at the ceiling?"

She smiled. "I slept well actually. For the first time in several months."

He sighed and rubbed his eyes, pushing his glasses half up his forehead. "It's hard to believe it's been six months. I'm still dealing with shit."

She settled on the edge of his desk. "Anything I can help with?"

"Want to answer the Merchant’s Guild letters? On second thought, don't. I don't want them thinking my mind can be changed." They laughed together, easy and free.

"That reminds me." She hopped off the desk and went to her bag. Varric pulled his eyes from her swaying, barely concealed bottom. The red silk she was wearing as a nightgown was as beautiful as it was evil. Her smile was bright when she handed him something solid and shiny. "I found this yesterday. I meant to give it to you when you were done with Corff."

He turned the signet ring over in his hands. "I'll be damned. My father's ring." He held it up in the dim light. "Bartrand sold it, and nothing can quite describe an old dwarven lady’s ire when mother found out. I guess I really am head of the family now." Hawke wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He leaned his head against hers. "Thank you. For this and for what you said to what’s his dick earlier."

She chuckled. "You make it easy. You're a good man. He was kind of a jerk when we were kids.” They both started to speak. Hawke laughed. "Can I bribe you from your work, storyteller?"

"Depends on the bribe."

She trailed her fingers along his desk. "Wicked Grace."

"And the bet?"

She smiled, eyes shining. "Winner gets a kiss."

He slowly stood. "Seems unfair since I always win."

"Maybe it's just odds where we both win." Her breath left her raggedly. "Maybe I want an excuse for a kiss."

Varric took her hand and pulled her slowly to him. She leaned into his embrace. "You never need an excuse to kiss me, menace."

"Shut up and kiss me then."


	48. Always You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was always you by maroon 5

Hawke's crystal was ringing. She woke with a groan in a tangle of too many limbs, all familiar. Varric's muscles were hard beneath her cheek, hair tickling her nose. Hero snored across their intertwined legs with Demon curled tightly behind her knees. She leaned up, chuckling at their jostled protests. Demon stalked to the footboard. Varric mumbled. "Who calls this early?"

Hawke arched back to grab her crystal from the night stand, silk sliding easily along the bed sheets and his skin. "Aveline."

"She needs a life." He put a pillow on his head as she shook hers and returned the call.

"Guard Captain."

"Hawke. I take our man is awake."

"I'm surprised you can't hear him bitching from there, Hawke. He's been asking to talk to you."

Hawke sighed, rolling on to her back as Hero growled indignantly at his pillow's movement, elbow draped across her eyes. "What do you think, Aveline?"

"Are you asking as your friend or the guard captain?"

Hawke chuckled. "Both."

"I can hold him until noon for you to talk to him. You should talk to him, but on your terms."

"I'll be there around ten then. Thanks, Aveline."

"Not a problem, Hawke." She dropped her crystal on the nightstand and sighed.

She felt Varric roll over and smiled as his fingers traced a trail up her body before tilting her chin for a kiss. "I've missed this you know."

She kept her elbow firmly over her eyes, her lips fidgeting in another smile. "Nope."

He chuckled. "I liked it better without the dog and the cat. They snore. And kick." He kissed her jaw and then her neck.

She fidgeted. "Nope."

"Menace."

He pushed her arm over her head and she smiled up at him innocently. "Storyteller?"

He shook his head, twirling a lock of her hair. "I had this big elaborate plan you know."

Hawke chuckled softly. "Did I destroy another one?"

"I think we can blame someone else this time." He tangled his fingers with hers. His voice was low and gravely when he spoke again. "Give me another chance."

She slowly shook her head before rolling him on to his back. "Silly dwarf. I'd give you a thousand chances." She kissed him softly. "And then a thousand more. I missed you." Varric wrapped his arms around her, tucking her head beneath his chin. He ran his thumb along her arm as she sighed and then giggled. "Some business owner I am. Second day of being open and no one is there."

"There's a sign up, don't worry. Would you consider changing your location?"

Hawke chuckled. "Why am I not surprised? Darktown seemed the place in need of most help."

"That's true. But people would come to see you in Lowtown too. I know of an empty building around the corner actually. Plenty of bookshelves behind a long counter, two main offices, a large conference room, and a blank slate storage area. It has big windows in front and a perfect spot for those hanging signs you love so much. "

Hawke propped herself up on an elbow, hair tumbling down around her and smile knowing. "Conveniently across from my favorite cafe too."

"And room for you to move Rivaini in as your permanent illustrator. As permanent as she is anyway. You could set Daisy's school up in the conference room until she out grows it."

Hawke stared owlishly before she gave a disgusted, laughing sigh. "Do you own the damn building or not?"

Varric laughed before kissing her knuckles in their intertwined hands. "Want to see it before we go beat on this asshole?"

She straddled him, mock glaring with their noses touching. "You'll allow pets, right? And I can paint? I get to pick the sign?"

Varric tucked her hair behind her ear. "You need a better business name then Go Talk to Hawke." She sat up, wrinkling her nose. "I had an idea if you wanted." She arched her eyebrow, squirming as he traced swirls on her thighs. "Hawke's Flights of Fancy."

Hawke's eyes narrowed and her nose twitched. She leaned forward, resting her head on his shoulder before she let a huff of laughter escape her. "Void. That's perfect, Varric."

"Then why are you acting weird?"

"I'm always weird." She huffed again. "Because I'm going to cry. You always know how to make me stupid happy and figure things out that I can't. The desk in the corner at the clinic was not working." He kissed the top of her head and smiled. She shivered as he ran his hands up and down her sides. She chuckled. "I think this is the longest I've been in your bed and we've behaved."

"Unless you count those two days of alcohol poisoning."

She shook her head. "It's been nice, storyteller. I'm only complaining a little." She kissed him, soft and slow. Tumbled curls caught in his stubble, pulling slightly at her scalp. He softly nipped her lower lip and she smiled before returning with one of her own. Four furry feet landed in the middle of her back. Hawke sighed. "Hey, Demon." He meowed before walking up her back and dropping to the pillow. He took turns nuzzling them both.

"I think you misnamed him."

Hawke chuckled as she got out of bed. "Just wait until he gets to know you, storyteller. I need to get them home and feed them before I go or they will eat your furniture. Demon really likes leather, especially boots."

Varric stared at the cat now purring in his lap. "Demon it is."


	49. Reaper Outside Your Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Reckoning by Halestorm

Hawke paced the inside of the cell. David was seated in chair, the table between them, and securely handcuffed. The door was closed for privacy's sake so David would talk. Hawke knew the door was a farce. Aveline was leaned against it ready to barge through at a moment’s notice while Varric was against the opposite wall with Bianca locked and loaded. Hawke threw up her hands in exasperation. "What in the Void were you thinking, David? I broke your nose last time. For the love the Maker, why did you come back?" She began ticking things off on her fingers. "I have a mercenary group and a pirate queen in my back pocket. The captain of the guard is a dear friend and the only reason you aren't eating your own teeth. I'm nobility here; no one would bat an eyelash if I made you disappear. Oh and the dwarf I like to smooch? Merchants guild, Coterie, Carta, knows assassins and ambassadors. Why?"

He hung his head. "For you."

Hawke made a disgusted sound, arms crossing. "I'm not yours. And how did you follow me? You are not a mage."

"I bought it from a mage. A charm that grants me the ability to fade step. It disappeared with your pirate queen." David looked up at her. His grey eyes were ringed with red. "You loved me once, Rose."

Hawke sighed. "The girl you loved, who dreamed of nothing more than having your babies while you had adventures that kept her sister safe from Templars? She died in the Blight, David." She stared at him a moment. "And would she have taken you back when she found you turned tail with Loghain? That you abandoned your king? You weren’t the only one at Ostagar, you fool." He hung his head in silence.

Hawke leaned on the table. "Do yourself a favor, okay? For the sake of the girl who kissed you behind a barn full of Mabari puppies and made you cookies. Don't ever come back to Kirkwall. Get on a boat and get out of my city."

David's eyes snapped back up to hers, anger sparking within them. "Ferelden is your home."

Hawke shook her head and headed to the door. "No. Kirkwall is my home. I was born for this city. I'm sorry, David, that for whatever reason you felt compelled to come here but don't ever return. Go home, find a nice girl and make Ferelden babies with Mabari siblings. Goodbye." She left the room and shut it behind her, ignoring the curses coming from within. 

"Aveline?" She looked up at the guard captain. "Do me one more favor and make sure he gets on Isabela's ship?"

"Consider it done, Hawke." Aveline set off to summon some guards to do it.

Hawke pulled out her crystal to contact Bela for her plan. Varric crossed his arms. "So, you’re just going to let him go?"

Hawke sighed. "I don't have it in me to kill him, Varric. When I was 6 I dreamed of marrying him." She glared at the wall. "He comes back again, I'm borrowing Bianca and putting one between his eyes."

"Did you love him?"

Hawke chuckled. "Ah. I loved that his father was head of the guard of Lothering and that none of them believed the lies told about sweet little Rose Hawke who made them cookies every time someone was sick or when he made sure the Templars looked the other way." She shrugged at Varric's arched look. "You don't rob your own nest, storyteller. That's just bad business."

He shook his head laughing. "So why did the Rose of Ferelden give up the life when she came to Kirkwall? Sunshine threaten to set you on fire?"

"No. I had a choice when we got here. Mercenary work, all above the board, or smuggling. I could have paid the debt off for the four us in six weeks. Bought the estate in six months. Smuggling and thieving are not so different."

"We still would have ended up meeting. Probably when you put the Carta out of business from the sound of it."

Hawke grinned. "I can barely keep our merry band of misfits from murdering each other some days, the Carta is safe." She sobered. "A new city was a chance for a new life, so I took it. You and my mother are the only ones that know I am the same Rose whose name is whispered every time something goes missing in Ferelden. I hope anyway. I may have been horribly cocky and left a calling card for several years." Hawke’s eyes misted. “I can just hear Beth yelling to set his ass on fire." She shook her head with a sigh.

 "I agree with that." The muffled cursing continued. "But let's get you out of here before they let him out. I think we both need coffee."

Hawke moaned in delight. "Black chased with chocolate." Varric snorted. "What? I deserve it."

 They wandered out the Keep hand in hand. It was a surprisingly quiet day and Hawke drug him out on the battlements. A young woman approached them. "So. You're the big bad Hawke of Kirkwall."

"Well, you certainly don't mean my mother." Hawke quirked an eyebrow.

"And you're just going to let that shitheel walk? They said one of us became a noble. I expected better."

Hawke gestured behind her as she continued to stroll, and then neatly laced her fingers together in the small of her back as she watched the woman.  "You mean David? He's a crazy stalker, unless you know more than I do." Hawke paused. "My darling Red Jenny, please do tell."

The young woman grinned. "He's beats around his wife and left her and their daughter back in Denerim. He likes beating barmaids too. Managed to slip the Jenny there. If it's a woman and he can knock her around, he does it."

Hawke spun to glare at said man as he was expelled from the Keep by the guard. She took up a careful pace to tail him, giving the following guardsman a smile. "I regret not listening to you, storyteller."

"I'm putting that in the book." She rolled her eyes as the Jenny laughed.

"What's your call on it?"

"Just scare him for now." The Jenny shrugged.

Hawke chewed her lip. "You said he had a wife and daughter?"

She sighed dreamily. "Yeah. Nice girl, redhead, makes fantastic pies."

Hawke sighed. "Mirabelle. He married Mirabelle." They stared at her and she shrugged. "She was one of my few friends growing up. We lost touch with the Blight. I tried to send letters back once we got to Kirkwall but never got a response. I wonder if he is why. What's the baby's name?"

The Jenny grinned. "Rose Dawn. She's a pretty thing, all red hair and laughter." Hawke shook her head a small smile playing at her lips.

"Are you going to head back that way?" She nodded. "Would you mind delivering a letter for me?"

"Of course. I just have to deal with shitheel first."

Hawke laid her hand on the woman's arm. "Oh no. Allow me." Varric shrugged when the woman looked at him as Hawke took off after David. She caught up to him at the bottom of Viscount's Way. "David."

He spun to face her. "Change your mind already? You’re not really worth the trouble."

Hawke smiled sweetly. "I'll be expecting a letter from Mira. I want to know how my namesake is doing. They better both be happy." He paled and stormed away from her, the guardsman trailing awkwardly behind him.

The Jenny sauntered up laughing, with Varric not far behind shaking his head. "Not quite good enough for my job but a start." She looked at her appraisingly. "I have to come back to Kirkwall. What would you say of joining? One of our own is a noble, it'd be icing on the cake to have a Jenny noble. I'd show you the ropes."

Hawke grinned. "I'd love nothing better." She sobered a moment. "Can you get a sack of gold to Mira? Enough that she could leave him?"

She nodded. "My thoughts exactly. You write fast enough I might get there first."

"You take the Siren's Call and you will. He will be on it too but the crew will make sure he's detained." Hawke’s fingers flew across her crystal knowing she would owe Bela big time but that it was worth it.

“A noble Jenny with a pirate queen in her pocket? This is going to be the best thing ever.” The Jenny linked her arm through Hawke’s as Varric shook his head again. He knew trouble when he saw it, but this kind of trouble was going to make for a great story.


	50. Ink

Hawke had her legs kicked across Isabela's lap as she swirled her drink. "It is time for a new tattoo."

"You should branch out into piercings, songbird. I've even got Kitten hooked."

Hawke arched an eyebrow, craning her neck to look into the kitchen where Daisy was dancing while she cooked. "Daisy does not have a single piercing, you lying pirate."

"Not where you can see them." Bela smirked into her drink. Hawke laughed. "Varric know you're getting another one?"

Hawke snorted. "He's not my dad, Bela."

"But he's so cute when he gets paternal." They both chuckled. "And it lets me sleep easier when I'm out on the sea. Kitten just doesn't understand dark alleys are bad news. What are you thinking?"

Hawke leaned back, glass lazy in her hand. "Hmm. Something on the legs. My back is pretty much covered with the dragon. Nothing has jumped out and said yes, this is what you need."

"You should try something with breasts."

Hawke chuckled. "And distract from the ones I got? I don't think so. I could get Anders manifesto."

"Ugh." Bela shook her head. "No. We would never hear the end of it. Good cause or not."

"What about flowers?" Daisy handed her a plate and Hawke sat up taking her corner of their couch. "There is some lovely vining ones."

Hawke's eyes narrowed in thought while she chewed. "That would be perfect, Merrill. As is dinner, as always." She grinned. "I know exactly what I'm going to get done. Bela, I need to borrow your art skills."

"After dinner, songbird. Unlike you, the rest of us like to eat on a normal basis." Hawke grinned. "And you should get a piercing. I think you'd look lovely with your nose done."

"Really?"

Daisy was leaned against Bela. She pointed a fork at her. "Silver, one of those little ball ones."

Hawke thought a moment. "Done. And there goes my whole day off tomorrow."

 

"Varric!" Hawke's voice sang through his apartment as she kicked off her shoes by the door. "Look what I did!"  Blood red roses the size of her fist and green leaves shone against her skin. They twined up her leg from the ankle all the way until they disappeared under her skirt on her thigh. She spun in a circle and he still wasn't sure where they ended, but they wrapped delicately around her whole leg. She giggled. "I ran into Anders downstairs. He said it was an abuse of my magic to heal it all up. But whats the point if I don't use it for a little fun some times?"

He leaned against his desk. "It looks good, menace. I may have to give it a closer inspection later, make sure it's perfect." Hawke chuckled and stepped into his arms. The light caught on the silver now adorning her nose as well. He tapped it softly with a smile. "Any more surprises?"

Their lips met and broke apart with a tremble as Hawke laughed. "How about a game of Wicked Grace to find out?"

"You may as well get naked."

She pouted. "I'm feeling lucky. Maybe I can finally break my losing streak." Her eyes gleamed. "Although maybe if I played naked I would actually stand a chance at winning."

"That's not playing fair."

She rolled her eyes. "Like you do with all that chest hair on display. It's a miracle I can even speak much less keep the cards straight."

"It's not my fault you're so delicate." He laughed as his hands slid under her skirt to ghost his thumbs across her hips.

Hawke's eyes narrowed. "I'll show you delicate." She stepped away and pulled off her shirt tossing it on the desk. Varric's eyes traced her curves, the black bra perfectly enhancing them. She turned primly on her heel. "Come on, storyteller. You have a game to deal." He watched the sway of her hips as he fumbled for the drawer that had the cards.

Hawke chuckled as his shirt joined his boots and belt. "Another win for me."

"You finally found your beginners luck. After what, three years of playing?"

"That should get me an award. Anders doesn't even lose that badly." Hawke rolled on to her side on his couch and stretched.

He pointed, drink in hand. "Belly button piercing is new."

She chuckled and tossed down a card. "That took longer than I expected, storyteller."

"You're distracting, menace."

She continued to chuckle as she reached over for her drink, body undulating with the stretch needed to reach it. She took a sip, catching an errant drop with her tongue when it fell on to her lip. Her smile was warm as her eyes danced. "It's been your turn."

"You win. Everything is yours for the night." He tossed all his cards on the table.

She pouted, rising up on her knees. "But you're not naked." She leaned across the coffee table, hands firmly planted as the rest of her swayed. "I always end up naked."

Varric chuckled. "You're a terrible winner." She grinned. He held out his hand and pulled her into his lap. "As good as you look on the coffee table." Her lips met his, soft, warm, and far more intoxicating then the brandy still in his hand. She sighed as she melted into him, fingers aptly freeing his hair and then tangling themselves in it. He kissed his way to her throat, smiling at the half hiss, half moan that left her lips when he nipped at the soft skin there.

Her breath left her raggedly. "You did say everything for the night." He hummed his consent as he kissed across her collarbone and unhooked her bra. Hawke pushed at his shoulders, shimmying it down her arms and tossing it to the floor. She slithered from his lap and laid back on the coffee table with a smile. "How about you put that silver tongue of yours to good use then?"


	51. Dirty Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirty Work by Halestorm

_Get on your knees_

_And let the games begin_

_Bow to your queen_

_And I will crown your head_

_Cause I can make you every inch a king_

_Before I do it, tell me_

_Tell me what’s in it for me_

He kissed her hair. "Are you writing a love song or a horror?"

"Why not both?" she chuckled turning her lips to his as she let the pen fall from her fingers.

"Too close to real life." Varric leaned his forehead against hers.

Hawke snorted. "No dead bodies for us to deal with this week or rampaging mages. Just the steady day jobs."

 "Which is why I'm surprised you're here at 9 in the morning. Not that I mind. You look as good at my desk as I do."

Hawke grinned as she stood to stretch. "Because it's Saturday and I made my own damn hours." She kissed him, soft brush of lips repeated until she slowly scribed her teeth across his bottom lip. Varric pushed her up on to the desk and trailed kisses down her throat. She continued, breath hitching. "Besides, I have an after-hours slot for a reason." A breathless giggle escaped her lips followed by a soft moan as his fingers tangled in her hair.

He nipped at her collar bone and then covered it with a gentle kiss. "How much of the after-hours slot am I allowed to take up?"

Hawke's laugh didn't bubble forth so much as it erupted. The force of it bent her forward, tears streaming down her face and on to his shoulder. "That was priceless, storyteller."

"It helps you have an easy sense of humor."

Another laugh escaped her as she laid back on the desk. She arched an eyebrow. "You're going to complain about me being easy?"

Varric ran his hands up her thighs to the edge of the red night dress, smirking at her. "And ruin the vision of you on my desk? Hardly."

She sighed at his touch. "Is it a productive kind of Saturday or a stay in bed kind of one?"

He nipped at her knee and then trailed his lips up her thigh as she squirmed. "Aren't you supposed to be at the market with your mother?"

She shook her head and lifted her hips as he slid the matching silk down her legs. "She's out visiting some noble or other." He placed a deceivingly chaste kiss on her inner thigh, smirking at her pout. She glared down at him. "No eligible sons to foist me off on."

Varric leaned over her. "That is not how you get me to continue."

Her eyes danced up at him. "Lucky me, my other life was as a rogue." She tangled her body around his, legs wrapped tightly around his waist. "Now you can't escape." Theirs laughs intertwined quickly followed by their lips and tongues. Hawke sighed gustily. "Maker, I'm glad I'm short."

Varric picked her up off the desk. "That makes two of us, menace. Now how about that lazy Saturday in bed?"


	52. Perks and Apologies

"You've gotten good with your magic. Broody may not appreciate you raining fire from the sky but I think it's beautiful."

Hawke laughed. "I thought he was going to stab me for a second. I gave the poor girl a job! Why would I want a slave? That's all very. Ugh." She waved her cards in the air.

"Just how did she take to being a free woman?"

Hawke tossed her cards down with a snort. "My mother adores her. She's going to be a proper lady's maid before she's done." She took a drink as he gathered the cards. "I'm glad we don't play for money anymore or I'd find myself indebted into your service."

Varric chuckled. "I could think of some perks to that."

Hawke's face scrunched around her pursed lips. "You're awful."

"And you are still awful at Wicked Grace. You had one night of beginner’s luck."

"That's because this game is cursed." He just shook his head and dealt out another hand. Hawke took one look at her cards and placed them on the table. She unwound herself from her spot on the couch, her short dress fluttering around her thighs as she stretched. She caught his eye and smiled before sidling over to his chair and sliding into his lap. "I'm calling for a break."

"This is a much better view then my cards anyway." Hawke chuckled and rolled her hips against his. She kissed her way down his jaw that was just a little prickly and would leave her red later. Hawke's communicator dinged making Hero woof.

She leaned her forehead to his and sighed. "It's still early enough I should check it." She leaned backwards to snake her arm across the coffee table while Varric traced his fingers up the bottom of her dress to tease across her stomach.

 F: _where are you_

H: _Varric's_

F: _I wanted to apologize for what I said. And have been waiting outside your apartment._

Hawke chuckled as she leaned back up. "I'll be right back, storyteller." She gave him a soft kiss before silently crossing his apartment and heading out the door.


	53. Stubborn Streak

Hawke's shoulders slouched. "I am not walking all the way back to the Hanged Man right now. I have a perfectly good estate right around the corner. You are welcome to come in, you know."

"Well since you offered." She stuck her key in the door and let them in.

"Hey Bodhain, Sandal!"

"Enchantment!"

Hawke smiled. "Something like that, Sandal."

"Will you need anything tonight? Your mother is still gone to visit her friend and will be for several days."

"No, Bodhain, take the night off. We will be fine." Bodhain waved Sandal to him and they went off.

"Those two are interesting."

Hawke smiled after them. "You have no idea. They do a great job taking care of things around here though."

"I'm surprised your mother lets you in."

She banged her way into the kitchen where she grabbed a kettle of water and tossed it on the stove. "We have an arrangement, Saturday mornings for market and the occasional noble gathering. I try not to come here often beyond that." She dug through a basket on the counter before tossing some tea bags into a pair of mugs. "It's handy when I need a quick break. Every time I visit Fenris I end up covered in blood and I am not showering in his haunted mansion."

She poured the boiling water over the tea bags and set a timer. "I imagine that would awkward with yours and Blondie's history anyway."

She rolled her eyes. "You aren't supposed to be bitter about that."

"I'm not bitter. I just wish he'd fall off a cliff when he looks at you sometimes."

Chuckling, she gave a him quick kiss. "Jealously ill becomes you, storyteller." She pulled off her armor and piled it on the table after checking each piece. "Huh. Not a single drop of blood." The timer went off and he tossed the teabags into the trash. He handed her a mug and she sighed into it. "I could live off tea."

He chuckled. "I'm replaced by bags of herbs. That's new."

She rolled her eyes and put down her mug. Hawke leaned into him for a kiss. She pulled away at the last second. "Only if there is no coffee."

He laughed into her smile before their lips and limbs tangled into each other. She sighed and leaned her head on his shoulder. "Aveline’s bounties are a pain.”

He rubbed the tight muscles in her lower back. "You should be used to them by now. You know don’t have to do every single one of them for her.” He chuckled. “Although I would hate to see how she would act if you told her no. She would probably spray you with water for misbehaving.”

She chuckled breathlessly. "That makes me sound like Hero before he was house broken."

"The dog was easier."

He saw Hawke flinch before she turned to the voice, face unreadable. "Hello, mother. I thought you were out visiting."

"I came home early. We don't always have to avoid each other, daughter. You do own half the estate with your brother and sister gone." Hawke just stared at her but Leandra continued. "You must be Messere Tethras."

He stepped forward and offered his hand. "Varric, please, it's a pleasure to finally meet you."

She shook it loosely. "We shall see. I was expecting someone taller but Amell's have strange tastes in lovers." Hawke made a strangled noise. She waved her daughter off. "I must insist we all have dinner together. It's been too long since Rose and I have visited and I would like the chance to gauge your worth. If I'm going to finally have grandchildren, I want to know all I need to know." She turned to waltz out of the kitchen. "Come on, dear. I still have some of Bethany's clothes. They should fit you well enough even with that bosom of yours."

Hawke glared at her mother's back. Varric gave a low whistle. "This will be an adventure."

"You aren't actually suggesting we have dinner with that woman?"

He shrugged. "I'll have to do it once, might as well get it over with."

She glared at him. "Traitor."

 

"You have fine tastes, Messere Tethras. I'm surprised you could convince my Rose into such a place."

Hawke sat with her back glued to the chair in one of Beth's pink gowns. She had hissed the entire way to the restaurant that she was going to burn it down with them within it. When Varric told her she looked nice, she quit speaking. She did look nice, the dress draped from the gold belt in floaty pink wisps. It left her arms bare and Leandra had sighed that anything lower than a turtleneck would be indecent with Hawke's endowments. It wasn't quite that bad, but he did appreciate the view. The color, however, made her look a ghastly shade of dead. That could have been caused by her mother though.

"Hawke enjoys many things I have found. She keeps me on my toes."

"Are you still a mercenary then, dear?"

"Yes, mother." She took a sip of her wine.

Leandra sighed. "Rose. Our name is restored, there is no need for you to work like a common rabble."

"My work is what kept us alive to get to that point, mother."

Varric shook his head as he looked between the two women. "You spend more time at your translating business then you do anything else. You really don't spend that much time stabbing random people anymore."

Leandra stared at her daughter. "Truly?" Hawke nodded. "Well, that's not so bad. That’s a respectable business. There is enough of it in Kirkwall to keep you busy."

Hawke did chuckle. "You have no idea. It takes me to other places on occasion but who else can claim to have met the Arishok and the viscount all in one day?"

She delicately put down her fork. "The Arishok? Wasn't that too dangerous?"

"No, Mom. He was pleasant actually, if a bit surly but pushy dwarves can do that to anyone." She pointedly did not look at Varric who was smirking. She kicked him and smiled when he winced.

"Oh that's good. They terrify me a bit. They are very large and then the horns. And so serious! Are their faces stuck like that?" Leandra shook her head. "And what do you do, Messere Tethras? I know you were part of the Deep Roads expedition my daughters went on." Her voice only caught slightly on daughters but Hawke was breathing a silent sigh of relief over it.

"I am a business man and sometimes author."

"That's exciting! What kind of business?"

"I own several here and aboard, I leave the management up to my people. My brother had the better head for dealing with it all but I have been successful at being on the Merchants Guild."

"Merchants Guild then." Leandra stared at her daughter who flushed her way through a large gulp of wine.

 

The rest of the evening passed peaceably enough. Varric was able to head off the arguments between the two women and discovered more about Hawke and her childhood then she would have ever dared mentioning. He also discovered where she had gotten her stubborn streak.

"Are you sure you won't move back in, dear?"

"I'm sure, Mom. My hours are all over the place, it would just make you worry."

Leandra placed her hand on Hawke's cheek. "I worry anyway, dear. Do be careful. I'd miss you too." She turned to Varric. "It was nice meeting you, serah. Take good care of my daughter, she doesn't watch herself enough. I look forward to meeting my grandbabies you know." She stepped into the house and closed the door.

"Very subtle there, mother." Hawke shook her head.

"You know you could live here."

"What? And miss being in the center of everything? I'm not the girl to glide through drafty halls and eat with five forks." She kicked a rock at him as they walked. "And subject myself to the endless rounds of all that times ten."

"So she is like that all the time." He kicked the rock back.

Hawke sighed. "Tonight was a good night."

"She's lonely." Hawke stopped and stared at him. He shrugged. "She's prickly so you don't see her being weak."

"That's silly. She's my mother. Anything she needs, I'll do it. Except live with her." She amended.

"Do you remember what your father looked like?"

"Vaguely."

"You look nothing like your mother. So every time she looks at you, she must see the man she ran away with to live happily ever after."

Hawke shifted uncomfortably. "I hadn't thought about that. She never mourned, you know. And never let us. She always talked like he'd walk back around the corner and come home again."

"I'm not saying you can fix it all, but maybe you could be less prickly with her too."

Hawke sighed and stepped into his arms. "You might be on to the something. If I promise to play nice, will you never repeat a single story she told you this evening?"

"Cross my heart."

Hawke giggled, leaning her forehead to his. "If I have to play very nice you better start picking out names for the kids then." Her laugh left her with a roar at the look on his face. "Oh Maker, Varric, I was joking."

He leaned down and caught her around the knees to carry her over his shoulder. She laughed and flailed. "Put me down, barbarian."

"No. I'm dumping you into the harbor."


	54. A Dragon's Worth of Politics

"Where's Hawke?" Varric coughed on the dust cloud the fallen dragon tossed up.

"Here!" She shoved at the dragon’s body. It didn't budge. "Void. Blighted dragon. I'm here!"

"Where is here, songbird?"

Hawke felt panic rising from her stomach. "UNDER THE BLIGHTED DRAGON!" Bela's face appeared above hers and she took a deep breath of relief wincing when it splintered against her ribs. "I think it broke all sorts of things."

"The miner said there was a huge dragon. You insisted we come finish it." Bela grinned.

"You agreed, pirate."

"I want one of its teeth."

Hawke coughed tasting blood. "Get me one too, after we get this thing off me."

Varric's face joined Bela's. "Unless you have a magic trick up your sleeve, give us a minute."

She grimaced as Fenris joined them to push it off her. "Unless you got lyrium in your pocket, you shut your mouth, storyteller." After several uncomfortable minutes of them shoving they got it off her. The free air did not feel good against Hawke's bruised lungs and body. She let her head fall back against the dirt. "Andraste's flaming ass, someone please hit me with a potion." Silence met her and she laughed which made her cough more blood. Hawke curled in on herself hissing. "I don't think I can get up."

"I'll go back in to town and get Anders. She shouldn't move with those injuries." Bela strapped her daggers to her back. "I'll be back quick as I can, songbird."

"I'll keep watch." Fenris went some ways away and stood sentinel over the Bone Pit.

Hawke gazed up at him. "That blighted bad?" She pushed her hair back wincing at the screams that ripped through her chest. She let fall where it may. "I'm not really feeling anything unless I move. Or breathe."

Varric settled on the ground next to her. "You look like shit, menace."

"You should see yourself." She gave a short cough and swallowed back the urge to spit. "That's going to be a black eye in the morning, storyteller." She glared up at him. "You better not be describing my guts for a book, or not even the Maker will be able to save you."

"And here I thought you didn't know how bad off you were." He took her hand, her tight grip at war with her joking demeanor.

She made a rude sound. "When you tell people about our escape from Lothering, why do you make it seem like I have food all over my face?"

He chuckled. "You're larger than life, Hawke. I had to give you a few flaws just to make you approachable."

"You just called me fat."

 "Yes, that's pretty much how I tell it. "Hawke rolled into the fray like a gigantic pudding, covered in gravy." It's more dramatic that way." Her face was paling, freckles stark against the white.

"You could at least dip me in chocolate, storyteller. I don't even like gravy." Her laugh was shaky and soft as her lashes fluttered shut.

"Stay with me, Hawke."

"Just resting my eyes. Bela probably had to find him in all the cat hair." Everything was heavy. "Bone Pit. I should have." Hawke fell silent.

She didn't need to be told she was in the Fade but the area was pretty enough and she was content to sit and wait. "Well, aren't you a tempting thing."

Hawke sighed. "I'm really not in the mood to play, spirit."

The creature laughed, taking a misty female form eerily similar to Bethany's. "Your body is a mangled mess. You are out of power and trapped here until you heal enough to return. This is my game. But you do not scream demon."

Hawke shrugged. "It's a choice, is it not? Or the waking world that corrupts you. As long as you’re not going to eat me, I'm too tired to care right now."

The spirit eyed her appraisingly and then sat before her. "I have not met a mortal like you in sometime." She waved a misty arm. "Perhaps we can make a deal."

"I don't want another voice in my head. I have enough people yelling at me." Hawke shook her head.

"Power in exchange for glimpses of your life and time in your world. I would not be with you all the time. Just moments." The spirit was quiet a moment. "I was not always this way. It is something for you to think on, Hawke. If you wish to make my deal, you will be able to find me."

She slowly came back to the waking world. Something was poking her eye and nose, feathers. "You're not Varric." She mumbled.

Anders' chuckle rumbled in his chest next to her ear. "No. He is too injured to carry you and has been plotting my death. We're almost back to Kirkwall."

She winced at a jarring step. "Some healer you are. I hurt."

"Don't shove your dagger in to the shoulder from underneath next time. Or take the healer when you go dragon hunting."

The world began to spin again. "I don't want to hunt dragons. I want to be a dragon."

 

"How are you feeling, Hawke?"

She squinted up at him. "Like a blighted dragon sat on me." She pulled the blankets back over her head. "I am not ready to get up yet."

Varric chuckled. "Good. Because I'm ready to go bed. Make some room, menace." She scooted over just enough to let him to bed before curling against his body.

"Hero and Demon?"

"In the living room and the door is open so they can come check on you." He kissed her hair, carefully adjusting his arm to not jostle her.

She sighed happily. "This is much better." Her eyes flashed open. "Did I drop the dragon on me or did someone else drop the dragon on me?"

Varric stared at the ceiling and cleared his throat. "You tried to stick yourself through the dragon, but I also shot it through the eye."

Hawke gave a short laugh, tensing in pain. "Next time I won't stand under the dragon, that was a poor tactical decision."

She felt his chest rumble with his laugh. "That would make it easier, menace."

She sighed. "Easier. What am I going to do with the Qunari?"

"Your damnedest."

"Pbbt. I'm doing that. The Arishok is angry, and rightly so. They haven't done anything other than sit peacefully in their compound the past few years while Petrice has stirred up trouble. She murdered the Viscount's son to try and start a war and tried to pin it on me. The bitch." She twirled her fingers through his chest hair and traced the circle of his necklace. "I still want her head on a pike and she's dead. But I don't find the Qunari at fault for executing her and I said that to the viscount and the court." She chuckled. "And Aveline."

"I bet that went over great."

Hawke carefully leaned up on an elbow. "Better then Swords and Shields has. She's still threatening to take your printing press you know, especially after that whole confusion with the Rose."

"Falsely accused." He grinned before kissing her fingers.

"Oh, I won't tell, storyteller." She sighed, laying her head on his shoulder. "The viscount has washed his hands of the situation and the city. The nobles are looking to me if anything else arises. Maker, Varric. I don't want that."

"You did say you'd make a better viscount."

"And don't you dare tell my mother."


	55. Legacy

Hawke was sprawled out by the bar when Varric found her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She toyed with her drink

He took the seat across from her. "I should have carried you back to Kirkwall over my shoulder the moment we smelled those dead guild members."

Hawke smiled shaking her head. "It's better knowing. And the Carta is done trying to murder me." She smirked. "You were very valiant at trying to keep me behind you."

Varric shrugged and took a drink. "I was defending your honor after you ripped your clothing in half."

"Blame my mother for talking me into robes. " Hawke rolled her eyes. "I didn't know they were that confining, like I'm some Chantry sister. It's no wonder Beth had such a hard time getting around. I'm not in the Circle so I won't wear that garbage. Ever. Again. I don't care if it boosts my abilities. Leather is fine." They sat quietly for a while. Hawke tapped a song along the side of her drink. "I am sorry about Gerav though."

He shook his head. ”You don't live long in the Carta that's why I got out. Weird shit is always happening in that line of work."

Hawke debated a second before opening her mouth. "You know more darkspawn things? I am never going into the Deep Roads with you again. It gets weirder every time." They both chuckled. "I wish, I wish Beth had been there. She knew dad so well.”

"What about your brother?"

Hawke gave a mirthless chuckle. "I could hear Carver screaming in my head. You were his favorites. Just look how proud he wouldn't be that his little rogue grew up into a Mage. He wanted you to be normal but you couldn't even fake that." She took a gulp of her drink and glared at the empty glass. "Dead bastard."

He reached across the table and took her hands. He ran his thumbs across her knuckles, counting the scars that peppered her hands. "How did your Mom take it all?"

She gave his fingers a squeeze. "Okay. She. Well she was upset. She never knew what all he did to keep her safe. I'd be upset too. So keep that in mind."

Varric shook his head smiling. "I’m pretty sure you can take care of yourself."

She grinned. "Damn right. Although it took you long enough to figure that out.”

“Owch. I thought we agreed to let go of that whole Bianca thing.”

“I agreed to let go of it when I finally stopped being angry over you deciding I couldn’t handle an angry ex-girlfriend who wanted your business empire and your idea of safety was a box of lies.” She sighed dramatically. “Lies. I could have lost my mind and cut off all my hair.”

He rolled his eyes. “I happen to know of a shipment of rare books coming in for auction at the Merchant’s Guild. I may know the seller, and could get them for a good price before they hit the auction.”

Hawke’s eyes narrowed. “Bribery is wrong, storyteller.”

“Only if you don’t make a profit.” Hawke grinned.


	56. Burning in the Skies

Hawke sighed working the towel across her wet hair. "I'm really tired of breaking into the blighted Gallows for Anders." She winced as the towel caught on a cut bisecting her shoulder. "I'm all for freeing my fellow mages but he's going to get me killed or worse." She crushed the towel in her hands. "Alric was a dick, and we saved that girl and he almost killed her! For what?"

Varric met her glare as he handed her a drink. "He almost killed you when you got between them."

She took a sip and chuckled. "Yes, I heard about the little talk you had with him. I am not a fragile little flower, Varric."

"That's not going to keep me from dropping him if he hurts you, babe." He laid a gentle kiss on her forehead before tossing her towel towards the bathroom. "What did those papers say?"

She took another sip, sinking against the pillows. "That the tranquil solution had been denied, on every level. Alric was its only voice."

"Is he still calling for the death of every Templar?" He settled in beside her as she drained her drink setting the empty glass on the night stand.

"Yes. That's not going to fix anything either. There are good Templars. Emeric, Thrask, Moira, even the Knight Captain has a few redeeming qualities." She tapped her fingers together. "When he isn't screaming at you like an utter fool."

He pulled her close. He could never get tired of the feel of her next to him, or the smell of her. She always smelled like vanilla and leather, and days she spent in the shop meant she smelled like paper and ink too. "Written anymore songs?"

She hummed, dark lashes against the constellations of freckles. "At this rate I'll have to start singing on Fridays again. Mom is a good audience but it's not the same."

"The stage is open anytime you want it."

She gave a soft chuckle. "I don't know. Maybe." She turned to kiss him. "Maybe if you'll take me dancing after."

It was a slow kiss, the kind that were a thousand kisses blended together. Lips tugged against each other before gliding smoothly back together. His hand cradled her cheek. "I'll take you dancing, menace.


	57. Just A Song

Hawke's hair fell around her as she sat scribbling in the Amell mansion as she waited for her mother to get ready for their weekly trip to the Hightown market, humming the melody as she attempted to get the lyrics just right. Leandra brushed the hair back from her daughter's face.  "I thought it was your boyfriend who was the writer."

Hawke smiled. "This is just a song, nothing so fancy as a book."

"Do you still sing at the Hanged Man?"

Hawke shook her head. "I got sick of singing other people's songs." She tapped her pencil on the paper. "I miss it sometimes."

Leandra sat beside her. "Then sing your own. You can't stay in your dusty shop all the time." She chuckled. "Carver complained about living in your shadow, but he never bothered watching you shine. You were the one singing them songs when your father was too tired or stealing food when we had no money. Life was an adventure for you, with everything for the taking." She hugged her tight. "Shine as long as you want, love. I will cheer for you. Even when we don't agree."

"Now I'm going to cry, Mom."

"That was a lot easier then saying I'm sorry for how I've treated you. But I am. Your brother and sister made their choices. It's not fair that I blamed you. Maker knows you tried to keep them out of trouble." She smiled slyly. "Let's blame Gamlen."

Hawke giggled, wiping tears from her eyes. "Oh yes."

Leandra stared at the words as they danced across the paper. "If you decide to sing again, would you mind if I came?"

Hawke stared at her owlishly. "You want to come down to The Hanged Man."

"One day you may set your sights on a better venue, but it'll do for now." Hawke snorted. "I don't want to watch you stab people, I get in the way at the shop, and following you around for your ambassador duties sounds traumatizing."

Hawke shook her head, smiling. "I'll let you know." She thought a moment. "Could I practice here? I think I want to surprise Varric with it."

 

Everyone was gathered around the table, even Aveline and Donnic had wandered down from their nest at the Keep. Bela and Daisy kept giggling and shooting glances at the stage. Varric shuffled the cards and resisted checking his crystal again. "Anyone know where Hawke is?"

"Oh, she'll be here, Varric. She wouldn't miss it."

"Lady Amell." Anders noticed her first.

She smiled uncertainly, twisting the ring on her finger. "Rose invited me down for the evening. And please, call me Leandra."

Varric pulled out a chair for her. "Join us. Norah? Our finest for Hawke's lovely lady mother." Norah nodded, open mouthed and ran for the bar.

Leandra perched on the seat and Isabela reached across the table for a hug. "It's a pleasure to see you again, Leandra. You remember me, of course." Leandra nodded, her smile warming. "And Merrill. This is Anders, he runs a clinic for Kirkwall's poor."

He stretched his hand across the table. "And a former Ferelden myself."

Her smile widened as she shook his hand. "We dog lords have to stick together to irritate the natives." He chuckled.

Varric continued the introductions. "You know our guard captain and the man making moon eyes at her is Donnic."

"Oh, is he the man from your book?"

Varric arched an eyebrow. "You read them?"

She returned the arched look. "All of them." Anders chuckled into his drink as Bela whooped.

Varric shook his head as Norah handed Leandra her drink. "Moving along to Fenris, also known as Broody. He doesn't like hugs."

He nodded in greeting. "Exceptions being lovely women."

Leandra smiled over her drink. "You are far too young for me, dear." Fenris toasted her.

"All that's left is your lovely daughter."

Leandra smirked, an eerie match to Hawke's. "Oh, she'll be along soon I imagine." She set down her drink. "Is the band setting up?"

Everyone's eyes went eagerly to the stage as Varric started dealing cards. It was the same band that had played the last several Friday's. They were a good group; an elven band Hawke had found in the Alienage. She had found most of the bands that played at the Hanged Man these days, including the dwarven girl who djed after shows. The lights cut as the music roared to life.

“Am I brave enough? Am I strong enough? To follow the desire that burns from within.” The lights flared to life on the stage as realization struck him. Hawke twined herself around the microphone, roses climbing up her leg to the short black dress as she sang. Fire danced from her hands as the crowd roared. “I don't believe I'll fall from grace won't let the past decide my fate.”

Leandra dabbed at her eyes beside him. “That’s my girl.”

Varric grinned at her. “She knows how to work a crowd.”

The music changed and Hawke waved to their table. Bela pulled Daisy up for a dance. He missed the first few lines before the crowd quieted. “I am beautiful with you even in the darkest part of me.” He smiled, thinking of the writing she had hurried to hide from him a couple weeks ago. Others broke off into pairs to join Rivaini and Daisy. Hawke swayed with the microphone. “Does it make you weak if you're needing someone? I'm not holding back and I know what I want.”

Hawke and the band played several more songs before they bowed off the stage amid thunderous applause. Hawke joined them at the table grinning, giving her mother a hug before sliding into a chair on the other side of Varric. “So, how was my return to the stage?”

Varric tugged her to him with a smile. “You are stunning.” He kissed her senseless before releasing her back to her chair.

Hawke continued to smile. “Best night ever. Deal me a lucky hand, storyteller.”


	58. Not Before Coffee, Storyteller

"I see you are finally up." Hawke was seated at his desk, her requisite two mugs of black coffee steaming in morning light.

She yawned, head in hand and elbow on the desk. Her black robe had slipped off her shoulder, just barely concealing the swell of her bosom that was resting on the desk itself. She snorted at his gaze. "Not until I've had my coffee."

Varric grinned. "I'm better then coffee."

She rolled her eyes. "Debatable, storyteller. You woke me up, at some ungodly hour and have the audacity to be all bright eyed and bushy tailed. No work, no play, no nothing until I get my pitch black happiness with two sugars."

He took a step toward her, grin turning to playful smirk. Hawke waved her hand encasing his feet in ice. Varric strained to lift his feet but he was firmly frozen to the floor. "Impressive for the not mage."

"Practice makes perfect. It works really well for stabbing people." She grinned. "It melts eventually with no puddles."

He watched her carefully as she snuggled back into his chair, looking very pleased with herself. "So how long will this ice hold?"

She was gazing down at her open book, eyes scanning the words as she lazily took another sip. "When I'm done with my coffee."

Varric was at her shoulder, spinning the chair so she faced him before she got the page turned. "You should have frozen more than just the boots, menace."

Hawke chuckled and let the other shoulder fall. "I told you I need my coffee, storyteller."


	59. A Noble Party

"Maker. It's been almost four years and the oxmen are still here."

Hawke smiled sweetly over her glass of overpriced juice. "The Arishok is quite pleasant."

The woman set down her glass, staring at her. "Surely you jest, Lady Amell."

"Hawke, Lady Amell is my mother." She corrected her coolly. "And I do not. All of my dealings with him have been fair and cordial."

The woman turned up her nose. "Your mother said you had dealings with him when you were still a mercenary but surely there is no need for that now."

Hawke's sweet smile returned. "Oh but there is! I'm the official liaison between the Viscount and the Arishok. We did not regain our nobility on my mother's good graces alone."

“I just hope they don’t move into Hightown with you then.” The woman sniffed and walked away while Hawke chuckled into her glass.

Varric wandered up to her. "You look like you're having fun, my lady Hawke."

Hawke gave a disgusted snort. "Don't you start, dwarf. You better have a dashing rescue up your sleeve before I throw myself from the balcony."

He leaned against the wall beside her with a chuckle. "You cleaned up well, menace." The floor length red dress hugged every curve of her body, the intricate lace both concealing and revealing the skin beneath it.

She made a rude sound. "Says you. I can't wait to be freed from this blighted thing. I can't even bend over. Or breathe. Or eat. Or drink. Worst party ever."

"It could be worse, no one has died or proposed." He took a drink as she glared at him.

"I will murder their children myself and solve both problems." Varric choked on his drink and she grinned in triumph. "I'd have to kill them with the punch bowl. Or hang from the chandelier until they died of shock."

He shook his head. "You've actually been nobles for some time."

She nodded glaring at the guests. "It took that long for her to plan this. And to get me to agree to be here."

"You know what else is today?" She arched an eyebrow. "A day for second chances."

She smiled. "You would. But I can't leave until this is over or she will kill me. And you probably."

"Oh, Rivaini is taking care of that." There was an explosion towards the back of the mansion.

Hawke turned to him, grinning. "Maker, Varric, you are the best. I would kiss you if I could bend over that far."

He grabbed her hand pulling her towards the room she kept in the mansion. "Then let's get you out of it so you can properly thank your daring hero."


	60. A Keeper's Job

"How is your Eluvian coming, Merrill?"

"I thought the Arulin'Holm would fix it." The elf let her head fall into her hands. "Am I crazy?"

"What? Merrill, no." Hawke knelt before her. "Why would you think that?"

"I keep dreaming of Pol's face. He was terrified of me and it killed him."

Hawke wrapped her arms around her friend. "Oh, Daisy, it's not your fault. You are trying to restore a part of your people's past. One day they will understand. Telanadas. Ir abelas."

Merrill nodded returning the hug. "Even if they hate me, I'll know I helped them. And you have helped me, Ma serannas lethallan." She laughed, releasing her. "Your elvish is coming along nicely though. You didn't even have an awful accent."

Hawke sat on the floor chuckling. "I have a good teacher." Her eyes gleamed. "Any more stories I can write down for you?"

"Yes! I thought of some more while I was shopping. Do you know how much those help with the classes?"

Hawke scrambled to her feet and pulled down their book of Dalish tales. "Do you know what a gift you are to the world, Merrill? Dalish stories that haven't been obliterated by the chantry is a beautiful thing."

Merrill smiled. "It's a Keeper's job to remember. I'm going to help the world remember us."


	61. Frolicking in the Forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut. So much smut.

Hawke flopped herself into her bed roll before pulling out her phone. _So Dalish frolicking actually involves 20 pounds of elfroot. I can't say I was expecting that out of our tiny blood mage._

_Having fun then?_

She huffed at her phone before dancing her fingers across the keys. _If by fun you mean I'm listening to them frolick in the bedroll on the other side of a curtain and heaved my dinner all over a shrub. Sure. Working on being sexually frustrated and poison ivy go so great together._

Varric chuckled at his phone. _You could have stayed home, menace._

_The views off the mountain are incredible. And maybe I was hoping to meet a sweet little elf maid of my own ;)_

After several minutes of no response Hawke smirked. _Still alive there, storyteller?_

_Deciding if I want that mental image or not_

She laughed softly. _I'm thinking a blonde with enough chest I have to use both hands. She better smell like cinnamon too. Mmm. Cinnamon rolls. I wonder if Merrill can make those on a fire._

_I'm going back to my book while you have your fantasy bakery date._

_Dates are overrated. I've never been on a real date._

Varric stared at his phone a moment _. I was going to be offended but I haven't taken you on one. Surely those idiots in Ferelden at least tried?_

Hawke snorted before rolling her eyes at the exaggerated sighs coming from the other side of the tent. _Come look at my Mabari puppies was the most common date. And date, storyteller? I wasn't sure we were that kind of thing._

He glared at her response. _I think kissing you in the middle of Lowtown made us that kind of thing among all the rest. But if you want it official, I qualify it as such._

Hawke flushed. _I was just teasing. If you want to go on a date, I'm game. I could get used to this thing. I may be partial to your bed too. Why are there so many rocks? Also how are those two still going? Don't they get tired?_

He smirked at his phone. _Maybe it's a challenge to see who is louder_

He managed to read several pages before getting her responses. The first was a picture, her top pulled low so her chest seemed to explode from its constraints and dimpling across her peaks. The second message zoomed in shortly after. _Wanna help? ;)_

He set the book on the coffee table, followed by his glasses. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the phone again to make sure he saw what he thought he did. Another picture pinged in. Her shirt had been dragged down further, nipples exposed to the night and tightening against the air. _Or I could keep sending you pictures and imaging your reaction._

_You are a tease._

She chuckled at his response and fired off another picture _. This is being a tease._ Hips lifted from the ground and her fingers just under the waistband of her shorts, a sliver of pale skin showing between the blacks. He could just see the faint pucker of scarred flesh that danced across her hip.

_I'll play your game, menace._

_Do I get pictures too?_

_Maybe. And I intend to be very demanding._

She shivered, grinning _. Well. You have my attention then._

_Naked._

She huffed. _Definitely more fun when I can see your eyes, storyteller._

_Pictures are worth a thousand words, menace._

She smiled and tossed her clothes somewhere near her feet. She snapped another picture down her body. The scatter of freckles that dusted her nose left constellations across her chest. His eyes traveled down the channel between her breasts across the soft stomach she cursed occasionally. Her broad hips seemed almost vulnerable in the filtered moonlight and camera flash. His eyes traced the scar he had repeatedly traced with his tongue. One day he would have to ask her how she got it. He fired off a text _. I have to admit the change of perspective is enlightening. This is how you get to see yourself._

_Flaws and all._

_Perfection is for fools. Demanding can wait until you get home. I just want pictures._

Hawke smirked and took a picture of the barely visible moon and sent it.

_Fine. Pictures of you touching yourself. I need a little more inspiration then a moon._

She chuckled _. I don't think I'm flexible enough to send you a picture of mine_. Bela and Merrill were still whispering endearments and trying to conceal their moans. Hawke returned to her task at hand. Balancing her crystal on her chin with her thumb hovering on the rune she sent her other hand traveling across her body. He was right, this perspective was enlightening. She snapped several pictures while kneading her breast, fingers dancing across her nipple until it formed a hard peak. She slowly pinched, eyes rolling in pleasure. She fired them off. _How about this?_

Varric groaned, book long forgotten. He stood kicking off his pants and stretching out on the couch. He smiled at her last text and then sent one of his own.

Hawke's jaw fell slightly when it came in. At this point she had seen him a hundred times but Maker. A soft moan crossed her lips and she glanced at the still curtain. She followed the line of his arm down his body, eyes dancing along veins, to where his hand was wrapped around his cock. She followed the vein that ran from base to tip, imagining tracing her tongue along it before wrapping her lips around his head _. If you could see what's in my head_

_If it involves your lips, then we are brilliant_

She chuckled and ran her down her body unsurprised when her fingers slid easily along her slit and twirling against her nub. She fired off another picture before picking up her pace.

A moan left Varric's lips and he upped his speed at the picture of her fingers slid between her legs. The flash highlighted the wet that graced her skin. _And if I was there?_

_Maker, you'd better be pounding me_

_Without a doubt and what would you say?_ Another picture hit her phone, his hips mid buck.

Hawke moaned arching into her hand, head thrown back and eyes closed. "Harder."

The curtain ripped down. "Did you find us inspirational, song bird?"

"Void! You couldn't wait five seconds?!" She sat up, coming off the back edge of orgasm with a gnashing of teeth. "You owe me, Rivaini."

Bela just smirked. "How would you like me to pay that debt? Now? You look like you need some help." She glanced at the phone in Hawke's roll. "Or not. No wonder you couldn't give him up.”

Hawke flipped it over and glared at her. Merrill murmured sleepily from their bedroll. "Come back to bed, Bela. I'm cold."

Isabela stared down at Merrill with soft eyes. "Okay, kitten." She flashed Hawke a grin before snuggling in next to the elf. "Night, Hawke."

"Fall off a cliff." She heard Bela's chuckle as she curled on to her side with her back to them under her blanket. _I hope one of us had a happy ending. I got rudely interrupted._

He dropped his arm over his eyes, groan and laughter mixing. _I owe you then._

_Everyone owes me. I'm going to spend tomorrow hiking to the top of a mountain with my brain everywhere but the scenery._

He snapped one last picture and sent it, waiting for a volcanic torrent in response.

Her eyes widened at the sight of him undone. One leg bent and cum dripping down his knuckles _. Oh_ Several moments later he got another. _Or maybe I just needed the right inspiration._

He chuckled. _Glad I could help._

She fired off one more text before letting her mind relax with her body. _You better not be working when I get back. Or we will test the limits of that pretty desk...night storyteller_

_You're assuming we'll get past the door, sleep well menace_


	62. Defenseless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Break In by Halestorm. Its time for very important words between these two. But its Hawke and Varric so nothing goes right. 
> 
> This is a previously posted item for Valentine's Day, albeit now heavily edited and reworked. The original wasn't awful and its still floating around on here but it didn't work for the story anymore and that is what I originally wrote it for.

_What are you doing Saturday?_

_Uh. Not working._

_How about a date?_

_Really, storyteller? I'd drop 95% of everything for a date._

_What's that 5%?_

_Actively injured and bleeding._

_Good point. Bleed on Blondie, he handles it better. Meet me at the cafe at 7?_

_What? You are willingly going to my favorite place? I thought it was too clean for you, without enough dark corners for lurking Carta._

_Don't ruin it, menace._

Hawke smoothed her hands over her dress one more time, staring at her reflection in the shop glass. It wasn't often they had a date, most nights were Wicked Grace or reading followed by frolicking amongst the sheets. They still had separate apartments but Hawke rarely saw hers anymore. The little red dress hit just above the knee, hugging her curves suggestively all the way up to its demure neckline. She had her hair up minus a few curls gracing her neck amidst the sparkle of earrings. The dark lined eyes that hung over ruby red lips were not diminished by the small gold ball that sat serenely on her nose, no matter her mother's argument to the contrary.

Hawke shook her head at her reflection. "Nerves? I routinely face down blood mages, dragons, and Meredith. But a short, hairy scoundrel makes my boots shake." She gave herself a grin and wandered down to the corner cafe. The lights within lit up the inside like it was noon and she pushed the door open to its merry little bell.

"Hello, Hawke!" The boy waved from the counter.

"Hiya, kid!" Hawke tickled him. "How's my favorite muffin tester?"

The little boy grinned. "Mama says I'm going to give her nightmares but wanted me to thank you for the lessons with Messere Anders. We don't have to buy ice anymore!"

"Aw, that's great!"

An older woman stepped through the kitchen door drying her hands on her apron. "Don't encourage him too much, Champion. He's too young to go on your adventures." Her smile was warm as she watched Hawke play with her son, mixing his ice with her fire.

The little boy pouted. "But, mama, I want to be a hero like Hawke!"

Hawke tousled his hair. "Be a better hero then me, Ryland."

"Messere Tethras is in the back room already. And it’s time for you to take a bath, young man." The boy gave Hawke a hug before whining his way through the kitchen doors. "Thank you, Hawke, for everything."

Hawke flushed slightly. "Keep serving the best coffee in the Free Marshes and I will name my first born after you, Mauve. Helping you guys was the right thing to do and he deserves a happy life." Mauve nodded, tight lipped but smiling.

Hawke swaggered through the door into the private room. It was normally reserved for business meetings that occurred at the cafe but Mauve had occasionally set Hawke up in it when she had a hangover. Tonight, it was lit with candles and roses were scattered across the table set for two. His customary red silk shirt had been replaced with a shirt so dark it was midnight of a new moon. The candlelight glittered off his earrings and his necklace, occasionally setting his dark eyes blazing. Hawke silently took her chair with a swallow, bottom lip worried between her teeth. "Well, storyteller, you do know how to surprise a girl."

He laughed. "It helps when the girl doesn’t get taken on romantic dates." He tipped a bottle of wine into her glass.

She took a sip. "That is divine." Her blue eyes sparkled across the table at him. "Romance? I don't think I know that word."

"You are a menace."

Hawke laughed. "If I was easy all the time, we would never get our day jobs done." She sat silently a moment swirling her glass. "I'm not good with romantic. I don't know how to act. Do I swoon? Bat my eyelashes so hard and fast I pass out?"

Varric's eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline. "What? Has no one ever tried to appropriately woo you?"

She gave a derisive snort. "David is the extent of my romantic experiences other then you."

Varric sighed. "That boy was an idiot. And I would have to lie if I said I've done it the right way."

"Right way, wrong way. Are you happy?"

"Most of the time."

"Same here. Obviously we aren't screwing it up too much. Besides, everyone is jealous." She giggled into her wine. "Except for Bela and Merrill who make comic strips on it." She threw her arm dramatically over her eyes. "Oh, Varric, I may perish from pleasure." Her giggle erupted into full blown laughter that he joined in with.

"I have to admit; this is a lot more boring than a normal night for us."

Hawke smirked. "Well, we could fix that by there not being a table in the middle."

"Or use the table." Hawke flushed at his words.

"You better not!" Mauve stepped into the room. "Unless you want to buy a new one, Messere Tethras. I don't run that kind of establishment." She slammed another bottle down on the table. "And that's the last one. Your brooding friend and the mage drank the rest earlier. Strange ones those two."

"Thank you, Mauve." Hawke kept her face mostly neutral but her contained laughter was making her nose twitch.

Mauve stomped back to the door before turning to glare at Varric. "You break her heart again and I will make sure to put soap in all your drinks." She closed the door with a tiny slam.

Hawke laid her head on the table, tears streaming down her face and howling with laughter. "The look on your face. Oh, void, that was good."

Varric glared at her momentarily before shaking his head. "Nothing goes as planned with you. Let's take the bottle and go."

Hawke continued to giggle as he pulled her from her seat and swiped the bottle. "It's because I'm so fun and charming." They left the cafe hand in hand.

 

Hawke planted her feet on the bottom of the railing, bracing her hands across the top. "There is nothing better than watching the moon rise over the sea." She gazed out over the water, a soft smile on her face. Varric was looking at her. "What are you thinking about?"

He gave an aggravated sigh before kicking the railing and staring out at the water. "Wishing I was taller."

"What?"

"It would be nice to have you looking up at me every once in a while. I'm getting a crick in my neck."

Hawke shifted her feet off the rail and turned to him. "I can think of some occasions where I have been." Her smirk set off her dimpled cheeks and the moonlight caused her skin to glow under the freckles.

He gave a huff. "Not even the same."

Hawke's eyes narrowed mischievously before leaning towards him. "So. You're upset because our heights are not compatible to cheesy romance novels. Height has nothing to do with you sweeping me off my feet, storyteller. I fit pretty perfectly in your arms the times you've carried me." She leaned her head against his shoulder. "I think you're perfect."

He kissed her hair and smiled. "That makes it better then."

"Besides," she turned her sparkling eyes on him. "You're the perfect height for the boobs. Life can't be so bad being eye level with those.” Varric shook his head, wrapping an arm around her waist. They gazed out at the water lost in their own thoughts for a time. Hawke stood and stretched before leaning back against the railing. "So how was this night supposed to go?"

"Quiet, preferably with you swooning over how romantic I was and not leaving the cafe until we had talked about everything."

Hawke arched an eyebrow. "Everything? I think we've covered most of it."

He moved between her knees and took her hands, running his thumbs over her scarred knuckles. Her smile gave him the courage to say what needed to be said. "Hawke, I-."

"Oy. Look at these love birds." Three men swaggered up lane towards. "A dwarf and human, that's weird. She's pretty enough. Dump him over the railing and let's have some fun."

Hawke sighed. "It's never a dull moment, storyteller." They faced the would be attackers head on. "Fire?"

"Definitely. Why do we go anywhere unarmed?"

Hawke chuckled. "I am never unarmed."

"Come here, pretty lady." The man's words were cut off as he started screaming, his pants aflame. He dropped to his knees and Varric took him out with a swift punch.

The other two threw themselves at Hawke. She hit one square in the face but the other took the opening in her side with a blade. She hissed as she sank to the ground but froze them both in place.

"Hawke!" She waved him off. He shook his head and punched both brittle men letting them drop where they may. He knelt beside her. "How bad is it?"

Her breath was strangled. "He didn't get between ribs. But it hurts."

He pushed her to her side and inspected the damage. "You're lucky it was dull. You are going to have an ugly bruise." He ripped the hem off her dress and held it to the wound until it stopped bleeding. "Lucky mage or not, you're going to have a scar."

"Just let me concentrate a little, okay?" The wound glowed faintly before closing into an angry red line bisecting the blooming bruise.

She sat up and leaned her head on his chest. "I didn't think Blondie was teaching you healing."

She chuckled. "He changed his mind after he had to heal the 100th minor burn from setting myself on fire."

Varric joined her laughter. "Come on, Hawke. Let's find some place indoors."

"What were you going to say? I can sit here all night." Her blue eyes stared up at him. Freckles dusted across her broken nose in stark contrast to her moonlit skin. The night darkened her hair to black as it blew haphazardly about her. Dusky rose lips were turned up slightly on the corners as she watched him.

"The perfect moment was ruined, menace. We’ll try again later."

She smiled shaking her head. "Perfect moments are overrated."

"Says the woman covered in blood, half her dress torn and surrounded by bodies."

She rolled her eyes but took his offered hand. She kissed him hard. "Fine, storyteller. But after I get a shower, I'm going to sit on you until you tell me.”

Hawke stared at her hands in disgust. She had knitted together her flesh enough to keep from bleeding but the muscles were too strained for her to wash the muck from her hair. "That's what you get for laying in your own blood, dummy." She sighed again as Varric stepped into the bathroom.

"Are you drowning?"

She gave a derisive snort. "I can't wash my hair. It makes my vision spotty."

He stepped into the shower behind her, placing a kiss on her shoulder. "You could just ask me instead of boring holes in the tile."

She gave him a soft smile. "It's a lot of hair."

"I can manage. Sit." She folded gracefully to the floor and he grabbed her bottle of shampoo. Within seconds she was relaxed beneath his hands as he rubbed her scalp.

Hawke hummed. "Maker, I should be helpless more often."

"As long as it's not from disastrous injuries I could be okay with that. Head down." When he got to her neck, he worked the tension out of it. "You could break down gates this stiff." He felt her chuckle more then heard it. He ran the bubbles through to the ends several times. "Need help up?"

She shook her head, reversing the tangle of limbs that had taken her to the floor. She turned to face him, water pounding on the back of her skull. "I didn't know story telling made for such great hands."

"It's the crossbow." He watched the water travel down her chest where it hung to a taut peak before beading and falling.

Hawke hummed running her fingers through her hair, rinsing the last of the suds free and smiling at his darkening gaze as her body swayed to accommodate the movement. "I think I may be more impressed by your self-control, storyteller. Or disappointed. Probably disappointed."

He smirked before knocking her feet out from under her just to catch her against him. She laughed. "You know you can only do that because I let you."

"Do you ever stop talking, menace?"

She tucked her bottom lip between her teeth before releasing it slowly with a smile, her eyes darkening to midnight fire. "Make me."

He shook his head before brushing his lips against hers. He smiled at her whine before kissing her again. Lips and teeth nipped before she traced her tongue along his lower lip and then tangling their tongues together. The water continued to beat down on them, washing her hair into her face.

She pulled away. "This is overrated. Bed. I don't want to eat hair."

Hours later they were languidly tangled in his bed sheets. Hawke was curled against his side, humming while dancing her fingers through his chest hair.  He kissed the top of her head. "About earlier?"

"Mm. You distracted me from sitting on you."

"Not technically." They both chuckled. He tightened his arm around her shoulders. "I love you."

She wiggled free of his arm to lean on her elbow to stare down at him. One eyebrow threatened to arch into her hairline but instead she smiled. "You planned an elaborate date for that.”

"It seemed like a good idea." He moved is gaze to the ceiling. "And if you don't want to go there yet I'll just-."

Hawke cut him off with a kiss that left them breathless. "I love you too." He smiled before claiming her lips again. She snuggled back into her spot and giggled. "I thought you knew that."

"That's not something you should assume."

"No." She said softly. "But sometimes that's what I mean when I say storyteller."

He kissed her forehead again. "Menace."


	63. Partners

"Bianca the not crossbow!" Hawke landed on top of market stall, hands gripping the railing with a grin.

"Ugh." The dwarf pushed back her hood.

Hawke cackled, now dangling upside down from the market stall. "You are the informant? Well, well. The world is a strange place."

Bianca kicked the dirt. "Don't push it, Ferelden."

"Kirkwaller. I'm disappointed you haven't tried to stab me."

The dwarf woman settled her fists on her hips. "If I had known you weren't going to affect my business I wouldn't have bothered with all that. It's nice seeing him happy."

Hawke tilted her head back and forth with an amused smile. "You could have just asked you know. I was interested in the dwarf. The business is his monster."

Varric stopped dead in his tracks. "You two are playing nice." The women looked him, matching gleams in their eyes. "Hawke, why are you upside down?"

She dropped from the stall. "For the drama, storyteller, since I don't need the extra height advantage." She grinned at Bianca and stuck out her hand. "Truce?"

Bianca returned the grin and shook. "Truce." The two women wandered off as Bianca gave Hawke a rundown of her information.

Anders huffed to a stop beside Varric and gave the dwarf a shake at his slack jawed look. "Cat got your tongue?"

"My life just became very complicated."

Anders laughed. "Your enemies won't last long with those two working together."

Varric rubbed his hand across his face. "If they don't kill me in the process."

Hawke’s voice sang back to them. "Come on, Varric, we have bastards to kill!"


	64. A Kitchen Mystery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silly Fluff

"Varric!" Hawke's voice echoed from the kitchen. He stretched at his desk before wandering in to see what the matter was. "We have a problem."

She had an upper cabinet open and was glaring at the top shelf. He raised an eyebrow. "And that is?"

"Some jackass tall person put the chocolate on the top shelf."

Varric chuckled even as she glared at him. "There isn't much I can do for you, menace. I'm even shorter then you are."

Hawke huffed, blowing her hair from her face. "I refuse to start my day without it." She eyed the counter top. "Watch my ass. I don't want to fall."

"There is worse things to watch." She clambered up on to the counter with a giggle and triumphantly grabbed the offending chocolate.

She eyed the rest of the shelf warily. "Did you know there is stuff up here?"

"Like what?"

She rolled her eyes. "Like kitchen stuff. I'm not sure I'm brave enough to touch unidentifiable objects lurking in a dark cabinet."

"You carried a bag of body parts around Kirkwall. You'll be fine."

She glared down at him, handing him the chocolate. "You owe me, storyteller."

He smirked and placed a kiss on her calf. "Whatever you want, babe."

She pulled out several boxes of noodles, what appeared to be pickles and a jar of jam. She stuck her hand back in reaching for the dark shape only to have it lunge at her. Shrieking Hawke jerked her hand back and toppled off the counter. Varric caught her in his arms as they both watched the massive spider crawl out of the cabinet.

Hawke looked at him, wide eyed. "Kill it. Kill it now." She looked back as it began its descent down the cabinet door. She scrambled out of his arms and across the top of the island before dropping down behind it leaving only the top of her head visible. "Sweet Maker, if you don't kill that thing I will move back to Ferelden to escape it."

Varric shook his head as he squished it and tossed it in the trash can. Hawke glared at it, as if the spider would return to life to haunt her. He tossed the long lost items on top of it. "It's safe now, Hawke."

She blew her hair out of her eyes as she edged along the far side of the island. "Promise?"

"Rogue's honor." She gave a short laugh and set about making her hot chocolate. "Why do you hate them so much?"

Her sigh wasn't quite covered by the pot banging down on to the stove. "Carver. When we were little he locked me in a basement that was infested. I was in there for an hour before someone heard me screaming." She shuddered. "It was a nightmare."

He kissed her shoulder. "I'm glad I never met him. I don't think we'd get along."

Hawke smiled and kissed him. "You could get along with anyone. But he would try the Maker's patience. He probably does actually."

Varric wrapped an arm around her waist and watched her stir. "Feel brave enough to check the rest of the top shelves?"

"The urge to smack you with this spoon is mighty, storyteller."


	65. Text: Menace

_When are you coming up?_

_When I finish this meeting. Why?_

_Because I'm in bed. Naked._

_...remind me why I let you have a key? It wasn't so you could terrorize me._

_Hey if that's the case, it could be Bela naked in your bed._

_Menace._

_Nah this is a menace._

Varric almost dropped his crystal when he saw the picture. Sunset made her skin glow, her full breasts framing her naked body until the image was artfully cut off.

_You better still be naked when I get up there._

_Depends on how long you take, storyteller. Talk. Faster._


	66. Mira's Letter

Hawke waved a letter at him as she wandered into his apartment, her smile jubilant. “I finally heard from Mira!” She kicked off her boots and curled into her corner of the couch. She carefully ripped the end open and tossed the envelope on the coffee table. Her eyes scanned down the page, comfortably tracing the rhythm of her old friend’s words. Halfway down the page she began to laugh and carefully crushed it to her chest. Varric stared at her, a bemused arched look as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “She took the mabari.” A fresh wave of choking laughter left Hawke and she laid her head on the arm of the couch. “Serves that bastard right.”

Varric shook his head. “Fereldens.”

Hawke snorted. “You buy a mabari sometime and you will understand why we anyone who has one is so protective of them. Thrones are cheap in comparison.” She went back to the letter. “As soon as David left, she picked up Rose and Embrium and moved them to Val Royeaux where she is running a bakery, the Black Rose.” She sighed with longing. “Varric, we have to make time to go sometime. She makes honey cakes that I could die for.” She stretched out on the couch, letting her head dangle off the arm and continued reading. “And the pies. My mother once cried eating her pie.”

Varric was silent for a heartbeat. “I didn’t know your mother liked women.”

Hawke shot up like a bolt. “Did you- really, storyteller?!” He grinned and dodged the tiny fireball she threw at him. She gave disgusted shake of her head. “Maker’s balls, you terrible dwarf.”

“It was too perfect to pass up.”

"That's up there with that time you and Isabel were comparing blades." She settled back in. "And it sounded nothing like blades."

“Knives, daggers, I can’t remember the difference.”

Hawke chuckled. “Trust me there is a difference, especially in how you use them. You know the moment of entry whether someone can use his blade or not. You don’t use a dagger like a mail opener.” She met his eyes over the letter, feigning innocence. “Not everything in her letter was good, mostly that David was an abusive prick and that he told her I had died at Ostagar.” Hawke sighed before reading the lines out loud. “That’s the only reason I can think of that I agreed to sleep with him, Hawke, our shared grief over losing the most important woman in our lives. If I had known it would have resulted in a hasty trip to the Chantry to spare his good mother, I would have gave him back his ale. I don’t regret little Rose. I can’t wait for her to meet you. I am sorry about Beth, I don’t have the words for how sorry I am. For Carver too. Write soon, dear heart, and come stab bastards this direction sometime. All our love, Mira and Rose Duggan.” She sighed again letting the letter fall on her face.

Varric joined her on the couch and pulled her half into his lap. “You okay?”

The paper rustled. “I wish those damn communication crystals worked better, for farther then Sundermont. I haven’t heard her voice since I left for Amaranthine. Mira, David, and Grandma were the only constants in my life. She’s the only one left.” She peeked out from under the letter. “And there’s a baby named after me. A baby!” She squeaked gleefully. “I like babies. Although, she’s more like four or five? Still a good age. Its teenagers I have problems with.”

Varric chuckled. “You aren’t much older than the teenagers.”

Hawke rolled her eyes. “And you are just so much older. You’ll be getting grey in your beard soon and spouting off about tradition.” Hawke laughed softly. "This is weird." She waved the letter at him. "Reading this from her with you because of David."

She settled the rest of the way into his lap and dropped it on the coffee table. He kissed her shoulder. "How is that weird?"

She chuckled again trailing her fingers on his arm. "I love you. David thought I loved him. Mira was my first love." He gave her an arched look and she kissed him. "Bela and Daisy were not the first women I've crawled into bed with, storyteller. The army had some perks when we weren't running away from darkspawn. It made Carver absolutely livid."

He shook his head smiling. "Her letter inspire forgotten longing?"

She snorted. "Void, no. She broke my heart." She shook her head her voice softening. "She wanted the apprentice baker position that opened in Lothering, badly. She had dreamed of it forever. She made the cookies I gave to David's father. The baker was very set in his ways about proper lady's behavior and marriage so she ended it. Very publicly. I was almost arrested." She shrugged. "She threatened to out that I was the Rose of Ferelden and I swung on her. I could handle her denouncing me and what I thought we had but I wasn't going to let her risk my family. Not to be an apprentice. As it was, her accusations of me using love charms from the witch of the wilds was enough to clear her in the baker's eyes."

Varric tightened his arms around her. "And what happened to you?"

She shrugged. "I left town for a while. Denerim has an open market and tired guards. We ate well and were warm that winter while she slept at the baker's hearth in the ashes. Everyone forgot soon enough. Even the baker, who took on another apprentice that he set up to inherit his shop." She smiled at him before ghosting her lips over his. "The best revenge is to live well. She apologized a few months before I left for Amaranthine but things were never quite the same."

Varric tangled a hand in her hair and brought their lips together. She straddled his lap with a happy hum. He chuckled against her neck. "Did you use a love charm on me?"

She scoffed lightly smacking his chest. "If anyone used a charm, it was your chest hair, storyteller." She giggled. "A blatant, insidious coercion of my sensibilities."

He laughed again nuzzling her neck. "Well, I am a rogue."

A breathy moan left her lips as he dragged his teeth along her skin. His hands skimmed along her back before slipping under her shirt and across her skin. She laughed. "The best kind, heart stealer."

A crystalline ring interrupted them and Hawke dug into her pocket with a sigh. "Hawke." Varric continued tracing his fingers against her skin as she gave monosyllable answers and lowered her head to his shoulder. With a heavy sigh she dropped it to the couch beside them. "I have to go."

"Why?" He whined.

"That was Aveline and she needs help at the Qunari compound." She made fake crying sounds. "I don't wanna. Every time I go there I end up getting yelled at by someone."

He chuckled and let her up. "You wanted the position."

She half glared at him and grabbed her boots. "I wanted the official position, yes. It pays well. I'm fluent in Qunlat and not everyone gets to play ambassador at home." She gave him a quick kiss but he grabbed her hands keeping her close. Hawke shook her head with a smile. "I have to grab my armor still. Come with me and we can continue this later?"

"My place or yours?"

"Surprise me." She kissed him hard, a dance of tongues and teeth, a promise of later.

He released her, his eyes dark above his smile. "Don't burn down Kirkwall before I get there then, menace."

She laughed on her way out. "I'm the only one trying to not destroy this city. Give me a little credit!"


	67. I am the Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am the Fire by Halestorm
> 
> I took some liberties with the Qunlat here. Its not like we are given a super mega ton of examples of how it flows so I tried. Its my favorite of the Thedas languages. I provided the translations in the end notes.

"The Qunari Relic I stole may have something to do with them being in the city." Isabela said lamely staring at her feet at the entrance to the docks.

"What?" Hawke and Aveline said together.

"Some kind of tome, it's to keep Castillon from killing me."

Aveline gave a disgusted sigh. "And, of course, you are more important than a whole city."

 "Isabela. Isabela." Hawke rubbed her forehead. "Why didn't you say so?"

"Because you are a fixer, song bird. And I didn't want you involved. It's bad enough you helped me get a new ship. I was hoping I could get enough money to pay him off but he wants that relic."

"Then we get it and you shove it down his throat. And then Aveline and I will go deal with the Arishok." Everyone stared at her and she shrugged.

"I don't know what to say, Hawke."

Hawke put a hand on Bela's shoulder. "You can thank me very nicely with a trip to the beach when this is all over. A quiet trip to the beach. I need a break."

Varric laughed. "The day you go to the beach is the day an armada of angry demon pirates shows up."

Hawke glared at him. "You just stop talking."

 

"Kirkwall is on fire. Isabela is Maker knows where with the Tome. I was almost impaled. The Arishok has decided to convert the city by force. Kirkwall is on fire." Hawke sent a fireball skyward and yelled. "I was trying to avoid this!"

"Hawke, that is not helping anything." Aveline rested a hand on her shoulder.

Hawke rounded on her. "Neither did you, guard captain. Rumors? You wanted me to shout down the Arishok over two elves who stood up for their sister who was raped by a guardsman? Since when are we acting so Orlesian? Sweet blighted Maker." Hawke continued cursing as she stormed up the stairs pulling out her crystal. "I am calling in everyone. I can't storm the Maker Forsaken Keep without a blighted army." Aveline stood open mouthed at the bottom of the steps. "Well, come on, Aveline, are we going to save the city or not?"

"Are you going to keep yelling at me?"

Hawke sighed. "I am sorry for yelling, but you are still in trouble, guard captain. We can yell at each other later over a pint. Good?"

"Sounds good."

 

Hawke's daggers caught the brunt of the Arishok’s blow. The blades snapped clean off and she tossed the jagged hilts behind her. Hawke laughed low and deep before grabbing the only bottle of lyrium from her belt pouch. She drained it, keeping a careful eye on the Arishok. She dragged her arm across her lips before tossing the bottle to a watching lady with a wink. "Pashaara. Ebasit kata itwa-ost."

"Sataareth kadan hass-toh issala ebasit." Lightning cackled in the air about her.

She pulled her utility knife from her belt and eyed her arm. "Hawke, no." Anders said sadly.

She looked at them. Isabela who she was fighting for as much as she was for the fate of Kirkwall. Anders and Fenris who's friendships she could very well lose if she lost control at this point. Aveline, Merrill, and Varric who could forgive her of a lot of things but spontaneously combusting into pile of ash and goo would be pushing it. She smiled. "It'd be easier to fly if I was a dragon." The cut stung and she felt the Arishok's roar in her bones. But oh the power that surged through her veins. Hawke's spells moved faster and blazed hotter as she started up the careful dance of staying out the Qunari's reach.

Sweat poured down her face, the salt burning her eyes. How long had it been? Hours? She ducked behind a pillar, taking a moment to lean against the cool marble. "What do they feed these guys?" She mumbled to herself. She had felt a slow ebb in her power, exhaustion was near and the cut on her arm had ceased it's offering some time ago. She gave a ragged sigh and stepped out from behind the pillar to end the fight one way or another.

Hawke stepped right into the Arishok who drove his blade into her stomach. Hawke's eyes widened as the crowd gasped. Her mind ceased its unending cycle of thought, shouldn't this hurt? He yanked it free with a sickening squelch and pain flooded her senses. Hawke's eyes left the Arishok as she fell to her knees and stared at the gaping wound that ate at her torso. She growled low in her throat as she let down all her barriers, mixing life blood and fade. Her limbs were heavy but she pulled herself up from the floor as the Arishok turned back to her. Was that a flicker of admiration in his eyes?  She could hear the spirit laugh in her head and she smiled; a wild and feral thing that was teeth and the metallic bitterness of blood. "We aren't done."

Magic didn't just leave her hands. It flooded from her pores, consuming her in its raging inferno. Hawke was transformed into a blazing creature of fire and shadow. She raised her hands and a fiery wall sprung up behind the Arishok before she pointed a single finger at him. The Arishok gave a barely discernible nod. "Katari, basalit-an."

"Na'thek Meravas." Hawke returned his nod and unleashed the fire burning within her and the Arishok disappeared in the flames. When the fire roared out there wasn't even a pile of ash, his sword a molten puddle scorching the marble.

It was silent for a heartbeat, and then two. The people present began to cheer, hugging each other in crying relief. Hawke stared at the floor watching her blood pool darkness across her boots. The weight of her lungs drug her to her knees and her mind fell away into blackness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pashaara- enough  
> Ebasit kata itwa-ost - it is ended you all have fallen  
> Sataareth kadan hass-toh issala ebasit: It is my purpose to do what I must for those I consider important.  
> Katari- one who brings death  
> Basalit-an - non Qunari worthy of respect  
> Na'thek Meravas - as you wish so shall it be


	68. Consquences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so ends Act 2.

The first thing that came to mind was softness. The floor of the Keep should not be soft. It should smell like blood and death, not leather and ink. For the second time she wondered why everything didn't hurt. "Elfroot. Merrill was kind enough to pry around in your head as well."

Hawke opened her eyes. "Healers can hear thoughts now?"

He shook his head. "No. You spoke. You've been muttering in your sleep and I've been answering most of the time anyway."

She rubbed a hand across her face. "Varric?"

He appeared in the doorway, relief etching lines on his face. "About time, menace."

She smiled. Anders stepped between them. "Don't jostle her too much, those stitches are only good if she doesn't pull them open."

Varric glared at him. "Healer or not, Blondie, I will drop you." Hawke chuckled from the bed as he carefully pushed past him. He brushed back her hair. "You scared me to death, Hawke."

"I'll apologize appropriately later." Her hand wound around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. He held himself stiffly above her and she snarled a half protest and he smirked. "Well, I might not."

He sat on the bed beside her lacing his fingers with hers. "I love you, menace, but no more life threatening duels."

"Pbbt. No promises. It's Kirkwall." She smiled. "I love you too."

"Well, if you two are done I need to tend to my patient." Anders huffed.

Hawke protested. "How much more tending do I need?"

"You almost died, Hawke." She grimaced. "And while I did a lot, you were already healing from the inside out by the time I got to you. And we still almost lost you." He glared at her from the foot of the bed. "I think you owe us an explanation."

She averted her gaze, folding her arms under her chest. Varric stared at her. "Hawke?"

She sighed, slumping her shoulders, still avoiding their eyes. "I made a deal. Apparently she felt the need to provide a bit more then I asked for."

Anders ran his hand through his hair, fighting to keep his voice low and began pacing. "You could have asked us for help, you didn't have to ask a demon."

Hawke fixed him with her gaze. "And they would have felt justified in executing everyone in that room because I would have broken the rules of the duel." Anders ceased his pacing to stare at her and she shrugged. "It's a resource, Anders. Nothing more. It's not like I'm going to take her for walks and invite her out for coffee."

"Blood magic is bad enough, you could have just stuck with that."

Varric squeezed her hand as heated suffused her body. "And if I hadn't accepted her offer I would have died at the Keep and the Arishok would have lived. It was a last ditch effort, Anders. Here we all are. Isabela isn't being carted off to Par Vollen. Kirkwall is hopefully still not on fire. No one else is being decapitated. It's all good."

"I still don't approve."

"You'll just have to find a way to live with your disapproval." She said dryly.

Anders stood a little straighter. "Well, the next time you talk to your new friend you may want to ask her if taking your ability to bear children was part of the deal. It was the only thing beyond repair." He stormed from the room.

Hawke's mouth hung open for a moment. She half rose from the bed. "Hero!"

Varric grabbed her arms, gently keeping her on the bed as the Mabari bound into the room. "You can't have the drool beast eat him, Hawke."

She burst into fiery tears. "Why not?"

He wrapped his arms around her, as angry sobs wracked her body. He kissed her hair. "Because anytime he eats something weird, he pukes on the floor." She coughed a laugh before curling in on herself and continuing to cry. He held her tighter, ignoring his own desire to go thump the mage. Hero whined at them before laying his massive head on Varric's knee. "She'll be okay, drool beast." He raised one ear and huffed.

She sighed and leaned her forehead against his shoulder. "He's an ass." She sniffed. "It's not like I wanted kids tomorrow. But someday would have been nice."

"I know."

"I'm sorry, Varric."

He gave her a little shake. "Don't. You can't blame yourself for that. Blame Blondie." He tipped her chin up so she would meet his eyes. "I love you, we can always lose our minds and adopt."

She chuckled. "Lose our minds?"

"We have a mabari and a cat. And you are bent on taking care of Kirkwall. That's enough children for now."

She arched an eyebrow, wiping away the last of the tears. "Like you are any better." She gently brushed her lips against his. "I love you too." They held each other for a few minutes, enjoying the peace before Hawke swore. "My mother? She was in the Keep. Sweet blighted Maker."

Varric chuckled. "In the living room with a large glass of brandy."

She leaned her forehead against his shoulder with a chuckle of her own. "I want a brandy." She pursed her lips. "After I tell her she's not getting any grandbabies."

He kissed her forehead and got up. "I'll send her in. You sit."

She smiled darkly calling flame and lightning to her hand. "Send Anders back in first."

He shook his head. "Behave, menace."

She let the magic fall. "Funkiller."

Leandra half fell into the room as Varric gently closed the door behind her. "Rose."

Hawke's smile wavered. "Mama."

"Oh, darling." She settled on the bed beside her taking her hands. "That was the bravest thing I have ever seen. They are going to tell stories about you. The Knight Commander has named you Champion of Kirkwall." Tears began to fall as she brushed hair back from Hawke's face. "Your father would have been so proud."

Hawke's hands shook. "It didn't come without cost." She paused, searching her mother's face. "There won't be any grandbabies. I'm the last Amell, other than the cousins. It was the only thing Anders couldn't fix."

Leandra mistook the anger in her daughter's voice. Her hand cupped her cheek. "Darling, what matters is you are alive. The city is free." She sniffed. "What are grandbabies compared to having a hero for a daughter?" Hawke laughed as tears streamed down both their faces and the women embraced mourning a future that wasn't meant to be.

 

"You look awful, songbird."

Hawke chuckled, half sat up in bed with her book. "You take a sword in the stomach and see how you look, pirate." She set the book on the nightstand. “Still not bad for a few days’ rest.”

Bela tentatively sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall. "About what you said before. It was stupid of me to come back. It's all your fault."

Hawke reached out and grabbed her friend's hand. "We will feed Castillon his own balls if he comes after you. You don't have to do this alone, Bela." She gave her hand a squeeze and leaned back with a wince. "Besides, we both know you couldn't leave Merrill that long."

They both laughed. "Still, Hawke, I should have been the one to fight. Even if I wasn't whatever that stupid word was."

"Basalit-an. A non Qunari worthy of respect, somehow I doubt stealing their precious book and then causing them to wreck their ship puts you on that list. It took years of work for me to get there." She sighed. "Years of work. Up in literal flames with half the city."

"Don't blame yourself, songbird." Bela's eyes searched her face.

Hawke smiled sadly. "For once I don't. I tried my damnedest to keep it from happening, but between Pertrice, the viscount, and the Arishok it was only a matter of time no matter what I did." She giggled. "I should have tossed them all in the harbor and been done with it." She groaned. "Speaking of the harbor, watch out for Aveline. She's been here twice looking for you."

Isabela sighed. "As big girl or as guard captain?"

"Big girl. She still wants to hand you your ass. I think she's more upset you didn't trust us to help you."

"What about you?"

Hawke grinned, mischief gleaming in her eyes. "You're lucky I'm on strict bedrest for the next week or you'd be helping clean up the mess outside. As it is, I've had to send Merrill to refresh the wards on the shop twice and Bran knows where I am to make me deal with the aftermath. Poor helpless man."

"Men are only good for two things." They both laughed. "I'll let you get some rest, songbird. And I'll stop by the shop."

"Stop by the mansion and check on Mom? I can't get her to stay here. And I don't trust the Coterie, no matter what Varric is paying them."

Bela gave her a hug. "Consider it done."


	69. Scars

Hawke stood naked in front of the full length mirror. Today marked two months since her duel with the Arishok. Two months and still an angry red scar rampaged across her lower abdomen. Her fingers traced the mountains and valleys of it as she fought back tears. No amount of healing spells and potions had made it right again. The muscles had been so wholly severed that her stomach now hung wrong on her body. She snarled, angrily jabbing at the hanging flesh. Hero whined at her feet. "At least before when I was naked, it was nothing too bad. This?" She swept her hand in front of herself. "I don't even want to see this, much less have someone else see it." Hero huffed and wagged his tail. "You're my dog, your very biased opinion does not count."

She grabbed her favorite pants, making a list of what she needed to grab from her apartment before heading to the shop for the day. She tossed on a fluttery top and checked the mirror again. Her fist connected with her reflected image, shattering the full length mirror. She sucked on a bloodied knuckle as the tears silently fell and stared at the wreckage. She sighed and padded softly from the room to search for a dustpan and broom.

When Varric came in that evening, the apartment was silent. If Hero hadn't been lounging across his couch he would have thought Hawke was gone to her own for the night. He wandered through the half-darkness, leaving his bag on the counter beside hers. A castle of broken mirror shards stood in the trash can, old blood dulling the shine in places. He traced the largest broken fragment before stepping quietly into the bedroom.

Hawke was curled up on the bed with blanket over her head, the only thing visible was her hair scattered across the pillows. He kicked off his boots and crawled in beside her under the blanket. It was stifling and she was fully clothed beneath it. He ran a hand up her arm and placed a gentle kiss on her shoulder. "Rough day?"

"Yes." Her voice cracked. "I screwed up three translations, placed my book order wrong, knocked over the gold ink, and every time I tried to go get lunch someone came in." She sniffed. "I even burned my coffee."

A huff of laughter danced across her shoulder as he pulled her to face him. He ghosted his lips over hers. "I know a way to make it better."

His lips trailed down her throat as his hand wandered down her body that remained motionless and silent beneath him. He tossed the blanket off them and stared intently into her eyes. Hawke flushed and closed her eyes, her voice so quiet he almost missed the words. "I. I can’t."

"Is that why the mirror is broken?" She nodded. He rolled on to his back and pulled her to him. "Do you want to tell me why?"

She sighed. "Because I'm hideous." She rolled in tighter against him, tucking her head under his chin to avoid the look on his face. "Nothing looks right anymore. Nothing fits right. Maker, it still burns sometimes." She let out a long sigh and ignored the burning in her throat. "I want it to go away."

Varric laced his fingers with hers and brought her palm to his lips. He traced the scar on her wrist with his thumb. "What about this one?"

She settled more comfortably against his shoulder, blowing hair from her face. "It doesn't bother me. That one was a choice, a conscious attempt at victory." She laughed lightly. "Blood magic is blighted useful. I guess this will be my victory arm. I don't want to wreck my tattoo. The armor will need modifying, I still want to be able to block with the back of my arm but ripping the whole vambrace off each time is overly dramatic and ruins the surprise."

She smiled at the huff of laughter that moved his chest. He traced the scar again. "So why is it different from the bigger one?"

Hawke raised up on her elbow to stare down at him. "It wasn't my choice." Her voice cracked. "I should have known better then to just step blindly out from behind that pillar into the middle of the room. I should have moved backwards away from the pillar and edged around the side of the room until I had him in my sight. It was a stupid mistake. I could have summoned a wall of ice before stepping out in the open as a shield." She fell back on the bed, hands covering her face. "I shouldn't have let him get to the Keep. I was there in the blighted compound. Aveline's guards went down and there was spears everywhere. I was less than 20 feet from him and we backed down." Her breath shuddered through her. "I could have made it. My spells cast that far. He had two guards. Aveline and I faced worse running from Lothering. I could have killed him there and all those people would have lived."

He rested his chin on her ribs. "You can't shoulder all the blame for that." He pulled her hands away from her face. "And if you had taken him on in the compound you and Aveline would be dead. Another Qunari could have stepped up and taken over the sack of the city. Or worse, the Arishok could have lived and carried your head into the Keep on a pike."

"I didn't need that image, storyteller." She groaned, rolling her head back. She sighed heavily. "Either way, it's ugly."

He shook his head, leaning up to kiss her. "The only thing ugly about you is when I get between you and your coffee." He sat up as she chuckled. "Come on." She eyed him. "It's much easier if you are cooperative in taking off your clothes. If I knock you in the head it will ruin what I'm planning."

Hawke rolled her eyes and got out of bed. "That's my job though, to ruin your plans." She tugged the curtain across the window and at his protest sent a tongue of flame to the several candles around the room. She smiled, a wicked gleam in her eyes. "You know, I've been working out with Bela, trying to stay limber through this recovery process."

Varric was already naked on the edge of the bed. "And?"

"We've been working with dances. You want to see one?" He nodded slowly. She grinned and fade stepped into the kitchen to dig through her bag for the music crystal she needed. She stepped back into the bedroom with a puff of fade and set it on the bedside table and activated it. Her smile faltered. "I don't know many steps yet. But it makes me feel nice. And well, there isn't a lot of space."

The drum beat pulsed within the room and she closed her eyes. She pulled her shirt over her head and let it dangle in her fingers. "I like it already."

She snorted. "It's so I can see what I'm doing." She threw it at him and let her hips begin to sway with the beat. The five steps Bela had taught her so far were not complicated, but required her concentration. A fluid wave of her body as it undulated from toes to head along her spine followed by shimmies and soft spins. Hand movements were simple, meant to focus attention to the core of the body were the real magic occurred in the hips as they danced with the beat. She focused so hard on the music, the end caught her abruptly frozen in the air. She smiled shyly as she opened her eyes. "Well?"

Varric's eyes were dark as he held out his hand. He pulled her hard against him and kissed her until she gasped for air. His hands slid across her skin, unhooking her bra with ease before wandering down her hips and until fingers left butterfly bruises on her ass. She wiggled tossing the bra to the floor and sighed against his lips, nibbling them as she ran her hands up his arms and tangled her fingers into his hair. Hawke chuckled as his lips tracked across her jaw to her throat where his teeth grazed her skin turning it into a moan. "I take it you liked it."

He tugged at the buttons on her pants, sliding everything down her hips. His voice was husky against her throat as she kicked them off. "I think you should never do it in public unless you just want Aveline to set me up a room in the Keep."

She licked his ear making him glare at her. "So you want to be viscount?" She batted her eyelashes.

He knocked her feet out from under her and dumped her on the bed as she laughed. He kissed his way up her body, dropping them at random; her knee, her hip, two along the angry scar, one between her breasts, and one along her neck. She squirmed under him as he pinned her hands. "I do not want to be viscount. Unless it involves us being naked on the throne."

Hawke stilled beneath him, her eyes darkening to midnight blue above her calculating smile. "Well, storyteller, give me a couple more weeks on the Council and I may be able to work something out."

He chuckled, tracing her jaw with barest amount of teeth. "Without an audience."

She arched against him. "You have no sense of adventure." 

He dropped a kiss at the highest point of the scar. "You're confident with your eyes closed. I bet you didn't even think about this while you danced."

She closed her eyes and snorted. "Everything is the same in the dark. The only things that bother me then are my nightmares." Her eyes opened a sliver as his lips traveled lower, fingers tracing up her legs. "Checkmate, storyteller. You and your damn logic."

He grinned. "You still need to hear it." He settled his chin against her hip, the breath of his words making her squirm. "Everything is the same in the light. You're still the most beautiful woman in Thedas. This scar is as much a victory as the one on your arm because it didn't kill you and, maker, I thought it was going to when you fell. But you rose again and you're safe in my arms." She nodded, eyes burning before yanking on his shoulders. Their lips met, hers softly trembling. "Hey, no crying."

She settled her face against his neck. "You said rose." She a made a strangled noise as he tipped her chin back so he could see her face. "It gives new meaning to my name now doesn't it?" Her face split in a wide grin as he groaned. "Oh, come on. It was great."

He chuckled against her lips. "Rose Hawke, you are why we can't have nice things."

"I am the nice thing." She smugly responded.


	70. The Melody a Remedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rock and roll thugs by icon for hire

Hawke wandered into the clinic, her clothing simple and elegant with her hair tastefully up. "Hello, Anders."

He glanced up from his desk. "Look at you, all fancy from a Council of Lords."

She shrugged, smiling. "Someone has to do it, might as well be me."

"And your pet demon."

Hawke sighed, crossing her arms and planting her feet. "It's been three years. I have not once eaten a baby or kitten. And the other blood mage, who you still speak to, the most offensive thing she does is pick other people's flowers."

"It's still an unnecessary risk as long as you maintain the deal. Every mage in this city looks up to you and blood magic is already a problem here. Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if they knew the Champion of Kirkwall was demon dealing blood mage?"

She braced her hands against the top of his desk. "Can you imagine how much you sound like Meredith?" Justice flashed within his eyes and Anders fought for control. "The mages of this city are turning to blood magic because they are cornered and scared. There is nothing inherently wrong with blood magic, in fact the biggest naysayers of it is the Chantry. And who has the most blood on their hands? And they use blood magic, Anders, maybe they don't want people to have the power to fight them." He sat in stunned silence as she straightened. "I came to invite you to Wicked Grace tonight, but if you want to stay down here by yourself so be it."

She turned and walked away. "Hawke?" She stopped but didn't turn around. She heard him move before he spoke again. "I'll be there." She nodded and left.

She settled in at their lunch table at Mauve's, elbows on the table and lost in thought when Varric joined her. He gave her a kiss before sitting across the table taking her hands. "Your face is going to stick like that." She made a rude noise. "I take your visit to Blondie didn't go well."

"No." She gave the waitress a smile when she delivered their drinks. She shook two packets of sugar into her coffee. "He's still acting like I'm some two headed monster. He's coming to Wicked Grace tonight, part of me regrets inviting him. He's worse than the Lords, I can bat my eyelashes and threaten them into good behavior." She snorted. "Did I just say I'd rather deal with a room full of nobles then a single apostate?" She pointed at Varric with a bemused smile. "This is your doing. I wouldn't even be nobility if it wasn't for you."

He grinned. "You didn't have to agree to be reinstated. Although your close association with me would make you nobility anyway, I am a merchant prince after all."

Hawke gave him an arched look over her coffee. "Wouldn't that require marriage? We haven't had that talk. So unless you are plotting something."

"Nooo." He stared at the table. She grinned and squawked at him. He looked around before throwing a sugar packet at her. She caught it, giggling, and added it to her coffee as well. She took another sip as the waitress brought out their usual fare. Varric dug in to his food. "For all you know, it's dwarven tradition the woman asks the man."

Hawke continued to snicker. "For all you know, Bianca the not crossbow has already told me about dwarven wedding traditions so no one can screw me over and expects to be invited. An early invitation no less, so she can help."

He closed his eyes. "Maker's Breath."

She patted his hand. "It's fine, storyteller. I'm not ready to get married. I was promised a trip to the beach and one day this city will be able to last five minutes without me." He poked her with his fork and she rubbed the spot, laughing again.

 

Hawke tried for the third time to wave Norah down. Varric chuckled, tossing down a card. "You murdered a magister in the Hanged Man. Corff is pissed."

She blew forcefully at an escaped hair. "He attacked first. And what was I supposed to do, hand Broody over? Corff would have been pissed about that too."

"You should have taken his money and then stabbed him in the back, songbird." Bela tossed back her drink. "With Varric and I as such good examples, you think you would be a better rogue by now."

"Bela, I could give you some pointers. I've been stealing for most of my life and it has never started a war or resulted in half a city burning down." Hawke said dryly. Bela toasted her with a laugh. She leaned on Varric's shoulder with a flutter of her eyelashes and a sweet smile. "Then will you get me a drink please, love?"

Varric smiled at her. "Since you asked so nicely." He gave her a kiss before heading to the bar.

Hawke waited until he was distracted by Corff and knocked half the coin in the winnings pile into her hand then stuffed it into her pocket. Bela chuckled. "He's going to notice, songbird."

She grinned. "And when he does I'll point out it kept me in the game longer since I never win anyway."

"Ladies." Broody joined them. "Are the others joining us this evening?"

"Kitten has a class but will be here later." Bela sighed dramatically. "You could keep me company."

Hawke shook her head as Fenris ignored the bait. "Aveline and Donnic will be here soon and Anders said he was coming." She shrugged at his quizzical look.

Varric set her glass on the table. "Put it back, Hawke."

"Told you, songbird." Chuckling, Hawke dumped the coins back on the table.

 

“About time, Blondie. I’m tired of winning money from Hawke.” Varric welcomed him while Hawke gave him a warm smile. The others greeted him while he got comfortable.

“Babies make their own schedules.” He took his cards. “But that means I have money to win with.”

Merrill cooed. “I love babies.”

“Don’t get any ideas, Kitten.” Hawke chuckled at Bela’s sigh. “If you really want to play with babies have Hawke doing something frivolous with her powers at the next Council of Lords and set you up a school for babies.”

Hawke choked on her drink. “Baby school? Who sends a baby to school?”

"At least the meeting with the Lords isn't a meaningless abuse of your powers unlike that magic show you put on every few weeks." Anders tossed down his card as the table went silent.

Hawke sucked in her lower lip before fixing him with a quiet, empty smile. "My magic show involves an awful lot of sweat and tears with the occasional strained vocal cord. It also makes people happy, unlike the Lords who can't find their own asses unless they are on fire."

He stared her down. "There's better ways you could spend your time, champion."

Hawke set down her cards as Varric gave her knee a squeeze. "Doing what exactly? The shop is doing well, the Lords meet every Wednesday, I sing twice a month. I spend most nights smuggling who I can out of this city because it's not safe. We are in the middle of another war, Anders. I know how I'm spending my time. Everyone, even the demon possessed, need a break for some fun." Her smile turned malicious. "Or does Justice not let you have fun? He's not so different from mine you know. We both made deals."

Anders stood so fast he knocked the chair over. "Do not compare my sacrifice to your grasp for power you cannot understand."

"Your sacrifice?" Hawke stood slowly, fire coursing through her veins. "I made my deal for the fate of our friend and for the fate of this city, knowing I would sometimes look in the mirror and see someone else looking back at me. I don't see it as a sacrifice." She laughed. "It's just business. But go on, Anders, go on. Make me the monster you need me to be. You can't escape the chains of the Gallows as long as you believe everything the Chantry fed you. But if you keep up this whining, hateful shit I will hand you your ass so hard you will find yourself in Starkhaven with Chantry Boy. And we both know I don't need a demon to do it." She stepped away from the table. "I need a drink. I'm going to sweet talk Corff."

She stalked off as everyone stared at Anders. Varric took a drink. "Well, Blondie, do you think you stand a chance dancing with her now?"

"Shut it, dwarf." Varric just smirked and checked his cards.

Aveline and Donnic finally arrived. "Where's Hawke?"

"Blondie tried to pick a fight with her and she's off sweet talking Corff into serving her again."

They took their seats. "That was stupid, Anders. She is making real change in this city from the top down and beats Meredith into submission when she can politically. Then she comes here, the shop, her mother's charity, or one of her midnight adventures and keeps the masses happy and makes changes there. If we could sweet talk her into the Viscount's seat she would take over the Free Marshes in the next ten years." Norah handed them their drinks. "You'd be safer facing down a dragon alone."

Hawke hugged her from behind. "Thank you, Aveline. But we both know I'm a dragon in a dress." They both chuckled. Hawke took her seat with a grin. "Let's get another game going before my luck ends."

Varric chuckled. "You sweet talked Corff?"

She kissed his cheek. "I sweet talk you, he's easy pickings after that."

 

Hawke fell on to his bed with a disgruntled huff. "I should tell him I'm why the Templars haven't shut down his clinic. Just to watch him squirm."

Varric chuckled, kicking off his boots. "Would you it make you feel better?"

"No." She blew her hair out of her face as she rolled on to her back. "I seem to have a habit of protecting people who don't approve of me." She sighed. "Do you disapprove of my spirit associate?"

"Why?"

She ticked them off on her fingers. "Merrill cautions me while bribing me with food. Fenris has decided it's acceptable only because he will decapitate me the moment I lose control. Anders, Anders is being a hypocrite. But your opinion is the one that matters."

He pulled her into his arms as he laid down beside her. "It meant you didn't die on the floor of the Keep. It seems a small price to pay in exchange for that." He kissed her before laughing softly. "Besides it’s not like I've had her looking back at me in the middle of sex. That would be weird." Hawke choked on her laugh. Their chuckles slowly subsided. "You're still you. Don't let Blondie's opinion of it bother you too much. Either he will come around or he won't."

She settled against his shoulder with a hum. "I know. He was just a good friend, one of the first. And everyone is growing apart in ways. Bela's busy with her ship. Daisy is busy with her school, the Eluvian, and Bela. Aveline is busy with the guard and Donnic. I'm busy with the shop and the Council." She laced her fingers with his. "We are not a bunch of listless trouble makers anymore, love."

"We still have our moments."

"True. I'm not sure I miss it. I'm happy with the group chaos contained to Wicked Grace and the occasional adventure." She sighed wistfully.

"What?" He rolled to face her, tipping her chin up.

She was chewing her lip, her eyes watering. "It's nothing." She blew forcefully and ducked her head beneath his chin. "Just, nothing."

He hugged her before whispering in her ear. "I'm the liar, menace."

She huffed. "You don't lie as often as you claim." She sighed. "I turn 30 in a couple of months. I just always thought there would be a little thief running around by now." Her body shook. "Like I said, it's nothing."

"Hawke."

She shook her head. "Even if I could, the timing is awful. Meredith is losing her damn mind. I can make all the sad noises I want, but I need to accept the blessing in disguise."

"If it's a blessing in disguise, why is my chest hair getting wet?" She sniffed loudly. "When you're ready, we'll find a kid that needs stories and a war hound. Just because we can't make our own doesn't mean we can't be parents."

She untangled herself from him to meet his eyes. "Promise?"

"Whenever you are ready, love."

She nodded and settled her forehead against his. "I love you."

"I love you too."

She giggled. "Did you pick out names already then since you have this all planned out?"

"You know; I can throw you in the harbor."


	71. Running With Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Make a Move by Icon for Hire

Hawke banged her sovereigns on the bar. "Corff, let me know when this runs out and I will get you more."

He shook his head and handed her a bottle of brandy. "You could just open a tab like your mates."

"Varric will just pay it and I can buy my own booze." He laughed at the disgruntled look on her face. "It was a long day, serah, do not make me leave scorch marks on your very nice bar."

He continued to chuckle. "That Varric will just pay for. Get lost, Hawke."

She plucked a glass from the rack and made her way to their table and hit the chair with a thump. Bela gave her a once over. "You didn't bring enough glasses, songbird."

Hawke pulled the cork from the bottle. "I'm not sure I need a glass. Get your own, pirate." She tipped it back, not even tasting it as it burned down her throat.

Varric jostled her shoulder. "It's a little early for that."

She half glared at him over the bottle before she set it down. "You get cornered by Orsino and Meredith while making a work delivery and then we can talk about it."

"I heard."

Her eyes narrowed. "Of course you did."

He chuckled. "Everyone in Kirkwall has heard, menace. You shouted down the knight commander and the grand cleric in the middle of Hightown."

She sighed. "And there were council members promptly calling for me to take the Viscount's seat."

"You should, songbird. And tell the harbormaster to stop searching my ship as your first act." Bela grinned.

"No." She waved off the first round of Wicked Grace. "My luck is shit already, storyteller."

He shrugged. "So why else are you grumpy?"

She took another drag off the bottle. "What's with the one eyed Carta watching the shop? He's scaring customers and when I spoke to him, he snarled at me saying I know who sent him."

Varric froze. "I don't have any Carta watching the shop. Just Adison and any of her coterie group, like we agreed."

She thumped the bottle on the table in front of Bela. "Enjoy." Hawke lurched from her seat and sprinted out of the Hanged Man.

"Hawke!"

"Not now, Varric!" She rounded the corner to the shop, the storefront dark and still. She fumbled for her key as he caught up to her.

"No armor, no weapons."

"I always have weapons." She softly sang as she sunk the key into the lock. "I'm not losing my shop."

The main room was clear, as was Bela's illustration studio and Daisy's schoolroom. The store room had a broken window but the shelves and boxes were untouched. As they neared Hawke's office they heard quiet muttering. "Stupid lock."

Hawke called her power to her as she crept silently to the open door. Fire would be a mistake in a building full of books, no matter the rage beating in her head. She aimed an ice spell at the dark figure in the room and let it fly. "What?"

She cursed and sent herself flying through the air at the dwarf. "Stupid resistance." She knocked him to the ground and slammed her fist into his nose, and then again for good measure.

"Leave him in one piece, love. We want him to talk." He glared over her shoulder as the dwarf stuttered.

She nodded, a wicked gleam in her eyes. "Knife is in the top drawer of the desk." She settled in on the dwarf's chest as he thumped through the drawer and handed it to her. "What do you think, storyteller? Toes? Fingers? How about the other eye?" The dwarf whimpered as she drug the blade past it. "Talk."

"Jus lookin fer a easy score."

"Just a thief?" Varric scoffed. "Do you know who's store you're trying to rob?"

The dwarf shook his head. Hawke laughed. "Wait. Wait. You impersonated a Carta member not knowing who I am?" He nodded, quaking beneath her. "Oh, maker. You tried to rob Rose Hawke, you blighted bastard. Call one your friends in the Carta, Varric, I'm sure they would love to know they have impersonators running loose again." The dwarf began to protest but she cut him off. "I could just kill you. They may like you and give you a job."

Varric chuckled and pulled out his crystal to make the call. It didn't take the Carta long to send several members to come collect the wayward thief. Varric saw them off while Hawke fumed at the broken window. He joined her as she finished nailing a dismantled crate over the opening while perched precariously on top of a pile of crates. It wobbled as she scrambled down. "That's going to cost me an arm and leg to fix. I'll have to replace the whole pane."

"You could let me-."

She silenced him with a threatening swing of the hammer. "You could not finish that sentence. I've got it. I have funds set aside just for that reason. I'm just whining." She grinned impishly. "Besides, I've amassed quite the personal hoard. If the Amell vault was actually secure, I would consider using it." She wandered back to her office, placing the hammer in its box on her way. She checked over her safe clucking happily as she spun the combination. "He would have been a pretty but disappointed thief. The only thing kept in this safe is the gold leaf and ink plus my fancy brushes. The drop safe is under the bookcase and warded."

Varric leaned against her desk. "You bought a dwarven safe for paint brushes."

She arched her brows as she stood. "The finest brushes you can get. I could apply gold leaf to each of my eyelashes with these bad boys and it would be dry before I blinked. It's a good month's work per brush and I have three. You have to pass tests to get them from Antiva, prove you are worthy. I passed on the first round."

"And you didn't tell me why?"

She scuffed her boot on the ground as she cringed. "Because I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do it. And then the Arishok happened and it slipped my mind until now." She whispered softly. "Oops."

He snorted. "You're terrible." She grinned as she stepped into his arms. "And you ruined our plans for the evening."

Hawke rolled her eyes as she made a rude gesture. "This isn't all my fault." She chuckled low in her throat as she ghosted her lips across and then down his throat. "Besides, I just thought of a new one."

"Oh?"

She smiled up at him as she went to her knees. "What we look like on my desk."


	72. For a Laugh

"Hawke, you should go up for viscount." Aveline was standing in the middle of Varric's apartment in full uniform while Hawke paced.

"Maker, no. Blighted void no. I do not want to be viscount."

"It's been three years. Someone has to step in before the knight commander takes over completely. You're the Champion, and a noble. The people love you."

Hawke snorted. "No, Aveline."

"They are going to vote you in at the next Council of Lords." Hawke froze and stared at her. "You could turn this city around."

"I don't want to be responsible for this city." She pulled on her ponytail. "'Makers balls. Make Varric viscount. He's noble and people love him."

Aveline rolled her eyes. "He also avoids blatant responsibility like most people avoid disease." Varric shrugged and continued watching the argument with a half amused smile. Hawke glared at him. "You've been taking up responsibility for this city for the past several years, why not make it official?"

"You did say you'd make a better viscount." Varric added.

Hawke threw up her hands. "No." She pointed her finger at both of them. "I absolutely will not be viscount." She stormed to the balcony door and locked herself outside.

Aveline sighed. "You could try scaring her." Varric suggested.

"Hawke would yell back. I have petitions in my office calling for me to court martial the knight commander. I can't do it; I don't have the men. I have others wanting me to force Hawke into the viscount position because if anyone could cow the monster it would be the woman pouting on your balcony."

"Oh, she's not pouting. She's escaping."

Aveline shook her head. "Good day, Varric."

After she left, he tapped on the glass of the door before letting himself out on to the balcony. Hawke was perched on the railing. "She done trying to make me take over the city?"

He wrapped his hands around her waist. "You know it would make a lot of the things you do easier."

She half glared at him. "Same goes for you. You've poured as much into this city as I have trying to get it back on its feet." She sighed leaning her forehead against his. "I knew about the vote. They've been threatening it. I've been to all the meetings."

He chuckled. "You should know better."

She ghosted her lips across his with a smile. "I like bullying them in person. It's cheaper than the Carta."

"You could let me hire the Carta."

She shook her head. "I can do it myself. It's not like we're married and I have to ask permission or some shit."

"I'm offended. You think I'd do that to you if we got married." He traced swirls on her thighs.

Hawke chuckled. "I think you’d try once for a laugh.”


	73. Totally Up to You What You Do With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> good stuff by shakira

"When he gets here, he is going to rip you in half and feed you to your buddies." Hawke hissed as she dangled from the ceiling by her feet.

"I'm not too worried. I'm sure we could come up with a decent exchange, the Champion must be worth something alive." The man barely glanced her way, eyes trained on the door.

One of his compatriots piped up. "Why don't you just gag her and be done with it?"

"She chewed through them." Hawke grinned at the young man before snapping her teeth together. He took a step back, eyeing her warily.

"You know, Hawke, you find the weirdest ways to get into trouble." Varric sauntered into the warehouse, Bianca strapped across his back.

"About blighted time, Varric. All the blood has rushed to my head."

The man in charge glared at her. "I warned you. If you had stopped kicking people you wouldn't be trussed up like a bird for slaughter."

Hawke dropped her voice and purred. "How about you come a little closer if you think I'm so defenseless then?"

"I like my nose." He turned back to Varric. "As much trouble as she is, it would be easier to just kill her and ransom you the body. Make it good, dwarf."

"15." Varric said passively.

"What?" Hawke shouted. "I'm worth five times that, you lying scoundrel. You get me down from here in one piece or I will feed you your eyeballs."

The man looked from the seething woman to the dwarf. "I think I'd be doing you a favor if I just killed her."

Varric crossed his arms, smiling. "That may be true. She is a handful and mouthy but she’s mine."

The man nodded. "50 then."

This time the man didn't turn when Hawke started her tirade. "50? Where did you learn to barter? I'll wear your eye teeth for earrings if you take less than that."

He rolled his eyes. "For a full 50, I'll knock her out for you before we let her down."

Varric chuckled. "Oh, that won't be necessary."

He tossed Hawke her dagger and she had it pressed to the man's throat. "Tsk tsk. If you are going to take someone hostage, you shouldn't take your eyes off them."

The man's eyes widened. "How did you get down?"

The blade edge caught flame. "Personal trade secret. Now tell me who sent you or I'll cut and burn you a new face."

"Some woman in Hightown, magistrate’s wife. We just needed the coin! It's not personal!"

"What do you think, Varric? Let them go or toss them to the fishes?"

"There's enough bodies in the harbor, Hawke."

"True. But, there's always room for more." She pressed the blade closer to his skin, turning her fire to show only, before slowly circling the man.  "Back up. I'm not dragging you when you're dead."

The man stuttered backing into the railing. Hawke dropped her hand and gave him a mighty shove off the warehouse dock and into the harbor. She turned to his friends. "Get out, or you're all dead." They took off running for the exits, ignoring their sodden leader who drug himself out of the water and took off the opposite way.

Hawke stretched and rolled her shoulders. “Next time? Don't leave me hanging that long. I got bored."

"I don't see how. You seemed to be having fun terrorizing them."

"Yeah but I actually had to bite one. It was gross."

Varric laughed. "Come on, menace. We need to head to Hightown and finish this."

"What? No kiss for the hero?" She teased.

"Working remember?"

She huffed at him. "Fine. Next time you get to hang upside down and I'll rescue you. And I will demand a kiss for my valor."

He pulled her down into his arms bending her slightly backwards. "Menace." Their kiss was peppered by her laughter but they left the warehouse with matching grins.

Hawke dropped from the top of the building in front of the magistrate’s wife with a grin. "Missed me, bitch."

"Hawke." Varric drawled as he came around the corner. "Manners."

Hawke snorted. "I don't know if she's worthy. All that noble blood wasted on a vindictive shrew.”

"You don't scare me."

Hawke brandished her dagger, her face a perfect match to the incredulity in her voice. "Then why try so hard to kill me? Over and over."

‘For my son.”

Hawke’s face screwed up in disgust. “He was a murderer of children.”

Varric stepped forward. “We know the Carta and the City Guard. It would be a pity if word got out that you aided and hid a murderer.”

The woman huffed angrily. Hawke arched an eyebrow. "Do we have an understanding then?"

"No." She sneered. "I want your head on a platter.”

Hawke smiled wreathing her in flame. "I don't need daggers, lady. You come after me again and I will burn you." The woman stared at her wide eyed for a second before narrowing them and nodding. She stormed off.

“She goes after you again and I will personally insure she never sees daylight."

Hawke leaned down to place her forehead to his. "I'm not some priceless glass vase. I think I could take her."

Varric chuckled. "Can't you let me be protective of you just once?"

She smiled. "Maybe once. Just don't lock me in a cabinet."

He gave her a quick kiss. "They don't make sound proof cabinets."

Hawke laughed and pulled away. "Let's go, storyteller. I need to soak all these rope burns off."

"And miss the opportunity to leave Rivaini speechless about how we spend our time?"


	74. Tell Me What's in it for Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirty Work by Halestorm

Hawke growled. "I want to do something."

"It's really not your job to take care of Kirkwall."

She jabbed a finger at Isabela. "Partially. If I was an evil bastard, I could have tossed them a sister of my heart and saved the city from burning." Bela stared at the floor and Hawke sighed. "I'm not mad, Bela. Not at you. Well. I was for a few minutes maybe. There's just a whole lot of nothing being done."

Varric appeared with his hands full of ale and passed them around. "You could have taken over as Viscount."

"No, thank you. It was traumatizing having the former's head thrown at me." She took a sip. "The rest of the Red Jennys would be an utter pain in the ass if I was the Viscount. Champion is enough trouble." She scrubbed her hand through her hair. "We've got rebuilding going but everyone is just so damn sad. I mean, we should be, but it’s been three years. Meredith is making everyone crazy to boot."

"What about a street concert? People love you on Fridays." Varric dealt out four hands as Daisy joined them.

She kissed Bela loudly. "Hello, everyone. The Alienage isn't on fire today."

"Did they find out who?" Hawke asked, staring at the ceiling.

"Funny thing, they found him hanging from the Tree by his feet crying about ghosts. I'm sure you have no idea, Hawke." Merrill grinned as Hawke shook her head, her own smile cracking across her face. "What's this about a street concert?"

"Hawke wants to make everyone happy." Bela drawled as she tossed down a card.

Hawke rolled her eyes. "Hawke wants to stop translating things about death. It's not all about them. I can be selfish." Bela scoffed, but smiled. "Do you think it would work?"

Varric arched an eyebrow. "Well, you could ask Broody to set up a kissing booth."

Hawke chuckled, leaning her elbows on the table. "And who other than the Champion could compete in the booth for people who want to kiss a girl?"

Varric matched her grin. "I think I have enough money to buy the booth."

Merrill giggled. "And you two let me win." They checked their cards and groaned before good naturedly passing the winnings to her.

“We can't be the only attractions.” Hawke mused. “There's a couple of elven bands that would be fantastic. And that group in the guard.”

Bela drummed her fingers on the table. “There's a group of sailors too. But how are you going to pay for all of this?”

“I'll talk to the other Jennys and see what we can do. Surely there is some nobles that need to do some unloading of coin and cellars.” She smiled sweetly at Varric before arching her back, breasts straining against the thin fabric. “And if I ask very, very nicely what can the Carta and Adison get me?”

He smiled over his drink with a sigh. “That’s not fair.”

Isabela laughed, draping her arm across Hawke’s shoulders. “Not fair would be if we teamed up, Varric.”

Hawke leaned her head against hers with a pleased hum and a grin. “Yes, just imagine how resourceful I could be then. Two pairs are better than one.”

He took a long drink, staring at a spot above their heads. “Stop giving her ideas, Rivaini.” Hawke laughed so hard she fell into Bela’s lap.


	75. Shut Up And Dance With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shut up and Dance by Walk the Moon

Hawke was sprawled across his bed, still humming one of the night’s songs with a pleased smile. Varric chuckled before leaning down to give her a kiss. "Your Mom was here again tonight."

She stretched, arching up at him. "She hasn't missed a show in almost four years. She even comes to rehearsals." She tugged on his shirt, claiming his lips again. "What do you still think of the shows, storyteller?"

He leaned on his elbows to pepper her face with kisses. "If you were any better on that stage, I would have to hire the Carta as extra help." Hawke chuckled. "I could watch you every night, beautiful." He kissed her again as her fingers worked to free his hair. "Although I would like to know how you can scream and then go right back to singing."

She smiled as his hair fell around his face. "Magic. And practice. Speaking of the stage, it needs to be reinforced or I'm going to find myself through it when I do mayhem."

"You could just not do mayhem."

She narrowed her eyes and whined. "It's my favorite. I get to dance, scream, and use magic. Fix the stage, boss."  She giggled, a gleam in her eye, as she rolled over and sat on her heels. "Or I'll start rehearsing in your apartment in the middle of the night without wards to dampen the sound."

She took the inhale he knew she needed to render her favorite line from the song and he tackled her to the bed, cutting her off with a kiss. Hawke laughed against his lips as her hands roamed his back. He kissed down her throat, pulling from her a moan so deep he could feel it under his lips. She chuckled as his fingers played with the hem of her shirt. He arched an eyebrow looking down at her. "What?"

She grinned up at him. "You promised to take me dancing after I sang. You don't do it very often."

He blinked several times before she erupted into giggles. His eyes narrowed, shining above his smirk. Fingers ghosted up her sides taking her shirt with it, making her shiver and her skin dimple. It went over her shoulders and head with an unceremonious wiggle before being tossed on the floor. He kept his eyes locked on hers as he bent his head and placed feather light kisses across the scars of her abdomen. He placed a kiss above her belly button and she growled impatiently. He chuckled, snaking his hands behind her and unclasped her bra, tossing it to join her shirt. He placed a few more feather light kisses on her breasts before claiming her lips again. Hawke arched into him hooking her fingers into his belt loops and pulling him close. He laughed as she ground her hips into his and teasingly nibbled along her neck before pinning her to the bed. She heaved a disgruntled sigh. "You should have specified how you wanted to dance, menace."

She rolled her eyes. "I am not a patient woman, love."

He brushed his lips against hers before rubbing their noses together. "You could wear less clothes and that would speed up the process."

She huffed, snaking a hand between them to unbutton her shorts. "You could be less of a tease." She turned her hand and undid his pants, sliding her fingers around him pulling a moan from him. She chuckled low in her throat before nibbling along his ear. "But two can play that game."


	76. A Night in Kirkwall

Crowded streets were normal in Kirkwall and tonight, Lowtown was packed. The market had been turned into stages and food vendors dotted the landscape, the various smells overpowered by the stench of bodies and booze. Hawke nodded to Samren and they took the stage as the crowd roared.

Anders found Varric near the stage, in one of the quieter spots. Hawke was throwing fire skyward and screaming, glee and sweat shining on her face. “Maybe I was wrong about her performances.”

Varric crossed his arms. “Anyone who’s seen her on stage the past few years knows that.”

“How does she do it? They just adore her. Is it magic too? Some bardic kind from her father?”

He reached up and patted the man on the shoulder. “It’s because she pays attention, Blondie. She shows them what they want to see.”

Hawke’s voice rang out over the crowd. “We all have that special someone, yeah?” The crowd roared back. “Well, here’s a song for mine!”

Anders deflated as Varric chuckled. “And maybe it’s because she’s wonderful.”

She wiped the sweat from her face and took a long drink of water. Feet clattered behind her and she turned to see a panting dwarf. “Bodahn?”

“Serah Hawke, it’s your mother.”

She dropped the glass. “What happened?”

He twisted his hands. “She's disappeared. She didn't come back this afternoon and I didn't find her this evening.”

Hawke rubbed her temple. “Anything unusual happen today or yesterday?”

“Someone gave her white lilies at the market this morning.” His voice was quiet. The blood left Hawke's face and she pulled her crystal from her pocket frantically calling her mother with no answer as she began to pace. After three silences, she fade stepped past the crowd and towards the Hanged Man where she had agreed to meet Varric.

The gold glinted against his skin as he rolled it between his fingers. Corff had offered him a glass of brandy to fortify his courage but it sat untouched on the bar behind him while he waited for Hawke. “Varric!" Her eyes were wild as she stumbled, dropping from the Fade.

"What wrong, Hawke?" His hand tightened.

She stammered, hands flapping as she paced. "Bodahn caught me at the stage, it's mom. She never made it back to the mansion after rehearsal." She chewed her lip. "He sent her white lilies, after all this fucking time. We have to find her."

"Where's your armor?"

"Here."

"Go, I’ll grab Bianca.” She fade stepped out of the bar. He slipped the ring back into his pocket with a heavy sigh.

 

"Everyone is out in Kirkwall tonight, how do you plan on finding your mother?" Aveline paced Hawke's living room.

"I know she was going to Lowtown to see Gamlen, I'm hoping one of my sources will have seen something." Hawke finished lacing her armor.

"And if they didn't?" Varric finished checking over Bianca.

They all stared at her. Hawke sighed and walked to the mirror. She pulled a vambrace off and nicked the vein with her blade, ignoring the gasp behind her. She flicked the blood at the mirror with the other hand and concentrated on pulling the Fade to her. A face shimmered back at her. "Hawke. Or should I say Champion, how nice of you to call."

Hawke ignored the laughter in her voice. "My mother was taken; I need help tracking her down."

"She shares your blood, that's simple enough. You know the price."

Hawke squared her shoulders. "My own, as per our agreement."

The spirit swirled in the mirror, a convulsing chuckling mist. "That's too bad, your friends look delicious." She disappeared and then her voice echoed in Hawke’s head as she watched her eyes darken to black. "This body is delightful."

Aveline stepped forward, sword raised. "Hawke?"

The black dropped from Hawke's storm blue eyes. "Yes, Aveline?"

"Are you in control?"

She snarled. "You wanted a better way to track her. Maybe you should try it in the guard." She brushed past her blade, fire and lightning cracking against it. "I have a mother to save." She stormed past them, power throbbing in her wake.

Aveline turned on Varric. "Did you know?"

"Yes. And she doesn't like it."

Merrill shrugged when the guard captain’s gaze turned on her. "Everyone's deal is different. It's not hurting anyone, Aveline."

 

"I made her perfect!"

Hawke snarled as the mage threw his shield up. She dropped her staff and stepped into it, her laugh wild as his eyes widened as she let hers drop into black. "You forget, there are things more powerful then you and your pitiful Maker." She seized him around the throat letting the spirit fill her and tossed him against the wall with a sickening crunch. The shades disappeared into piles of ash as quickly as he had been summoning them. "Mother!" Hawke was at her side, catching her as she fell.

"My beautiful Rose." Empty eyes stared back at her, angry red seams stitched a broken body together.

Hawke bit down on her lip, almost wishing she had let the spirit hold her body a bit longer. "We'll get you to a healer, we'll fix this."

"No, darling. I'll see Bethany again, and Carver, and your father." She sighed. "But you'll be all alone."

Hawke hung her head. "I love you, mama."

Leandra brushed the hair back from Hawke's face. "My beautiful Rose grew into her thorns. You are so strong, darling, and I am so proud of you." Leandra's head fell back. Hawke closed the empty eyes and stood looking around the room.

Varric, Aveline, and Merrill were staring at her. It was Aveline that spoke first. "I'll get the guard down here, Hawke. We'll take care of it from here." She swallowed, putting her hand on Hawke's shoulder. "I'm sorry, my friend, I will miss her too."

Hawke nodded, scuffing the ground with her boot. "Let's get out of here."

 

Varric let himself into her apartment the next afternoon. She was sitting straight backed on her couch, staring out the balcony doors with Demon in her lap. She looked up at him, eyes still dry. "Did you manage to get any sleep?"

She shook her head as he sat on the other end of the couch. She opened her mouth a few times and then shook it. "Aveline took Hero to chew on recruits. Broody offered to get me drunk. But I'm not touching alcohol or lyrium right now. No repeats. It doesn't even feel real." She chewed her lip. "Varric, I, I told Gamlen."

"Should I send someone to check on him?"'

Hawke vehemently shook her head. "Let that bastard rot." Her voice softened. "He told me it was my fault. That I should have been stronger or faster." She curled her arms into her chest, her palms to her lips. "Maker, Varric, I have killed them all one way or another."

He pulled her into his arms as the tears ran down her face. "Hawke."

She shook her head against his neck. "I don't want logic right now."

He kissed her hair, running a hand up and down her back. "I was going to say cry until you feel better."

She snorted. "That's a very bad lie, storyteller."

"Anything for you, babe."

She sniffed and sat up, wiping the tears from her face. "We've only gotten along the past couple of years. But my heart is broken. I don't understand. She's why I hate my name. We couldn't go a week without fighting even now."

He pulled her close again until their foreheads touched. "Because she was your mother."

She sniffed again. "And that bastard would have gone after her, my mother or not, because she looked like his dead wife. Just another body in his mad scheme." She settled against him. "At least he's dead. No one else will lose a mother or sister or wife to him."

"That's my Hawke, riding Kirkwall of its murderers one day at a time." She giggled. He slipped his fingers between hers. "Why did she make you hate your name?"

Hawke sighed. "My full given name is Rose Celene Hawke. Celene was picked by my mother, after the Empress, no less. Rose was picked by my father because the roses started blooming in Lothering that morning." She smiled. "I didn't always hate it. I was six or seven and Mom and I had been fighting again. She wanted me to go by Celene. She told me I wasn't pretty enough to go by Rose, that I had too many thorns and that I would never blossom into something worthy of the name. Not like her beautiful Bethany." She wiped tears from her cheeks. "My father came back from work to me crying on the horse and he called me Hawke after that. I like his memory better."

He kissed her hair, letting the hardness in his eyes slide without comment. "I think the name suits you."

Hawke snorted. "You are prone to exaggeration. No one will scream in horror when I pass and that's good enough."

He shook his head. “Rose Celene Hawke, you are a beautiful woman and I love you.”

She sniffed again as the tears started falling once more. “I love you too.” She took a stuttering breath. “I don't want to lose control like I did when Bethany died. Not with the deal I made." She took a deep breath, licking her lips and glancing up at him. "If, if I lose control can you promise me."

"Hawke, don't ask me that."

“I have to. I could level the city with her power combined with mine." She wrapped her arms around her knees. She continued so softly he almost missed her words. "I don't trust me to grieve."


	77. Fight, or be taken out alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fight by Icon For Hire

Hawke stood before the assembled crowd, nobles and commoners alike. She had spent hours the night before agonizing over the speech before her, wanting it just right. The tear stained papers were still beneath her shaking fingers as she opened and closed her fists against the grain of the podium. A perfect eulogy for an imperfect woman. She looked out over the crowd again taking a deep breath. Bela caught her eye, giving her a thumb's up and an encouraging smile from her seat beside Daisy. Varric was beside them in somber black, Fenris and Aveline a stalwart guard behind him.

She looked down as Elthina quieted the crowd and spoke. The ink blurred in her vision. It felt like heartbeats before Elthina was at her elbow, a sympathetic smile as she motioned for her to begin. Hawke swallowed several times before finding her voice. She stared at her carefully prepared words again before closing her eyes. She stepped out from behind the podium and began to speak, her eyes clear for the first time that morning. "Some of you knew my mother well. Maybe before she left Kirkwall to live a life of adventure with her apostate love, maybe after she returned and extended her hands to Kirkwall's downtrodden. Maybe you know she buried her love and two children while," her voice faltered on the carefully prepared lie. She smiled, a tiny broken thing that fell to the ground before it could fly. "She mourned. But she kept living. And that's what she would want us to do." She took a deep breath and steadied herself, widening her stance. "My mother had a will, and in it she had recorded her last requests. Most only apply to me, a few to her brother, Gamlen." A few chuckles stirred in the crowd as he tried to shrink into his seat. "But she asked this of her friends: instead of mourning her with the usual services, that the funds be donated to her charity, A Mother's Heart. It provides food, temporary shelter, and other necessities to families in need throughout Kirkwall." Hawke smiled. "A woman, who made her own family great again, was willing to get down in the mud and help other families simply feed their children. The challenges the city has faced the past several years have left many in need and no one should have to ask their children to sell a year of their lives for another chance." She was silent a moment, swallowing past the bitter lump in her throat. "Thank you all for coming to pay your respects. May the Maker look kindly upon you." She stepped off the platform to applause more fitting for a stage performance then a memorial.

Hawke half fell into her seat, not hearing the rest of the service as she stared at the simply worked urn before them. It came time for her to rise again, a soft push from behind her, as she walked beside Gamlen to take up the urn. She wanted to snatch it away from him completely. He didn't deserve this, most days he lived to hurt her mother in some way, life would have been different in Kirkwall if it hadn't been for him. Elthina led the way out the garden where they scattered the ashes in the wind. Some spiraled back down to the earth, while others flew away to the south. Hawke watched those, a smile playing across her lips as she wished her parents a happiness in death that they never seemed to find in life. She leaned against the railing, letting the peace flow across her jagged nerves. Gamlen reached out but let his hand drop before he touched her and swiftly walked away.

Elthina shook her head at his passing and joined her. "I knew your mother, and your grandparents." Hawke nodded. "They would be as proud of you as she was."

Her smile was weak. "Thank you."

"Leandra was dedicated to the Chantry, you know." At Hawke's shocked expression, she laughed. "Oh, it didn't last. She was engaged by the time she was eleven. She was a beautiful baby. You are a perfect blend of her and your father." She patted her hand and turned to leave. "Stay as long as you need, peace is hard to find these days." She shut the door to the garden behind her. Hawke gazed out over the balcony again, the clear sky bronzing as the sunset. She swung her legs over the railing and dropped from the edge.

There was a knock on Varric's balcony door late that night. He turned the lock, not the least bit surprised to find Hawke standing there. "I wondered when you would appear."

She shifted lightly on her feet, rubbing at her elbow. "Can I come in?"

"No, you have to stand on the balcony all night." She rolled her eyes and brushed past him, settling against the wall like a shadow. "Why are you wet?"

She gave him an empty grin that didn't reach her eyes. "I went swimming."

He rubbed his forehead. "You've been gone for almost six hours, Hawke. And I called." She fidgeted with her pockets before pulling a handful of broken shards from her pocket and placing them on his desk with a shrug.

Varric stared at her and she smiled again as the pieces fell into place. "Boo."

He settled against the opposite wall, arms crossed. "Why?"

She examined her nails. "Hawke becomes reckless when she is grieving. Tal Vashoth fill the hills outside of this city and we went hunting. No one sees a tiny thing dressed in darkness who can twist herself into the shadows." She fixed him with a black eyed stare. "They called us a dangerous thing as we fought together, binding our magics into something this broken world can only dream of. I am not a danger. Hawke is still a child in my eyes and she fell." She dropped his gaze. "A hit we did not see, a stupid ox pike thrower. I took over to heal and protect. I did not want to leave her alone somewhere, confused."

"Don't let her hear you call them oxes." He said softly.

She nodded. "If I let her go, she will fall." She glared at him. "She is no use to me injured or dead."

He held up his hands with a chuckle. "I won't say a word." He reached out. "I'll catch her."

She looked thoughtful a moment before an ancient smile used Hawke's face. "You always do. It's a bright spot in this dim world." She took the offered hand and stepped into him. She met his eyes one more time with a giggle. "I can understand the appeal. Take care of her." The black dropped from Hawke's blue eyes, the clarity replaced with hazy confusion. "Wha- Varric?"

He sighed, shoulders sagging in relief. "Menace, we are going to have a very long talk in the morning." He steered her towards the bathroom. "First, you are getting out of those wet clothes and getting a shower. You smell like the harbor."

Hawke froze at the door, hand slipping from his as her mouth fell open. "Oh, fuck."

He snorted. "Such language from a lady."

Her wide eyed expression didn't change as she stumbled over her words. "I'm awake enough, I've got this. Um. Out. While I think up an excuse." She scooted around him and gave him a slight shove out of the bathroom door before slamming it behind him. Varric covered his mouth to stifle the laughter trying to escape as he heard her wet clothes hit the door with more force then necessary over the string of rapid fire curses.

Hawke came out long after the water had gotten cold wrapped in a towel and scowling at her lack of sense. The apartment was dark except for his bedroom and she sighed following the soft glow. She stood in the doorway, soaking in the peace of watching him read. The quiet and simplicity that eluded most of their days, the sense of normalcy. "I'm pretty certain if you try to stand there all night, your friend will take over and that would complicate our relationship."

Hawke snorted, dropping her towel and crawling into bed beside him. "No more than Bee and your box of lies."

She settled her head against his chest, arm slung across his waist. He kissed her forehead as he settled his arm around her back. "And you're still a bitter old woman about that."

"And you are a worrywart." She held down the page he was on, scanning it quickly. "I read this one already."

"You gave it to me to read." He closed the book, dropping it on the nightstand shortly followed by his glasses. "You have a better suggestion for how to spend our evening?"

She smiled and stretched before rolling over and cuddling a pillow. "Sleeping!"

She stifled her laughter in the soft fabric at his silence before he spoke. "If that's what you want." He turned out the light and wrapped an arm around her. "Night, menace."

She rolled over and straddled him, placing a hot sticky palm to his forehead. "Are you dying, storyteller? You never just give up that easy."

He looked up at her, a single rise of an eyebrow. "After the day you've had, I'll give you anything you want."

A slow smile spread across her face. "That could be a list." He chuckled but her face sobered. "A promise then?" He waited for her to speak again. Her eyes dropped from his eyes to his chest where she slowly trailed her fingers. "If I lost control-."

"Hawke." He sat up, snatching her hands in his. "We've talked about this. I can't make that promise. Don't ask me too."

She nodded and smiled brightly. "Then next best thing since I'm terrified of sleeping. Fuck me until I pass out and so I skip the Fade entirely. Dreams are overrated."

He snorted, sliding a thumb along her cheek as his fingers tangled in her hair. "That I can do."

Hawke placed a gentle kiss against his brow as he softly snored. "I'm sorry, Varric." She grabbed her now dry clothes and slipped quietly back out into the night.

 

Rumors over the next week spoke of a new menace stalking the streets of Kirkwall. A silent creature twisted straight from the darkest nightmares that hunted after nightfall. Gangs that once preyed on the unwary after dusk were carrion corpses in the morning light, their deaths at times so horrific and macabre that people wondered if wild creatures now stalked the streets. It didn't attack at random, or harm the innocent, but it was spoken of in fear all the same. None except those closest to her noticed the dark circles under the champion's eyes, how she was wasting away before them, and no longer laughed.

Isabela cornered Varric in that the bar as Hawke ghosted through one evening. "We need to do something about her."

He took another drink. "You're not the only one she's been disappearing on." He sighed as the pirate glared at him. "Adison and Gabby have been following her. She's slowing down."

"Because she's dying!" Bela's shout caused several other patrons’ to stare at them and he pulled her away up the stairs. "That demon is killing her."

Varric shook his head. "The demon is the only thing keeping her in one piece. This has all been Hawke." Bela slid down the wall and laid her head on her knees with a groan. "I know." He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall beside her. "She told me the night of the memorial that she's afraid of the fade and doesn't want to sleep. After Sunshine died, she visited her."

Bela looked up at him. "All of this to avoid sleep?"

"Would you want to meet Leandra in the Fade? And whatever other monsters that follow Hawke?"

She shook her head. "Monsters? She asked Anders once if she was a monster for being judge and jury for so many." She sighed, taking his offered hand and coming to her feet. "Songbird, what are we going to do with you?"

Varric's communicator dinged. "Gabby. She's headed to Hightown."

"Let's go get our monster then. I'm going to knock her stupid ass in the head."

Gabby met them at the Chantry, looking worn. "She's on the roof. After that run across Hightown, I don't have it in me to go up after her."

Isabela stared up the walls. "I've got her." It was a quick climb, the ornate building providing plenty of handholds. Hawke stood at the far end, a dark void against the stars, staring out towards the harbor. "Songbird?"

She turned toward her face jagged as her eyes swirled between blue and black. The black finally dominated with a snarl. "She fights me. And you. She wants to run. Her fears are strong and others, demons." She spat out the word. "Fight over her mind. Help her." Hawke crumbled to the ground and Bela rushed to her. She pushed her away. "No. I can't. I'm sorry, Bela." Tears started falling as she stumbled again. "I can't."

Isabela wrapped her arms around Hawke. "I'm here. You aren't alone, Hawke." Sobs tore from her fragile body. She stroked a soothing hand down her tangled hair. "We're here."

"He wouldn't promise, Bela." She choked out. "I can feel them, fingers in my mind. I close my eyes and I see them. Wearing their faces. Every person I've killed. Mom's. Beth's. Waiting to drag me down." She clung to the pirate. "He wouldn't promise."

"Songbird, you can't ask a man who loves you to promise that." Hawke turned her miserable gaze upward, tugging at Isabela's heart. "Or me; so don't ask. Your pet demon is watching out for you in the Fade, and you have us, steady as the northern star. We won't forsake you any more than you would forsake us. If you become possessed, we will drag you up to Kitten's clan and they can do that thing again. We would get you back." She nodded, her breathing slowing to an even rhythm. "I said I would knock you in the head, you stupid girl. But I don't think I could get you off the roof safely. Can you get down?"

Hawke nodded again and stood, unsteady on her feet. "Fuck." She muttered, pulling a dagger from her waist and slashing it across her arm before Bela could stop her. She shrugged apologetically as she yanked her arm out counting the slashes. "I ran out of health potions." She took a deep breath and dropped into her mana and the boost of magic as the blood dripped steadily on to the Chantry roof. The dark circles receded a little, her feet steadier beneath her, and the cut shriveled into an angry line. Her smile was still jagged with too many teeth. "I wonder how quickly I'd get executed for blood magic on the Chantry roof if Meredith found out."

"Let's not find out, Hawke." She sent her over the edge first watching her friend carefully, not trusting her to not take a side path and bolt.

Hawke stumbled again as she reached the bottom, Gabby and Varric settling her gently to the ground. Varric gently swept the hair back from her face. "When did you last sleep, menace?"

She shook her head. "I don't know." She swallowed, the sound echoing in the darkness. "Everything is fuzzy."

He sighed. "You've eaten, I hope."

She curled in on herself before answering softly. "I can't."

He picked her up and placed a gentle kiss on her dirt and tear stained cheek. "I love you, but your dog and cat are ready to kill me."

"I'm sorry."

"Hey." He adjusted her in his arms, worried about how much lighter she had become. "Apologize later. Something extravagant."

"Another mabari?" Her head fell against his shoulder and she fell silent.

"Your sleep dust took longer than I thought, Varric." Bela teased.

He scowled at her. "I usually don't care if I use too much and hurt someone and it's out of her supply anyway."

Gabby chuckled. "She doesn't put anything weird in the sleep dust." She sobered quickly. "I've never seen someone grieve so poorly."

Bela emptied Hawke's pockets and took her blades before they set off for the Hanged Man. "That's because most people don't carry around enough guilt to sink the Free Marshes beneath the sea. She's lost her whole family now and considers herself responsible for every single death. It makes me glad I didn't know my father and that my mother didn't love me."

gabby glanced at the unconscious woman. "Is she?"

Varric and Bela glared at her. "No. And if you suggest such a thing while she's awake no one will find your body."

The Jenny snorted. "Calm down, lord of the carta. Some people carry that kind of guilt for a reason."

Warmth was the first thing that came to Hawke's mind, followed by weight. A large weight across her feet, a smaller one curled against her stomach, with another at her back, all achingly familiar and peaceful. She let her mind drift a moment before the events of the past two weeks came screaming back into her mind and she sat bolt upright in bed throwing off the blankets and tearing protests from mabari and cat.

Varric's arm around her waist tightened as he sleepily spoke. "I'm not letting go." She curled around his arm as a sob choked from her and he sat up wrapping his other arm around her. She wiggled, tucking herself into him, seeking and finding the peace, safety, and warmth that she sought. He kissed her hair as his hand moved lightly down her back over and over. "I'm not letting go."

Hawke cried until she had no more tears to give and then let her body shudder in its grief. "Why?"

"Because evil psychopaths think Kirkwall is a great place to set up."

She gave his shoulder a halfhearted thump. "No. Why am I an idiot? Why do you put up with me? Why can't I grieve like a normal person?"

His arms tightened around her. "I love you, that's why I put up with you. It's really not so much putting up with as trying to keep up with you. There is no such thing as normal grief. As for the idiot part, I have nothing for you at the moment because the last week has been shit."

She coughed. "You're supposed to be a liar. A good lie would have been the sun shines out your ass and you're not an idiot."

He smiled, the now unfamiliar movement a nice change as he settled his cheek against the top of her head. "Would you have believed it?"

"No." Her reply was muffled as she tried to make herself closer to him. "I'm so sorry, Varric."

"I am too, menace, I am too."

They were silent awhile, enjoying the comfort of just being together. Hero whined and crawled up behind Hawke placing his wet nose against her shoulder. She wiggled out Varric's arms long enough to turn around. "Hey, boy." She wrapped her arms around the mabari who woofed softly and drooled into her hair. Demon stalked across the bed and insinuated himself into her lap with a flop before he began purring.

Varric placed gentle kisses along her spine before settling his chin on her other shoulder and hugging her around the waist. "We've missed you."

She leaned back against him and Hero happily dropped his massive head on to her knee. "I've missed you too."

He chuckled against her skin. "So was that award worthy sex a ruse?"

A choking laugh erupted from Hawke causing her to double over displacing both animals. Demon left in a huff, tail twitching as he made his way out of the room. Hero settled farther down the bed with a whine. She wiped the tears from her eyes. "No. I just laid there staring at you until I got this stupid idea in my head. And it led to a week of bad ideas. The Tal Vashoth were supposed to be my only murdering rampage." She snuggled back into his arms. "It was award worthy though."

"Where did you learn that lightning trick?"

She snorted. "You won't like that answer."

He poked and prodded her until she was beneath him on the bed an errant curl wrapped around his fingers. "I haven't liked most the answers you've given me the past week. What's one more?"

She sighed before answering. "Anders."

He smiled. "Here's the thing though." He kissed her gently. "I get to spend every night with you. I know you have my back. And I have your love." Hawke smiled up at him before pulling him down to her for another kiss. He chuckled against her lips. "It's my name you moan."

"So humble." She snuggled against his shoulder, wrapping herself around him. "I love you."

"I love you too, Hawke. Are you going to be okay to sleep?"

She nodded slowly. "I'll wake you up if I can't."

A relieved sigh left him. "The best answer this week."

"I do feel better."

"That's good because Rivaini wants to take you out on the Siren on her next run to the islands." A pleased hum left her. "You leave in a week, first mate."

"I have a week to convince you to come with us then." She chuckled softly.

"No. Go have girl nature time and leave me out of it. Someone has to find something for Aveline and the guard to do for the next couple of weeks since you single handedly put them out of a job." She yawned loudly, jaw popping with its intensity. He gently tilted her chin up so he could catch her lips to his. "Go to sleep."

She let her lashes flutter shut. "Don't be so cute."


	78. Play 'em One More Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beauty and the mess by nickel creek

Hawke was backstage, for the first time since the street fair. Her band was giddy with excitement; the Hanged Man was packed. They kept stealing glances her way. Tonight she was off by herself, fingers tracing the new tattoos instead of warming up. Four hawks now soared beneath her father's words, flying free among the constellations of freckles and scars on her right arm. When she had shown them to Varric, she had smiled and said she had her victories scarred down her left arm, it made sense to ink her failures on to her right. She had promptly burst into tears when he had wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug.

The call came for them to take the stage. Hawke hung back, bouncing on the soles of her feet. Samren gently touched her shoulder. "If you aren't ready, we can go on without you."

Hawke shook her head before smiling brightly. "The show must go on. She would be disappointed if I quit." The elven woman nodded and led the way out.

Hawke brought up the rear. The lights were too bright as she blinked owlishly at the mass of slithering shapes. Her heart thudded in her ears, overpowering the music as her palms began to sweat. She took the mic, swallowing as her insides clenched together along her spine. Samren counted the beat and the song began. She sang the first song, mindlessly stumbling through the words and cringing at how awful she knew she sounded. They wrapped the first song up and went into the second as she tried to get herself together. Her eyes scanned the crowd, searching for Bela and Daisy or Varric. Instead, Hawke's eyes found the chair her mother always sat in, vacant and waiting for the woman who wasn't coming. She opened her mouth to sing and nothing came out. She closed her eyes, sighing, before giving the motion to cut the music. Total silence fell in the Hanged Man. Hawke gazed at the crowd before smiling sadly. "Enjoy the band. Samren and the guys are amazing and I'm leaving you in the best hands." She bowed and walked off the stage.

Varric met her at the stairs to the apartments. "Hawke?"

She shook her head, tears falling. "I can't do it. Maker's blighted ass. I can't." She sank to her knees, her breath leaving in choking sobs. "She heard every song before it hit the stage, she sat in the back looking so damn proud. It's the only time she's been proud of me, of something I'm good at."

He picked her up, cradling her against his chest. She cried harder as he made his way to her apartment and punched in the number. Hero greeted them with a concerned woof. She reached out a hand. "It's okay, boy, mama is just sad." He huffed and nipped at her fingers before letting Varric move farther into the apartment.

He set her gently on her bed before kissing her softly. "There's nothing I can say to make it better, Hawke."

She nodded, pulling him gently to sit beside her. She leaned her forehead against his. "I know. Stay with me tonight?"

"I hadn't planned on being anywhere else."

He woke up the next morning alone in her bed. He padded quietly out of her room into her living room where she was sorting her notebooks into piles. Hero was across her feet tucked up in the couch, Demon was perched on her shoulder like a demented parrot. She looked up when he scuffed a toe on the floor, her eyes red and puffy. Her coffee sat untouched on the table. She gestured at the piles. "I'm getting rid of the songs."

"All of them?"

She nodded, her voice soft. "You're not going to ask why?"

"I don't have to, Hawke."

She nodded again. "I'm giving them to Samren, they can use them as they will. Better then crumbling to dust." She smiled ruefully. "Or combusting into magnificent flames like I considered after they gave me nightmares last night. The council of beasts said that was a bad plan."

They stared silently at the coffee table filled with notebooks for a time. Hawke spoke again her voice shaky. "I'm scared, Varric. Still. Even with staying with you every night. That I’m going to wake up as a Templar blade is coming down.” Her breath stuttered. “Or worse, staring down at someone I know, except they are in pieces.” She shook her head and stood collecting the piles notebooks. “I’m meeting her for coffee in half an hour and then Bela to plan our trip.”

He pulled her gently into his arms, setting the notebooks back on the table as he started to hum and slowly danced them in place until she smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Varric.”

“Anytime for a date today?”

She laughed softly as he spun her around. She kissed him, a soft warmth of fire. “Definitely.”


	79. The Power of a Name

It had been a long several months, but Hawke finally felt safe walking the Fade in her sleep. She ran her hand along the roses that were brighter than life but lacked the distinct smell that should have borne strongly on the breeze. She felt the spirit approach, a familiar presence as she had guarded her sleeping mind the past several weeks sliding Hawke past the fade into the darkest of slumbers. She smiled in greeting and the spirit nodded. "You seem well this night."

"Thanks to you." Hawke plucked a rose, twirling the stem in her fingers. "They used to have thorns, you know. I'm still trying to figure out what that means." She stared at it a moment longer before offering it. "A gift, a small one in exchange for keeping me in one piece and unpossessed, but I don't know how else to thank you."

The spirit took it with a chuckle, her form the most solid that Hawke had ever seen. It was still shadows and light with no distinct features. Long hair, or a cloak perhaps, and tall with a lithe body that moved with an elegance and grace that Hawke had felt when they had moved in tandem. "You are of little use to me dead or mangled."

"True, that would be a bad deal." Hawke stared a moment longer. "Do you have a name?"

The spirit was silent a moment. "Why do you wish to know? Names have power."

"Calling you spirit or demon seems rude." Hawke shrugged. "And they do have power. But we've been in this deal for three years. You know my name."

She laughed, a cavernous deep sound. "It's hard to miss." She quieted a moment. "My name, no one has used a name for me in an age." She was silent again and Hawke let it go, turning her thoughts to other things. "You may call me Valyna."

"Valyna." She tested it on her tongue, recognizing it as elven. She smiled. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Short of giving me willing control of your body so I can escape this fade? No. Our deal is as it stands. Glimpses for power." There was sadness and anger in her voice. Hawke nodded. "Take better care of yourself. I do have hobbies that don't involve watching you."

Hawke snorted. "I'm working on that. Kirkwall needs to behave long enough for me to do so."

"You should burn it down and start over."

Hawke laughed. “Somedays I consider it.” She was quiet a moment, before a speculative gleam entered her eye. "Since we are partners, and you are better with magic, would you teach me? When you have time?"

"You are already a powerful mage in your own right."

"It's graceless and chancy. It's why I rely on my rogue abilities, they are fluid and economical while being effective." She grinned. "It would be good business."

Valyna gave a wry laugh. "Fine, champion. I will share my knowledge. It's been a long time since I had a pupil, much less one with any talent. But not today, I need rest.”

 Hawke chuckled again. "Go on and do your hobbies, Valyna. I am safe enough now. Thank you."


	80. Deal

_Why is songbird's apartment smoking?_

_I'll meet you there._

Black thick smoke was seething from under the door as Varric punched in her code. He stepped into the foggy apartment with Bela. "Hero, you great oaf of a war hound, get off of me." The mabari had dragged his unamused owner out on to the balcony and was sitting on her. Hawke shoved on the massive dog. "Come on. I can finish grounding that fire much faster with you off me."

Varric whistled. "Come here, drool beast." Hero relinquished his seat and trotted to him, tail stump wagging and tongue lolling.

Hawke heaved herself up with a disgusted grunt. "Traitor." She stepped back into the kitchen, ignoring the hound's warning growl and summoned a tiny storm to dampen the rest of the flames and to funnel the smoke out through the open balcony door. She sighed at the charred remainder of the stove and shook her head.

Varric continued scratching Hero's ears, noting the claw and teeth marks on Hawke's arms. "I would say I smell a story, but I'm not breathing that deeply yet." Bela chuckled.

Hawke chewed her lip before giving a defeated shrug. "I tried cooking." At their stunned expressions, she grinned. "In my defense, Daisy told me that absolutely no one could screw up this easy recipe. Once I got past the boiling water part, it turned into the sixth blight." Hero wandered into the kitchen and sniffed the remains. He sneezed and went back outside. Hawke hung her head, chuckling. "Apparently I should just stick to eggs and coffee."

Bela patted Varric's shoulder before sauntering out. "Good luck."

He ran a hand through his hair. "I love you, but don't ever cook again."

She leaned against the counter, twirling an errant lock of hair. "I won't argue that."

He held a hand to his heart. "The world is ending. Lady Rose Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall, and Queen of Arguing with Me has forgone an argument."

She rolled her eyes. "I need to find Demon." She slipped past him and headed to her room. "Here kitty, kitty. Come to mama." He batted at her from under the bed. She scooped him up, making soothing noises as she cradled him close and sat on the bed. "I'm sorry, boy. There, there." He slowly calmed and began to purr. "And just think with all that chaos you get a big lovely fish." A while later, she wandered back into the living room with him secured in her arms as Varric finished chatting with one of the boys.

"Get it done." He met her arched look. "We need to get you moved out. It'll take weeks to get the smoke damage fixed and you fried most of the cabinets." She hung her head, the charred kitchen framing her. Varric shook his head, filing away the image for later. He crossed the room to her, running his hands up and down her arms while Demon meowed at him.

A shuddering breath left Hawke. "I don't want to live in the mansion."

"Hey." He took Demon from her and set him on the chair before wrapping his arms around her. "No one said anything about you moving into the mansion. You could sell it for all I care." The slight tremors left her body and she nodded against his shoulder. He pulled back, lifting her chin. "You could move in with me. You're there most nights anyway."

Hawke chewed her lip. "True." She leaned her forehead against his. "I leave everything there most of the time." She smiled and nodded. "I think I can do that."

His lips ghosted across hers with a chuckle. "You make it sound like such a hard choice."

"Blah blah blah. Just kiss me, storyteller, and seal the deal."


	81. Tale of the Champion

"In the middle of battle, you are all how many have you got, Hawke?"

Bela tossed in her card with a startled look. "That was eery, songbird."

Hawke grinned. "Not the point. But the moment we get home you are chewing my ass and being a worrywart."

Varric took a drink. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Bela and Fenris chuckled as Hawke shook her cards at him. "That was a bad lie, storyteller, as bad as this hand." She folded them on the table. "I'm out."

"I only worry when you get hurt."

Fenris thumped a card on the table. "That's only half the time then, Hawke."

"You are not helping." She glared over her drink. "I'm not helpless. I made a living robbing people and evading guards from before I was 12. I spent six months in the Ferelden army before the Blight, survived Ostagar and escaping Lothering. I was a mercenary. Dueled an Arishok. Survived the Deep Roads three times plus some strange Grey Warden prison. Killed a magister. All I need now is to deal with Orlesian nobility and I'll be invincible."

An amused glint filled his eyes. "Or settle for immortality when I get the book finished."

Hawke blinked several times, her mouth hanging open. "You what?"

“Tale of the Champion, I have it half finished. My editor loves it.” He tossed out another card.

Hawke tapped her drink on the table before grinning. “Bee got a song and I get a book.”

“She also got the crossbow, songbird.” They chuckled as Varric shook his head. Bela blew hair back from her face. “Use some of that luck you have with men to help me win this hand.”

“Now, Bela, that’s cheating.” Hawke sang out. She thumped the table happily. “I, however, need more to drink. Anyone else?” Fenris pushed his empty tankard to her and she wandered off to the bar for refills. When she sauntered back, she leaned over Varric’s shoulder, nuzzling his neck as she slid Fenris his drink. She went to take back her seat but he slid an arm around her waist and pulled her laughing into his lap. “Varric! This will not help you win.”

“This hand is shit anyway.” He kissed her cheek as she examined his cards. She shrugged and settled more comfortably in his lap.

Bela sighed. “You two are making me miss kitten.”

“And making me reconsider the new barmaid.” Fenris’ gaze hadn’t left the girl all evening.

Hawke snorted. “So what all is going in the book? Not the pudding description I hope.”

“You are never going to get over that are you?” She shook her head. “You’ll just have to wait until it comes out.”

She glared at him pursing her lips. “I know where you sleep.” She leaned in as he took a drink, voice soft in his ear. “I will trade blow jobs for spoilers.” She licked his ear and he choked on his drink, ale going everywhere. She smugly thumped him on the back.

Bela eyed them. “Just what did you say, Hawke?”

“Oh I said-.” Varric’s hand went over her mouth barely covering her laugher.

“She said she’s tired and she wants to head up to bed soon.” He released her as she doubled over with her snorting whoops. “I think I agree.”

Bela rolled her eyes with a snort of her own. “Oh yes, she looks exhausted, poor thing.”


	82. Love-Hate Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love hate heartbreak by halestorm

Hawke wandered into the Hanged Man, the cool darkness a welcome reprieve from the midsummer sun beating a staccato down on Kirkwall even this late in the afternoon. She leaned against the bar. "Corff, have you seen Varric?"

He shook his head. "We went over the order this morning and he said he was meeting you for lunch."

She drummed her fingers on the counter, the dented wood polished until it glowed. "He never showed and he's not answering his crystal. I'll head up, maybe inspiration found him."

She punched the numbers into the keypad, blood red finger nails clicking against the stone.She pushed open the door and stopped in her tracks. "Fuck."

The apartment was trashed. Blood coated the corner of the coffee table. Bianca had been tossed against the wall hard enough to gouge it. The balcony door was a mosaic of broken glass behind the violated desk. She heard quiet whining from their bedroom and stalked towards the closed door. She pushed it open and found Hero.

Hawke dropped to her knees, unflinching when they collided with the mabari's blood. "You brave boy. You brave dumb war hound." She checked his wounds, giving a relieved sigh that most were surface scratches. She called her power to her and let it flow from her hands with a gentle warmth closing the wounds. "That's a lot of blood, boy. Did you kill some of the bastards?"

Hero whined again and lurched to his feet. He tugged at the blanket behind him. Hawke pulled it toward her and pulled it gently apart. Demon had succumbed to his injuries, his lithe, battered body already cold. Hawke scratched under his chin and leaned her head on Hero's back, breath catching. "You brave boys tried to protect him. Good boys. Such good boys." She let the tears fall as she gathered the blanket up in her arms. She stumbled down to the garden door, not registering when Corff called out to her the first time. She didn't hear him the second time with fear in his voice, his rushed steps up the stairs behind her, or the orders he shouted. She picked their corner of the garden and set Hero to digging. She pulled out her crystal and sent out a message to their contacts in the Coterie and to her Jennies. Whoever did this was going to pay. She laid Demon down gently, gave him one last scratch before smoothing the earth over him and watering it with her tears as Hero stood guard.

It didn't take long for Adison and Gabriella to appear. Hawke shoved herself up from the ground, steady and cold. Adison hung back, she usually dealt with Varric of the two, but Gabby strode forward worry scattering across her features. "Hawke? What's happened?"

"Someone has kidnapped Varric. Wrecked the apartment. They beat the hell out of Hero." She took a deep breath. "And the bastards killed my cat. I need every ear on the ground. Any hint of hint, I want it as its being chased down. We find these bastards, and we make them bleed."

Adison fingered her daggers. "If it's another group in the Coterie?"

Hawke's smile was all teeth below icy eyes. "Then your group will just move that much higher." Adison matched her smile and left.

Gabby shook her head. "Thieves." She threw her arms around Hawke who softened immediately into the hug. "Are you okay?"

She nodded glumly. "I wasn't home."

Gabby tightened her embrace before releasing her to an arm's length. "If you had been this could be much worse. It smells like a trap."

Hawke brushed her hair back. "You think they are after me? Why?"

Gabby gave her an arched look. "A noble Red Jenny who calls for reform at every council meeting, worse who manages to get those reforms to pass and then gets them enacted in the city. You've made Kirkwall a better place, and not just for humans. The Alienage is safe at night sometimes. Lowtown merchants are worth more than Hightown’s outside of the Merchants Guild. You helped rebuild the city into something better."

Hawke flushed and stared at the ground. "I had help."

The woman chuckled. "Yes. But you're the loudest. You also bag every bounty that hits the area, solve murders, and are a nauseating do gooder. You also go toe to toe with the Knight Commander. You have a target the size of a dreadnaught on your back."

Hawke sighed. "Get me what you can, Gabby. The faster, the better. They would have had to injure him to drag him out with no one noticing."

"Hawke!" Corff yelled down from the balcony. "Come up."

She nodded and gave Gabby another hug before they went their ways. Hero hurried behind her, his breathing still labored. She decided she would take him up to the Keep and to the vet Aveline had on hand to watch over the guards' mabari. He deserved a few days of pampering. Corff waved her into the apartment. "It's empty. Me and the boys checked the place from top to bottom. No notes, no threats. Just a tussle."

Hawke rubbed her forehead. "Any ideas for me?"

"Check the Guild." She gave him a sharp look. "Your girls will check your underworld and rest of Kirkwall from your angle. What if it's from Varric's?"

"Void. The Carta." She rubbed at her temples. "He has most of the Carta in his back pocket."

Corff grinned, clapping a hand on her shoulder. "Which is why I said the Guild. I'll send my best boys with you but call your friends, you may need them. Even if it wasn't someone in the Guild they have resources to help you. He's a member and they protect their own."

Hawke smiled. "Thank you, Corff." She went up on her toes and gave him a quick hug.

"Don't mention it.” He answered gruffly. “He just needs to teach you to think like a dwarf."

 

Hawke slammed the dwarf into the statue. "You better start talking or you're going to find out how well that stone sense works at the bottom of the Harbor."

"It wasn't one of us!" She snarled. "Tethras is in good standing here. This is the first I've heard that he was missing."

She dropped him and stepped away, shoulders falling. "What now, songbird?"

The dwarf moved to creep back into the Guild building but Hawke's head whipped around pinning him back in place. "I don't trust him. I need Bianca Davri."

The dwarf paled. "You can't just summon a-."

Hawke's dagger scratched against his throat as his chest heaved. "I can get the Guild thrown out of Kirkwall and gut you like a pig." She leaned in so close that she could smell the stale ale on him. "Get me Bianca Davri." He nodded and she let him go. He stumbled as he got to the door and bolted through it leaving it open behind him in his haste.

Bela sighed appreciatively as Hawke began to pace, casually juggling the dagger. "Violence is a good look for you, songbird. Do you do that in the council meetings?" Hawke gave her a grin, the first since she had met her at the Keep after she had dropped of Hero with Aveline with a firm dismissal that this would be handled without the guard and with old fashioned Kirkwall justice. “Why can’t you do that thing you did with the demon to find your mother?”

She gave a disgruntled sigh. “We don’t share blood. Valyna and I tried using all of his blood as a line to follow but something is suppressive around it. They have someone with Templar abilities.” She examined her blade hilt. “Not like they aren’t fucking everywhere. The moment one stands up to Meredith, she kicks them out. Lyrium addiction is an ugly beast and some will do anything to get it.”

It wasn't long before another dwarf came through the door at an unhurried pace. Hawke stilled. "Well?"

"She'll meet you at the Hanged Man this evening." Hawke growled and the older woman held up a hand. "She understands your distress but information doesn't appear out of thin air, Lady Hawke. Go get some rest." She disappeared into the passage and clicked the lock firmly in place.

Hawke kicked the door for good measure. "She has a point, songbird. A point that you know."

She snarled. "I don't like waiting."

Bela looped her arm through Hawke's. "I know. Which is why we will go ask Kitten to make something delicious."

Hawke sighed and then a laugh escaped her lips. "Void. Fine. Food and some coffee. You know me too well, pirate."

 

Bianca wandered into the Hanged Man. Corff had kept it quiet for the evening, but most patrons had taken one look at Hawke pacing the back corner of the bar and left. Bela was lounged across a chair, eyeing the crowd while cleaning her fingernails with a long dagger point. "You should sit, Hawke. You're making yourself a target walking around like that."

"That's not a bad idea." The dwarf woman took an empty seat.

Hawke leaned against the table beside Bela. "Hey, Bee. Nothing then?"

"It wasn't the Guild or the Carta."

Hawke pulled her dagger out and started tossing it at the table. "Adison got nothing from the Coterie. Gabby hasn't heard anything from the Jennies yet. So either someone is full of shit or it was an outsider."

Bela watched the knife drop. "What about those marauders? We’ll get you!"

Hawke continued tossing the dagger into the table top. "We took out Evets, what? Last week? So not them, that was the last one, we killed the rest a couple years ago." She twisted the dagger, gouging a hole into the wood, before looking back up. "Honestly, Bee, I have no idea. It's not like either of us keep a low profile."

Bianca snorted. "Varric has never kept a low profile. For all we know this is someone from way back when." She looked thoughtful. "How many people know about that Warden prison?"

"You. The Wardens. Bela. Anders. The Carta. It's not anything top secret. That damn thaig is more likely."

The dwarf smacked at her. "Hush."

Hawke rolled her eyes. "I will scream its location from the blighted roof if that's what it'll take. These are the worst kidnappers, no ransom notes, no threats. They just disappeared into the fucking Void."

Anders sidled up to them. "Anyone dumb enough to harm a cat should. Preferably after being dropped into a vat of boiling oil." He slid Hawke a drink. "There's a Templar here."

Hawke whined, taking a drink. "Can't you ever say nice things to me anymore?"

"You're beautiful, have lovely voice, and dress to kill. Now go save us with your anti Templar powers." He grinned.

Hawke rolled her eyes as Bianca laughed. She shoved herself up from the table and stalked toward the uncomfortable looking man in the corner. Relief washed over his face when he saw her. "Champion? Hawke? I don't know if you remember me-."

"Keran?" Hawke let her magic fall. Of all the Templars in Kirkwall, this one was not a threat. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes. Well, no. I know where Varric Tethras is."

Hawke's stomach dropped into her boots. She swallowed past the lump in her throat before letting her voice softly out. "Where, Keran?"

He wrung his hands. "The rebels took him to the Wounded Coast."

She closed her eyes. She heard footsteps behind her, Anders familiar and the shorter step answered when Bianca spoke. "The rebels?"

Hawke spoke. "Defectors from both Orsino's and Meredith's control, mages and Templars. We thought they had just run for the hills, Tevinter maybe." She opened her eyes and Keran took a step back. She knew there was a swirl of black in her blue eyes. She let the spirit's power flow over him through her voice. "Tell me everything, Keran."

His eyes clouded and his body relaxed. "It's not far up the Wounded Coast, it's where you fought Evet's men. They picked the location because it's easy to defend."

"Who's they?" She crooned.

"Thrask and Grace." He gasped and doubled over as her temper flared.

Anders placed a hand her shoulder. "Hawke, he came to you."

She shrugged him off, glaring down at the man but letting up. "Who else knows?"

"The knight commander. She sent the knight captain and a group of Templars to kill them all. Even the hostage. No survivors, no witnesses."

Hawke chewed her lip. "Get up. Go slow down the knight captain." She let Valyna’s power fade from her with a wordless thanks and released the boy from their thrall. He blinked several times and then scrambled away.

Anders grabbed her arm and spun her to face him. "That was unwise."

She shoved him. "Neither was taking Varric. They killed my cat. I'll deal with Meredith later." She softened. "I'm not asking you to storm the Gallows, Anders. Just come with me to help him."

He sighed. "I'd storm the Gallows with you, Hawke. Let's go get him."

"Not to ruin this touching moment of you two finally ending the spat of all friendships, but we need a plan." Bianca waved a hand at Hawke. "Unless you can poof him home?"

"Songbird probably could." Bela watched the man leave as Hawke began to pace again.

“I know the spot. It’s a great spot to defend, a lousy spot to attack.” She ran a hand through her hair, letting it fall wildly about her.

“What if we used you as bait and cover?” Bianca suggested. “Your healer here could hang back while the pirate and I sneak up on them. If its easily defensible they will be cocky and won’t check the rocky edges, which I can use.”

Bela nodded in agreement. “You have enough drama to distract them, songbird.”

Corff interrupted them. “Some of my boys would be glad to help, and are on the sneakier side. A cliff’s edge would be easy pickings this close to dark.”

Hawke smiled. “Then we have our plan.”

 

Hawke walked down the path alone. She knew the others were carefully hugging the cliff side, but it was an odd feeling not having anyone at her back even with Anders safely up behind the rocks. She headed for the clearing in the middle of the peninsula. “Hawke!” The voice held a tinge of relief.

“Thrask.” She stopped fifteen feet from the group, her heart aching as her eyes met Varric’s.

“About time, menace.” Both eyes were black. His hands were bound behind him as he sat on his heels. A cut marred his cheek while bruises and blood covered the rest of him.

She chewed her lips as a smile curled at the edges of them. “You left a shit trail of breadcrumbs, storyteller.”

“Shut up.” Grace snarled. “You should have joined us and this wouldn’t have happened.”

Hawke sighed. “Maybe you should have grown half a brain and you would have realized I was on your side. You should have left the Free Marshes, Grace. After Starkhaven burned and you escaped here, you should have known to run as far as your feet could take you.”

Thrask waved his hand. “I told you. Hawke is one of us. She has always helped the mages and anyone else in need. This was unnecessary.”

“She’s left that bitch in power! She let us be captured again.”

Hawke rubbed her forehead, carefully checking to her right as Bela brought down another one of their sentries. “You went through the trouble of breaking into my home, kidnapping my love, and killing my cat. You kill Meredith. I have some power, but not as much as you think I do. Let him go, we will leave, you get the hell out of here and go be a free mage far away from here. We can pretend this never happened.”

Thrask nodded. “It’s a chance you can take, Grace.”

She shook her head. "You killed my love, it's only fair I kill yours, Hawke." Grace sent a fireball screaming at Varric.

Hawke braced and threw up a ward around Varric. He grinned as Grace's spell bounced back at her. "You'll have to be quicker than that."

She screamed in rage as Thrask drew his sword on her. “No. We are not killing innocents, Grace.”

“No one is innocent!” Hawke wasn’t fast enough to save him; neither was his Templar training. He was a pile of ash as she slid her daggers into Grace’s kidneys and then ripped them across her back, dropping her on to the ground.

Hawke fell to her knees beside Varric. She made quick work of his bonds as Bela hemmed in the ones who surrendered and Anders hurried into the clearing. “Damage?” Her voice was rough.

He rubbed at his wrists, getting feeling back into his hands. “Nothing vital. Hero and Demon?”

“Demon didn’t make it.”

He pulled her to him in a tight embrace. “I’m sorry.” She shook her head but was interrupted by the whistle of wind and the thump of impact. Grace's hands scraped at the bolt in her throat, blood slicking her hands.Varric looked at her quizzically. “You brought Bianca?”

“Both of them.” She grinned.

The dwarf woman hefted the crossbow over her shoulder as she met them in the open. Hawke helped Varric to his feet. “You really need to train your Ferelden to make sure they are dead, Varric.”

Hawke laughed. “Shut up, Bee.”

“We’ve got incoming, Templars.”

Hawke snarled. “I should have called Gabby to slow them down. Everyone hang back. Bee, cover me?” The dwarf woman nodded and headed toward one of the rises where she could make use of the cover. She waved Anders over. “Templars. I’ll try and talk them down but any chance there is a secret mage passage here?” He shook his head and she sighed. They could hear the clank of armor. “Then off I go to put my diplomatic skills to use.”

Varric grabbed her hand. “Stay in one piece.”

“I have every intention of claiming my hero’s kiss, storyteller.” Hawke grinned before sauntering off to the bottleneck of the peninsula.

To his credit, Knight Captain Cullen did not blink when he found Hawke waiting for him. He ordered his men to stop and go back up the rise. “You need to let me through, Champion. I have a job to do.”

“They surrendered. Most of them were just trying to escape, the violent ones are dead. There is no need for more bloodshed.”

Anger flashed across his face. “All it would take is one good hit and you would be out of my way, a lone mage is no match for a Templar.”

Hawke laughed. “We both know that I am more than just a simple mage, Cullen. It’ll take more than your fancy tricks to take me down. Let’s all go home today.” His hand went to his sword. "Stand down, Knight Captain." Fire licked at Hawke's palms. "These people are under my protection and I will not see them harmed."

"You can't just shout orders, champion, noble or not. They are rebel mages, maleficar at that. The Templars are another problem entirely." He waved her off. "Be on your way."

Hawke laughed. "No witnesses, right, Cullen?" He blinked. "Someone will notice me missing and you will have to go through me. These people are no longer your concern. You found nothing but ashes in the wind." He continued stand before her. Hawke dropped into her mana, the battle had barely touched it. She sent up a wall of flame behind her, trusting Anders to throw up a ward between her and the survivors. "I will roast you in that blighted armor, Templar. You tell that void blasted bitch she so much threatens a hair on any of me and mine's heads and I will string her by her entrails from her maker blessed Gallows while she still breathes. I don't need magic to sneak in and leave nothing but corpses in my wake." She let the fire and anger fall. "This fight can be avoided. She just needs to act with some sense, work with Orsino, work with the blighted council. She's insane, Cullen. You do not have to follow her path. Please." He said nothing as he turned and walked away. His men quickly followed with hurried fearful glances thrown over their shoulders.

The others joined her. “I still like my bow better, this thing is heavy.” Bianca handed Varric his crossbow.

“You just can’t appreciate her like I do.”

Bianca shook her head. Anders looked from the dwarf woman to the crossbow and back. Hawke cut him off. “Don’t even go there.”

“Oh come on, the answer to that question is obvious but why would he name the bulky snarly crossbow after such a lovely dwarf?”

“You are talking about the guy who describes me as a giant pudding. It’s always a fat joke.”

Bianca snorted. “A pudding? Pudding is not the description I got.”

“Oh really?” Hawke arched a brow.

“This I have to hear.” Bela leaned against Anders’ shoulder.

Varric’s hand came down over Bianca’s mouth as she opened it. “I’ll tell you sometime, Hawke. I would like to leave nature behind and take a long hot shower.” He drew back his hand with a disgusted sigh, wiping the palm down Bianca’s shoulder. “Did you have to lick me?”

Hawke laughed as Bianca grinned. “Let’s go home.”

One of the mages approached her. “What about us?”

Hawke’s mirth left her face, hardening it. “What about you? You can’t go back to Kirkwall. You wanted your freedom and now you have it. Go.”

“But you help mages!”

“Yes, I do. But you didn’t ask me for help and now you are on your own.” She turned and walked away. She called back over her shoulder. “Head east and north. Sell your staffs and any identifying belongings for what you can get. Join a group of mercenaries, they took a Ferelden once.”


	83. Give and Take Kind of Love We Make

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I Get Off by Halestorm
> 
> so glad you're okay smut btw

He stayed under the water until it ran cold. The steam fogged the mirror but he didn’t need it to know that every inch of him still ached. He dried off quickly, an unexpected pang when there was no Demon hanging of the corner of the towel. He wrapped it around his hips and stepped out the bathroom. Their bedroom door was closed. Hero was stretched across the tile, his ears perked up when Varric appeared before he settled back in to watch Hawke sort papers at the desk. Varric wandered over to join her, rubbing her tight shoulders. Hawke sighed into his hands. “Corff and the boys did a good job getting the place into order, but they just shoved things back into the desk.”

He laid a soft kiss on the top of her head. “To anyone that isn’t us, this desk looks like madness.”

She chuckled. “It is madness.” She turned her face up to his. “Can I have that hero’s kiss now?”

He smiled. “I haven’t been the problem.” Her lips were soft and gentle against his. They met again and again with quiet reassurance. He spun the chair so she faced him, teased fingers down her neck as he captured her lip with his teeth before tasting her.

Hawke slid her hands up his arms and over his shoulders to tangle her fingers in his still damp hair. A soft sound escaped her, torn between a laugh and sob. She leaned her forehead against his. "Void, don't ever fucking scare me like that again. I threatened someone at the Merchants Guild."

Varric blinked. "You what?"

She nodded, an amused smile playing along her lips. "Mhm. I slammed him against the paragon, that’s what they are called right, statue, threatened to gut him, and then said I'd have the Guild thrown out of Kirkwall if someone didn't get me in touch with Bee." Varric roared with laughter, tears falling from his eyes as he doubled over leaning on the desk. Hawke smirked momentarily before worry danced back across her face. "That won't cause you any trouble, will it?"

He continued to chuckle. "No. If anything, it's earned me some new friends. And you too."

She wrinkled her nose. "Dwarves have odd customs." She grinned. "I think I like them. We should move to Orzammar."

He kissed her forehead. “Absolutely not. Kirkwall is enough trouble and they don’t allow mabari.”

“Bastards.” She laughed softly before leaning her head against his shoulder.

“Demon?” She nodded. "I miss him too."

Hawke's sigh hiccuped. "I hope I didn't let the bastard go. I wanted to kill them all. Just for that, even the innocent ones." She shook her head against him before whispering softly. "What kind of monster would that make me?"

"He's dead." Hawke looked up at him, her gaze razor sharp. "You didn't think I got all these bruises here, did you?" He tightened his arms around her. "Thrask thought Grace was coming to talk to you, to find them safe passage out of Kirkwall. The moment he set me loose and started arguing with Grace I tried to escape." Hawke's head thumped against his chest. "Ow."

A choking cough left her. "Sorry." She leaned her chin against him, suspicion in her smile. "That's a very tame description, storyteller." Her eyes hardened. "Which means it was much, much worse and you don't want me going hunting."

“Not when Meredith has Templars all over the Wounded Coast.” She sighed leaning her forehead against him again. “Come on. The desk can wait.” He pulled her up. She kept her face tucked against his shoulder. “Don’t make me carry you.”

“You are healing.” She murmured against him, the tip of her tongue licking an errant water drop from his skin.

“That wasn’t convincing, menace.”

He felt the rumble of her laugh. “I could sleep on the couch.”

His arms tightened around her. “Not after the things I heard today. I may never sleep without one eye open again.”

Hawke leaned back in his arms, trailing fingers down his face. He captured them with his lips as she studied his face. “Will you tell me?”

“No. You have enough on your plate without worrying about what your admirers plan behind your back. I’ll take care of it.”

Hawke shook her head. “I don’t feel so crazy for setting wards on the doors and windows now.”

He chuckled softly. “We should have anyway.”

She nodded, swallowing. “I don’t know how to stop what’s coming, Varric. Meredith is going to push the mages too far and there is going to be a slaughter.”

He pressed his lips to hers, cutting her off. “That shit will be there in the morning when you go yell at Orsino.” He pulled her along with him towards the bedroom. “Tonight, it’s just us.”

Hawke smiled, letting herself be towed along. “You have injuries, storyteller, and should be.” He pressed her against the door and trailed open mouthed kisses down her neck making her hiss and squirm. The final word came out a squeak as the fabric of her nightgown gave and split in his hands. “Resting.” His hands then smoothed across her hips to palm her ass as his teeth found the nape of her neck, drawing a moan from deep within her. She kept up her feeble protest as she twined her fingers through his hair while the other hand pulled the towel from his waist. “You’re lucky that wasn’t a favorite.”

He chuckled against her neck as he picked her up, causing her to squeak again. “It was really more see through then fabric.” She fumbled the door open as their lips crashed against each other, moans intertwining.

He dropped her on to the bed and she arched her hips against him. She was already slick with want and need against him. “That’s the point of lingerie. It’s supposed to hit the floor after getting your attention.” She leaned up and wrapped a hand around his hard cock. His hips bucked with a growl. She smiled up at him, amusement dancing in her eyes. “You can’t stand there and enjoy the view all night, Varric.”

He crawled into bed with her, pinning her hands above her head. “Watching is almost as fun as touching, menace.”

She arched against him. “Does it count when we both get off?”

He placed feather light kisses across her chest. “You spend too much time with Rivaini.”

“Never.” Her laugh was breathless. He felt her tense before she flipped them over and straddled him. “But, tonight, I don’t feel like being the center of that much attention.” She ran her hands up his chest and leaned forward to nibble along his throat and claim his lips. “I’m impatient.”

“You’re always impatient.” He settled his head on his hands. “This is easier on the bruises, I will admit.”

Hawke shook her head, the hair tickling his chest. She scooted off him, nestling between his knees. He opened his mouth and she cut him off. “No.”

“You said you were impatient.”

She grinned. “I didn’t say for what.” She licked him from base to tip, making his eyes roll. “You should know better than to trust a thief.” With that, his cock disappeared between her lips. She rolled her tongue along the vein that ran along its base, humming when his hips bucked towards her. Hawke liked watching his face as she moved up and down his length. Sometimes it was close to pain, other times it euphoric. It was trick she never tired of.

It didn’t take long before his hand was on her arm, dragging her lips to his. His voice was raspy and pleading as he said her name. Hawke nodded, words lost in the haze of seeing him so undone. His hands on her hips drove the pace, one she was all too happy to keep as it sent her shuddering over the edge in no time at all. She stilled over him, frozen as the orgasm shook her body in unending waves. Varric rolled them over, driving into her and dragging his name from her lips as she scored marks down his back. Hawke came again as he did, the abrupt jerking of their bodies awkward and powerful. He fell into bed beside her, their bodies radiating heat.

Hawke moved first and grabbed the blanket, tossing it over them both before snuggling into his side. “That was good. We should do it again sometime.” She giggled. “Maybe without the kidnapping, long stressful day part though.”

He kissed her forehead. “I can do that.”


	84. Its Admiral Now

"Today has been weird." Varric handed Hawke a mug as she bounced in her seat.

She rolled her shoulders. "This month has been weird. First you get dwarf napped. Then we had to fake Isabela's kidnapping.” She took a drink, half of the rich ale disappearing down her throat before she shook the mug at him. "No more kidnapping. No more disappearing. No more stealing."

He chuckled. "That was a mean punch you floored her with."

Her face turned down at all its corners. "Void. I still feel bad. I hope she's okay."

"Songbird, I told you to make it believable." The pirate wrapped her arms around Hawke's shoulders. "Which you did."

Hawke whined. "I hated every moment of it.” She leaned back as she settled her arms across hers so she could study Bela’s face. “Are you alright?”Varric got up to refill their drinks.

Bela sighed, her chin settling heavily against Hawke’s shoulder. “You didn’t have to kill him, you know.” She gave a disgruntled snort before settling in the chair beside Hawke, back leaned against the table. “I hate it when you are right.”

Hawke grinned. “Again.”

She rolled her eyes before she leaned against the back of the chair. “We have a saying, that a true friend is as constant as the northern star. I’m glad you are mine. If you had been with me, I wouldn’t have gotten into this whole mess to begin with.”

“You’ve always got me, captain.” Hawke’s soft smile gained a mischievous glint. “Or is it admiral now that you have two ships?”

Bela’s grin matched hers. “I think that would call for a new hat.”


	85. Let's watch this city burn the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> City by Hollywood Undead

Anders wandered into Flights of Fancy and rang the crystal on the counter. “Just a second!” Hawke sang from the back room. She hurried in with a stack of books taller than she was. “Sorry, new inventory and my help is out to sea. Can I help you?”

He took a few from her with a laugh. “I think you need it more than I do.”

“Anders!” She grinned, dropping the rest on the counter. She spun in place, arms out to her sides. “What do you think?”

“You have a lovely shop, but I don’t need a book today. I found a Tevinter potion that will separate Justice and I without harming either of us and I need help gathering the ingredients.” He smoothed his hands along the counter. “I know we have our differences but it would be something, just me and you.”

She nodded. “Alright. I’m free this afternoon and it’s been a slow day. Let’s go.”

Anders lifted the hatch that led into the Darktown tunnels. Hawke curled up her nose and sighed. “I hope this really helps you because I was really hoping to never go back down there.”

He cracked a grin. “Where’s your sense of adventure? Did you lose it when you gained your seat, councilwoman?”

She dropped down the ladder with a wry grin, already scanning for traps. "Do you remember the last time we were in these tunnels? We snuck into the Gallows. It'll be fun, you said. We won't get caught, you said. We'll save countless mages, you said."

He joined her, keeping track of her stalking figure through the shadows only because she let him see her. "You have gotten a lot of them out this way."

"True." She held up a hand and settled in to wait as she quietly dispatched a couple of Carta thugs. She wandered back cleaning her daggers.

"Does Varric ever get upset when you kill off his people?"

She snorted. "He doesn't own the Carta; I will suggest that though just to see what face he makes. Its set up like the Merchants Guild, lots of groups banded together but more illegal. I’m still not really sure what the difference is and he’s explained it twice. Its dwarven. How much of this sela patrae do you need?”

“Five deposits should do it.” He shrugged at her concerned look. “It will be worth the upset stomach if it can separate us safely.”

Hawke nodded slowly. “I would say it should be easy to find by its smell, but this is a sewer.”

After some careful searching they found four deposits. Hawke was flat on her stomach, watching the two apostates below their hiding spot before she carefully wiggled back to Anders. She took his offered drink. “Any chance you can talk them in to just moving?”

She rolled her shoulders and bounced on the balls of her feet. “You would be more likely. Sometimes people see me as someone they can trust, sometimes they see me as an extension of Meredith.” She took another drink. “They don’t have any supplies; they will move soon if we want to wait.”

“Let’s wait, we have catching up we can do.” She smiled, crossing her arms and leaning on the wall. “Unless you need to get back to Varric.”

She made a rude noise. “I don’t know what romances they let you read in the Circle, but we both have lives. We even both leave each other for weeks at a time and have adventures.”

“Yes, I hear about your adventures with Isabela. You’re lucky you don’t catch every disease in the Free Marshes.”

“Don’t talk shit about Bela, Anders.” Her eyes were icy as her fingers dug into her arms.

“You could do better. She’s a pirate and she caused half of Kirkwall to burn down.”

She snarled. “I’ve done terrible things too. We all have. She owned her poor decision and corrected it. Bela is the one person other than Varric that I can always count on to have my back, no matter what I do or what decisions I make. She’s the sister of my heart and you used to think she was good enough to associate with.”

“My mind changed.” Hawke took in the stubborn set of his jaw and the squareness of his shoulders and kicked off from the wall. “You used to be my friend too, Hawke.”

“I still am.” She looked back over her shoulder, anger and sorrow warring in her eyes. “You used to believe in me.”

They found the last deposit in silence and headed out of the sewers. “Hawke.”

“If you are going to say you are sorry, don’t bother unless you mean it.” He remained quiet. “We disagree on a lot of things, Anders, from Isabela to our Fade associates. But I will help you.”

“Perhaps it would be best if I go to the Bone Pit alone.”

She shook her head. “No, something killed off the miners there. I’ll grab the drakestone while I’m there with the others and bring it by the clinic.”

He reached out and grabbed her hand. “I still believe in you, Hawke. I’m just tired.”

She gave it a gentle squeeze and backed away. “You, me, and the whole damn world. Wicked Grace tomorrow night?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

The world was moving; not the gentle spin of too many drinks, or calming lullaby rocking of the sea. A heavy step, one after another with arms holding her tight, while chest hair itched her nose but her arms were too heavy to scratch. Hawke forced one eye open, the other too swollen to move, to admire how his stubble glinted gold along his jaw. She hummed appreciatively. "Are you carrying me all the way back to Kirkwall?"

He glanced down at her, a small smile curling along his lips. "Has Valyna taught you enough about healing to get you walking?" She snorted, wincing when the pain bloomed in her chest. "That's what I thought."

"I should carry lyrium. Broken ribs won't keep me from walking, storyteller, they just slow me down."

"You tried walking and you passed out."

Hawke made a face. "I did not pass out. I am Lady Rose Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall and Rose of Ferelden, menace. I do not partake in such Orlesian frivolity." She traced his necklace, nose curling at the dried blood under her fingernail. "I simply nap at inconvenient times for my companions after exerting myself." Varric glared at her as Bela and Daisy laughed and passed them. She tucked her head under his chin. "Worrywart."

His heartbeat was steady under her ear, the melody of it catching her mind. Her fingers began to tap along to the simple beat, adding complexity to the rhythm. It was interrupted by a rumble in his chest, a chuckle and a growl all mixed up. "If you acted like a rogue, or a mage, I'd worry less. You pick the biggest thing on field and go yes, I'm going to fight that. You aren't a human battering ram like Aveline or Broody."

She blew forcefully through pursed lips. "No, I'm not. I'm faster and more efficient. Cloaked in shadows, ice their feet to the ground, plant and leap to go for the eyes. Fire inspires fear. Electricity causes the muscles to spasm and limbs to flail enabling sneak attacks. Fade step when there's a rock and a hard place."

Hawke didn’t have to see him roll his eyes over the same tired argument. "And every time you run out of mana, which leaves the tiny rogue mage in between the rock and a hard place."

The world was darkening around the edges and she closed her eyes to let the nap come. "That's why I have you, Varric. Someone has to watch my ass." He shook his head and kissed her hair. Hawke smirked. "At least you didn't drop a dragon on me this time."

He scowled. "I may just drop you."

She stirred in his arms. "That's a crap ending, storyteller. And the hero drops his lady love in the dirt as the sun sets over the sea. She later dies of infection." He snorted. "And her gallant mabari reduces his desk to kindling in revenge." She laughed weakly.

"Oh, that's just cruel, menace." She went limp his arms. "The only way I'm dropping you is if I fall down dead, menace."

Bela looked back at him, a sly grin on her face. "I am telling her that."

Daisy smacked her arm lightly. "Hawke knows that."

The pirate chuckled. "Oh but, kitten, I'm going to embellish the description." She draped an arm across her forehead and sighed dramatically

"Don't even start, Rivaini."

She pouted with a flutter of her lashes. "You are no fun." It was quickly replaced with an impish grin. "Worrywart." She jingled the bag of rocks. “Why did Hawke gather all this drakestone anyway?”

“For Blondie, he needs it for some potion.”

She looked between Hawke and the bag. “So why didn’t he come with us? A healer would have been useful, especially with her history at the Bone Pit.”

“All I got was he’s still being a bastard.” Bela shook her head.

Hawke came to in their bedroom with Anders leaning over her. She smiled sleepily. “I got your rocks.”

He snorted. “I heard. You are healing up but take the next few days off.”

She groaned. “Some blighted shopkeeper I am. I am never there.”

“If you are up for it tomorrow evening, do you want to go up to the Chantry with me?” He sat on the bed beside her. “I want to pray.”

She squeezed his hand. “It’ll work. But I will go with you regardless.” Her eyes widened. “Oh. That reminds me! I found something for you.” She whistled and Hero came trotting in. “Get my pack, boy.”

The mabari drug her pack on to the bed, accepting pets and kisses. She pulled an amulet from its depths. “Here, I found this and thought of you.”

“It’s of the Tevinter Chantry.” He looked it over. “Hawke, I.”

She cut him off. “I know, but you believe. You would fit in there, I think. Maybe don’t wear it blatantly but it’s something, that not all Chantrys are like they are here in the South. That it is different elsewhere.”

“You see it as hope.” She nodded. “Then I will doubly cherish it, my friend.” He hugged her. “Remember, to take it easy.”

“Yes, healer.” Hero flopped down on her legs. “I don’t have much choice anyway. Ask Varric to get me some hot chocolate then?”


	86. When All That I Want Will Mark Me as a Sinner Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten Thousand Fists by Disturbed

Varric came home to her behind the desk, a bottle of wine half empty and a mountain of paper filled with her cramped handwriting. He set dinner down in front of her and was unsurprised when she dug into it like a bear at spring thaw. "I heard the knight commander hired you to hunt mages."

She answered between inhaled bites. "Yes."

He raised an eyebrow at that. "And you did it?"

She sighed, pushing away the half eaten food. "Yes." She took a long drink before settling her chin in her hands. "I was hoping I could get them out of Kirkwall."

"Come on, let's sit somewhere comfy and you can tell me about it." He pulled her to her feet.

"But." He kissed her and felt her relax a little. "I'm working on a policy for the Council."

He tugged her hand. "It'll be there in the morning." He gave her his most winning grin and was rewarded with a laugh as he guided her towards the bedroom.

"Awful sure of your abilities tonight, love." She murmured. He tugged her shirt over her head, placing chaste kisses across her skin. Kirkwall had scarred her body and soul, yet she was still bent on giving it everything.

He turned her around, a graze of teeth on her shoulder and unhooked her bra, tossing it behind him. He pushed her toward the bed and she crawled on to it. "Lay on your stomach."

He heard her snort of laughter. "Bossy."

He tossed off his own shirt and popped his knuckles. He grinned at her position, back arched with her ass in the air in those tiny black shorts she favored when she got home. "As tantalizing as that invitation is," he kissed the small of her back before straddling her thighs. "I think you need this more." He ran his thumbs firmly up her spine and felt her melt into the mattress with a groan. He leaned forward and kneaded her shoulders, whispering in her ear. "But I'll take you up on the offer in a bit."

She giggled. "If there's anything left of me."

He continued in silence, enjoying the quiet sounds of pleasure that fell from her lips until her eyes fluttered shut and her back and shoulders were soft beneath his hands. He started down her arm. "The mages?"

She hummed. "Emile de Launcet was getting drunk, here even. You should have heard his mother." Hawke giggled before doing a poor Orlesian accent. "It's so filthy" She sighed loudly as he worked over an old scar. "It's a very good thing you weren't with me for this one. He actually said are you mage because you've magiced my breath away."

His nose curled up in disgust. "I would have killed him. That hurt me." He shook his head. "And let me guess, you let him go? Even after that abomination of a pickup line."

"He's on a ship headed out of port. He escaped the Circle because he wanted the chance to kiss a girl. I couldn't turn him back in. That's like kicking a puppy."

"Like you'd turn in a mage anyway." He switched to her other arm.

"Not the point." Her eyes sparkled when she twisted to look at him. "You could make that into a story, you know. The 40 year old virgin mage escapes the Circle on a quest to kiss a girl."

He pushed her back down. "Plot twist, he kisses the knight commander and it turns out she's been possessed by a fear demon all along. His kiss frees her and Kirkwall lives happily ever after." He started working on her legs, settling between her knees as she rolled over and lazily let her head loll on the pillow to watch him.

"That's so terrible I may actually try it." He pinched behind her knee making her wiggle but she just grinned. "I won't kiss her, but I think we could pour enough drink into Blondie to make anything happen with a trebuchet aimed at her window."

He chuckled. "I'm amazed you have friends." She stuck her tongue out at him. "The other two go as well?"

She shook her head sadly. "One murdered his wife in the name of bringing back the elven people. I had spoken to his wife this morning, she was terrified and I told her we would protect her. And we didn't." She shrugged. "Blood magic, I still haven't figured out how to shield someone else's mind from being controlled. It would be handy."

"Says the blood mage." He arched a brow as he kissed her calf.

She grinned. "That's different, thank you.  I don't use it to control people's minds and I don't murder random people for power." She sighed, dangling an arm over her face. " I'd like to go one week without meeting an insane mage. It would do great things for my self-image to know madness is not in my future." He laughed as she pulled him down beside her. She settled her head against his shoulder. "The last one bothered me. She was Ferelden and came over with the refugees. She surrendered to the Circle willingly to try and get funds to aid them." She pursed her lips. "She had these two kids she was taking care of and accused me of sitting in Hightown and doing nothing for the others from Ferelden."

He kissed her forehead. "You just made sure aid was sent to Ferelden, kept the aid house from being shut down, your mother's charity, kept the city from being taken over by Qunari. Just little things of no consequence." He shook his head. "Never mind you worked your ass off to get where you are."

"And everyone in Ferelden liked to remind me I was from Kirkwall. My upbringing is always convenient. If my grandparents hadn't named me in the will I would have lost my spot on the Council. Bastards. Fix it, Hawke! But don't tell us we were wrong." She gave a disgusted growl.

He smiled against her hair. "What did you tell the knight commander?"

"To not ask me to do her dirty work anymore. I have a store to run, a city council, the Red Jennys, the Coterie, I don't need to do a Templar’s job to be more understanding of what they go through. I've been dealing with crazy apostates since I moved to Kirkwall. I understand better then she does and I don't even have a tranquil to run my errands."

He ran his hand down her back over and over. "Don't undo all the work I just did."

"It's a blatant abuse of her power. And short of challenging her to a duel, which she wouldn't honor, there is not much I can do without the Grand Cleric getting of her ass." Her skin was getting hot and he could taste the sulfur in the air that rose with her temper now. "Both of them are insufferable and I even like Elthina as a person. She's afraid like everyone else in this city."

"Are you?" He felt the heat leave her as she sank into his side.

"No." She said softly. "I'm ready for it. I want it over with. What I am afraid of is how much of this city she will take with her when she loses control. And I'm afraid of my willingness to fight this battle." She wiggled up on to her elbow. "If I start sounding like Blondie, I want Broody to knock me in the head so you and Bela can get me out of the city. It means I've lost my mind."

He chuckled. "Don't worry, you start spouting the manifesto instead of my name I will get your head examined."

Her eyes sparkled. "Ooh. That sounds like a challenge. How much of it can I recite before someone distracts me?"

He rolled them over, kissing down her throat. "Didn't we try that with the Chant?"

"In the Chantry, no less." She giggled. "And Choir Boy didn't appear to smite us with his shiny belt buckle."


	87. They Made You Taller

"Perhaps you should consider posting guards with how much trouble you get into?" Fenris suggested as they all settled in for another round of Wicked Grace.

"That's not a bad plan, Broody."

Hawke groaned. "No. We are not posting guards around the Hanged Man." She looked at her hand and laid them on the table. Fenris let out an amused chuckle.

Varric patted her on the shoulder. "Don't think of it as for you. Think of it as for the patrons of our fine establishment." She glared at him until he laughed.

"I don't need guards." She mumbled into her drink.

"They finished that statue down at the docks." Bela tossed a card down, carefully watching Hawke.

"What statue?" She looked genuinely confused and everyone grinned.

Varric took over. "The giant statue of the Champion of Kirkwall, standing victoriously on the Arishok’s head." She groaned. "Complete with an eternal flame." She wilted until only the top of her head was visible.

Bela laughed. "Come on, songbird, not everyone gets one of those."

"It's a waste of city funds." She said flatly.

"For once, I disagree." Aveline took a card. "It looks nothing like Hawke though."

She sat up, scowling. "That's because I wore a helmet and refused to take it off. I want to be able to go places and not have people know who I am."

Varric chuckled. "And they made you taller, menace."

"Well, some people think I'm larger than life, unlike someone who makes me sound like a pudding." She said tartly, before she grinned at his scowl. "When's Donnic's patrol, Aveline?"

"We should head out soon." They folded their cards and finished their drinks.

Varric tugged on her braid. "Sure you don't want me along?"

She leaned down to kiss him, leaning her forehead against his. "We are taking Daisy with us and Broody is coming too. No one talks shit about our Guard Captain, especially when it reeks of a setup." She kissed him again, a slow burning kiss that spoke of later and had Bela whistling. She grinned. "Besides, I have something to finish when I get home now."

She followed Aveline and Broody towards the door while he grinned like a fool. "Hey!" She flashed a smile over her shoulder. "Love you." Several patrons cheered.

She spun and bowed. "Storyteller!" She was still laughing as she blew him a kiss on her way out the door.

When Varric turned back to the game Bela was staring at him with a sly grin. "You are in so deep."

He chewed the inside of his cheek, keeping back the initial comment. "I am gentleman in public, Rivaini."

She snorted. "It's nice seeing you two so happy, even if it makes me sick." She laid out her winning hand. "But you ever break her heart again, I will convince Fenris to rip yours out of your chest while I have her out far enough on the seas that she can't stop him."

He collected the cards and dealt them again. "And why would I do that?"

"I don't know. I can't think of any good reason so it would be a bad one." She counted out her bet from the recent winnings. "I'm just making sure you understand what's at stake."

He grabbed her hand. "Isabela." She blinked. "If anything ever happened to her, I would want you to rip it out." She nodded once. "I'm feeling left out of all the fun. Let's go sneak up on their patrol."

She grinned. "Oh yes."


	88. Haunted

Hawke formed an ice ball and wrapped it in a towel before handing it to him. "Did you have to punch me?"

"You wanted to keep that creepy idol chunk." She disappeared into the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of wine and popped the corks before handing him one. "And you weren't listening. I had to make sure you weren't possessed."

She flopped across the couch, kicking her legs over Hero's back and took a long drink. Varric gave her half a glare. "I don't think dwarves can be possessed."

She glared right back. "I got smashed in the face by a fucking pot twice. It killed that poor girl. And you were acting like Bartrand." He pulled the towel away from his face to argue and she flinched. It was purple and molted, the eye swollen shut. "Considering what we did to him, you got off easy? Keep the ice on that."

He sighed. “I'm glad Rivaini was there to stop you."

She stared resolutely at her knees. "Yeah well, you yelled at me. And scared the shit out of me. You deserved it."

They sat like that for a while, Hawke staring at her knees, Varric staring at her, and Hero looking between them and whining. "I'm sorry for whatever came over me in there. I'm glad you were with me."

She dropped her head over the arm of couch, an easy smile lighting her face. "I've always got your back, love. And I am sorry I tried to knock you into next Tuesday." He chuckled. "Want me to heal it?"

"Maker, I thought you would never offer." She shooed Hero off the couch and Varric settled between her legs, his head resting on her thigh. Her fingers rested gently against the swollen planes of his face and a gentle warmth flowed from them as her eyes fluttered shut with concentration. "Could you really not hear it?"

She shifted beneath him but remained silent until the warmth dispersed from her fingers and she had checked over her work. "Still a little bit of a bruise, but nothing a decent night’s rest won't cure." He grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers, staring up at her expectantly. She sighed. "Not until you handed it to me, I regretted touching it actually. I could hear it the entire time Sandal was working on it." She laced her fingers through his, her expression thoughtful. "It was like lyrium but darker, wild, like chaos. It was beautiful."

"You sound a little in love." She snorted. "Wait, you can hear lyrium?"

"Yes. Why did you think I have such an aversion to carrying it?"

"It makes people crazy and when you start running low, you just open someone's vein."

She laughed dryly. "Well that's not untrue. It's distracting, the song. It can be soothing or it can be." She searched for the word. "Invigorating. Just listening to it, even the raw deposits are a fucking nuisance."

His brows knit together. "So, you are like a lyrium divining rod."

Her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed as she leaned forward. "I am not helping with your business monster."

He grinned. "Oh come on, we'd be the richest couple in the Free Marshes."

She fought the smile wiggling at the corners of her mouth. "Oh yes, constant assassins, endless meetings, it would be more of exactly what we already have." She kissed his nose. "I will turn into an archdemon first." She chuckled. "And we'd have to go back into the Deep Roads."

"You never take me anywhere nice."

Her laughter shook her whole body. "Well to brighten your headache, I met King Alistair today before we went ghost hunting. I was not impressed. And that was before he decided to warn me that the biggest threat to Kirkwall was Meredith." She ran her fingers through his hair. "Did they drop him from a very high tower?"

"You're the Ferelden." Her eyes were sparkling and she was relaxed for the first time in several weeks. He wanted to hold this moment in place for her, she drove herself harder then she could keep up most days. "Why did you have to meet him?"

She took a drink. "Mm. He wanted to meet the Champion of Kirkwall, a Ferelden refugee who had done well for themselves. He offered me a place at court if I returned."

His heart fell. "Did you accept it?"

Her hair fell around them when she leaned forward. Her voice was soft as her fingers worked the tension in chest, a smile playing along her lips. "Varric, why would I leave? I was ready to leave that backwater long before the Blight came. I spent several years at the Ferelden court with my father. My jobs are here; my friends are here. You are here." Her smile blossomed. "Unless you are trying to get rid of me now. I didn’t think I hit you that hard."

He tangled a hand in her hair and twisted to lean up and kiss her. Her laugh escaped between their tumbled lips. He pulled back long enough to meet her eyes. "I love you, menace."

"I love you too. And, Maker, I am sorry I punched you in the face.”

“That’s two of us this month.” He laughed, kissing down her neck. “Rivaini and I need to warn the others that you are getting violent with the stress of the job.” 


	89. Role Playing Red Jenny

The place was a dive. He preferred the Hanged Man for a reason but the Carta wanted their own bar and he liked not letting them have run of the place. Hawke was off doing Red Jenny work this evening so he had wandered down this way to maintain his contacts. When he walked through the door he was greeted with a chorus. The girl who took his coat made him take a second look, the black leather corset boosting her cleavage until it strained against the red lace of her top. "New around here?"

"Decided it was time to go out on my own." Hawke scowled at him from under the heavy makeup before letting her hair fall back to obscure her face.

He chuckled. "You're a little tall for a dwarf."

She shrugged nonchalantly while hissing under her breath. "You blow this and I will dump you in the harbor."

"Letha! Get Messere Tethras a table! A clean one!" The barkeep yelled.

She turned primly and grabbed a menu. "Follow me, messere."

His eyes traveled up her legs, a momentary question of how she hid her tattoos forming in his mind before his gaze settled on the sway of her hips in the tight red skirt. "Wherever you want."

She slapped the menu on the table, causing several of the others to look up. He patted her back. "It's alright, Letha, everyone has nerves on their first day."

She batted her eyelashes. "For such a famous dwarf, I expected you to have a beard." A couple of chuckles were quickly hidden in drinks. She leaned a hip on the table with a saucy grin. "But it seems to have fallen on to your chest. What can I get you, handsome?"

"Just a drink, the finest you have." Another dwarf settled in across from him to talk business as Hawke sauntered off to the bar.

She put in the order and went out to wait a couple of the other tables. The Carta dwarves, for all their underhand tactics and dirty business, weren't a bad lot. If she had known how well they tipped, she would have skipped mercenary work all together when she first came to Kirkwall. "Letha, order up!"

She took it back to Varric and set it on the table. He grabbed her hand as she went to walk away. "You have a friend?"

His associate chuckled. "Your lady won't like that."

Varric waved him off as he stared up at Hawke. She leaned in low. "Just the girl I room with." She trailed her fingers down his arm with a smile. "I go on break in 10 minutes, messere."

Varric kissed her knuckles. "Please, call me Varric."

Her smile widened as she leaned in to purr in his ear. "Varric." Her body brushed against him as she murmured again. "This is fun." She straightened, eyes midnight dark and sparkling. "I'll let you get back to your business then."

His eyes followed her as she slinked away to another table. His associate cleared his throat, drawing his attention back to business. "You have all the luck, you bastard."

Varric shrugged, grinning. "It's the chest hair."

Hawke kept one eye on her tables and another on the back window. Finally, a blue cloak draped across it obscuring the sky. "Oy, I'm taking my break!"

The bartender laughed. "Right."

Hawke made her way to Varric's table where he was finishing up. She trailed her fingers across his back before bending low over his shoulder. "Well, if you aren't busy, would you care to join me?"

Varric arched a brow at her. "What about your friend?"

She smirked as she straightened, rolling her hips as she called over her shoulder. "Surely you can handle two of us." He chuckled as the others broke out in good natured cheering. He gathered his things and went out the side door she had disappeared through.

She was leaned against the wall as he came through, one foot kicked up against it and arms crossed firmly under her chest. He shut the door behind him and turned the lock. She arched an eyebrow. "I really do not have time at the moment, Varric."

He grinned. "Then why are you still here?" He dropped his bag on the floor and ghosted his fingers up and back down her bare arms, grin turning to smirk as she shuddered under his touch. He pinned her arms above her head before slowly brushing his lips against hers. A small whimper left her but she remained still. He deepened the kiss, tongues tangling as teeth nipped and he dropped their hands. His hands slid down her body grasping her hips as she wrapped her legs around his waist and he held them upright against the wall. She wound one hand tightly into his hair while the other searched between them for buttons to undo.

His lips traveled down her throat, drawing a loud moan from her lips as his teeth found her sweet spots. A loud knock sounded on the door. "Letha! Five more minutes and back to work!"

Hawke's head hit the wall and she cracked it again for good measure. "Void. Work." She gave him a little shove as she let her legs drop. "I am working." He let her go with a chuckle but she grabbed his shirt dragging him back to her for a searing kiss. "We are finishing this later."

He grabbed his bag as she grabbed her cloak from the hook and let them out the door to the docks. Gabby's royal blue cloak fluttered in the wind beckoning them onward. She gave them an arched look but said nothing at Varric's tagging along or their disheveled appearance. Hawke tied her hair back out of her face. "What did you find for us, Gabby?"

She handed over the papers. "Not a lot for the Jennys really, but for you? This is a big deal, Hawke."

Hawke whistled low as she scanned over. "Meredith's bringing in all this? Maker. Just being near that much could make someone who's sensitive go insane. And all under the nose of the Chantry." Hawke sighed, sliding them into a pocket of her cloak. "This is bad. Whatever she is preparing for not a word of it has passed the Council."

"Or us other than the Carta was moving enough lyrium to sink Lowtown." Gabby looked out at the ships. "I may skip town soon, Hawke. I don't want to be here when she loses it."

Hawke nodded. "Then go. Take the younger ones with you. A nice educational trip to Val Royeaux or Denerim to irritate some royalty. If things go down, there won't be much work for Red Jenny for a while."

Gabby shook her head. "You should leave too. You're a mage and you stand up to her openly. Your nobility may not protect you. You're a walking target."

Hawke smiled. "Let me know what your plans are."

"I will. Stay out of trouble." Gabby sighed and wandered off down the dock front.

"So that's who was moving all that lyrium."

Hawke chuckled. "And I found out before you." She shivered in the sudden wind. "Come on, storyteller. We have plans."

"Isn't Letha still working?" He smirked.

She rolled her eyes. "Letha is still swooning." A calculating look passed over her face. "Unless you have more business to attend to and don't mind me wringing information out of a couple of them. I was going to pass them off to the others. You just have to look very pleased with the time you've had." At his questioning look, she shrugged. "I didn't wear this outfit because I thought you were coming down here, storyteller. A couple drinks and you'd be amazed what most will say in front of someone they see as only a nice set of tits."

Varric shook his head, a huff of laughter escaping him as he grabbed her hand. “As practical as that is, let’s go home, menace. We have plans.”

 

Hawke settled cross legged in the middle of their bed, her expression one of innocent expectation. Varric pulled his shirt over his head, a corner of his lips quirking up. "What?"

"Well, Messere Tethras," she cooed. "I may be a serving girl, but my da would be put out if I lost my maidenhood without the promise of marriage. We may be surfacers but we follow tradition." She smiled brightly, her hands folded in her lap.

He opened and closed his mouth several times before she dissolved into a fit of hysterical laughter and fell back on to the bed. He joined her and trailed kissed up her body, grazing her ticklish spots with his fingers until she howled and convulsed. He kissed her between peals of glee, his own face split with a grin. "Vixen."

"That's what you get for picking up strange dwarven serving girls!" She roared as he assaulted the nerves at the base of her ribs. Her hands flailed trying to catch his as she writhed beneath him. She choked, breath catching hard in her lungs. "Stop. I'm going to set us on fire."

He chuckled as he peppered her face with kisses and ceased his torment. A few more gasping laughs left her. "We can't have that. We only have one bed now."

"Bela would happily share if I set fire to this one." He shook his head, trailing fingers down her cheek before kissing her again. She sighed happily melting into him. When they broke apart she smiled up at him, losing herself in his eyes for a moment. "I’d rather not share, not even with my pirate queen." She grinned. "She did help me pick out the clothes, appropriate garb for the first mate. On land anyway."

"You two should go clothes shopping more often."

"That's expensive, I have a million other things to worry about with my money. Lost causes don't pay for themselves."

He chuckled. "Not if you let me pay for it."

A speculative gleam entered Hawke's eyes. "Deal, storyteller. You should see the boots I found."

He blinked twice. "What? You just agreed to let me spoil you, without arguing."

Hawke laughed, rolling him into his back and straddling his hips. "You haven't seen the boots." She trailed her fingers through his chest hair and then over his shoulders as she leaned down to kiss him. Lips tumbled together as his hands slid across her body and she rocked against him. Stubble scraped against her cheek as she kissed and nipped along his jaw before she laughed softly. "Since Letha lost her appeal, how about bedding a pirate?"

He began unlacing the corset. "Maybe."

Hawke laughed again, wiggling free of the confining fabric and tossing it on the floor. "Then prepare to be boarded."


	90. Everybody Wants to Live Forever

Hawke stumbled into their apartment, dropping ragged bits of armor as she went. Varric closed his book and dropped his glasses on the table. "How's Daisy?"

She shook her head. "Sedated. Maker, I need to be. We killed her Keeper and half her blighted clan." She took a deep breath and gagged. "I need a shower; I smell like Hero after a fight in Darktown."

She tossed the rest of her clothes and gear against the wall and stepped under the water. Varric joined her, rubbing his thumbs against her shoulder blades. "At least you were able to put the other half asleep and sneak us past them."

She nodded, her hair hanging around her face. "At least some of them will survive to hate and blame her for everything." She groaned as he worked a knot free, bracing herself against the wall. "I was surprised I could do it, I've used blood magic for years but I've hardly touched those abilities."

He dropped a kiss on her shoulder. "Everyone has limits, love, even a champion and a lady."

She chuckled, grabbing her shampoo. He loved the smell, vanilla and salt. It complimented her well, especially when she had spent the day up to her chin in dusty old books and ink. She turned, letting her gaze slide over him and then winked. "Ladies don't shower with dangerous rogues."

He chuckled, drawing her close as the suds slipped down her body. "I'm only a gentleman in public."

They were sprawled across the bed, lethargic after their gentle lovemaking. Her head was laying on his chest and he tapped her nose at the faraway look in her eyes. "Thoughts still on the Sundermont?"

She hummed, her eyes closing. "Close." She was quiet a moment. "You know this isn't the first time I've been in love."

"You get a letter from Mira every week, menace." He pulled a loose curl, watching it spring back into place.

She snorted. "Puppy love that was. I meant this kind of love." She sighed, a crooked smile appearing. "You're making that face."

"What face?" It smoothed into innocent interest.

"Uh huh. The I smell a story face." She grinned and rolled over. "It's just thinking. I'm tired."

His eyes narrowed in on the back of her head. "You can't just say that and then not finish."

She giggled. "That's the point, storyteller."

"I feel a little sorrier for Daisy now." He tickled his fingers across the base of her ribs, making her howl and twitch until he was straddling her thighs and fending off flailing hands. "But I don't have to put up with that out of you."

A hard snort left her as she curled around herself. "Since when?"

He grabbed her hands and penned them above her head, noses bumping against each other. "Because I love you."

Her mirth filled eyes softened. "I love you too." She leaned up and kissed him before her voice caressed against his skin. "Hold me while I talk? It's a sad story."

He nodded, settling on the bed beside her and pulling her close. She snuggled into his side, wrapping her legs with his and settling her head against his shoulder. She sighed, a long thing that left a weight against her chest that she thought she had left on the shores across the Waking Sea. "I met her at Ostagar when I was forced into the army."

"Her?" He settled his hand against her waist, his thumb rubbing gentle circles.

She chuckled. "That shouldn't surprise you."

She felt his smile against her forehead before his kiss. "It doesn't. But I'm assuming she had a name, not that she was some unfortunate waif with no name." He chuckled. “That wouldn’t surprise me either.”

"Not all of us are world class storytellers, Varric. Hush." She chuckled a moment. "Her name was Anna Lockart. She was Carver's captain actually. I'm not sure we would have met otherwise. I sought her out to ensure my brother's safety."

"And the predator became the prey?" She smacked lightly at his chest.

"You make me sound like a psycho. She ruined my plans within the first the minute. She started talking about the music of the place we were at and just, I was sunk." Hawke laughed softly. "She was almost a head taller than me and a warrior. Her hair was so blonde it was almost white with forest green eyes. She told me later her eyes came from her mother's people, the Dalish. I once got my ass kicked because I was distracted trying to write bad poetry in her honor."

Varric felt his shoulder grow warm and wet but made no comment. Hawke continued softly. "I gave up the Rose of Ferelden for her. I didn't even know I did until she mentioned it." She sighed again. "I asked her to marry me, you know." Varric was so still he barely breathed. "She said yes and we made plans to leave for Kirkwall, just leave everything and everyone behind and start new lives. The Darkspawn attacked as we were packing. I was sent out to do a flanking maneuver in the forest. My whole group was slaughtered and I didn't make it back in time to save her." She hid her face against his chest. "She died in my arms, telling me to not let my heart break after she put it back together." Hawke wept, all those years later she let the sorrow free and he held her through the storm. A time later she sniffed and sat up, drying her tears. "I'm sorry, Varric."

He traced a tear down her face. "You said it was a sad story." She nodded. "Did you ever grieve?"

She shook her head, clenching her fists. "No. We lost Carver the next day, getting Mother out of Lothering was Maker cursed nightmare. I didn't have time and then it felt selfish to ask my family to give me the time when we were missing Carver." She released the crumpled bed sheet. "Aveline knew. We had some drinks at the port but that was it. She just lost her husband and I felt I didn't have the right."

"Why now?"

She smiled, too many teeth but it was there. "You always hear what I don't say." She leaned into his hand before grasping it between her own. "I agree with Aveline; the big showdown is coming. The past year has reminded me that we aren't untouchable. Anna was my first lesson in that, not my father. That no matter how fiercely you love, someone else's hate can take it away." Her blue eyes blazed with a fury he had seen only on the stormiest nights in the harbor. "You die on me, and I swear on all else I hold dear, I will burn Kirkwall to a cinder."

He sat up. "Hawke."

She silenced him with a bruising kiss. "No arguing with me, not on this, Varric.” She knelt between his knees, cupping his face in her palms. “If I lose you, I will have lost everyone.” Her voice stuttered and the tears began coursing again.

He brushed away a tear with his thumb. “And all the innocent people in Kirkwall would deserve a fiery death.”

“Bastard.”

He smiled and kissed her gently. “You won’t lose me, Hawke. We have things to do that don’t involve saving Kirkwall.”

A choking laugh left her. “Like what? We have time for something other than that?

His mind wandered to a gold band in a locked box, hidden deep in his dresser. “One we’d enjoy.”


	91. The Lady's Desire

They were sprawled across Bela's deck chairs soaking up the afternoon sun. Her balcony faced out over the harbor, the Siren's Call and her sister ship, calmly bobbing in the high tide. "What are you going to name her?"

Bela handed her an icy bottle. "You got this one for me too. You name her."

Hawke chuckled taking a long drag. "You earned them both, Bela. I just moved the paperwork." She was quiet a moment. "The Lady's Desire."

Bela flopped on to her chair, kicking her bare feet on to the railing. "Oooh. I like it." She sobered a moment. "And what does the lady desire?"

"A break." Hawke sat up. "I don't know what to do anymore. Fix this for us, but we don't want to change. Our ways are just fine, just fix the problem." She leaned forward on her knees. "The ways are the blighted problem." She sighed. "And I've tried sex. And I'm drinking. So your turn to solve my problems, pirate queen, I'm out of ideas."

Bela sat up, rubbing Hawke's biceps with sturdy fingers. "Jump ship and run." Hawke snorted. "Hear me out. We’ll spend the first six months teaching you how to sail a ship and I'll promote you from first mate to captain of The Lady's Desire. We'll get a third ship and start an armada." She leaned her head against Hawke's with a smile. "Just imagine, songbird. The wind in your face, the smell of the sea, no rules but our own."

Hawke chuckled and nodded. "It sounds good." She sighed. "Our loves are pretty attached to Kirkwall."

Bela laughed and laid back on her chair. "We'll put into port every few weeks and they can put into our ports."

Hawke cackled and fell back, stretching in the sun. "Varric would get more writing done that way. Maybe we should." She took another drink. "And you say I'm the bad influence."


	92. The Dragon Mage

Hawke snarled and stretched as she stomped back into their bedroom. "Who was it?"

"A messenger from Orsino, he wants me to meet him at the Chantry to talk to Grand Cleric. I don't know what Meredith has done now but he thinks we can finally force the issue and make her take a stance against that bitch." She began strapping on her armor. She had been proud of the commission, and he had been grateful for it. He had to admit she also looked damn fine in it; even with Kirkwall's heraldry blazed across her chest in red, a target on a field of black.

"Isn't that what you've been trying to do?" She chuckled as she leaned down to kiss him.

"Yes." She leaned her forehead against his. "What people don't get, it's not just for the mages. I butt heads with that woman over and over for Kirkwall and for the people under her command. She has no respect for her Templars. Or anyone else for that matter." She giggled as he pulled her back into bed. "Probably not even the Maker."

"Oh, that's rich coming out of you, menace."

She grinned. "Like the armor? High dragon hide, dragon scale, and obsidian. All I need are some fucking wings and I could be the Dragon Mage."

He kissed her nose. "You do not need wings." She pouted. "But the armor is nice, I won’t have to carry you home as often now."

"Pbbt, don't bet on that. I can just get into more trouble before that happens."


	93. Looking Through the Bars and I see My City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usual suspects by Hollywood undead

"I'll leave you to deal with your friend. Meet me at the Gallows as soon as you can, Champion." They watched the First Enchanter disappear into Kirkwall amid the screams and smoke.

Hawke turned on Anders, channeling her rage into the ground below her so quickly that smoke was curling around her boots. "If I had taken over as the Viscount would you have done this? Would you have told me the truth about the day we went to talk to the Grand Cleric?"

Anders squared his shoulders, meeting her burning gaze. "Would it had made a difference? Would you have said what needed saying? Or would you have tried to fix it diplomatically like you have been? The time for diplomacy is over." His voice softened. “Or worse, would you have wanted to help?”

The fireball erupted from her faster than he had time throw up a shield, knocking him flat on his back. Hawke was right behind it, flattening him back into the ground. "You killed innocent people!" Her fist connected with his jaw. "People who were just as terrified of that mad bitch as the mages, people even less capable of fighting back." She swung again and he caught her fist. "You bastard! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?" Tears fought through her rage and burned down her cheeks. Hawke threw herself away from him and began to pace. "Aveline, I need a favor of you and the guard."

“Hawke, you constantly test my loyalty you know.” The guard captain shook her head, a small smile playing on her face as she fidgeted with her sword. "I can spare a few, if you are planning what I think you are."

"Take them to Darktown, we have to get the remaining mages out of the Gallows. Meredith calling for the Rite of Annulment cannot be allowed to pass." Aveline nodded and took off to find her men." Bela, Daisy get them out?"

"Where am I taking them, Hawke? Three or four at a time has been easy, but you are talking many more." Isabela’s fingers stroked down her arm as she paced, fidgeting with her communication crystal.

She turned to Varric. "What would Mae say to some visitors?"

He chuckled. "She'll be disappointed it's not you."

Hawke nodded. "With how this goes, if I’m not dead I won't be won't be far behind."

He an arched an eyebrow. "No running off without me, we're a team." She smiled and stood a little straighter.

"Alright. Bela and Daisy get ahold of the Siren-."

"Communications are down." Bela tossed her crystal into the street and stomped it.

Hawke sighed. "The main transmitter crystal was in the Chantry. And now it's all over Kirkwall. Get to the docks, get your crew ready and then up the tunnel to meet me in the Gallows."

"What about Anders?" Daisy touched her arm staring at the rebel mage laying on the ground staring at Hawke.

"I have the fate of the city once again on my shoulders. Which means your fate is in my hands, Anders." He flinched at the emptiness of her voice. "You should have thought about what happened to the last guy who tried to destroy Kirkwall, but I give you the same choice. Decide your fate."

Anders got on his knees, bowing his head. "I submit myself to your judgement."

Daisy’s sharp intake of breath was the only warning he had before he felt Hawke's dagger coldly against his throat. His breathing stuttered as she moved behind him, her feet silent on the stones. His mind begged to know if it was the sea storm eyes of his friend staring down at him, or if she had passed the deed off to her demon to spare herself the pain. He hoped for the later. When she spoke, her breath ruffled the hair beside his ear, her judgement falling into the stillness in the eye of the storm. "Maker save you, Anders, you will make this right. You turn on us, you kill one more innocent person, I will cut your throat and I will show Meredith why mages are feared while I use your blood to work most terrible magic Thedas has ever seen. I will keep you alive long enough so you can watch that bitch eat her own heart while she screams but after this? You are dead to me and you get out of this city." She shoved him away from her and sheathed her dagger, stepping away from him. She met Varric's eyes and he gave her a slight nod. She blew hard through her nose. "Come on. We have people save."

Daisy grabbed her for a tight hug. “Hawke, you’ll get us through this, you always do.”

She hugged her back. “Thank you for your faith.” She tightened it a moment, her eyes burning again. “It was an honor knowing you, Merrill. You are a sister of my heart.”

She smiled. “Then we will see each other when this is over, lethallan.”

Bela wrapped her arms around them both. “You two are going to make me cry.”

Hawke chuckled as the pirate kissed her cheek. “Drinks when this is done?”

 

The city had descended into madness. Hawke wiped sweat and blood from her face. Fenris handed her a mug of water purloined from house he had broken a door in on. "That was unusually violent of you, Hawke."

She stared at the water as it began to shake in her hands before knocking it back. "Mauve, her husband, Aden, and little Alessa went to the Chantry this morning." Her voice broke. "It was Alessa's first name day. Alessa Rose." She glared at Anders. "And he killed them. A mother and a father who loved their magical and nonmagical child equally. A magically gifted child who used his power to help everyone he could. A little girl just barely learning to walk. A new world, a better one. All gone." She broke her gaze from the now pale mage and looked up at Fenris, swallowing back her sorrow. "If you don't want to go with us to Gallows, I understand, Fenris. There are a hundred places to help right now, and I know how you feel."

He gave her a half smile. "And miss you killing him? I think not." He pulled her to her feet. "You taught me that not all magic is terrible, Hawke. And you are my friend. Where you go, I will follow."

 

Hawke and company entered the inner sanctum of the Gallows at a sprint, skidding to a halt before Orsino and the remaining members of the Circle. The youngest apprentices cowered together behind older, grim mages. Hawke's hands braced against her knees as she panted. "She is not far behind us." Hawke grimaced. "The Coterie and the remaining Red Jennys are holding them off as long as they can." He nodded, Hawke stared him down. "Orsino, can you get them out? Every apprentice, down to the last child?" She sent a tiny fire dragon from her palm, bringing smiles to the children's faces.

"To where, Champion?" He gazed bitterly at the same mage children.

Isabela and Merrill stepped forward. “The Sirens Song, we are getting you out of Kirkwall and to Tevinter."

Hawke nodded at his wide eyed look before jerking her thumb towards Varric. "I have almost family there, a magister. Get them all to safety, First Enchanter."

He shook his head sadly. "Meredith will hunt us down, find us before we get out of the harbor."

Hawke smiled before speaking softly. "The Knight Commander will find a mage in the Gallows. You will have the time you need. And there are no boats for Templars at the docks."

Orsino nodded. "Thank you, Champion. We will remember you."

Anders cleared his throat. "Hawke, I would prefer to stay here and face the knight commander. If I fall, maybe it will right some of the-."

Her glare cut him off but she heaved a disgruntled sigh. "You're staying. You'd be a danger to their safety. And maybe her rage at you will distract her so one of us can get a chance to knock her over the head." Hawke turned to Isabela. "No candy, no bag of sovereigns, absolutely no reefs, and you have two ships. So resist any demons, Bela."

The pirate grinned. "Go save the world, songbird."

"This time I think I will just burn it down." She watched them gather the mages and take them out to the secret passage to Darktown. Aveline and the city guard were waiting to safely escort them to the docks, she hoped. She sighed and looked around at her remaining conspirators. Fenris was glaring at Anders in such a way she was certain their rebel mage was not going to be escaping her ire anytime soon, provided Broody didn't kill him outright.

Varric looked up from adjusting Bianca as her eyes wandered to him. "Not much room for maneuvering in here."

She shook her head. "Think we can meet that bitch in the courtyard?" He nodded. "Then away we go."

 

"You have anything left, Anders?" He nodded. "Heal them, all of them. Even the Templars." She tossed her last bottle of lyrium his way. She knelt beside Varric. "That arm's bad, storyteller."

He nodded, fighting to keep his breathing steady. "You think they made it?"

Steady warmth flooded from her hands as her brows furrowed with concentration. "They've only let me down once, and really who could blame them? So unless a demon plunked them down in the Fade, offering them their wildest dreams and they hit their heads, of course they made it." She had to work from the inside out, knitting together muscles and tendons before she could move to the simpler healing. Sweat began to drip back down her face.

With his good hand, he brushed it away from falling into her eyes. "I thought you were a shit healer."

She gave him a strained smile. "I am. Valyna is coaching me through the process."

"But you are here."

"Storyteller, so many questions." She gave him a soft kiss. "We can have conversations without a mirror when the Veil is thin. Kirkwall's Veil, in general, is thin, it's the thinnest at the Gallows. Having another voice in my head is odd but it's handy." She smiled. "She's a good teacher when she wants to be." Her smile widened as she finished the worst part of the injury.

"And knowing you, you argue with her every chance you get." She nodded. "And the bottomless pit of mana is handy. I'm partial to long range."

She scoffed. "Then you should have stayed long range and not blocked a sword with your arm." She waved her hand to the chaos around them. "And this is all me. It's a good day to be a blood mage."

"That sword was aimed at your back." He shrugged at her glare. "You are worth more than my arm."

She finished the healing, a long pink scar running across his bicep, and sagged against him. "I love you, you insufferable dwarf."

He kissed her hair. "I love you too, menace.” He glanced over at the former knight commander. “How?”

“No.” She kissed him before a hysterical bubble of laughter erupted from her. “We are not discussing that. Or how she made the statues move or anything else until I have had a drink.”

Varric shook his head with a laugh. “Come on. You need to finish saving Kirkwall."

They got to their feet and Hawke grinned at him. "We need to finish saving Kirkwall. We're a team, remember?"

Anders was standing over the injured Templars as Hawke approached him. “We should just kill them. It’s what they would do to us.”

Hawke's eyes darkened to black in an instant. "Little mage, we will destroy you and your precious spirit of vengeance. You are lucky she is benevolent after all the innocents you senselessly murdered today. Make peace with your war and her judgement, or face me."

"But."

"Leave before I change my mind on honoring her choice." The black eyes followed him as he left the courtyard. Hawke shuddered as the spirit left her. She stared down at the frightened group. “How badly are you injured?”

Cullen answered for them all. “We will be fine, Champion.” He reached out and shook her hand. “We wouldn’t have made it at all without you lot.”

She chuckled darkly. “I’ll remember that. Send who you can up to the Chantry. We need to start searching for survivors. Aveline has the guard trying to end the madness, so are some other groups. Communications are down. But that is where I will be.”

“Finally taking over as Viscount then?”

“No.” She sighed. “It’s my month as head of the council and I have enough in me to start moving the rubble to find people.”

He nodded. “Maker guide you.”


	94. And a Thousand Candles Burn into the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day of the dead by hollywood undead

Hawke stood, spine cracking after another long day of memorials. Today's had featured Elthina's and the other chantry folk that had been present that day. The other council members nodded to her and left but Flora Harimann took her arm. "A moment to walk with me, Lady Hawke?"

"Of course." They headed out to the ramparts where Flora glanced around quickly. "Is something wrong?"

"Not for me. You know I'm friends with Seb?" Hawke nodded. "He's angry, Rose. He's talking about making war on Kirkwall if we don't find and execute that apostate friend of yours."

Hawke sighed. "Anders is gone, or at least hiding well away from me. That's no excuse for a war."

She shook head. "It's more than that. He's calling for your head too as his accomplice. He said he's sending people into the city to spread the truth. He's contacting the Divine to demand the Rite of Tranquility." She laid her hand on Hawke's still shoulder. "I know you are innocent. You were in the rubble saving people. You bled with this city and you cry with it. And I know what he owes you, what I owe you, and what so many others owe you. The Council won't let him have you and neither will Kirkwall. No one will take our Champion, not unless they want to order an Exalted March and take us all."

"You can't speak for the whole Council, Flora, but thank you."

She smiled. "I am actually. We decided this morning. It's why we were late." She patted her shoulder. "It's time we returned the favor. Take care, Lady Hawke." She left the ramparts.

Hawke stared out over the city, icy dread settling in the pit of her stomach with bitter regret burning in her throat. She headed back inside to pay her last respects. Artisans were still working on a memorial in the keep, it was going to be beautiful when it was done. Every name in gold and Kirkwall's heraldry in red across the stone itself decorated with the landscape of the Wounded Coast. It was simple but massive. They worked around people's offerings in silence. A new chantry sister approached her, her smile venomous. "Asking the dead for forgiveness?"

Hawke sighed. "No. The dead don't give it."

"Neither do the living, there's no hope for your soul."

Hawke counted off her fingers. "Thief. Murderer. Apostate. Maleficar. Do I even have a soul according to you?" She laughed and turned on her heel.

 

Gabby was easy to find in the Lowtown market. It was trying to gain its traction in the aftermath; coin still needed to flow and the sooner it did, the sooner Kirkwall could start again. Hawke ran her hand along the fabric as the other Red Jenny finished up with an actual customer. She greeted her with a grin. "And what can I get the fine lady?"

"Information, now that you are back."

She sighed, pulling Hawke in to examine the finer wares in back. "What now, dear?"

"People from Starkhaven asking about Anders. Or me." She added softly. "Talk of an Exalted March against Kirkwall, war with Starkhaven, the Rite of Tranquility."

Gabby's eyes searched her face. "You already know; you just want verification." Hawke nodded. "You trust your source?"

She sighed heavily. "She owes me a debt; one I never intend to call." Hawke chuckled. "Technically, her grandfather owed me too. But yes, I trust her. She told me not just for my sake, but for Kirkwall's. The Council knows, so it's not exactly secret."

"Are you going to tell Varric?" She arched an eyebrow, knowing full well what he would do to these Starkhaven agents.

Hawke went crossed eyed for a moment. "I'm not having a repeat of the damn rebels. I hope they made peace with their Maker. I'll give you as long as I can."

Gabby nodded. She grabbed Hawke's hand as she went to leave. "Did you save any of your shop?"

She shook her head. "No, it's all gone. Everything but what was in the safes."

"I'm sorry." She pulled her into a tight hug. "I know what it meant to you." She released her, hands on her shoulders and stared into her eyes. "I can find that bastard by nightfall if you want his head. He deserves no less."

Darkness flickered in the blue eyes that bored into her green ones as the skin under her hands blazed. Hawke's nostrils flared but her face settled into a calm mask. "I know. I regret letting him go. But no one deserves the Rite of Tranquility and I can't say an execution by my hand would be anything better."

Gabby nodded and smiled. "When you change your mind, my lady, the Red Jenny will see his debt paid."

 

“You’re home early.” Varric barely looked up from the pile on the desk.

“Oh good, you’re already sitting.” He blinked several times as Hawke began pacing in front of it. "The Circles are uprising all over southern Thedas, under my name. I am flattered really and part of me wishes I could see Anders’ face. That’s not even the big problem.” She didn’t look up as began he swearing under his breath. “Sebastian Vael is calling for Anders’ execution, threatening his own Exalted March on Kirkwall. Aveline gave me the letters from the Council meeting. He's naming me as an accomplice." She took a deep breath. "The Council is fighting it and telling the truth. That I would never condemn such behavior and that I have only called for peace and justice and had what's best for Kirkwall in my heart. I visited a few of them. Reinhardt and Flora recommend I turn in Anders to save myself. The Council thinks the Chantry is looking for me to make me an example since they don't have him." She was silent a moment. "The Rite of Tranquility after a closed hearing, but at least I would have a hearing."

The pen fell from his hand. “You aren’t serious.”

“Oh no, it’s all serious. I couldn’t make any of this shit up if I tried. I even threatened Bran today.” She groaned. “Nothing horrific, but he’s probably writing Choir Boy now to commiserate about how much of an evil bitch I am. I really wouldn’t let Hero chew on him. Much.”

He stood up, knocking over the chair, and grabbed her shoulders. He gave her a firm shake. “You aren’t actually considering letting the Chantry have a closed hearing? Risking the Rite of Tranquility? You can’t reverse that!”

She looked at him like he grew a second head. “No? Maker, Varric, why would you think I’d consider that?”

His head fell forward until it landed against her bosom. “You were rattling it all off like it was a perfectly reasonable idea.”

She smirked. “I can’t hear you.” He pinched her. “And since you can’t hear me, I think I should get out of town for a few days and see if things calm down.”

He eyed her suspiciously. “That sounds like a good idea, a nice vacation with Bela since she’s back from her trip.”

“I’m so glad you agree!” She smiled brightly. “Because I am going to Starkhaven and I am going to beat him with his shiny belt buckle.”


	95. A Short Stay

The Siren’s Call cut through the waves of the Waking Sea with ease. Hawke leaned on the railing watching the salt spray catch the sunlight. Varric placed a shaky hand on the small of her back. "Find your sea legs, storyteller? You still look a little green."

"Nature is not my friend and all this water is boring."

She chuckled as Bela joined them. "Oh, the sea isn't Songbird's friend either. There's a reason she won't go below deck."

"I do better up in the rigging."

Bela shook her head. "Today is a surprise. Stay out of the rigging."

Varric looked from Hawke to the crow’s nest and back again. "Is there anything tall that you look at and don't think I'm going to climb that?"

"You're not tall." Hawke smirked.

One of Bela's men interrupted them. "Captain! We have our landing!"

"Good! Bring us in, you louts!" She was gone with a flourish to the wheel.

Hawke whistled admiringly. "She's like a whole different person out here. No wonder Daisy is useless for three days after going to sea with her.” She grinned at him. “You knew that already with your little trip with the king."

He leaned against her shoulder. "Envious, menace?"

"Oh, no." She laughed, kissing him lightly. "You are quite bossy enough and Kirkwall gives me enough trouble, I don't want Ferelden's, thank you so very much." She sighed wistfully. "The Beast of Tellari Swamps though, I wish I could have met her. And her dragon."

He chuckled. "She would have been flattered that you were more interested in her dragon."

"Now, are you going to tell me where we are going before we go to Starkhaven?" Her grin turned wicked. "Or shall I go kiss the captain?" The boat rocked and he turned greener. Hawke took a quick step back. “Or I will go stand somewhere not as high as the rigging.” He waved her off.

She dashed for the prow of the ship and dangled over the side to admire the blue water as the island came into view. It tugged at her memory but the dolphins playing in the waves soon caught her attention. Bela joined her. “Recognize it yet?” Hawke shook her head and a laugh escaped the pirate captain. “You’re terrible. It’s the island with the waterfall!”

Hawke’s eyes widened and then she bounced several times. “Really?” She regained her composure, leaning against the rail with a wistful expression. “We shouldn’t.”

“Hawke, you haven’t taken a day off in forever. You’re going swimming if I have to toss you over the side.” She wrapped her arms around her friend’s waist, tucking her chin against her shoulder. “And it’s your name day this week. We’ve never celebrated.”

She snorted. “There’s a reason for that. I’ve never celebrated.”

“What?” Bela released her and settled against the railing too. “Not even when you were a child?”

Hawke shook her head. “No. By the time I was old enough to notice its absence, I was old enough to realize we didn’t have the money for it. Why ask for something you will have to sell next week when you are hungry? Or because the twins are sick again and need medicine? Then it was just never important after that.”

“Well, Songbird, we will make up for it when we make port.”

 

Bela groaned in the late morning light. “What did I drink?”

Varric was in slightly better shape, already nursing a third coffee as he pushed one towards her as she stumbled to the table in the room. “Everything. We drank everything.”

She sipped quietly a moment. “Did we play strip grace?”

He sank beneath his mug with a laugh. “I was hoping I made that up.”

“That is an impressive-.” She dissolved into a fit of laughter at his glare. “Hawke’s new tattoos are very pretty in the fire light. Where is she anyway?”

“She left a note with the coffee. She’s headed out to swim.”

Bela sighed gustily. “Lucky mage. I am not going outside yet.”


	96. And as Long as You Believe Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> live forever by hollywood undead

Starkhaven’s port was cheery compared to Kirkwall, the absence of the harbor chains helped but it was grey and dull compared to the island paradise they had left behind. Hawke settled back into herself watching everything come and go as they came in. Varric appeared at her shoulder. “Still fighting that hangover, storyteller?”

“This might be the craziest thing we’ve done.”

She chuckled. “Possibly. It’s up there with some of my Rose of Ferelden days. But we broke into a Warden prison, that one still takes the cake for weirdest.” She kissed him. “If I get besieged by any damn darkspawn, I’m blaming you.”

“I still think you should let me go in with you, just to watch your back.”

She sighed. “We have argued about this. I will be in my element and perfectly safe. Give me a little credit and believe in me.”

“I do believe in you. But you are sneaking into a palace full of guards owned by a man who is calling for your head because you couldn’t make friends with him.” He gave her an arched look.

She rolled her eyes. “I have very little use for the righteous and his belt buckle scared me. Who shoves the bride of the maker between his legs every morning and then claims he is devout with no vices? It’s not right.” He chuckled. “Besides, he’s smart. I could walk out the front gate with a peace treaty and aid.”

He shook his head. “And we will have two suns. Remember our deal? Stay at the inn until I talk to my contacts. You aren’t supposed to see him officially for three days yet and aren’t on this ship.” She nodded absently. He shook her arm. “I mean it.”

She pursed her lips. “I won’t get thrown in the dungeon today.” She grinned. “I love you, this is our world and we will be fine. He is a court liar at best.”

“I love you too.”

When Varric got back from meeting his contacts in the city he found Hawke waiting for him in their rooms, legs tucked away in thigh high boots and wrapped up in a dark leather coat that came down over them. He gave her an arched look as she fidgeted. "Your hair is up, all of it."

She smiled brightly. "It's out of the way. I want to go dancing. I know a place, it has the best alcohol and the best music short of running back home. I'm already sick to death of staring at these walls."

He chuckled. "We got here this morning."

"And you promptly locked me away like some princess." She pouted a moment before stalking toward him. Her fingers wrapped around the collar of his duster, pulling him close as she purred. "You can go dancing with me and I'll promise to be a good girl, or I can escape out the window and make Broody and Bela proud." She kissed him, slow and sensual but he could taste fire and steel in it as she backed him against the door. She pulled back for air her voice hoarse. "It's more fun to cause trouble with you."

He laughed again, ignoring the urge to coax her into the untouched bed. "Then let's go cause some trouble, menace."

Varric turned to her as they waited in line. "How do you know about this place?"

She tapped her foot to the beat throbbing from within, smile waving slightly. "Bela and I come here when we sail near Starkhaven." It shimmered into dangerous mischief. "How do you know about it, storyteller?"

"Carta own it."

She chuckled, leaning in to whisper against his ear. "And the Carta make your ears turn red?" She nuzzled against him before letting her teeth find light purchase against his lobe. "Or should I ask Bee?"

"Menace." At his half plea, half growl she laughed again and went to pull away but he yanked her back into his arms eliciting a few chuckles from the others in line. "You are in quite a mood."

She dangled her arms over his shoulders. "I'm going to enjoy being away from home and its problems." Her smile was radiant. "I'm spending it with the love of my life. I'm entitled to a mood." She brushed her lips against his as her voice dropped. "If I was alone, I would be picking some fancy bastard to empty his pockets. And then maybe his friends, leave nothing but broken hearts in my wake. Mood is a good way to put it."

He chuckled, thumbs rubbing circles against her hips. "So the hawk is hunting."

"Well, since you put it that way." She grinned again, toying with his hair.

A man approached them. "Lady Hawke?"

The transition from flirting lover to fiery queen was awe inspiring and he tucked it away for future reference. The tilt of her head, the set of her shoulders, this was the Lady Hawke that the Council dealt with. "Yes?"

He stammered, his young age showing through the crack she caused. "No need to wait, my lady, you and your guest can come in."

She smiled and the young man blushed to his knees. "That would be lovely. Thank you."

They swept past the line, the grumbles cut short as she burned past them. Varric tried not to chuckle as she played them. The young man directed them past the main part of the club and to the second floor where he took their coats. Varric did a double take on what she was wearing, or not. She grinned, twirling a moment making the barely fingertip long red skirt fan out around her. The sheer lace top was snug over her black bra and she was entirely too smug as he swallowed hard. "Like it, storyteller?"

"Rivaini?"

She pouted and turned away. "Give me a little credit, love." She sent a blazing smile over her shoulder. "I picked out the boots." She left him standing by the equally awe struck young man still holding their coats.

"Does she, does she have a sister?"

Varric laughed. "Sorry, kid. The one and only Lady Hawke is taken."

He nodded. "You are one lucky bastard."

She slid him a shot at the bar and tossed hers back without preamble barely registering the burning as it slid down her throat. She leaned against the polished stone. "House band or crystals tonight?"

"Crystals. Lead got wrong side of the prince and is spending the week cooling his head in a cell." The barkeep slid her another.

"That's too bad. Prince cause you any other trouble?" She swirled it delicately.

He shook his head. "Not that we can't deal with. He still doesn't know about here."

She chuckled tilting back her glass. "It's a respected establishment, best theatre in the Free Marshes with very limited performances. The Grand Cleric herself was a patron of this hall." She waved off a third. "I'm looking for someone, Yaselek. Big Qunari lady, nasty looking broken horn." At his uncomfortable shuffling she added softly. "She knew I was coming and agreed to meet me here."

He nodded. "Far end of the room at the card table, can't miss her."

Varric grabbed her hand, tone accusing. "You could have told me, Hawke."

She leaned in and kissed him softly. "I didn't know she was meeting me until the boy came and got us out of line. I'm sorry. I won't be long, it's just Red Jenny. Then I'm yours for the evening." Her eyes sparkled above her smile as she left him at the bar.

They walked back to the inn in the soft rain. Varric had is arm wrapped loosely around her waist as she mulled over her thoughts. Hawke had spent fifteen minutes with the other Jenny and now it was closer to dawn then midnight. He could feel the lethargy in the way she moved, spending all that time tearing up the dance floor had released the tension she had been carrying since the explosion. "She tell you anything interesting?"

"Mhm. Choir Boy keeps the same schedule every day. Chantry public service early every morning, followed by open court. Afternoons are spent with his advisors, followed by evenings with the nobles. But every night he goes to his personal chantry in the palace alone. No guards, no servants. Just him and the Maker."

He sighed. "He won't do that anymore once you are done with him." She grinned. "What are you going to say?"

Her smile fell and hardened. "The truth, which he'd blighted know if he'd pull his head out of his ass. I think that shiny armor fried his brain." She shook her head before pulling him into the alcove just before the door to their inn. "Enough about that." She kissed him, hard and demanding before nibbling her way along his jaw to dance her words along his neck. "I'm still in a mood, are you willing to play?"

His hands undid the belt of her jacket sliding along her lace covered skin. "The game?"

The midnight blue depths of her eyes blazed as she met his gaze, a mischievous smile playing on her lips. "They made an awful big deal about how nice those sheets are. It would be a pity if something happened to them while I made you beg."

His eyes widened before narrowing to a matching gleam. "Oh, really. Do I get to return the favor?"

She chuckled. "I will be very disappointed if you don't."

Much later and after some well-earned rest Hawke sheepishly stared down at the destroyed sheets, long cuts through the material. "Well, I didn't mean literally."

He kissed her shoulder with a laugh; remembering when she had finally come undone beneath his hands, ass arching back into him as her hands had clawed down the bed as she had stuttered and screamed. "You didn't care at the time."

A huff of laughter escaped her as she caught his lips again. "I still don't care. If they decide to cause us trouble over it, I'll ask if he's ever given his wife rolling multiple orgasms and we'll slip out while she corners him." She hummed happily as his hands slid against her flesh.

"Anything sore?"

She shook her head, still smiling. "No more than expected. So pleasantly." She kissed him again before extracting herself from his arms. "What are you going to do while I'm inside?"

"I could go with you." She rolled her eyes. "Worth one more shot. There is a shop, serves coffee and alcohol, that caters to writers and artists of the court just outside the main gate. Anything goes wrong, I'll know. And then I will be coming in to get you."

She slid into the basics that went beneath her armor. Padded light weight material in black that fit like a second skin before she started sliding the armor on, leather skirting first. "Nothing will go wrong. I will stay safely out of arms reach."

"He's an archer."

She snorted lacing up her reinforced boots. "He's a prince, raised in the blighted chantry. He's no rogue, Varric. Odds are he will not have his bow on him."

"True." He handed her pieces of the rest, she had taken the blazing red heraldry off the front of the black leather herself on their way up the coast. Even the sailors had avoided her on the deck while she had quietly undone every thread in silence and he had let her grieve in peace. "Isn't it a little early?"

"I want to take my time sneaking in. There's a drainage port in the wall I'm going through that's unguarded. I'll find a place in the Chantry to set up and wait." She settled the last bit of armor, her braid swinging down her back as she settled her daggers across it.

"And after? You're cover will be blown the moment you open your mouth."

"I'm still working that out." He groaned. She shook her head and kissed him softly. "I may get lucky and he's turned into an idiot. Or a window to the roof. I'll figure it out before I settle in to wait."

His hands settled against her waist, holding her still. "I don't like this." She stared at him and he cut her off as her mouth opened. "Don't steal my lines. Did it ever occur to you that you are taking a big risk just walking in to his city?"

She smiled, cupping his face with her hands. "Stop worrying. I used to do this for a living. Bela and I still do it for fun. If we just needed a thing, I could be in and out and no one would be the wiser." She kissed him again, trying to put all her confidence into it. "I'll meet you at that shop, alright? I'll need the coffee."


	97. Maybe We Could Live Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> live forever by hollywood undead

Hawke appeared in the door of the shop, cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling, her black armor stark against the well-lit interior. Several patrons stopped and stared but she smiled and they went back to their business. She slid in across from Varric. “Well?”

“Well, I may have put him off on a march. I told him the truth that Blondie isn’t in Kirkwall and that I exiled him. I told him the truth of the rest of it and he told me I was full of shit. He then said that Kirkwall was pit that needed a good cleansing anyway. Not unlike the Arishok.” She shifted in her seat as they heard mail booted feet run down the street. “He tried to tell me that I should be punished for associating with him, that I gave him the means to do it. He yelled for guards. I pushed his statue on him.”

“You what?” Patrons turned to stare at them.

She flushed deeper. “I pushed his gaudy gold statue of Andraste over on top of him. It didn’t kill him. But, uh, they know I’m here.” She grinned. “I also may have borrowed some sovereigns from him while he was pinned under the statue. And called him a self-righteous tyrannical bitch that wouldn’t know the truth if it bit him.”

He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Maker’s balls, Hawke.”

“On Andraste’s ass.” She stared out the window. “This place has a back door right?”

He sighed letting it fall into laughter. “Just like old times?”

“Oh yeah.” She let out a telekinetic blast as the first guard stepped through the door, sending people, tables, and chairs flying. They escaped out the back door and into the night. They slipped into an alley. She whispered into his ear. “You get everything back on to Bela’s ship?”

“Except us.”

Bela had the ship’s anchor up and was pulling away from the dock as they sprinted up the gangplank. Hawke went to the railing watching the group forming on the dock to curse them. A figure in white armor appeared. “Hawke!”

She waved and then pulled something off her daggers, a cold dull circlet. “Missing something?!” She dropped it over the side. “Oops!” Varric and Bela stared at her with slightly open mouths. She shrugged with a pleased grin. “You don’t threaten my city.” She strutted off.

Hawke was sitting in an out of the way corner of the deck, humming cheerfully when Varric and Bela found her again after settling on their course back to Kirkwall. She was sorting through a small leather bag that had jangled the entire way to the ship. Several piles of coins were between her spread legs along with a couple jewels, a signet ring, and one shiny belt buckle featuring the face of Andraste. Varric groaned as Bela began to laugh. “You didn’t.”

“Of course I did.” She said smugly, tilting the buckle in the moonlight. “Who could resist?”

Varric rubbed his face, trying to muffle his laugher. “Anyone not wanting the wrath of the Maker. Or Choir Boy’s innocence on their hands.”

Bela shook her head. “I'm buying you a drink when we get to the Hanged Man, songbird." Hawke grinned up at her. "But this ship won't sail itself." She walked off calling out orders.

Varric sat down beside her, sharing the barrel she leaned against. "Just what are you going to do with it?"

She held it in front of her so it stared at them. "Hang it above the mantle in the estate so it stares at Gamlen every time he's there." He snorted and she leaned her head on his shoulder. "Come on, you can’t think it's that bad. Liberating the Bride of the Maker from her unsavory position is a sacred duty."

"You're terrible." He kissed her hair.

She laughed. "And you love it."

"I do." He joined her giggles. "I keep trying to imagine his face. Shock? Disgust? You're probably the first woman to touch his belt."

Her cheeks burned in the harsh white light. "Well, shock and then rage. I used the daggers to just cut the belt and I stuck around long enough to watch the guards get the statue of off him." She started to giggle again. "Did you know he goes complete naked? Absolutely nothing under those royal trousers! You don't think he did that in his armor in Kirkwall?"

"I don't want to know."

She doubled forward with her laughter. "His ass is whiter then the damn armor. I have never seen more uncomfortable guards. Starkhaven will be a mess of gossip for months while they discuss what the prince does in his private Chantry every evening."

Varric whistled low as she fell into his lap, looking up at him and her face aching. "You couldn't have planned that better." She shook her head. "So why were the guards chasing you?"

She rolled her eyes making a rude noise. "Apparently some of them were unaffected by royal ass and were able to give chase raising the alarm. He's been giving my description to his guardsmen and his standing army since we told him I was coming for a state visit. That's very rude behavior, he's lucky I'm not Viscount and can't declare it an act of war."

He tugged her braid. "Says the woman who robbed him blind and dropped a statue on him."

"He shouldn't have been so rude." She answered primly. Her merriment faded. "What the fuck are we going to do about Kirkwall? He said he had sent to the Divine to intervene. That could mean anything or nothing."

"Or it could be good for Kirkwall." Her eyebrows tilted as her lips pursed. He considered her a moment. "Do you believe in the Maker?"

She sighed. "Are you asking if I believe in a higher power and something after death as opposed to fading into a black void and finding life to be meaningless? Or are you asking if I believe in a religion that came into being, historically speaking, recently, that has systemically destroyed any and all things opposed to it?" She held up a finger. "Or are you asking if I question it all and then proceed to drink myself silly because voiding fucking nugs, what the fuck Thedas and most especially on Tuesday?" Her eyes narrowed speculatively. "What do you believe, child of the stone?"

His eyes narrowed in returned and he bopped her nose with her braid. "Questions don't answer questions."

She sighed, giving him a little smile as she shifted to be more comfortable on his leg. "I think the Chantry is full of shit. It just it screams money and wealth and power when children starve to death outside its door. Or on its roof."

He laced his fingers through hers. "Well, we agree on that."

She chuckled. "Then that's enough for now." She leaned up catching his lips for a soft, sensual kiss. "Speaking of Chantries, I keep thinking about last night. It kept me very occupied while I sat by myself all evening."

He shook his head, smiling as he cupped his hand against the back of her neck returning the kiss with a tease of teeth before pulling back. Her eyes matched the sky above them, his mind already writing words he could never say. He kissed her again to drown them. She pulled herself up to her knees, scattering the coins, hands braced on his shoulders as she straddled his thigh. His hands traveled down her sides, catching on the leather armor. He spoke against her lips. "We are on a boat."

She nipped his lip before tasting the salt along his jaw. "Our door locks." She chuckled before sucking a bruise on his neck. "And it's a ship."


	98. Face These Shadows in the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take Me Home by Hollywood Undead

Hawke slipped in the balcony door in head to toe black and pulled off her heavy head covering dropping it on the desk. "They believe you came back alone from Starkhaven."

"You could have sent someone else." She pulled off her armor as she crossed the apartment, leaving pieces scattered.

She settled into his lap as Hero joined them. "I made multiple stops. You and Bela are the only ones that can get the estate open other than me now. They trashed the place though." She heaved an aggravated sigh as tossed off the black long sleeve shirt. "Blighted Templars."

He dropped a kiss on her now bare shoulder. "Where else?"

"Aveline. She still leaves that window open." Hawke chuckled. "I scared Donnic. I never, ever wanted to see him naked but I think he is more mortified then I am." She settled her head on his shoulder. "Broody is well in his haunted mansion. He wasn't dancing, I was disappointed."

"Did you go to Darktown?" He asked softly.

She nodded. "The clinic is empty. Looters or the Templars, maybe both. Everything is gone."

"They are going to figure out you are here." He murmured against her skin. "You can't keep low."

"I know."

"You need a plan to get out of the city. For longer than a month."

Her hair fell across her face. "I have a job here, Varric. I'm responsible for this mess." She sat up and stuck out her right arm. The new tattoos were still raised and red against her skin. "Hawks for family, sparrows for them. I have victories cut into one arm and my failures tattooed into the other. One sparrow for every ten."

He kissed her temple with a heavy sigh. "That's a little morbid. And you tried your damnedest with that mess, it's not your fault Blondie set you up."

"I should have asked questions and done some research before agreeing to help him find those materials."

"He would have found them on his own."

She dropped her head. "I know. And I still let him go." She shook as her breathing broke raggedly. “Choir Boy is still a royal pain in my ass as well with his Exalted March and self-righteousness. He’ll call for my head and for the Rite of Tranquility, as it if it’s an acceptable request. But where was he when we asked for aid to yank Meredith from her throne in the Gallows? Where was he when people went hungry after the Qunari razed half of Kirkwall? I should have bent him in half to kiss his shiny belt.” She took a deep breath. “There is a Seeker of Truth sniffing around the city, looking for me. She’s spoken to everyone but you. Flora said she was abrasive, brusque. She spoke of fair trials.” Her voice broke. “Does the Chantry even do that?”

His arms tightened around her. "Please, get back on Rivaini’s ship."

"Only if you go with me. They'll come after you once they can't find me in Starkhaven." Her blue eyes were soft, her voice quietly pleading.

"If we both take off you'll be easier to find. Bela can just drop you off anywhere and you can disappear." He twined a curl around his finger. "The Champion is larger than life, and her number one fan is easy to spot. The woman behind it is a rogue that can make the shadows dance to her voice."

"Then I'm not leaving. Champions don't run."

"Hawke, don't." He kissed her briefly, his eyes squeezing tightly shut for a moment. "Don't argue with me this time. I don't want to look at you and you not be there."

The stubborn set of her jaw melted and she nodded. "Alright. Just this once." She kissed him, a quiet kiss of comfort and temporary peace as her fingers caught the stubble along his jaw. "I love you."

"I love you too." Their noses brushed and they kissed again. "We don't say that enough."

Hawke chuckled. "Too busy saving the blighted world." She sobered. "Where in the void am I going to go? Not Ferelden."

"Gabby is from Val Royeaux, isn't she?" Hawke nodded. "The Jennys would give you something to do and keep you out of sight."

"And when I get sick of Orlesians I can jump ship with Bela." He shook his head and she shrugged. "It's the habit, I may be a Kirkwaller, but Orlesians are still terrible. Between the Jennys and Bela, letters won't be a problem."

"Rivaini will just read them." They both chuckled a moment before he softly asked. "What about Hero?"

Hawke chewed her lip, tears forming on her lashes. "Maker. It's easier to think it's just pretend until." She wiped them away angrily. "Aveline? She has the vet and can take him on patrols." He nodded. "You know I won't be able to stay away too long?" Her voice was hoarse.

"I don't want you to go at all." His cracked as she threw her arms around him and settled his forehead against her shoulder as she straddled his lap.

"Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll give up." They held each other tight as they both let the tears fall for a time. She wiped the tears from her face. "Come on. Bela and Daisy were getting everyone that's left together at the haunted mansion. We can't play Wicked Grace without our dealer."

"I don't know, Hawke." She kissed him as she smoothed away the tears from his face, desperate and hungry.

"Please? One last time." Her voice ragged. He nodded.

Aveline, Fenris, Bela, Daisy, Hawke, and Varric were camped out on the floor of the mansion. Brief moments of laughter were quickly eaten up by the awkward silence as they all tried to not stare at Hawke, tried to avoid the problem at hand. Hawke slammed her cards down, eyes shimmering. "Broody, you have the deepest wine cellar in the fucking Free Marshes. Let's find the bottom."

She helped him bring up some alcohol and they took their seats again, cracking open their bottles. Fenris held his up. "To Hawke, fly free, my friend." Tears formed in her eyes as they all echoed the sentiment.

Bela leaned on Daisy as she laughed, her boots long since tossed to the side as elfroot smoke drifted around them. "Hawke just dropped the circlet into the harbor and you could hear him screaming from the dock."

Everyone roared as she mimicked the sound with anguished grasping and Aveline shook her head with a smile. "Hawke."

Hawke continued to chuckle, her legs sprawled across Bela's and her head resting against Varric's shoulder. "Aveline, you know I'm a thief. And if you had it your way, I would never have any fun."

Fenris tipped back his bottle. "I'm disappointed you aren't wearing the belt buckle, the spoils of victory should be enjoyed."

She made a rude noise. "We all know I don't have the right bits to please the Bride of the Maker." She leaned back too far and fell into Varric's lap. "You, however, would be a good fit."

He snorted. "No. You're not even that cute." They all broke out into fits of laughter again.

 

Hawke poured lyrium into the alcohol as they watched. "I'm calling it a Blondie, it tastes like betrayal and kicks like a herd of horses leaving you blindsided and fucked with a bit of lightning to fry your brain."

Bela snorted, swaying in her seat as Daisy slept beside her. "So why are we drinking it?"

Hawke grinned and handed her a glass. "Because never do stupid shit alone and Broody refuses." He shook his head, watching the madness with an amused look. They clinked their glasses together and knocked them back. Bela spluttered and coughed as Hawke set her glass down. She grinned at the pirate. "Another?"

Hawke's head was in Bela's lap and she was softly singing. "Where is Varric, songbird?"

She stumbled out of her words for a moment. "Workin. He doesn't want me gettin busted tonight." She tried to sit up but gave up when the world spun. "Can fight fine."

Bela snorted, patting her arm. "Sure, you can, songbird." She fell asleep, a soft snore escaping her.

Varric came back in as Fenris and Bela were softly trading stories over the sleeping forms of Daisy and Hawke. Aveline had left hours before. He sighed. So far no one but them knew Hawke was back in town, but he knew it wouldn't stay that way. He stared down at Hawke, a soft smile on her face, starkly pale against Bela's darker skin. "You know, most nights that end with me between two beautiful women involve a lot less clothes." A huff of laughter escaped him. "You're going to have to carry her home. She had enough Blondies to sink both my ships."

He shook his head. "I don't envy the hangover she's going to have."

Her eyes fluttered open. "Var?" The hazy look turned into a smile. "Yay, not working."

He laughed. "Let's get you home, menace."

"But Bela's comfy." She pouted. "Her boobs are comfier. She has the best boobs." Fenris was snickering quietly. "Can Bela and Daisy come home too? A great big pile of comfy boobs."

Varric hauled her up as Bela pushed. "You're the sweetest thing, songbird."

"Aw." She leaned hard on Varric's arm, cooing. "Really?"

He pulled her along, laughter spilling out with his words. "Come on you."


	99. Harbor Menace

Asking Hawke to stay cooped up in their apartment was too much to ask her but they had found a compromise. She didn’t attend any council business, she let Gabby handle the Jennys, and let Varric handle her Coterie connections. She was bored and that had them in the Lowtown markets with her hood pulled low over her face. He had convinced her to leave her staff at home, Hawke’s Key was as recognizable as the Champion anymore, but she still had a simple staff across her back. There were enough apostates roaming freely in Kirkwall now, between some of the Circle returning to live with their families and others finally living openly, that no one took a second glance. “I wish Beth could have seen this. Its shit, but still.”

“Sunshine would have argued with you.”

She snorted. Shouting started somewhere to their left and he groaned as her head swiveled to pinpoint the sound. She flashed him an easy grin and waded through the crowd. It was a little girl and her mother being shouted at by a man. “You didn’t say you had magic, you bitch!”

“I don’t!” The little girl trembled behind her mother, the ground frosting beneath her.

“Then who’s her real father?” He slapped the woman.

Hawke’s staff twirled off her back and slammed into the ground, shaking the area. “Back off, asshole.”

He spit in her direction. “Why should I listen to some bitch with a stick?”

Varric laughed, pulling Bianca, as Hawke shook back her hood. “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“I can crack your head like an egg with this stick. Or better yet.” The man’s pants erupted into flames and he took off screaming. The crowd backed away, quiet murmurs of her name running like wildfire. She knelt before the girl. “Are you alright?”

“Yes.” She nodded, standing a little straighter. “Yes, Champion.”

Hawke grinned and ruffled her hair before standing. She spoke quietly so only the woman could hear her. “There is a woman, she sells fabric here in the market, who can help you. Her name is Gabby. Tell her I sent you.”

The young woman nodded and reached out to grab Hawke’s hand. “Thank you.”

“Take good care of her and that will be thanks enough.” Hawke slipped a sovereign to the girl and sauntered off.

They wandered along the docks, Hawke let her hair down to enjoy the breeze. “So much for staying low, menace.”

“If I got any shorter, I’d disappear.” She caught him eyeing the water and danced back a few steps. “I couldn’t just let him keep wailing on her, storyteller.”

“You could have told the guard.”

She shrugged. “I thought about that after the fact.” He laughed. She leaned in for a kiss but stopped short. “No throwing me in the harbor.”

He held a hand to his heart, a pained expression on his face. “All these years and I have never done that. You wound me.” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously before she kissed him. It was a soft kiss that quickly deepened as he pulled her to him and wrapped his hands around her waist. He trailed kisses across her jaw and then down her neck until she was moaning softly. He claimed her lips again and then tossed her over the side.

Hawke came up spluttering and cursing as he leaned over the dock side, roaring with laughter. “To the void with you, Varric Tethras!” She coughed, dragging herself up on to the dock and swatted his hand away. She rolled on to her back, chest heaving. “You are a bastard.”

“You love me.” Tears of mirth still rolled down his face as he slapped his knee.

“No, I blighted don’t.” He snorted. “You are not getting any for the next month.” She staggered to her feet. “Ugh, I smell terrible.”

He continued chuckling but didn’t miss the gleam in her eyes that preluded the tackle that would have landed them both in the harbor. He sidestepped and grabbed her arm, keeping her from tumbling back into the brackish water. “You’ll have to be quicker than that, menace.” He laughed every time he caught sight of her pout on the way home.


	100. Finale

Incessant nudges and Hero’s quiet growling woke him. "Looking for her."

Varric sat up. "Who?"

"A Seeker and some Templars." The Coterie woman wandered back toward the open balcony door.

Varric shook her awake. "Hawke." She grumbled. "Rose."

She yawned, sitting up with an indignant shake of her hair. "What?"

"The Seeker is headed this way."

"Void." She gave him a quick kiss as a shout came up from the guard at the back door. Hawke dragged on her armor and half laced her boots before tightening her dagger belt around her waist. The woman dropped off the balcony and hard footsteps stormed up the stairs. She strapped her staff across her back.

Hawke crashed her lips to his and hissed when his teeth cut her lip. "Be safe?"

"I'm more worried about you. I love you, menace."

"I love you too, storyteller." Their kiss was lingering. All the words they wanted to say jumbled in desperate wishes and promises they could no longer keep. The door to the apartment crashed open and Hawke took a flying leap across the room and then another off the balcony to the alley below.

Varric wandered into their light flooded living room as she disappeared into the darkness of Kirkwall. "Where is she?"

"You will have to be more specific than that. I know a lot of shes."

"The Champion."


End file.
